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“Does Romance Have A Place In Dating?” – October 12, 2001

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“Does Romance Have A Place In Dating?” – October 12, 2001

You’ve probably noticed that I don’t talk about the idea of “romance” very often.

There’s a good reason for this.

I think that most guys use romance in completely the wrong way, and in the process screw up their chances with the woman that they are interested in.

I’m going to take some time here to talk about my personal perspective on romance, how it is misused, and how to use it to really make a woman feel attracted to you.

Most guys make one of two main mistakes when trying to be “romantic”:

1) They try to use romance to CREATE attraction.

2) They do too much, thinking that more must be better.

Let me ask you this… What does romance mean to you?

Does romance mean gifts and flower?

Does it mean fancy dinners?

Does it mean candles and soft music?

To me, romance is about showing a softer side of yourself in a way that increases the woman’s attraction for you.

Like I just mentioned, most guys either try to use romance to create attraction, or they do too many things and the effect is lost.

Here’s a quiz:

In general, would a woman think you were more romantic if you:

1) Brought her red roses every time you saw her.

2) Brought her one flower the fourth time you saw her, but it was her favorite flower in her favorite color.


Here’s another one…

In general, would a woman think you were more romantic if you:

1) Took her to a fancy dinner every time you saw her.

2) Didn’t take her to dinner, but one night cooked her a favorite dish that mom taught you and told her the story of how it came to be a family favorite?

Do you see where I’m going with these examples?

“Romance” is all about the context of the situation. In other words, little things that are thoughtful, used once in awhile will be FAR more impactful than trying to do everything you possibly can all the time.

Have you ever seen a T.V. show or movie with a girl holding a flower, pulling off each petal one at a time, and saying “He loves me, he loves me not”?

This is a famous cliche… even Madonna does it in her “Truth or Dare” movie!

What’s going on here? And why is it now such a famous idea that it is almost universally known?

Because it strikes a chord inside of women everywhere! Every woman can relate to the idea of thinking about a man and wondering if he’s thinking about her.

Pulling petals off of a flower and saying “He loves me, he loves me not” is just another way of saying “I can’t stop thinking about this guy and I’m going to keep thinking about him until I know how he feels.”

As you know if you’ve read past newsletters and/or my book, I think that it’s important to CREATE this kind of situation as much as humanly possible.

Now, here’s where romance fits into the puzzle… If you’re doing things that you consider to be “romantic” all the time, then she has nothing to wonder about… nothing to think about… there is no challenge or mystery at all.

On the other hand, if you use romance more carefully and keep her on the edge of her seat, so to speak, then a small romantic gesture will cause her to feel GREAT feelings of attraction inside… and cause her to work even harder to get and keep your attention – BECAUSE SHE’LL TRY ALL THE HARDER TO GET MORE OF THIS ROMANTIC SIDE OF YOU TO COME OUT!

So what are some things you can do that women see as romantic, without going overboard?

Well, if you want to do the typical things like flowers, gifts, music, poetry, etc. then do as I said earlier: Use them VERY infrequently. Tease her, bust on her, treat her like a bratty little sister most of the time, then out of nowhere do something thoughtful. But make sure to stay cool when the emotional reaction comes!

She’s probably going to be very happy and want to know “where that came from.” Just tell her that you were thinking about her and move on to the next topic. Don’t get all mushy!

By the way, if you’ve gone out with a woman 47 times, and you don’t know if she likes you, and you’re now thinking “Oh, hey… great idea! I’ll buy her a flower and she’ll feel attracted to me…” then get a new idea. Romance isn’t a way to make a woman feel attracted to you. Romance is a way to AMPLIFY attraction that is already happening.


Attraction is created by factors other than gifts, dinners, flowers, etc.

If she’s not feeling attracted to you, then showing her that you’re attracted to her probably isn’t going to change it… in fact, it may just push her away.

I know, I know… you once heard about a guy who pursued a woman for 9 years until she finally gave in and married him. Well, that might work, but I don’t have 9 years (unless it’s Christy Turlington).

Earlier I mentioned a couple of great ideas. You can cook her a special meal that has meaning… and tell the story behind it. Stories are romantic, especially if the story contains a love story.

And small gifts can be romantic as well (I don’t like big gifts, because they change the dynamic of the relationship and can create all kinds of feelings that it’s a trade of affection for money, etc.).

If you pay attention, a woman will mention something that she really likes. It could be a kind of flower, a kind of music, an author, etc. If you want to be romantic (after you know that she’s attracted to you) you can get something thoughtful, then write a card that says “I was thinking about you, and I found this… thought you would like it. Kiss Kiss.”

Use romance as the spice, and not the main dish. Use it to amplify, not as your main strategy.

Romance combined with the techniques that I teach is a VERY powerful combination.

And if you haven’t downloaded your copy of my book, and LEARNED all of the techniques to make women feel attracted to you, then do yourself a favor and go to:

[download ebook now]

now and do it. It’s the best thing you can do to increase your success with women and dating!

I’ll talk to you soon.

Your Friend,

David D.

P.S. Get out this weekend and use what you just learned. Then let me know what happens! Send your success stories and questions to:

[newsletter sign-up link]

…and keep them short. I get a lot of mail, and it really helps me if you keep it brief.

This is an archive of a David’s answers to questions directed to his mailing list for his Double Your Dating eBook. David’s newsletter is a free e-mail list that that teaches men how to be more successful with women and dating. If you would like to purchase David’s book or subscribe to his mailing list, you should visit

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