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“DATING TIP – ‘How To Deal With Resistance'” – December 1, 2001

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“DATING TIP – ‘How To Deal With Resistance’” – December 1, 2001

This week I want to talk about something that is actually pretty obvious, but took me YEARS to figure out.

It’s the simple fact that just because a woman doesn’t seem “interested” doesn’t mean that she’s not. And just because a woman SEEMS to be resisting your initial advances, it doesn’t actually mean that she doesn’t want them.

Here’s the idea in a nutshell:

Women often “resist” the advances of men by acting “not particularly interested”, by seeming to be aloof/not paying attention, or by playing “hard to get”. In my experience, they do this for all kinds of various reasons, from being nervous and insecure themselves all the way to testing a man to see if he is REALLY interested.

Of course, they also do these things when they’re actually NOT INTERESTED, but when they’re not interested it’s often done in a different way.

So let’s talk about some of the real world situations happen, and what you can do to better handle them in the future.

1) You start talking to her, and she doesn’t seem very open or friendly. You can’t tell if she might open up, of if you should just walk away.

Whenever this used to happen to me, I would take it as a signal that she wasn’t interested, and I’d just walk away.

Now, of course, I know better.

I’ve learned from experience that in many cases a woman just needs a few minutes to “warm up” to the idea of talking to someone that she doesn’t know.

I’ve found that if I just relax, turn down the intensity of the conversation, and talk about a few mundane things that she is very likely to open up in a few minutes and start acting more friendly.

A good friend of mine who is a Mack Daddy with women has a term for this. He calls it “powering through” the situation.

Remember, there’s a VERY good chance that if a woman doesn’t seem to be receptive, that she’s just in a bad mood, thinking about something else, or just plain busy. Don’t take it personally. Power through. You’ll be surprised how many times this will result in you getting an email/phone number to connect later.

2) You email or leave a message and she doesn’t call back.

If I had a dollar for every time this has happened to me…

Most guys don’t realize that if a woman doesn’t call back that it DOESN’T necessarily mean that she’s not interested. And it actually doesn’t mean that she’s rude, either.

You see, women have a different meaning for this one. It often means “keep calling me until you reach me, and I’ll decide then how I feel about you…” Translation: Call her a few times if you have to… until you actually reach her.

If you’ve emailed and she hasn’t written you back, send another email the next day that says: “Hey, I told my mom that I have a girlfriend, so you have to email me back… what, are you playing hard to get so soon?”

Be light and funny, but let it be known that you’re not the kind of person that just throws in the towel.

I have had GREAT success with follow up emails to girls who didn’t email me back the first or second time.

My experience is that women tend to go through a lot more mood changes than guys, and you never know what kind of mood you’re going to catch her in. So keep at it, because one of the times you’ll catch her in a friendly, open mood… and it will lead to another meeting.

3) She gets upset about something, and it seems like the mood might be ruined.

I used to assume that just because a woman has gotten upset about something, starts acting unhappy about the way the conversation is going, etc. that everything is ruined, and I should just give up.

Maybe we’re having a conversation about something, and she starts arguing emotionally about something, or maybe she takes offense at a joke I made.

In the past, I would think “Oh, no. That just blew it.” I’d just throw in the towel and give up.

Of course, I’ve since realized that just because a woman gets upset about something, it doesn’t mean that it’s all over. In fact, I’ve often found that by standing up for my perspective, responding by treating her emotional outbursts as “cute”, and generally staying cool and calm, I’ve been able to breeze right past situations that I used to think were disasters.

In many cases, a woman will think that a heated discussion is intense flirting… and it will make her feel even MORE attracted to you.

Of course, there are exceptions to all of the above examples, and in many cases women will give you cold shoulder and actually mean it. I hate to have to say it, but don’t be a stalker, and don’t ever keep bugging a woman if she asks you to stop outright!

My personal rule of thumb is this: If she hasn’t actually told me that she isn’t interested, then I need to find out for sure.

But remember, you won’t actually know unless you learn how to NOT GIVE UP, stay in there, and keep going until you find out what’s really going on.

Thanks for tuning in, and I’ll talk to you soon…

Your Friend,

David D.

P.S. In case you didn’t notice, there are several samples from my eBook “Double Your Dating” on my website. If you’d like to download a copy, or even if you just want to read some of the materials, I invite you to come back to my site at:

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…and check it out.

And if you have a success story for me, make sure you send it to me at:

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This is an archive of a David’s answers to questions directed to his mailing list for his Double Your Dating eBook. David’s newsletter is a free e-mail list that that teaches men how to be more successful with women and dating. If you would like to purchase David’s book or subscribe to his mailing list, you should visit

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