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David DeAngelo’s Double Your Dating Mailbag

“Q&A: If At First It Works But Then It Doesn’t” – October 15, 2001

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“Q&A: If At First It Works But Then It Doesn’t” – October 15, 2001


“Dude, I’ve bought your book, and read your newsletters faithfully. Your a !*&%ing genius. I’ve been studying psychology for years and have a degree in it and your perceptive nature and knowledge of females is amazing. You’ve totally changed the way I look at women and dating them. All of a sudden I feel like a have more control over myself and more confidence in my interactions with women. I used to be the nice, sweet guy who everyone loved to be friends with, not realizing I have all the qualities going for me. A deep resonant voice (many women have told me I have a very sexy voice), musican who writes songs that make women weep (no lies), attractive, intelligent, etc etc. I never knew how to present all these qualities into a appealing package, but you my wonderful friend and shown me a new side of behaving that has opened up doors for me… I know the more I read your book over and over and interalize your techinques I will have no problem. Thank you for your knowledge and insight you’ve changed my life!!!


>MY COMMENTS: DUDE, I’ve had more than one psychology studet/practitioner write with similar comments. The psychology of ATTRACTION is unique, illogical, and for the most part a mystery to the masses. Keep up the great work, and I’m glad you enjoyed the book.


“I am a 18 and a visually very attractive guy, but I am equally very shy. When a girl comes over and talks to one of my friends I can’t bring myself to join in the conversation, even when there is a perfect opportunity. I also cant go over and talk to a girl if she is alone. I just don’t have any sort of confidence in winning the girl, even though I know that I’m goodlooking!…”

>MY COMMENTS: If I were you, I would figure out how to practice more in other situations. Start making more jokes when you’re in line at the store, get on AOL and go into some chat rooms, etc. Take baby steps, a little more every day until you build up the confidence… What you’re talking about is often related to a fear of rejection, etc. Learn how to not care what other people think of you. I mean, does it really matter if a girl responds to your advances? Just realize that you’re the only one who can change this for you… so get out and do it!



Skeptical at first but not anymore! I got your book last week and started reading it. I had this first date with this woman. We had a drink and then went to a restaurant. Following your recommendation, I didn’t call for several days. Then I invited her over to have dinner. I purposely did not have the dinner ready…I said “I am sorry but I am running late and dinner isn’t ready yet” . Would you mind helping me?”. She agreed. My strategy was to have her stand in the kitchen so I can come behind her and smell her neck, shoulder, and hair. MAN, YOU ARE SO RIGHT! She loved it! After couple time, she turned around and tried to kiss me. Before reading your book, I would have kissed her and made a pass at her but, NO, I acted like I am not that interested to her. During the evening, I stayed independent like I don’t want or need sex and I am not in a hurry (although inside I just wanted to F** her brains out!). I had prepared strawberry dipped in chocolate for desert. You are right again: chocolate IS APHRODISIAC!!! Then I said “well, I don’t mean to kick you out or anything but I have to get up early tomorrow morning”. She said ” I WANT YOU” and kissed me. I never seen a woman turned on like that! I don’t think I need to elaborate on what happened next, do I? Thanks for your help and keep up the good work!

Question: Once you get their email adresses, what would be a good couple lines to say in that very first email?

Thank you.


>MY COMMENTS: Great job. To answer your question, just go to page 83 in Double Your Dating». The exact words to use in your follow-up emails are there for you.


“Hi David,

Many thanks for your many wise words. I think much of what you say is plain commonsense, but unfortunately many weren’t born with it. Others, like me, are very effective in a non-dating situation but go blank when women are involved. I think it’s because I’m on an earnest search to meet the right person, and am fed up with meeting losers, weirdos and the like – where are all the good girls…?!!!

So, does anyone know where I can get information about decent online dating» agencies? I don’t want seedy sex or just to have a good time – I want an intelligent, attractive, erudite mate! The problem is that the web seems full of the former, but all out of the latter! Without this, how can I practice all the stuff I’ve learned DYD?

Best regards,


>MY COMMENTS: You’re welcome. I have to disagree with you that what I teach is ‘commonsense’… and only because the things I teach are anything but obvious to most guys.

As far as meeting “good girls”, I would have to say that it’s a process of playing the numbers, improving your skills, and knowing what you want.

I’ve had success meeting women with online dating» services, but overall, I would have to say that if you want to really meet a nice woman for a long-term relationship, that you have to first decide exactly what you want. It’s great to have high standards, just know what they are. Second, you have to realize that most of the GREAT women aren’t placing personal ads because they can’t find men. The truly amazing women are usually surrounded by men at all times. So you have to go find them, frequent the places that they would likely hang out, etc. And finally, you have to know what to do when you meet them. In other words, you have to understand how to create the feeling of ATTRACTION that I talk about so much.

Women say “You have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find a prince.” The same goes in your situation.


“Hi. I’m 18 years old/athletic build/decent looking and a pretty funny guy. My problem is that I’m too damn nice, i’m not very confident in myself, and really shy around girls. When I start talking I think too much on what I should say, and then end up saying something stupid or nothing at all. It is very frustrating to me. There’s a girl I like that is totally hot and she acts like she likes me too. How should I ask her out without looking like a wuss. PLEASE!!! help me out here!!


>MY COMMENTS: No begging, please. You must learn to tease women the same way you tease your friends… and to not act like they have some magical power over you. I can appreciate where you’re coming from here. I felt EXACTLY like you a few years back before I learned about all of the things that I teach. Stay tuned to these newsletters, and make sure to pick up a copy of my book online.


“Dear David,

After downloading your ebook a couple of weeks ago, I was able to put your ideas to work for me. A week ago Saturday, I was successful in engaging many great-looking women at the local bars, and actually had a 21-year-old with a hot body follow me home. By the way, I’m 44, average build, with my only advantage being that I look about 10 years younger than I am.

Anyway, she’s hung up on me now, and being that I live in a small town and people talk, I haven’t called her because I don’t want the talk that would go along with me seeing a 21-year-old. Her parents are younger than me. I haven’t decided how I feel about her…she’s got some problems in addition to our age difference, and I’d like to find out more about her without leading her on, but I’m not sure how to do it, especially without involving her parents and the gossip mill in town, until it would become something.

If there wasn’t Caller ID, I’d call her, because I wouldn’t have to identify myself, but even calling could possibly reveal who I am, and cause personal problems for both of us. I’m a respected businessman, and while there’s nothing really wrong with a relationship like this (look at Michael Douglas and Catherine Zeta Jones), it would be a scandal in my small town, and could adversely affect my business. Any suggestions on how to handle this?

Your friend,


P.S. I’ve been continuing to use your methods since, but have had decreasing success, most likely due to my lack of confidence since the first time I successfully used them. I’m still engaging the women better than I did, but I still seem to come in 2nd best to the guys who’ve been players for awhile. Probably just need Practice, Practice, Practice! Thanks.”

>MY COMMENTS: Well, good job getting the girl… now the question is what to do with her… lol. Unfortunately, I don’t specialize in complex social situations like this one. I’ve been in similar situations, and they can be a real pain. Be careful.

You’re right about practice. Now that you know what to do and how to do it, it’s all about getting better at it. You’ll probably be better off if you stick to women that are over 25, or adopt a convincing disguise to wear when you go out (kidding, kidding). Women over 25 seem to me to be considered more mature, and therefore less apt to cause a major scandal in your town.


“Dear David:

Your book and newsletters are my bible. Clever idea to distribute the book electronically, otherwise it would be wornout by now!

* Success story I would like to metnion that the “teasing a woman” method not only works on “dating situations” but also in any other kind of relations with women. Maybe it is only my impression, but the thing seems to work on colleagues (10+ age), Neighbors, etc. pretty much on all women, even your mum and sister! What do you thing about applying these techniques on them just for practice? I am into this at the moment, and, at least its great fun!

*Question For me and most of the other guys I know, the norm for meeting new women is through other people. Be they friends, aqcuaintances etc. So usually the situation is: A few guys and a few girls around a table, or by the bar. Your target is THAT girl, knowng she is probably also the target for the rest of the guys. How could one draw a strategy for this situation;

Thank you for your time to read this Your faithful (and grateful) st”


1) You’ve been using this stuff on your colleagues that are 10+ in age? And your mum and sis? There are plenty of single women out there… you don’t have to pick up family! And who are these 10 year old colleagues? What are you, a slave laborer?

2) To answer your question, I prefer to deal with women when we are alone together. That’s why I use the 3 Minute Email technique. Just get her information, and talk to her later when you’re alone!


“Hi David,

Your newsletters have really proved to be very helpful in my lovelife. This have infact helped me to get a girl of my choice – very beautiful and attractive!

We have been going around nicely for about more than two months. We had started loving each other and even made many commitments of being life partners, etc. etc. But suddenly, one day she came up to me saying that she’s to go to outstation for 10 days on an important official tour. I got very emotional, but she assured me that she loves me a lot and promised to give me a call everyday. She didn’t, and much to my surprise, after a week I came to know from a third person that she hadn’t gone anywhere at all the whole week. I called at her office to confirm and it was true. She avoided me by saying that she’s busy with her work and will call me later, which she never did.

Now even after a week when I call up and ask when shall we meet, she’d just say that she’s real busy with her work and can’t meet me right now. It’s very unnatural, David. She was never like this before. Infact, we never had any quarrel or arguements between us before this incident. I just love her too much and can’t afford to lose her at any cost. Perhaps, I was too overly-attentive towards her…

David, please tell me what to do now. How to get her back in my life? Is there a possibility of a second guy in her life? If yes, how can I solve the problem David?…


>MY COMMENTS: You’ve probably done what most guys do when they finally attract a great woman… immediately mess it up by acting like an emotional wuss. DON’T DO THAT! If you can’t afford to lose her at any cost, then it’s probably going to happen. If, on the other hand, you are leaning back, staying cool, playing hard to get, and being cocky and funny, then you’ll probably keep her. Here’s what I’d do: Date other women, and don’t call her for a month. After the month is over, call her to tell her about the women you’ve been dating, and tell her that you think the two of you should stay friends. And get yourself a copy of my book so you can learn the specifics of how to act when you’re around her in the future! You’ve got a complex problem, and a short answer isn’t going to solve it for you. [Hey, that’s a good idea… I should just tell everyone with a question to buy my book…]


“Here’s the deal: I’m 6’2″ athletic build, good looking 20 y/o guy, and i seem to have everything going for me. I feel i can take on almost everything. The one problem is that i’m lonely, never had a girl, and now its time. I’ve tried teasing, but i’m not much of a teaser, i’m witty but, my upfrontness scares girls, and it seems that everything else i’ve tried hasn’t worked, even some of your suggestions. What the heck am i doing wrong? People that have none me think i’m a great guy, and they can’t figure it out either. I’m sick of chasing girls, for once i want the girls to be like, hey, i want to be with that guy. and then they make the move to get to know me. So the question is what advice do you have for me? Any advice is helpful. Thanks.”

>MY COMMENTS: Yes, well I think that we all wish we were in Motley Crue and had 50 women back stage waiting for us every night… but, alas, there is reality to deal with. If you’ve never had a girl, then you’ve got some work ahead of you. If you don’t know how to tease women, then you’re going to need to practice. Listen to Howard Stern and watch some David Letterman. These guys tease and bust on everyone. Watch some good comedy, and learn how to make jokes that are funny.

Women have a little sensor inside of their heads that tells them if the guy they’re talking to is comfortable with her. They can tell if you ‘get it’ or if you ‘don’t get it’ when it comes to women. Before you’re going to have all the women approaching you, you’re going to have to learn how to be ATTRACTIVE to them. This takes some work. Keep reading, and practicing.


“Listen David D., each week I recieve your newsletter and each week I learn at least one new thing. But your advice is too good. It is exactly what woman are looking for. I am a guy myself that after years of not knwoing how to approach woman, analyzed the situation. I am an 18 year old college student full of personality and always get the girls to laugh. Teasing them is a surefire way for them to give you attention. They will go out of their way to talk to you after this. (When teasing a girl, they become confused with whether you are being nice or mean to them, even though the comments are obviously playful ones) and when they do, you tease them some more. Then when the time is right (I usually make my own judgement on that), you playfully ask them out–in such a way that they arent sure whether you are serious or not. For example, telling a girl who is TRYING to tease you back, that she doesn’t want to get to strike three and she is on one. Oh will this get her….on strike three you tell her that there isn’t anyhting for strike three…when she says “I knew it!” (they ALWAYS do) then oyu say, “Well actually, you have to hang out with me for a night as punishment….it’s worked miracles in college…and it’s a technique that i’ve picked up from your e-mails….


>MY COMMENTS: Now, this is someone who gets it. Great job. Read the above over and over until you understand what is going on here, and then read it about 10 more times for good measure.

If I were you, instead of saying “Well, actually you have to hang out with me for a night as punishment” I would say something more to the tune of “Well, actually you have to COOK DINNER for me as punishment… oh, and give me a good massage too.” This is more extreme, and funnier. And it doesn’t come across as weak.

I love it… “You don’t want to get to strike three… and YOU’RE ON ONE!” LOL!


“Hey, david. First of all, I have been shy around women my whole life, and thanks to your newsletters, I am beginning to work on this. However, I was wondering if being intelligent is attractive to women. I am a strait A student, and I am near the top of my class. Does a woman knowing that you are smart have an effect on their oppinion of you? If so, is it a good effect?”

>MY COMMENTS: For a smart guy, your spelling and grammar leave a little to be desired (I couldn’t help it). As far as how being smart relates to getting you more dates: Use your super mind powers to learn and integrate what you’re learning in these newsletters. In my experience, intelligence isn’t a super turn-on in and of itself. It has to be demonstrated in a way that creates a feeling of ATTRACTION inside of the woman that you’re interested in. Does this make sense to you? Women don’t say “I hear he has an I.Q. of 157… that turns me on.” They become attracted to you when you BEHAVE in a certain way, and do certain things in a certain order. Use the brain power to learn the skills!



I thought you might find this interesting. I’m a professional musician and am out in the clubs every weekend. (You know how women go crazy over musicians! I’m SURROUNDED by hot women every weekend.) I also am a pretty serious bodybuilder and have developed a body that has allowed me to win some regional contests. It’s obvious that a lot of women admire and like the way I look. But IN SPITE of all that, I’ve been practically date-less for a very long time. What you say is absolutely correct. It doesn’t matter how you look, dress, etc. It’s all in your approach and attitude. Thanks for your newsletter. I’ve learned a lot.


>MY COMMENTS: I’m glad you wrote in. Too many guys who write in to me think that if they were just rich or handsome that women would flock to them. They don’t realize that there is A LOT more to it than just having an angle like looks, etc.

I’m excited for you… you’re going to be scary when you get the skills together.


“I sure wish I had subscribed to this earlier. Before now I never had trouble getting numbers, but it never went far from there. The girls always decided it would be best if we were just “friends”. I couldn’t figure out what I was doing wrong. I tryed being sweet and bringing flowers and chocolate and little gifts like that. I mean it always works in the movies doesn’t it. Now since I have been reading your letters I realize that I was doing it all wrong. I have figured out that a woman wants what she doesn’t think she can have. Now when I get girl’s numbers I don’t call them for a few days and act like I am not really interested and they seem to love it. When a girl asks me If I would like to go somewhere I act like I have something more important to do but I might be able to work her in. And it works! You are a genius. Thanks a lot.


>MY COMMENTS: And isn’t it cheaper this way, too? You can eat the chocolate yourself… nice.



I’m a woman that subscribes to your mailings – more out of curiosity than anything. I just want to say that you REALLY KNOW YOUR STUFF!

Keep up the good work – the more guys know how women tick, the better!

Particularly liked your bit on romance. Very true. Roses won’t make a girl love you, boys. Save it for the girls that already care about you.



>MY COMMENTS: Thanks for your email. I actually get a lot of emails like this from women, and I sometimes include one or two because I think it’s important for guys to have at least some validation that women agree with what I teach. Thanks again.


Well, that wraps it up for this week.

If you’re like some of the guys who wrote in this week who have much of their lives together, but just need to get this one thing handled, I would recommend that you check out my eBook. It’s taken me several years to learn, test, and condense all of the techniques that I teach in Double Your Dating», and I guarantee that it’s the best investment you will make to improve your dating life.

Just go to:

[download ebook now]

…and download a copy now. I’ll talk to you next week.

Your Friend,

David D.

P.S. If you have a success story, I want to hear it! Send it to me at:

[newsletter sign-up link]

Please do me a favor and keep it to a paragraph or two… and write “Success Story” in the subject line.

This is an archive of a David’s answers to questions directed to his mailing list for his Double Your Dating eBook. David’s newsletter is a free e-mail list that that teaches men how to be more successful with women and dating. If you would like to purchase David’s book or subscribe to his mailing list, you should visit

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