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David DeAngelo’s Double Your Dating Mailbag

“Q&A: How To Dodge The Brain Fart” – October 8, 2001

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“Q&A: How To Dodge The Brain Fart” – October 8, 2001

Two quick things before we get to the Mailbag…

1) I’m not a relationship or marriage counselor, I’m not Dr. Ruth, and I’m not Dr. Laura (thank God). Please restrain yourself from asking me how to fix a relationship that’s gone bad, or from asking me long, complex questions about how to effectively cheat on your wife! (I’m saying all of this tongue in cheek… but I really am starting to get a ton of questions that are not on the topic of how to be more successful in the dating world).

2) To the 6’4″ guy with the sportsman’s build… would you believe that I’ve gotten several emails from WOMEN who are saying things like “tell him that most women will be able to understand and will like him anyway” etc. One of them even wants to chat with you by email because she’s, gasp, interested in you(!). So email me again at: [newsletter sign-up link] and tell me your email address again so I can send you her email address. (I would normally never do something like this, but this one was too good to resist).

OK, on with the Mailbag!


“David: Love your newsletter and I look forward to every issue. I have no problem meeting women in all sorts of different situations (Having a cute little dog is such a magnet) but after I break the ice I often stall and am forced to end the conversation without getting a number or moving forward in a positive way (go for coffee / drinks etc.). After a few minutes (10-15) I always come up with a great idea to get past the stall/brain fart but it does me no good because the moment to act has past. Is this just lack of experience in this type of cold pick up or is there some thing I can do to make these great ideas come out during the conversation instead of 10 minutes too late. Thanks for your help.


>MY COMMENTS: You’re a dog yourself, using your poor helpless animal to attract women… but I think I like it. What kind of dog is it? Kidding, kidding…

First of all, do yourself the favor of having something to do, and saying “Well, it was nice talking to you, but I have to go buy some dogfood…” Then, after saying bye, turn back and say “Do you have email?”.

Only talk for a minute or two, and GET THE DIGITS!!! Then when you have time, think about what to say. Next time you meet you will be more prepared, and by always being the one to end the interactions, you become MORE ATTRACTIVE.


“Through reading JUST your newsletter I have actually accumulated more numbers than I ever have… I used your ideas of being cocky and funny when meeting a girl and I was amazed to see that it actually worked! So I decided to try it out a little more. Getting a number in 3 minutes is absolutely NO problem. Maybe the idea of mystery in a guy is what makes it so effective. A little advice of my own to share to all the guys out there. I’ve learned from talking to girls and watching guys strike out that unless you have a lot of money, or a perfect body most girls don’t like the same cheesy, “Yo baby what’s up?” pick up lines. I have also learned that not flowering her in attention 24/7 will make you much more appealing. So, I used all these lessons to approach a girl that I had some interest in. I just walked by and spoke with her for no more than 2 minutes. Sure enough the next day she asked if I was single, so we talked a little more. In a few days I will have been with her for a month and things are going absolutely amazing. Thanks for the help! On a small side note, none of this will work unless you go for it. Put aside your fear of rejection and nervousness and dive in.”

>MY COMMENTS: Great job. It really is amazing that a woman will give you her name, email, phone number etc. with only a couple of minutes of conversation, isn’t it? I can still remember when I first learned how to get numbers, oh the joy! I’m glad to hear that you met someone that you like. I think you’re right about putting aside your fears and just going for it. Thanks for the story and the tips.


“Hi, I wasn’t sure where to send this letter, is not about any success, but the opposite. You always say that you have to be confident», or at least look like you are, but that is what caused my problem. I’m confident, even without trying, but that has got some of the guys jealous, you know, seeing me walk around talking to girls with ease, the ladies saying that I’m good looking (I don’t want to boast) and all that. So then they talk to each other behind my back, but what is worst they talk to the girls. They say that I’m full of myself, that I fancy myself and that I’m a cocky idiot, and they convince the girls, so then the girls think that, and that’s no good for me. What can I do? How can I still look confident and not come across as cocky? Help!!



>MY COMMENTS: I’ve included this question because it raises a bigger point…

Are you trying to attract men, or are you trying to attract women? Why do you care what other people think about you, and why would you let what another person thinks of you prevent you from being successful?

I think that too many of us let what other people think of us get in the way of LIVING AT 100%. If you’re doing what you know is right for you, and you’re not hurting others, then I think in general that you should go for what you want in spite of what anyone thinks.

As far as guys convincing the girls that you’re a cocky idiot, don’t worry about it. Just get the girl’s info and talk to her alone, when there aren’t insecure guys around to distract from the situation. Thanks for the question.


“This is a success story which came about from reading the newsletters. About 3 weeks ago, I met a girl who was really cute and seemed like a really good person. Well later that day at the football game, i ran into her and i started to remember the tips that i had read about in the newsletter. Other times i would try to impress the girl but this time i tried a different way. IT WORKED! I got her phone number and I called her the following Monday. After we talked for a few days, she asked me out on Thursday and now I couldn’t be happier with my life. Thanks a lot, your methods really do work, I don’t exactly know how, but they do.



>MY COMMENTS: One of the main reasons that these concepts work is that they are working directly on what causes a woman to feel ATTRACTION. Instead of trying to use compliments, gifts, and conventional ideas, I say to act in a way that is more direct, and as I said, more attractive. Good job!


“Hi David! Well, i always read your newsletters, and i realize that you never says anything about being romantic. Does this work? Should I take the hand of a woman, kiss it, and look at her eyes?. Or not?…”

>MY COMMENTS: This is really a great question, and I’m probably guilty of not discussing this topic enough. As far as I’m concerned, romance is OK, as long as it’s used in the right way. If you do all of the things I teach, and then every once in awhile bring along a flower, or read a poem, or buy a sweet gift (and only after you’ve known a girl for awhile and are sure that you REALLY like her) then these can be magic. If you do them from the beginning, and all the time, then they will have no meaning. Romance is wonderful, but if you try being too romantic too soon, you’ll be in danger of falling into the ‘needy guy’ trap and being seen as a wuss. So handle with care.


Hi Dave, Thanx a million for what u do every day and for propounding theories that have a practical effect on the dating scene. I was not exactly a “know-nothing” about women before I started reading your articles this last May. But the most desirable women were still definitely a bit of an enigma to me until that time. Maybe because I was too eager to get with them or acted like everyone else, overwhelmed and too pleased to be be around them….QUITE CHEAP I GUESS. All what you said about not complimenting a gorgeous woman about her looks et al is as true as the stuff of Holy Books. I am actually dating a prize-winner of a beauty that looks like something straight out of a porn movie…drop-dead sexy!! There is no way in the world that I could have got this particular one without following your “How-to-do” on absolutely beautiful women. I never discussed her stunning looks or exhibited a lack of guts when guys hovered around her (which is the rule rather than the exception)….almost aloof was more like it. I could see that my novel tactics to womanizing were actually a thrill for her, never mind that deep down I was dying to get into her pants. Well…it worked out perfectly well for me. She actually mailed after one week to say ” Why haven’t you called me?”…AND I AM NOT FINISHED YET ‘COS THIS IS A BLOSSOMING LOVE STORY… [This story went on and on, and was a great read, but you get the idea.]

>MY COMMENTS: Great job. Here’s a gold nugget for those who are ready to hear it: If you don’t feel like you deserve to be with a woman, she will pick that up and feel the same way. If you can remain calm and confident, by projecting this attitude of deserving and confidence, you will be and stay very attractive. Keep up the great work, and congrats on finding a woman that is beautiful enough on the inside and outside to fall in love with.


“Hey David…I could use some help on a few problems… I’m a 20 year old university student living in England. I bodybuild and wear smart designer clothes, so I don’t really have much trouble finding women interested in or open to speaking to me. I do, however, tend to lose them quite often when it comes to the conversation part – I’m usually a pretty good conversationalist, but I just tend to get quite nervous around girls I’m attracted to, and come off making a bad impression. I read your advice on being cocky and funny in front of girls, but how does one do it when it doesn’t come naturally? What I mean is, I’m quite witty, but not exactly ‘funny’, as in the type of overstated humour girls my age seem to like. What would you advise as the best way to develop this attitude – is modeling the behaviour of certain movie characters a good method of developing these traits? Also, I’d like to hear your advice on dealing with competition…”

>MY COMMENTS: First of all, a note to the other ‘regular’ guys like myself who don’t bodybuild or wear a lot of ‘smart designer clothes.’ Here’s a guy who DOES body build and dress in expensive clothing who has challenges that he faces. And it’s interesting that many of the guys who I know that are the most successful at attracting many beautiful woman are either shorter, balding, unattractive physically, not wealthy, etc. So whatever situation you’re in, remember that you can overcome your challenges, and you’re not going to solve all your problems by making money, working out, or buying lots of expensive clothes.

To answer your questions… first, go watch “Top Gun” and pay attention to how Tom Cruise acts in that movie. He’s cocky, funny, and a good example. Listen to Howard Stern on the radio, and listen to how he messes with people (women in particular). You’re looking to bust on them just like you would an old friend. Practice until it becomes fun and comfortable. As far as competition, it only exists in your mind. Think about it.


“I just want to tell you that I have a lot of experience dating women and have dated many beautiful women… I used to be shy, not confident in myself, and felt intimidated when I would SEE pretty girls. However through lots of experience and a personal mentor and friend who was a guru at dating, he taught me everything that I was doing wrong, and from there on my life has changed. I just want to tell you that everything that you say in your news letters and books are right on the money. I haven’t found one thing you’ve said wrong yet. Thanks for telling the fellas out there about the truth in dating. Because believe me if I can do it, anyone can do it!”

>MY COMMENTS: It’s funny, because I spent a lot of time trying to figure this stuff out, but it wasn’t until I made friends with some guys who were really great with women that I started to have REAL success. Thanks for the email, and congrats on the success.


“Hi! I love your tips and suggestions. Let me tell you about my situation and let’s see what you think. I am a 24 year old blind man. I have been told I have a lot going for myself such as, I am in grad school, athletic, take care of myself, and have a good personality. I find that some women do have a problem with my blindness, but there are also a number of them who are open and willing to accept and embrace it. >1. what advice do you have for us out their who aren’t sighted? >2. I have a difficult time meeting new women, what do you suggest? Thanks.


>MY COMMENTS: I usually talk about “women” in the general sense, but sometimes it’s more useful to think about them in a more specific sense. If I were you, I would think about it like this:

It doesn’t matter what “women” think, it only matters what the particular woman that you’re interested in thinks. Does this make sense?

I like to think this way: How could you use your situation so that it becomes a MAJOR ADVANTAGE over other men? I mean, there must be situations where you could be seen as a PARTICULARLY TALENTED person, and thus a great catch.

Also, it helps to meet a lot of women!

Get on AOL and put up a personal ad, get on and put one up, go out and meet women… do whatever it takes to meet many women, and then take each particular situation with each particular woman and make the most of it. I think that if you take this mindset, you’ll do much better than if you worry or care about what “most women” want or what “most women” think.

And if you’re reading this right now and you have a similar situation, or something in your life that you have thought of as being a barrier to meeting women, then it’s time that you figured out how to use it to your advantage.


“Hey Dave, I did buy your book. I like your fresh insight. Brevity was the word otherwise. I guess if you get the message across you don’t need long speeches. Wish I had listened to you years ago. Anyways, I’m a 40 y/o divorced guy with a kid and a heavy career. Joined a dating service to help expose myself to lots of women instead of falling into the rebound thing. I’m a fairly good looking guy. The response from the dating service has been better than anticipated. The women have been requesting me. (it’s a video dating service). There aren’t many movie stars, but they aren’t bad. The dates are a little tougher than meeting a stranger. There’s this expectation I perceive. Do you have any thoughts on this? Ever deal with a dating service?


>MY COMMENTS: I’ve never done video dating, but I’ve met several women from running and answering personal ads, so maybe I can offer some insight.

First of all, if you’re feeling pressure, or feeling like there is some expectation, then make a few rules for yourself and the date, and let the woman know what they are up front. Say “Hi, I just want to let you know where I’m coming from. I work a lot, and I have a kid… I’m a successful guy, but I don’t have a lot of time for a social life, that’s why I tried the dating service. I’ve found that some of the women I have met seem to expect me to marry them within 30 days, and that’s not what I’m looking for. I think that it’s a good idea to get to know someone for at least 90 days before getting into a heavy relationship, etc. too many people I know have gotten involved too fast, and then regretted it when things didn’t work out… etc.”

Do you see where I’m coming from? If you make the rules up front, then you can eliminate the expectations and pressure. And if you’re busy, it’s all the better. It’s very ATTRACTIVE to be busy and hard to pin down. Good luck!


“Man, I just purchased your book LAST NIGHT…! I read about 2/3’s of your book today, and I went out tonight to a party. I have normally been VERY nice to girls my whole life, after all, who wouldn’t like a guy who tells a girl how PRETTY and NICE she is? Right?????? WRONG!!!!!!!!! You are SO RIGHT MAN! I teased the hottest Asian girl I’ve ever seen right out of her mind, and she kept running over to me, even calling to me across the room over loud music, asking me stupid questions that made it OBVIOUS she was into me. Other people were even telling me how obvious it was. This usually only happened to me like once a year RANDOMLY, and I made it happen ON CUE because of what I read in your book. She kept slapping me on the arm because I was relentless, I teased her until she was just rolling laughing! Like you said! Then this other girl came that I had met before who totally blew me off, she was going to a “White Trash” party and she said she didn’t know if she looked right. I told her “I wouldn’t worry if I were you, I don’t know how you could look any more trashy. In fact, looking at you reminds me of about the worst episode of Jerry Springer I’ve ever seen” now I realize this comment was HARSH, but then I smiled (like you said) and grinned like I was BUSTING HER BALLS, and it was all over from there!!! I kept going, and guess who she wanted to go to the party with??? David, I’ve been studying [another author’s] stuff for about 8 months. And I love the guy, he got me into all this. But your stuff gave me results in less than 24 hours. YOU F’ING ROCK. Thank you 100 times over.

-B., Dallas TEXAS”

>MY COMMENTS: Great job. You get it.

If you’re reading this right now and want this kind of success… and you haven’t downloaded your copy of my eBook, stop right now, don’t pass GO, don’t collect $200… go download your copy now at:

[download ebook now]


Whew, another fun Mailbag!

Remember, if you have a success story, I want to hear it! Send me your questions and success stories to:

[newsletter sign-up link]

…and do me a big favor… keep it to a paragraph or so. I get sooooo many emails every week, it really helps me if you keep it breif! And success stories followed by a question get my attention the most. Put the words “Success Story” in the subject line!

Talk to you next week…

Your friend,

David D.

This is an archive of a David’s answers to questions directed to his mailing list for his Double Your Dating eBook. David’s newsletter is a free e-mail list that that teaches men how to be more successful with women and dating. If you would like to purchase David’s book or subscribe to his mailing list, you should visit

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