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David DeAngelo’s Double Your Dating Mailbag

“Q&A: Great Ideas For Online Dating” – November 13, 2001

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“Q&A: Great Ideas For Online Dating»” – November 13, 2001

Welcome to another Weekly Mailbag. This one is just full of great ideas, so enjoy.




I gotta tell you man, your book was a God send…

I’ve got about 3 girls in my sites already. One co-worker, one my sister’s room mate, and one a hotty at the gym. The first two are in my hip pocket, no problem. The hotty at the gym however is driving me insane, man. I keep thinking about her over and over and it’s killing me! I haven’t even said a word to her but I always catch her looking at me out of the corner of my eye. I feel like a wuss for not just approaching her but sometimes I get choked up on what to say dude! Anyways, I’ve got some ideas and I’m going to take your friends for a month advice (meet as many friends as possible) advice to heart.

Basically I wanted to say thanks for your insight Dave and any recommendations on clever lines for the gym girl? 🙂


>MY COMMENTS: Glad you enjoyed the book. As far as the girl at the gym…

For most of us guys, it doesn’t happen very often that we catch a gym hottie checking us out. Most of us are either too dense to see it, or too average to have it happen very often, or both.

Here’s the deal: If a woman is giving you positive eye contact, you need to either 1) Go do something about it IMMEDIATELY… or 2) Be so confident and skillful that you don’t need to do anything about it because you know beyond the shadow of a doubt that it’s in the bag.

Something tells me you fall into category #1 and should have gone over and started talking to her instantly. The longer you wait, the more of a wuss you look like, as a general rule. You have about 5 seconds from initial positive eye contact to calm yourself and mosey over to say hello. So you’d better get to it.


“-After getting the digits, How long do you like to wait before e-mailing a girl? If she has no email how long do you like to wait to call? [Another author] said call in 5-9 days, no weekends, for posture. do you agree?

-Speaking of weekends, and posture, when do you start making weekend dates? Do you think it matters?

-I had a girl I like get skittish on me BEFORE the first kiss (it never) happened. A little hair stroking and smelling and she was out the door. (“Gotta Go, its getting late! ” ) Ooops…Do I e-mail and joke w/ her about having never seen a person leave my apartment so quickly, please try not to smell so good the next time you come over? Or just pretend it didn’t happen the next time I ask her out? I bet this is a common problem for guys…


>MY COMMENTS: You know, I’ve heard all the same “wait a few days to call her…” raps from various places. My personal experience is that if I email her sooner, I’ll be fresher in her mind and more likely to get together with her again. I know it goes against the general guy rule, but this is what has worked best for me (and believe me, I’ve tried everything).

As far as weekend dates and “posture”… always have good posture (lol… I had to say it). I went through a phase a couple of years ago where I NEVER took women out on dates. I was single, and I met a whole bunch of different women, and NOT ONCE did I take them to dinner, buy them meals, or any of the traditional stuff. I proved to myself that it was not necessary to do this stuff in order to have a woman feel attracted to you (as a matter of fact, I’ve learned that this stuff can hurt in certain contexts). With that said, I have a wonderful girl in my life right now who I take out all the time… and it’s great. Do what works for you. I personally think that “dating” usually gives off the wrong kinds of vibes and creates a bad situation. Dating often makes a woman go into “hard to get” mode.

As for the girl who took off after the Kiss Test… I’d say that she might be a little freaked out. I like your follow up idea. Sounds like a plan. It’s always best to just treat a strange behavior like it’s no big deal. I’m out of breath. Next question please…


“Hey David i’ve been getting your emails for a couple of months now, they’re very impressive.. what i would really like to know is how can i approach a woman in a club and say something without her thinking, this is just another guy comming on to me… get rid of him… how can i exclude myself from the rest of these guys and catch her attention?? ive tried the im not really intrested in yo but id like to dance or have a laugh with you..but this doesnt really seem to work? any ideas???”

>MY COMMENTS: In my book “Double Your Dating” I address this very issue. Look, here’s the deal:

We guys all want to know how to “approach women in a way that seems natural and friendly, gets her attention, and doesn’t make her think that we’re coming on to her…” etc. Well, get over it. If you’re in a BAR, and walk over and start talking to a WOMAN, she’s going to know what you’re up to. Even if you’re not interested in her, she’s going to think you are. And there’s nothing you can do to change that. So what’s the answer? Simple…

Don’t worry about “excluding yourself from the rest of the guys”… just worry about whether or not she’s still talking to you!

My perspective is that you can start out a conversation with a nice compliment, or a throw-away question like “what are you drinking?”… and then, as soon as the conversation starts, GO INTO COCKY AND FUNNY MODE AND START TEASING HER LIKE THERE’S NO TOMORROW. Use your body language», voice tone, and humor to get her to wonder if you’re interested in her.

It’s not WHAT you say, but HOW you say it. I get a ton of emails with “What’s a good pick up line?” included somewhere within. It’s not WHAT, it’s HOW.

You can have the best lines in the world, but if you come across as a weak, scared person NOTHING will work for you. On the other hand, if you have confident, calm body language», then almost ANYTHING will be OK. Just walk over and say “Hi… you look like someone I want to meet.” If you say it with the right body language» and voice tone, and you talk to several women, you’ll get some positive responses. Make sense?



Great time e-book! Congrats for perhaps the first-time- hard-to-find, disclosing, insightful, deeply truthful and exhaustive overview of the men-women daily relationship situation! Straight-to-the-point, useful, and sure works worldwide, regardless of cultural and country biases – I’m a Brazilian translator and it works here this end! Wanna however ask you about two hang-ups I have – I’m 40, the “regular guy”, very shy, very few girlfriends up to now, too little fun, and working for a turnaround in life, (me not the victim type – wanna fight), but I find it hard to create and put on a ‘cocky-and-funny’ personality from scratch all of a sudden – I’d like you to be more thorough on the development of this – and also, I have sexual hang-ups in bed (inhibition and libido not so high) – what happiness recipe would you advise me ? Keep up the one-of-a-kind work!



>MY COMMENTS: Thanks for your compliments. I can understand your situation. When I first started learning how to be more successful with women, it wasn’t “natural” for me to act cocky and funny either… but I worked on it until it WAS natural. A few ideas for you:

1) Write down ten common situations that you encounter dealing with women. Then write down three ways you can be more cocky and funny in each.

2) After you make your lists, begin to IMAGINE AND VISUALIZE the actual situations and how you will act when you encounter them in the future (this is what Olympic athletes do when training). This was a big piece for me.

3) After each encounter with a woman, review what happened, then imagine how you could have been more cocky and funny in that particular situation. Some people like to beat themselves up when things don’t go the way they wanted. This is a huge mistake. It’s much better to just ask yourself “How could I have handled that situation better?” and “What can I do next time to make a woman feel more attracted to me?” etc.

And don’t worry too much about your other issues. Look for a woman that is a good match for you. With a few billion women on the planet, I’m sure that there are a few great ones that will have similar drives, etc.



I am a woman and I was wondering if you and your readers could help my girlfriends and I with a question. We have heard that men love it when women talk nasty during sex (especially if you are a “nice” girl…I guess it’s the idea of a lady in public and a slut in bed) and we would love to do this, but we have no clue what it is all about. I was hoping your readers could share some things that women have said to them and the time they said it (as they were cumming, etc.) so we would know what guys mean when they say “I love it when girls talk nasty in bed”.



>MY COMMENTS: I think that you should join me for a private consultation on this one. I’m sure I will be able to assist you and your girlfriends in your transition from “Nice girls” to every red-blooded male’s fantasy…

But seriously… I’ve included this because there’s a point I want to make to my readers: EVERY WOMAN HAS SOMETHING THAT SHE’S CURIOUS ABOUT, INSECURE ABOUT, INEXPERIENCED WITH, etc. A lot of the time, us guys will kind of assume that the woman we are interested in must know exactly what she wants and doesn’t want, know what she likes in bed, blah blah blah… we like to imagine things that are really not true. Remember, every woman is A UNIQUE PERSON. They have all kinds of hopes, fears, dreams, insecurities, etc.

So don’t get all freaked out about the idea of walking over and talking to a woman. She’s just a person, after all.

As for you ladies, I’d suggest watching some adult videos. They’re all made for men anyway… so just listen to how the actresses (?) talk. You’ll get a general sense of what men like when you turn on the “bad girl” side once in awhile.

If that doesn’t work, give me a call. I’ll be your coach.

I really hate my job.


“Hi David, bought and downloaded the book and just starting to have fun, just thought I would mention a tip or two about internet dating that I have found works!

1) when asked for a photo Quite often I will send a photo of me looking cute at aged 6 months old along with an email saying something like A photo of me ! I will try to dig out a more recent one when I have a bit more time ! this really gets them ! and most of them like the humour (I have never been asked for a RECENT Photo just a photo!) later I do send a photo but by then I have already got them in a humoured state of mind so the photo is secondary to my personality( not that I have any worries on the looks side of things )

2) when it gets to the point we are going to speak in real time (phone) I always slip into the email somewhere that if she is worried that I might be a weirdo or something perhaps she would feel more comfortable if I were to give her a few phone numbers of friends who would vouch for me that I am an ok guy !! This is a real winner, all the girls I have dated have said they really appreciated the offer ,but none have ever taken me up on it ,I suppose they think you wouldn’t offer if you where not genuine! (this is a genuine ……and I would give them a couple of my best friends phone numbers willingly) this Dating game is getting better all the time I am getting smoother by the day… it’s scary how good you can be when you practice !! keep the good work up…


>MY COMMENTS: These are GREAT ideas, and I hope that you’re paying a ton of attention to them. Meeting women online is great. It has all kinds of advantages. And if you use your head (like this smart guy is doing) you’ll make major progress. Just imagine… meeting women from the quiet and comfort of your own home. Nice.


“I had to stop reading to write this, because you are just too much. Not my guru or anything but you have a perspective that I can appreciate. I want to say I got your email offer and have enjoyed what you have to say with very few exceptions. I turned a male friend onto it and he is seeing the light. Here’s my question for you. When we go out to bars it is sometimes assumed by ‘prospects’ that we are more than friends. Is there a clever way to make sure anyone either one of us may have an interest in doesn’t get the wrong idea? There should be a secret handshake or something — is this covered in the book? LOL Thanks for trying to make guys even more fun to be with — desperation is just NOT attractive!


Okay let my finish the mailbag now — always a great read. Thanx again.”

>MY COMMENTS: If more guys would pay attention, they could have cool girl friends like yourself that would go out with them and help them meet girls. Is anyone listening?

As far as your situation goes (and I’m including this to give guys a good idea) you and your guy friend should approach prospects for each other. It’s easy for you to talk to other women… and then you can say “Hey, I have a great friend that I want you to meet…” Works like a charm.

So all you guys out there, use this idea. Take that beautiful woman in your life that just wants to be friends, and take her along when you go out. Have her introduce you to women. You won’t believe how well this works.



I want to first say that I think your system is fabulous; just attempting to utilize some of the strategies has already changed my whole way of thinking. My question is this; Iike a lot of men, I think I’m addicted to pretty women, which is not a problem in and of itself. The problem is that I think I give off the vibe to a lot of a people that I’m a sort of player. I am of average height, slighlty muscular build, and fairly handsome–and I have this sense that I just come across as this overly sexual person. The truth of the matter is that I’m a lonely, nice guy–probably too nice–trying to develop his game and have a little fun in the process. Because of my physical appearance, however, I think that women expect me to hit on them and their defenses automatically go up. Is this just me not being subtle or am I just jumping to conclusion?”

>MY COMMENTS: If you’re an unusually attractive guy, then my experience has shown me that there are certain things you need to do slightly different. It’s still important to tease women, and bust on them, but I think that women assume that if a guy is handsome, that he’s able to get women easier… and if you’re too rough on them they might actually believe that you’re not interested. An average guy can tease an extremely attractive woman to the extreme, and the woman will usually feel more attracted to him, and try harder to get his attention. If the woman believes that you’re a big player, then I think she’ll be more likely to think “Oh, he’s a player and can get any woman he wants… and I guess this means he’s not interested in me.” Just keep testing different things until you find what works for you, and fits your personality. Remember the magic formula Cocky+Funny. If you’re just funny, women will think that you’re a goof and only want to be your friend. If you’re just cocky, women will think you’re an arrogant ass and won’t want to be around you. Use both!


“Hi David,

I bought your e-book a while ago. Brilliant piece of work though maybe a little too good, think of the competition. Of all the parts I’ve tried they’ve all worked, and I’m a lot older than most of your readers so they can all have a lot to look forward to, all the parts keep working way past forty you know.

I’ve noticed in your mailbags that a hell of a lot of guys have “given serious thought to buying your book” WHAT? Ask yourself a question guys. On your present mindset, what do you reckon to spend on your next date, or even your next night out with the boys? I’ll lay even money it’s more than the cost of the book. Wake up and smell the coffee, if you’re serious about women and dating your wasting time while you procrastinate. Then again, it is your time isn’t it.

Thanks for the book David. I wish I’d found something like it when I was twenty.


MY COMMENTS: My thoughts exactly. Thanks for the testimonial, I appreciate it.

If you’re reading this right now, and you really want to take your success with women to the next level, then it’s time for you to take the next step and download my online eBook and companion booklets. Just go to:

[ebook download link]

for all the details. It’s taken me years to learn and develop all of the techniques that you’ll be able to learn in just a few hours.

That wraps up another Mailbag… so I’m out.

Talk to you soon.

Your Friend,

David D.

P.S. Send your stories and questions to me at:

[newsletter sign-up link]

Keep them to a paragraph or so, and if you have a success story, make sure and put “Success Story” in the subject line.

This is an archive of a David’s answers to questions directed to his mailing list for his Double Your Dating eBook. David’s newsletter is a free e-mail list that that teaches men how to be more successful with women and dating. If you would like to purchase David’s book or subscribe to his mailing list, you should visit

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