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David DeAngelo’s Double Your Dating Mailbag

“Q&A: Keep Taking Things To The Next Level” – September 17, 2001

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“Q&A: Keep Taking Things To The Next Level” – September 17, 2001

To begin with, I need to mention that I probably get in the neighborhood of 300 emails a week, and if you email me a question or a story and I don’t use it or get back to you, don’t take it personally! I try to take questions and stories that will help everyone, so don’t give up if I don’t include your question… keep trying!


“First of all thanks for a superb newsletter and making guys feel at ease about the ins and outs of attracting women THEN doing something to keep her interested.


I’ve received your newsletter for the past few weeks and was lucky to have the opportunity of a date with no strings. We were friends anyway off the net and nothing was expected romantically. Ideal We met and I used your ‘cocky humor’ method with outstanding success. Conversation just flowed, usually it doesn’t as I get all nervy and you may say nerdy. We arranged to meet again soon as she was travelling back home a couple of days later. The second date was even easier as the ice was well and truly broken and I complemented in the right places due to what I have learned from your ‘lessons’ so far. Ran my fingers through her hair and told her that if she fancied a man in the future she should just literally grab him — hey presto — guess what happened !!! We nearly got banned from the pub with the sexual explosion …haha.

So, thanks again mate,


>My Comments: Nice.


I work with a woman that I am very attracted to. we talk to each other and have exchanged phone numbers. We are on the “friend level” right now, in fact I told her straight out I am attracted to her. She told me she thinks we should be friends, but I really like her a lot and I don’t give up so easy. I usually flirt with her and tell her I will take her to dinner. She never declines and often smiles at me and says o.k. One day she called me and said she wanted to come over so she did. We watched a movie together and I got the courage to touch her hand. She didn’t give me a negative response, so I held her hand. She held hands with me and rubbed my thumb. I didn’t make a move on her though, because she told me she only wants to be friends. She left that night, but I didn’t kiss her. now I don’t know if I should try to take the relationship to the next level or try to be friends. She is usually very friendly to me and I cant read if she is interested or not? When I talk to her on the phone she doesn’t say anything that would indicate her interest. I just don’t know what to do?

>My Comments: You need to take advantage of the opportunity and use the Kiss Test! If you’ve read my book “Double Your Dating” then you know about my idea of “Bridges” and “Critical Moments.” You need to keep taking things to the next level when you get into these situations!


“I’m not a bad looking guy and I meet a lot of women and they all at some point in the conversation they bring up their “boyfriend”. Many times later on I find that this boyfriend either doesn’t exist or is really an ex. You get the idea?

What is the best way to get past this point in the conversation?


>My Comments: If this is happening to you more than 50% of the time when you meet a new woman, then it’s probably something that you’re doing to cause them to want to make an excuse. Most likely, it’s your body language», approach, etc. Keep learning and practicing… keep trying new things until you find something that works! Stay tuned…


“Well I have known this girl for a few months now and I really like to hang out with her. I used to work with her and I just saw her last week down at the bar. She was with a bunch of her friends and I was with a bunch of my friends. We saw each other and starting talking outside of the bar and then she asked me to go to a different bar so we could talk. We talked for about an hour and she kept implying that she was interested in me. I don’t know for sure because I am not overly perceptive about those things. The one thing that caught my attention was when she said that the only reason why she hated quitting the job that we were working at together was because she was leaving me. What should I do?? I got her number after my friends came in after me screaming at me because I ditched them to be with her. Help me out.


>My Comments: First, get some friends who know when it’s time to chill out and leave you to be with a woman… Next, make sure you act cocky and funny, keep her laughing, and advance as each opportunity appears. You need to remember that most women still expect us guys to make each move… if you’ve read my bonus report called “Bridges” then you know what I mean. You’ll hear me say this a lot in the future… USE THE KISS TEST! It’s so simple and easy… and tells you so much.


“David I have a question for you. I like this girl very much and I have known her for a long time. I have dated her twice and now she has a boyfriend. Well her boyfriend really treats her bad and she breaks up with him and then goes right back out with him. I really want to be with this girl. I want to know what I should do because I know I would treat her much better. Is there an time I should give her or tell her how i feel?



>My Comments: Interesting how women often stay with men who treat them bad… isn’t it? It’s probably because he offers her a CHALLENGE and he’s ATTRACTIVE to her. Go figure. In any event, you need to get over the idea that all you have to do is “treat her better.” I like to treat women well, but you’re going to have to mix in some of the ideas that I teach in order to make her feel that GUT LEVEL ATTRACTION… In any event, I don’t think that it’s the best idea to pursue women who have boyfriends or husbands. It’s usually not worth the drama and risk. Plus, it doesn’t usually feel that good in the long run to be a relationship wrecker. Good luck.

***QUESTION*** <I love this one…>

David … thou art truly a scoundrel … a rogue … a rascal!

I am an attractive 26 yr old female, medical science/law student. I was surfing the net and came across your site and started reading … very interesting indeed!

Admittedly (as much as i’d hate to!) there were some insightful suggestions for men … but have you ever thought of writing some tips for women? There are after all some flaws in your theories. You give the general impression that women are always playing hard to get, must be won over, convinced, etc… But you must also see that there are some women out there (who are attractive and intelligent… yes! this is possible!!) who find a particular man attractive and would like to find out what arouses men … apart from being beautiful/sexy of course!! Women who have all that but want that extra edge! Or alternatively, women who are not so attractive so need other tips on how to seduce ‘that man’!

I think this would be a very wise course of action… since after all, you would be doubling your readership and profits … or would this defeat your purpose, ie. have men have an upper hand when it comes to seduction?

>My Comments: I emailed her back to see if she lives here in Los Angeles… lol. No, really. And NO, I’m not going to start teaching women how to seduce men… But then again… what a great angle… lol.


“I was wondering how you deal with virgins. Both, women who are virgins cause they are waiting for that special guy and virgins who are virgins because of religious beliefs.”

>My Comments: A woman’s first sexual experience will shape the entire rest of her life’s experiences… and she’s very likely to become REALLY attached to you if you’re her first. I would very carefully consider this and do the right thing. I would personally only consider it if I was in love and planned on staying with her for the long haul. Don’t use people. It’s not nice, and it doesn’t feel good.


“The fingers through the hair scenario is the perfect tool for getting a kiss and keeping it long! I naturally run my fingers through a woman’s hair. But the other day I was with a woman that actually told me that she would like for me to run my fingers through her hair! She said it really relaxes her and turns her on. Needless to say it worked, but I won’t go into detail any further!

Have a great day!


>My Comments: Nice.


Hey David, I’m a chick, and I totally dot know how I started to get your e mail but allot of the stuff you say is true about guys they really shouldn’t smother a girl, but on the other hand I really hate waiting for them to call IM a very attractive woman at 18 (not to sound conceded or anything) but when out in public guys tend to look but they are scared to approach me I dot know what up with that but the rare few that have the guts to approach and get my number are the guys that are a lot older than me and the ones my age never come close they just scream and think horns from cars, do you know why? reply me if you have the time you seem to know what your talking about.

>My Comments: Guys, are you paying attention?


“What about being yourself with women?”

>My Comments: If being yourself is attractive to women, then do it. If it’s not working, then you need to add some new techniques to “yourself” so you become more attractive. Make sense?



My girlfriend and I have been going through a really rough time. We met about a year and half ago. When we first met everything was magic. As she began to let me in her life I took the liberty to be an open book for her. I left no mystery and played no game. You may be asking, “If you knew about mystery and game than why didn’t you play it?” Well, I’ll tell you why. I am young, attractive, know a lot of people and have a substantial income. This “package” of mine tends to scare women in itself. Historically, I get the perception that they feel like a relationship with me is too good to be true. So, due to my great feelings for this girl I wanted to make her feel very comfortable about who she was with. I wanted to constantly reassure her that I was a reality and a trustworthy individual. The downside is, I never stopped. To this day I continue to smother her. Did I mention that we consented on an engagement only 4 months after we first met? I really wanted her to be my lifelong woman. She has many qualities that I admire. Our feelings for one another were very, very strong in the beginning. Shortly after we were engaged, she finished school and moved back to Texas to be with me. She even said that she would never move back. The funny thing is, I almost assumed that I had to put a ring on her finger in order to get her back here. I lack so much confidence in my ability to believe that I am worthy of keeping this woman. I always have felt this way for her. I feel so impatient. I was so happy to know that someone, this one, felt as much for me as I did for her. Anyway, I became so consumed with trying to make her feel secure that I forgot who I was/am and focused on nothing but the relationship. I consumed myself with her. I would call all of the time, still do. I would also do exactly what it is that you said not to do to gain/keep a womans interest. I have a problem:

1) Smothering her with attention
2) Acting needy and emotional
3) Calling too often, asking her out too often
4) Acting insecure

These are things that I do, that she hates, that you say not to do. She is even the one who sent me the e-mail to your site. Since she moved back she has moved out and given the ring back. She still remains in my life though. She admits her feelings for me are virtually gone but I believe it is because she knows that I am a good catch and this is why she won’t completely let me go. She is also a little older. I am 26 while she is 31. She too, has family money so it is not finances that she is in for. Since she moved out, she always says “she needs her space”. Why would she want to remain in my life if she needs space? She gets so irritated and frusterated with me. I probably wouldn’t be able to handle it either. However, I am willing to do what it takes to keep her interested. She is a great girl. She is very independent and she speaks with actions, not simply words. If I could only be the man that I once was with her. I do not want to be her “sparkle stealer” nor do I want to be irritating to her. She says she is trying by asking me for space while remainig in my life. It hurts. I want her here, by me all of the time. I remember how it was when she looked up to me. It felt so good. However, even then, I was nervous about keeping her. That is why I proposed so quickly. She and I still talk. David, How can I get her to look upon me the way she once did? What steps do I need to take to make her really want me again? Do you think that there is hope?



P.S. I am planning on ordering your book.”

>My Comments: I think you’re on the right track. It’s never too late to do something new… and don’t give up. Would you believe that I’ve been though similar situations more than once? If she told you to come to my site, then she obviously wants you to work on becoming more interesting to her. So do it. I 0t.hink that my book will help you ENORMOUSLY.

>General Comments: I think that it’s important that the guys out there hear about situations like yours, because this will save many of them from going down the same road and losing the woman that they love dearly. If you’re in this guy’s situation, learn the lesson that he’s had to learn the hard way. STAY INTERESTING AND ATTRACTIVE!


“Hey your techniques are really useful for shy guys like me. I have been really close friends with this girl for years and I felt like we should take it to the next level. We were sitting down watching a movie on the couch and I started to touch her hair. I looked into her eyes then down to her lips and she smiled and then she leaned in and we kissed. The kiss was so long and passionate I would have died if it never happened, but thanks to your kiss test it did. Thanks man, keep up the good work!


>My Comments: Isn’t it great when that happens?


Whew! That’s it for this week…

If you have a success story or a good question for me, send it to:

[newsletter sign-up link]

Please give me some details, and be specific. No adult language please… and if it’s good I just might use it in my next Monday Mailbag!

Talk to you soon,

David D.

P.S. If you haven’t downloaded a copy of my eBook “Double Your Dating“… what are you waiting for? Just go to:

[ebook download link]

…and read all the details! You’ll get dozens and dozens of great tips and ideas on how to meet and date the kinds of women you’ve always wanted.

And do a friend a favor… forward this to them!

This is an archive of a David’s answers to questions directed to his mailing list for his Double Your Dating eBook. David’s newsletter is a free e-mail list that that teaches men how to be more successful with women and dating. If you would like to purchase David’s book or subscribe to his mailing list, you should visit

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