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David DeAngelo’s Double Your Dating Mailbag

“Two Steps Forward, One Step Back” – September 28, 2001

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“Two Steps Forward, One Step Back” – September 28, 2001

I often use metaphors to describe how to be more successful with women and dating…

Sometimes I’ll talk about playing a musical instrument and how it takes practice, or the stock market with its natural ups and downs (no pun intended… um OK, pun intended).

One of the main reasons that I use these more complex metaphors is the fact that this isn’t a process that always happens in the same way, and it often doesn’t make any logical sense.

Sometimes a woman will be open and receptive, and other times, she’ll be closed and cold. This can be due to all kinds of different factors… how you’re acting, how she’s feeling, the setting that you’re in, what’s on her mind, what kinds of hormones are running through her body, etc., etc., etc…

This week, I want to talk about a technique that I’ve found works in almost ALL of these situations. It’s a natural extension of my ideas about teasing and playing hard to get.


Now, when most people hear this phrase, they think of problems coming up that cause a loss of ground that has to be reclaimed before moving on, or a setback that has to be overcome before moving on.

What I’m talking about is DELIBERATELY stopping when things are WORKING in order to ACCELERATE the process.

What? Did I just say to stop something that’s working in order to be successful?

I sure did.

And if you pay attention to what I’m about to share with you, you’ll learn one of the most profound and important lessons about how to be more successful with women and dating.

Here it is in a nutshell:

If you’re doing something that you can tell she likes, stop doing it, then wait a while and start doing it again. This on/off/on/off sequence is ULTRA powerful in creating a magnetic ATTRACTION inside of her.

I personally believe that two factors that AMPLIFY a woman’s ATTRACTING to a man are the concepts of TENSION and ANTICIPATION. Tension is that feeling inside that makes you sit on the edge of your seat, and anticipation is that feeling in your chest that you get when you know something exciting could happen at any minute.

If you can learn how to take control of these feelings and help her experience them as a result of being around you, then you will DRAMATICALLY improve your success with women.

If you want to see a great example of this principle at work, go rent the movie TOP GUH. Watch how Tom Cruise handles the situations with Kelly McGillis. (Yea, I know that he flies F-14 Tomcats in the movie and is that it is, in fact, a movie… but watch it anyways, it’s a PERFECT outline of how to do what I’m teaching you).

Here are my two favorite examples:

1) They’ve just finished eating dinner, and they’re talking. She looks at him, and says something like “This is going to be complicated”, meaning that she’s falling for him.

What would most guys do if they were getting a green light like this one? They’d probable make a pass at her and kiss her. Not Tom. He looks at her, then gets up and says “I’m going to take a shower”. At first, it would seem that he was going to walk into HER shower and take it, but no… he walks out, gets on his motorcycle and rides off.

2) In the elevator scene… Tom stops the elevator and leans in close to her. You can see that she’s feeling shy and anxious… but does he kiss her? No. He leans back after that moment, makes a cute remark, and leaves.

What’s going on here? The first time I saw these scenes years ago, I just thought that he was too shy or whatever to make a move. Now I understand what’s going on here.

He is VERY DELIBERATELY creating TENSION and its close friend ANTICIPATION inside of her.

He is, in effect, saying to her “I know that I could make a move right now, but I CHOOSE not to. I’m going to keep you guessing… make no mistake about it I’M IN CONTROL OF MYSELF here.”

By the way, when you watch these scenes, watch his body language» and facial expressions. Notice that he doesn’t smile too much, and he plays the part perfectly. Watch and learn.

So how can you use this if you don’t happen to be one of the top movie stars of all time and have a $40 million aircraft to enhance your image?

Simple. Just notice when she likes something that you’re doing, and then stop. Lean back. Tease a little bit.

If you’ve started holding her hand and you can tell that she likes it, STOP. Take your hand away for a few minutes, then talk about something else. Just when she doesn’t know if you’re going to do it again, take her hand again.

If you’ve started kissing, STOP. Lean back. Look at her with a “I know you want to kiss me” look and give her a slight, sly smile.

If you learn how to take two steps forward and one step back, it will ACCELERATE your success with women.

I want to mention that if you haven’t gotten your copy of my eBook “Double Your Dating“, you should know that one of the three bonus booklets that comes with it is a book on how to get a woman turned on using this idea and others. This one bonus alone is probably worth the price of the package… and I encourage you to check it out. Just go to:

[download ebook now]

and get all the details. Isn’t it about time that you got this part of your life handled?

I’ll talk to you soon!

Your Friend,

David D.

P.S. Thanks for all your success stories! I want to hear yours. Let me know how this works for you this weekend. Drop me a line at:

[newsletter sign-up link]

And tell me the details. I just might use it in my next newsletter.

This is an archive of a David’s answers to questions directed to his mailing list for his Double Your Dating eBook. David’s newsletter is a free e-mail list that that teaches men how to be more successful with women and dating. If you would like to purchase David’s book or subscribe to his mailing list, you should visit

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