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David DeAngelo’s Double Your Dating Mailbag

“The Difference Between Feeling An Attraction And Feeling A Commitment” – October 25, 2001

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“The Difference Between Feeling An Attraction And Feeling A Commitment” – October 25, 2001

If you’ve been reading my newsletters, and you’ve ready my book “Double Your Dating“, then there’s a good chance that somewhere along the way you’ve said to yourself “Does this guy think that long-term relationships are healthy?”

To set the record books straight, I want to say “Yes, I think that long-term relationships are wonderful, healthy, and can be a great source of joy and happiness, Amen.” I’ve had many of them myself, and have enjoyed some great times as a result.

But here’s the distinction: If you don’t learn how to a woman feel ATTRACTED to you at the VERY BEGINNING, then you are taking a HUGE risk. Namely, that you’re going to invest all of your time, effort, energy, emotions, gifts, money, and life pursuing someone who may or may not ever feel the same way about you.

If, on the other hand, you master the art of making women feel that GUT LEVEL ATTRACTION using only your personality, then you won’t be GAMBLING as much when it comes to women and relationships.

NOTE: My experience is that many of the things that us guys do to try to attract a woman, i.e. buying gifts, doing favors, etc. actually lead to the woman finding us UN-attractive, because she sees these as needy behaviors performed by a weak man that hide ulterior motives.

I think that long-term relationships are great. I just don’t like the idea of investing a lot of time, energy, and money if I have no idea whether a girl even likes me! No thanks.

How much better it is to know how to make a woman feel that excitement, tension, and attraction at the VERY BEGINNING. This way you’re not out-of-control, wondering where you stand. Then, if you decide that this is someone that you’d like to spend more time with in the future, you can start doing more traditional “relationship” things (if YOU choose).

A relationship based on two people enjoying each other’s company and personalities is FAR stronger, in my opinion, than one based on gifts, money and favors.

Take a moment right now, and think about the difference between ATTRACTION and COMMITMENT. Think about the things that make you feel ATTRACTED to a woman, and then think about the things that make you feel COMMITTED to a woman.

Big difference, isn’t it?

Here’s one for you. Do nice women stay with jerks because they feel committed to them? In most cases I’d doubt it. It’s because the jerk is ATTRACTIVE in one way or another.

What I’ve done is take the parts of the ‘jerk’ personality… the parts that are ATTRACTIVE to women, and use just those without the ABUSIVE components.

Teasing, busting her balls, creating tension, playing hard to get, not giving her what she wants, being unpredictable, being cocky and funny are all ways to push the “attraction buttons” without being abusive or mean.

Then, it’s up to YOU whether you’d like to buy gifts, pay for dinners, and do favors. When gifts and favors are presented in the context of being an already attractive, cocky and funny man, then they take on a whole new meaning. They lead to a stronger feeling of devotion and commitment…

WARNING: Don’t turn into a wuss just because you decide that you really like a girl. Don’t start calling her 47 times a day and saying “Ohh, baby I really miss you.” Use gifts, favors, and romance like a spice… not the main dish.

OK, here’s the plug: If you haven’t downloaded your copy of my book “Double Your Dating“, then get to it! Go to:

[ebook download link]

right now and get it. I promise that EVERYTHING in these newsletters will make more sense to you after you’ve read it. You’ll learn all about how to make women feel that illogical, mystical, GUT LEVEL ATTRACTION with your communication and personality.

I’ll talk to you again soon.

Your Friend,

David D.

This is an archive of a David’s answers to questions directed to his mailing list for his Double Your Dating eBook. David’s newsletter is a free e-mail list that that teaches men how to be more successful with women and dating. If you would like to purchase David’s book or subscribe to his mailing list, you should visit

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