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David DeAngelo’s Double Your Dating Mailbag

“Q&A: If You’ve Been Out Of The Dating Game For A While” – November 5, 2001

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“Q&A: If You’ve Been Out Of The Dating Game For A While” – November 5, 2001

Welcome to another Weekly Mailbag.

There are some great stories, comments, and questions in this one (as usual), so have fun!


“I have a question that’s been bugging me for a while. The question is this: if you’ve been absent from the dating game for a long time, or if you’re highly inexperienced in the field to begin with, do you think that it’s your obligation to be forthcoming with the girl and let her know this? I have been out of the game for 10 months, and I’m getting a bit self-conscious about that fact. I’m afraid that if a potential match knows this, she may be convinced that there’s something wrong with me. And if you’re not going to come out and divulge this information, what do you do when she asks? It seems like if you don’t come out and say it, it looks later on like you’ve been hiding something. What do you think, oh great Oz?

An interested reader,


>MY COMMENTS: I think that you’re WAAAAAAYYYY too concerned about this. As a rule of thumb, anything that you’re self conscious about will come across as a weakness. Weakness is not attractive at the beginning of a relationship.

If she asks how long it’s been since you were on a date, just say “Well, does my mom count?” Just be funny and move on to something else. If she insists, say “It’s been 11 months, I’m celibate right now for religious purposes.” Keep her guessing and whatever you do, don’t come across as WEAK.


“When i subscribed to this news letter, i did it strictly for humor, but what you say to do works like a charm. its never been this easy to pick up women. thanks a million.”

>MY COMMENTS: No problem. I’m glad it’s working out for you. It’s funny because it sounds so simple, and in reality it’s really not that hard. It just takes a little bit if attention and practice.


“Your mails are very interesting and I find it very useful. But I got a question. I recently started a relationship with a lovely girl and I know she likes me a lot, but somehow I can’t seem to make her fall for me. Sometimes I get the feeling that she’ll get tired of me and just leave. This girl is very special and I don’t wanna lose her. WHAT DO I DO?! Any feedback will be helpful. Oh, and the hair thing before u kiss, ingenious!!



>MY COMMENTS: Can anyone else out there relate to this one? I surely can. Here’s the deal: It’s human nature to become paranoid when we get into a situation that matters. If it was just any girl, you probably wouldn’t care… and you’d act cocky and funny, and generally do everything right. But because you REALLY LIKE this girl, you’re nervous and unsure of yourself. This often leads to weak, unattractive actions which actually drive a woman away. Think about it.

I would recommend that you do whatever you have to do to CHILL OUT about this situation. Don’t call her for a couple of days. Think about what she’s going to look like when she’s 80 years old and wearing depends. I know what it feels like to find a really special girl, but don’t blow it for yourself by acting like a wuss.


“Dear “David”

In 1 week I have used the info in your e-book(s) to change my life. I had already made a lot of changes and was using [another guy’s system] for a year, which was helpful and utilizes challenge and helped prime me for your book…but he doesn’t deal with sex. Your approach is more modern and more flexible. Your challenge to the concept of monogamy was just what I needed to read. The bridges to get from one step to another were SO helpful…e-mail is helpful…The cocky/funny stuff works like a dream. Now that I know better than to get into the “long-term relationship trap” (i.e. no sex) I have already moved on-in my mind-from one of those and started getting laid again last night with a different chick (thank G-d!) – and MANY more to come. Although I’m short and my looks are about average (though unique), I play in some fairly popular bands locally and women approach me, so its been easy to collect digits…

Here’s what I did with long-term girl after I had just read your book– which may be helpful to some other guys who still want to keep the girl they’ve probably blown it with before they got hip to this new info. I told her I had just gotten amnesia a few days ago through an accident where I got shocked. I said oh, you must be “…” and talked about my former self as if he were another person, etc when I first saw her, and played it to the hilt. I even said I had gotten some super-powers…then I asked her what she did for a living, etc…like we had never met…and proceeded to bust on her like I should have in the first place times 10…It allowed me to become the new person I needed to be with her. Although I fessed up eventually because we were meeting her parents that night and she got very upset-(so I busted on her harder for that, imitated her, etc) you could carry it on indefinitely. It really shook her up. FUN! Even when I dropped the “amnesia” I kept the cocky/funny guy going – FOREVER. When she asked me to buy her coffee, I said no, but you can buy me coffee, I’ll have a latte, etc… Like your buddy said, “You’re in my reality now.”

Life is short! Go for it! This is a fun way to go. Oh, and tell people NOT to buy the e-book. MORE chicks for me!

Psyched Musician”

>MY COMMENTS: Nice. I really like this idea of how to take back control in a situation after you’ve already make a first impression. Very original, very cool, and I’m sure very effective. Thanks for the feedback.


“I’m a 21yr old man and i’ve had a lot of woman hit on me and even offered me sex most of then i had never seen before, at my job customers(WOMAN)always tell me how cute i am, and most of them go as far as try to touch me and then they ask me what time i get off so i can make luv to them, and i hate that, i doesn’t matter how cute the girl is as soon as she does that everything changes, and then i try to avoid her any way i can, i feel like i’m too good for most females and this is really making me feel bad, cause i might be breaking they hearts i can’t even be friend’s with any female now cause they always end up “LIKING”, i really want to meet someone I’m sick and tired of being alone. i know most guy’s think this is a good thing but it’s not really, I’m 21yrs old and a virgin by choice, my question is what am i doing wrong should i give in and be with any female that wants me, even though i am not attracted to them, here is the funny part when i hit on females sometimes they turn me down is it my game (how i talk to them) or they are certain things woman want to here when a guy confronts them, i never really had to hit on woman i always, ALWAYS had females who liked me, Now if i see a girl i like i tell her and if she turns me down that’s it i move on, i don’t believe in forcing someone to like me, if a girl likes me she should not turn me down, AM i correct? I’m so lost please help me


MY COMMENTS: I included this email because it really demonstrates a point that I often make, only from a very different perspective…

As you can see, this guy has women that hit on him all the time, but he doesn’t find them attractive because they are all “too easy”. Women feel the same way. A man that is too easy is just not interesting. There’s no challenge, and nothing to keep her attention.

Now, to answer your email…

This is just a guess, but you’re probably an attractive guy. Your case is a little different than most. In your case, you might find that if you’re too cocky or too nice, a woman won’t take you seriously. She may either think that you’re just a big player, or that you’re too arrogant. I would focus on the HUMOR, and keep her laughing. Attractive guys seem to have more luck if they come across as “real” and funny, as opposed to being too arrogant and “playerish.” But again, this only applies to very attractive guys in my personal experience.


“Hey Dave,

I’ve been reading your news letters and I am seriously thinking about buying your book. I am one of those guys who is very shy when it comes to approaching women (most of the time; I am getting better) but I have another situation that I haven’t read about yet. I am fairly attractive and occasionally I’ll have a women approach me -that and through acquaintances is how I normally meet women. But sometimes a female will catch me by surprise; for instance, I was standing in line and the bartender naturally asked the “very attractive girl behind me” what she wanted; she interrupted him by putting her arm around me and saying “I believe this cutie here was first.” I was shocked and lost for words cause I guess I am not used to getting such flirtatious comments from really attractive women–so I ended up just smiling and saying “well aren’t you sweet,” and that is basically it. There have been a few other similar occasions; would you have any advice for these situations?



>MY COMMENTS: Well, my first advice is that you should have invested in my materials sooner… you probably would be having a great time with that hot girl right now instead of writing to tell me about it! lol…

OK, next time a hot girl walks up, puts her arm around you and says “I believe this cutie was here first…” I want you to not miss a beat, and fire back “Hey, not so fast. I don’t usually get this intimate on a first date.” Then take her arm off of your shoulder with a sly smile. Finally, say “That was a pretty smooth line, do you use that on all the guys?” Of course, finish with the 3 minute phone number ending of “It was nice talking to you, but I have to get back to my friends… do you have email?” Etc. And go get the book! You’re gonna love it, and it’s gonna make you a rock star. [ebook download link]


“I know from experience your advice is right on and straight to the point! I had been a two cocktail dancer most of my life. It took two cocktails to get me on the floor. I am now an advanced ballroom dancer with no time for alcohol.

I discovered the most phenomenal lady market. Desperate man- stalking ladies are waiting for men in dance classes! I have heard numerous lonely stories hinting the whole time please jump my bones! When I was a basic student five ladies were battling for my preference.

Now just walking to the restroom is an adventure! The ladies ask you to dance! You can not imagine the ego booster for a fifty-six year old! One lady said in front of my date “He is just too pretty to be straight”! My overweight, gray hair and wrinkled face have been called many things! That was the solitary time I was called pretty! I will relate one more. I was dancing with this trim young lady when she uttered she gets flustered in my arms. I asked her why? “You always overwhelm me with your masculinity”. I instantly transformed to a man specimen twenty feet tall with an erection!

Depressed 18 months ago. I’ve had hundreds of women in my arms. They never question handling of their bodies most personal parts.

Great hobby!


>MY COMMENTS: Yes, I know someone who is over 50 that is dating a 22 year old woman. He met her at a dance. This is his favorite place to meet women. Thanks for the email.


“Hey David,

Love your book, every word a gold mine. I’ve become the local expert on girls, receiving calls from friends asking my secretly how to go about this or that move. Some of these guys I used to envy them so badly, because I thought these guys know what they are doing, they don’t have to buy manuals how to date, after all they are the naturals it’s great to laugh about it now!! “Text Dating” is becoming very relevant in Europe. Text dating is a totally new exciting phenomenon. There are these web sites where girls & guys put out there cell phone numbers (no need to ask anymore for the digits, they give it to you) and u send them text messages.

Here are a few examples:

“single 19 year girl looking for fun! Brunette loud opinionated and very up 4 IT! Let the cupid throw its arrows! call me 555-555-5555”

…[I left out the other examples]…

It’s designed to start up and flirt via text messages, it’s a total craze here. Personally I had few dates & 1 night stands via the text messaging. I was wondering (and here comes the challenge, you can only text 160 characters in one tex) how to start up with a cheeky tex flirt and how to adapt your system into this context.


>MY COMMENTS: This is a great question. You must learn to be cocky and funny with words. I would recommend that you find something that works, then use it on EVERY one you send.

For instance, you might say “If you’re up for the challenge, you can feel free to try to get my attention. And I hope you like to laugh, because I’m funny.” etc.

Test until you find what works. Transfer that attitude into a few words that convey it.


“Hi David, Would like your comments on the following situation:

I’ve been reading your advice, and getting out practising too. Many friends (male and female) have commented on how I have really changed this year, and started being one hell of a lot of fun to be around. I find it really easy to be fun and cocky with girls I am not really interested in. The trouble starts when I start thinking about one seriously, I stop taking risks and present no challenge. I can see what I am doing wrong, but it is all about internal states.

So my question is this: Can you suggest anything that helps me to treat *any* girl with the cocky attitude, and not just the ones I am not really as interested in. It seems that as soon as something is at stake, I get all serious and start over analysing, rather than staying spontaneous.



>MY COMMENTS: You are asking a great question. I addressed it earlier… but here’s another idea:

Make a decision that for 30 days you’re not going to be more than friends with ANY woman. No matter what. Then get out there and make FRIENDS with a lot of women… tease them, bust on them, and generally be cocky and funny to the extreme. When you KNOW that you’re not going to be more than friends, it takes the pressure off. By doing this, you’ll get used to acting cocky and funny with ALL types of women, which will prepare you for the post 30 days babe fest.


“Hey Dave, i just recently subscribed to this newsletter. By the looks of things, it seems like you are giving some good advice. I hope you can give me some advice in the situation i am in: There is a girl that is liked by many guys, and she is known to be really flirty…but she doesn’t flirt with all guys. she is somewhat selective…but then again this does not mean she goes further with each guy that she flirts with. I am one of the guys she flirts with…she grabs me, hugs me, and smiles at me a lot. here’s my question: how am i supposed to get her to go further with me, and stand out from all the other guys she flirts with?…cuz just flirting with her is kinda boring after a while.


>MY COMMENTS: Every once in awhile you’ll run into a woman (some men are this way as well) that is an ENERGY AND ATTENTION VAMPIRE. This woman gets her self esteem by getting as much attention as possible from men. These types of women (and men) are usually empty on the inside, and not healthy to be around in the long run. Beware.


“Hi Dave!

I really appreciate your weekly newsletters and advice. The main problem I seam to have is that I can talk to almost any woman and be funny and witty and get their phone numbers but I never seam to get a call back from them after ringing them. Am I doing something fundamentally wrong or am I deluding myself in thinking I am socially confident?



>MY COMMENTS: Since I can’t see exactly what’s happening, I’m going to have to make some educated guesses here. If I were you, I’d contact them first via email. If you’ve read my book Double Your Dating then you know the sequence. First contacts via email seem to get two to three times the replies that phone calls get. After striking up a lively email exchange, then move to phone, then quickly to an in-person meeting, and proceed from there.



First of all, I want to go on record as knowing that your success stories and questions are real, not fake I know, because you put mine in the week before the jerk wrote in disputing your e-mails.

Having said that, I want to thank you again for the wealth of information in your e-book. I’m now dating a lovely lady, and she’s the one pursuing me, thanks to your advice. In every prior dating situation, I’ve focused totally on the woman, and in the process, scared her off, because she thought I was getting too serious, too soon…

Keep up the good work, and for those of you who wonder if the e-book is worth the money….JUST GET IT! You’ll wonder why you sat on the fence so long, after you put just some of the idea into practice!

Your friend,



And with that we wrap up another Weekly Mailbag…

One of my subscribers recently wrote me to point out that investing in my materials winds up costing less than $1.35 a day for a month… less than most people spend on soda or snacks. Again, it amazes me that there are people who would rather live in a world of desperation, having little or no power over their relationships with women… all because they’re not willing to take a simple step and get some good education in this area.

If you’re ready to take the next step, and ready to learn how to attract the kinds of women that most men only dream about, then I highly recommend that you go download a copy of my eBook and three bonus booklets right now. Just go to:

[ebook download link]

now and get it. I think you’ll be glad that you made the investment in yourself.

I’ll talk to you again soon.

Your Friend,

David D.

P.S. Remember, if you want to send me a success story or a question, you need to send it to:

[newsletter sign-up link]

DON’T just hit “reply” and reply to this email. I’ll never see what you write me. And keep it to a paragraph, or two at the most. I get a ton of email and this really helps me out.

This is an archive of a David’s answers to questions directed to his mailing list for his Double Your Dating eBook. David’s newsletter is a free e-mail list that that teaches men how to be more successful with women and dating. If you would like to purchase David’s book or subscribe to his mailing list, you should visit

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