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David DeAngelo’s Double Your Dating Mailbag

“Q&A: How To Prevent The “Assumed Relationship” Syndrome” – October 22, 2001

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“Q&A: How To Prevent The “Assumed Relationship” Syndrome” – October 22, 2001


“Your made-up emails are hilarious! I have written two books on this subject, studied what women like for over ten years, and I can spot a phony like you for miles away! I like how you make these stories up as a marketing tool to sell your overpriced little pamphlets over the net. A word of advice…stop making your email sound as if these fictitious guys think what you sell is the greatest thing since sliced bread. These overkill success stories stick out like a sore thumb. It’s obvious to many guys on what you are doing. Nice try though.”

>MY COMMENTS: I’m really glad that you emailed, because I’m sure that you’re not the only one who’s had this thought when reading my newsletters, and this is a great opportunity for me to address this particular issue… Here’s the deal: Every single one of the questions and stories that I print in these newsletters are real. Not most of them, not almost all of them, but EVERY SINGLE ONE. And, as a matter of fact, I can prove that those “Overkill success stories” are real because I’ve saved them all for a new testimonial section that I’m going to be adding to my website. Here’s my challenge to you: We hire a professional auditing firm to decide if these emails are being faked by me (A big six firm like Andersen or Deloitte & Touche would be fine. We’ll use one of these professional firms because this is what they do professionally, and the privacy of my clients will be assured). If these testimonials turn out to not be real, I pay you $1,000.00 in cash. If, on the other hand, you are wrong, and they are all real, you pay me $1,000.00 in cash. Loser pays the auditing fees. Let me know. I’m ready. Are you still so sure about being able to “spot a phony like me for miles away”?


“hey dave,

i’ve got a major dilemma here. i started getting your emails about 3 months ago. thanks for all the great advice! ok heres my problem. i have gotten a great girlfriend because of your advice. but the thing is now every girl i know seems to want to be with me! now, when i was single i wouldve enjoyed all this attention, but my girl seems to think i might be cheating on her. how do i STOP giving off these vibes? i dont want to lose her, but they dont back off! please help me. your advice worked too good!”

MY COMMENTS: You poor, poor dear. My heart goes out to you, along with all the other readers on this list who feel terrible about your dilemma. lol… You’re probably not going to lose your Gfriend because other girls are attracted to you. Just be cool, and if your girlfriend is too insecure to deal with other women liking you, then she’s probably going to be high maint. in the future anyways. Take care.


“Dearest David,

I emailed you last week about applying your methods on females that are outside the “datable” range. I was very glad to see my e-mail published, and thank you for answering the question (about many girls in company with many guys). I have two comments: 1) The reason I mentioned that the stuff works on any female is to give the shy guys the idea, because in these situations you can practice humor and wit, see the results, see how women are instantly glowing when teased and interested, without the fear of rejection, since you are not sexually / romantically interested. By the way, my love life is very fulfilling, especially after reading the stuff is your book and emails. 2) I am not a slave trader. I ment colleagues 10 years older than me! Keep doing what you do. Its very well focused and effective. I have actually suggested your ebook to lots of people!!

Thanks again for your time. Your friend, s”

>MY COMMENTS: I know what you meant… I was just TEASING you (now don’t get too attracted to me). Your idea of always practicing on the women that are around you is a great one. Yes, most women do respond well. Thanks for the comment.


“Well, I have to be one to compliment you on a fine work of literature… I’m an Engineer, currently going through a painful divorce from my former spouse of 21 years.

I ran across your book and, after not having any luck with women since my wife left, decided that changing that luck was worth the more than reasonable price.

However, being an Engineer, I just had to do a few tests around your subject matter, just to see if you really “had the scoop” so to speak. I must say, the results were astounding! I went from one of “let’s just be friend’s” type of guy to someone who’s beating ladies off with a stick (metaphorically speaking, of course). Women that I’ve met and dated a few times are calling continuously … and it isn’t friendship they’re looking for. In fact, every single woman that I’ve dated is still calling me, even after I “broke it off” with them. Some even two months later! The wildest one is that three ladies, when I broke up with them, asked me that if they couldn’t have me as a boyfriend, could they at least see me once a month?

I’ve also tried some of the things that you mentioned not to do and the results were just as you predicted, from being classified in the “friends” catagory to potitial “long-term material”. Just as you discribed! The sexual techniques material is good, but could also be expanded a little ….giving a girl multiple orgasms every time you’re with her is the biggest rush I’ve ever had.

The only thing that I would add to your book is a section on how to use the internet for good dating. I’ve found that using variations of your tecniques when responding to personal ads on the internet… has given me a successful date rate of around 60% of the ad’s that I respond to. Cocky but funny, bust on them a little, drop a few profound comments, and call them on it every single time they act like a brat … and you can be almost too successful. In fact, a good profile on an internet personal ad can give you more information than talking for hours and hours. There’s usually enough information there to bust on them a little right from the first e-mail and keep them laughing the whole time their reading!

Additionally, if you could give me some really good advice for how to let a woman down easy, without hurting them too bad, I would really appreciate it… in fact, concerning just how successful your techniques are, I think you owe it to your readers!

Keep up the good work and please ad me to your mailing list for future updates and any other writings you might decide to sell.


>MY COMMENTS: First of all, you’re right about meeting women online. A good friend of mine taught me how to meet women online, and I believe he’s planning to write a book about it soon (Dave, are you listening?). I’ll let you know if it becomes available soon.

Second, to answer your question about letting a woman down easy… just don’t act like “her boyfriend” when you’re with her. I tell women that I don’t think that a serious relationship is a good idea until I’ve known someone for at LEAST 3 months. If you limit yourself to once or twice a week, it will also prevent the “assumed relationship” syndrome. Good work.


I have been getting your newsletter for a while now, although I’m not sure how, I think that they are very accurate. You may want to offer some proof of sort that what you say is true by telling people to watch some of those dating shows such as “The 5th wheel” where a couple of guys are competing for a few girls. There is always a nice guy and then there is a confident guy. At some point in the show they interview the girls and they ALWAYS say how the nice guy is “so nice” or “too nice” but they end up ripping on them from then on. The other guy they always say is “a little cocky” but he always ends up with the date at the end.

There are other ones besides the 5th wheel, but I forget the names. MTV has one where it is 2 guys and 1 girl also.

Hope you can use this.


>MY COMMENTS: Thanks for the tip. I’ve never seen those shows, but your comments are accurate. If you ask a woman what she’s looking for in a man, she’ll often say “I want a nice, honest guy that treats me well…” but if you put a nice, honest guy in front of her and have him say “Wow, you’re really beautiful, can I take you to dinner?” it doesn’t usually cause that “Gut level attraction” that is so critical. Women just don’t get that instant attraction to “nice” guys.


“I’ve always had this problem of not knowing if a girl is attracted to me. It seems like most of my girl friends all flirt with me, but we do it back and forth, and I know that they probably don’t want to go out with me. Even girls I don’t know seem to sound flirty when I talk to them, but I don’t know how to tell if it is a serious attraction or not. That’s why I have a lot of friends with benefits, but no girlfriend. I really want a girlfriend, and I’ve met a couple girls at school that I like. First, there’s this girl named Shannon I kind of like. I know she likes me for sure. All her friends say she likes me, and I actually asked her out. But she said she was grounded, and usually when girls say that, I just move on, because in the past girls had used that if they didnt want to go out. Then, theres this girl named Melissa. We have Spanish together. We don’t talk that much but I really think shes fine, but I’m not sure if she likes me. I dont want to ruin my friendship with either of them, but I have to find out if either of them like me. What can I say/do to see if any girl likes me without having to flat-out ask either of them? My MOST IMPORTANT QUESTION IS HOW CAN YOU SEDUCE AND CREATE A SEXUAL ATTRACTION WITH A GIRL FRIEND OF YOURS? Thankz for reading my email.”

>MY COMMENTS: The way to know if a girl is attracted to you is to use THE KISS TEST when the two of you are alone. It’s an easy, no-hassle way to find out. The way to create that sexual attraction that I talk about is to learn how to be cocky and funny at the same time. You’re looking for that response from her of laughter combined with “this guy is just a little bit arrogant”. If you don’t have the laughter, she’ll just think that you’re stuck up, and if you don’t have the arrogance she’ll just feel like you’re a funny friend. Where can you learn all about how to create this particular type of attitude? My book, of course.


“hey David…

Your stuff really is great. It has had a PROFOUND influence on my approacH to women. A week after I read your book back in July I used the info to hook up with a gorgeous 19 year bisexual concert violinist. Because she’s very much a “player” and used to having guys around her all the time, your approach was PERFECT for her. I kept reminding myself to treat her like a bratty little sister by poking gently fun at her while we were playing music (I’m a pianist) together. When she played the occasional (she ‘s very good!) wrong note I’d look at her smile and say, ‘that was nice honey but I prefer Beethoven’s version!” and she would smile back showing she enjoyed it. Needless to say, we ended up in bed.

Fast forward two months later. She attended one of my concerts and came to see me after. The moment was perfect since I had played particularly well and she was very impressed. I took her back to my dressing room and gave her a single red rose and told her that I had really enjoyed her company that night two months before. She blushed and said that SHE was the one who should have gotten me a rose! I instinctivley knew NOT to get mushy. I just smiled, kissed her very tenderly but on the CHEEK! And then told her I had to go and meet some people. Quickly moving to another topic. It worked like a charm. She still comes over and we have great times.

I agree totally with your advice on how to use romance as a spice. Very very well done David!



>MY COMMENTS: Thanks for the compliments. I thought this comment was a good one because it shows how you can use the ideas that I’m teaching in your own particular niche. If you’re a musician, figure out what the most common situations are that you encounter with women. Then think of how you can use the techniques in those situation. If you’re a painter, then think of those situations. If you’re a magician, then work with that. I teach what works for me. It’s up to you to take the materials and apply them to your situation.


“Dear David,

I’m one of your female readers. I have to admit, this week’s advice was top notch. You wrote:

“Remember the formula “Two steps forward, one step back” from a few weeks ago? Mix up these ingredients with that concept… and VIOLA! More attraction.”

Amazing!! If a guy serenaded me with the viola…I’d definitely be all his.



>MY COMMENTS: Thanks for your email. I get a lot of compliments from women. It’s actually been a long time since I’ve gotten a “Your ideas suck” email from a woman. I would actually like more of them, as they usually contain all kinds of good stuff that would make for interesting Monday Mailbag discussion (Now’s your big chance, ladies).


Well, that’s it for this week.

HINT: When you write to me, PLEASE try to keep it to a paragraph or two. I just can’t print very many of the full page emails in this small newsletter. If you have a success story or a question for me, send it to:

[newsletter sign-up link]

…and if you have a success story, make sure and put the words “Success Story” in the subject line! I’ll be much more likely to answer your question if you first tell me what’s working for you.

And, of course, if you want to accelerate your success with women and get all of my very best thinking on how to be more successful in the dating world, you really owe it to yourself to download a copy of my eBook “Double Your Dating.” I absolutely guarantee that it will dramatically improve your success with women. Go to:

[download ebook now]

…and get a copy for yourself now.

I’ll talk to you soon.

Your friend,

David D.

This is an archive of a David’s answers to questions directed to his mailing list for his Double Your Dating eBook. David’s newsletter is a free e-mail list that that teaches men how to be more successful with women and dating. If you would like to purchase David’s book or subscribe to his mailing list, you should visit

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