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“Q&A: A Ton Of Great Dating Tips And Ideas” – January 6, 2002

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“Q&A: A Ton Of Great Dating Tips And Ideas” – January 6, 2002

Welcome to the first Mailbag of 2001! And is this one ever interesting. You might want to crack open something cold to drink, cuz this is a long and fun one… enjoy!


“Hi Dave,

Can’t thank you enough man. I have read your book several times over as well as your tips/mailbag e-mails. Also thanks for your previous responses to my e-mails. The mailbag ideas are awesome – gives me ideas and also makes me think of aspect never thought of.

I have been practicing your techniques for a while now and boy are they paying off. Women are now asking ME to get together to hang out instead of me asking them. Before I used be just “nice” and girls did call me “nice”. I always was able to keep conversations going but I never attempted to tease them! Now with the newfound cocky/funny attitude I bust on the ladies all the time. One girl got so interested me she started asking a lot of questions. Remembering your tip to refuse answering any questions related to career and home I told her “Listen girl, I refuse to answer those questions to strangers, what if you are a stalker?!” I accused her of being a stalker among many things. At the end of the night I said “You seem nice – I think. I might even actually consider getting to you as a friend” She was like “what? You are not sure yet?!” Told “As long as you are nice, I can let you be my friend, but I need more time” Boy did that throw her off! She really digged me after that and kept on asking me out. I have numerous such similar encounters already and I am seeing payoff thanks to you!

Couple questions though:

1. What do you do in cases when you approach woman, say hi, make a wisecrack, and then she suddenly is snatched by her friends before I get a chance to get her e-mail.

2. I have done the friendship frame to all the ladies I have gone out with. Just got question – what do I say when they talk about other guys? “Oh that guy who walked in is so hot!” I usually respond “oh that girl next to him is hot! What does this mean when they say this? Does it mean she doesn’t see me as hot material or she is just playing? (BTW I didn’t get a chance to do the kiss test on the girl who made the comment)

3. On complimenting. What if you genuinely want to point out a positive quality she has? At what point is appropriate to tell her. Also is appropriate to tell a lady on second date, if she is wearing a dazzling, sexy outfit – that she looks nice?

Would appreciate the feedback.



>MY COMMENTS: All great questions…

#1: If her friends snatch her up, you have to make the call… I personally like to say something like “Hey!” She’ll say “Yes?” You say “What is your phone number? I have a good memory <smile, raise eyebrows>” If you’ve been funny and charming, there’s a good chance she’ll say some numbers. Make sure you have a pen with you to write them down with when she walks away! I know it sounds a bit unreal, but this will work some of the time… and look at it this way: You have nothing to lose. So try it a few times.

#2: If she starts talking about other guys, just say: “You want to meet him? I’ll go get him and introduce you… wait here.” This will usually shock her and make her say “No, no…” while grabbing your arm to hold you back. The magic of this one is that it completely puts you in control of the situation. And it’s damn funny.

#3: As far as compliments go, I prefer funny or even back-handed compliments… in other words, if she’s wearing the sexy glamour dress it’s much better to say “Oh, so you thought you’d try to wear something subtle and just blend in tonight, huh?”. Or let’s say you want to tell her that you like her eyes. Try something like “You know, aren’t Britney Spears’ eyes a little too far apart? I think so. I’m glad your eyes aren’t like that… yours are just right.” lol… keep in mind that whatever you do/say needs to be FUNNY. In other words, she needs to be LAUGHING at what you say. I had a guy write me recently who teased a girl so much (without making her laugh) that she tried to get some of her guy friends to beat him up. Bad, bad, bad. You want to say things that are both cocky AND funny.



I bought your book a while back and enjoyed reading it (twice). I think your ideas are right on the mark. Unfortunately, I haven’t had much time to put the material to use (I know, a bit of a cop-out) but what little I have tried seems to work quite well. One thing I can’t quite get though is how to develop the “cocky and funny” personality you always speak off. For someone like me (very quiet and shy) this is such a departure from my usual self. I believe that anyone can “fake it” for a while but sooner or later one’s true personality comes out. And what about the people you already know well…don’t you think they would wonder who you are trying to be, etc (eg. acting so out of character)? Any ideas/advice you could give would be appreciated!

Thanks and keep up the great work!”

>MY COMMENTS: Read what the guy above did. He told a girl who was asking questions about him that “he didn’t answer questions like that because she might be a stalker.” That’s great… it’s funny as hell, and cocky as well.

As far as “faking it” and not feeling comfortable with what others, including friends, might think… You have to ask yourself one VERY important question:

“Is it more important to have the kinds of success that you want in life, or is it more important to have other people approve of what you do?”

I have to tell you, when I first started learning all of this stuff, I had the same apprehensions. I thought that all of my friends might start thinking of me as some kind of loser who had to resort to “learning” how to attract women. I think you’ll find that if you’re happy with yourself and you’re not looking for anyone’s approval, you’ll do much better at the game of life in general.


“I am 46, fairly decent looking guy, workout a lot and your book was therapeutic and eye opening. As I was reading your book and reflecting on past relationship failures, I kept saying damn, thats what I did wrong. Well it has been about a month and a half and what a change. Instead of Knucklehead Smith entering the place it is now Bond Robert Bond and women that were untouchables to me before have helped me fix breakfast the next morning. Your words are like gold, and I now have 3 twenty somethings following me around begging me to show them how it is done.


>MY COMMENTS: Thanks for your email. I think it helps other guys to know that you don’t have to be a particular age to make things work for you. You just have to do it.


“Dear Dave,

I’m in my late 20’s…have been told by many guys that I’m beautiful but would often sit at home dateless when I didn’t have a boyfriend. I could never understand why. I used to be shy but had become progressively more outgoing. Still, no dates (at least by guys I thought were cute).

A few weeks ago, I started using your action plan. I wouldn’t even say I’m particularly cocky but what I’m doing different is this: I just don’t care. I broke up with my ex six months ago and I really don’t want a boyfriend now. I just want to date. I guess you could call me a female player! It’s really weird…I have never verbalized this to any guy but they can see it in my attitude. I was never needy before but sometimes I would be really attentive when I was very interested in someone and no more! In fact, the guy that I dated for a month who just wants to be single after his breakup was chasing me down last time I saw him out, and I didn’t even give him the time of day since I was hanging out with two new guys! I LOVE this!!!

I also have a great line that I’ve been using and it works every time…”Don’t you go to my gym?”…so easy and natural and it gets a conversation going. I’ve just used this twice and the guys spent the rest of the evening trying to get my attention. I suggest using this even if it’s a lie…so many people in the same area go to the same chain…just a different location that it’s easy to cover it up and say you’ve been to different locations here and there….blah, blah, blah. Another thing I’ve been doing is limiting my time with one guy and just acting interested and then suddenly not as interested but still friendly (almost disinterested). It drives guys crazy trying to figure out if you like them or not. I’ve actually talked to all the cute guys at my gym now…it’s a piece of cake.

Now, I know why guys like to play. More power to them! If someone really wants you, they need to work hard and prove themselves and that is the next guy that I’m going to be with!


>MY COMMENTS: Hey, I took the idea of playing hard to get from WOMEN… you were already supposed to know this stuff! I’ve included this email because I want to point out the fact that this strategy works very well for both men and women. We humans want what we don’t have…


“Dave after reviewing your materials I must say that my success with women has went up a great deal. I can’t wait for your second book to come out. However, I have two quick questions for you. The first question is, if a women gives you her number on her own, lets say at school, emails you almost every day, and wants to study with you as well as hang outside of class, is it likely that she just wants to be friends? Part two of the same question is, if a women goes out on a date with you, what would be the difference between a friend date and a “I like you” date? I also have a second question regarding your article about Power. I am trying to get together with this drop-dead beautiful women who seems to be interested. I am being cocky and funny, I act like I am not interested sexually, when she calls I keep it short and act like I am always on the go. However, even though she seems to want me more after using these tactics, it seems like we are both at a stand still. For example, she will ask me to hang out and I will honestly be too busy. Then I will ask her to hang out and she will be busy. If she waits a few days to call me, I will wait a few days to call her. It seems like we are at a power struggle with each other and no one is going to give in. What do you do when the both of you have the power, both seem to be interested, and no one is giving in? How do I break her down and get this relationship going? If you can answer these questions than you are the man and I will continue to rave about your awesome book. Thanks for all your help.


>MY COMMENTS: To answer your first question… if you make yourself too available to a woman, you will lose the mystery and the attraction. In other words, if you’ve become her friend, then you’re probably her friend. Whoa.

And to answer your second question, I’m going to wax philosophical for a moment…

You see, I believe that there are a few very special women running around out there. These are women who have self confidence, take great care of themselves, are emotionally healthy, fun to be with, etc. etc. etc. I personally think that you need to use the same approach with these women, as they’ll see your cocky and funny behavior as a signal that you “get it”, and it will lead to a VERY magnetic attraction that might even lead to a great relationship.

If I were you, I’d call her up and say: “Hey, what are you doing RIGHT NOW?” If she’s busy, tell her to cancel, because you’ve got an idea. Then go do something fun and make it an adventure (shopping for a gift for your mom can be an adventure if you do it right).

Good luck.


Amazing D,

No need to start off by telling you the book is amazing or it works, we all know that (those of us who have it…hehe). If I didn’t have any questions, than I’d be reading your book all wrong…. But, since I’ve gotten to a certain point with a girl and am stuck now because the situation is new to me, I need your help. I am currently seeing this girl. She’s a little younger than me and has never in her life kissed a guy. She’s waiting for the guy that will treat her like she’s a goddess. Well, I used your techniques and treated her the way she needed to be treated. I even told her that. she is a beautiful girl and very insecure on relationships so I was forced to hint to her that I had feelings for her. I know…BAD BAD…but certain rules have their exceptions. My question is, was this wrong? How do I take it from here. If I play Mr. Double your Dating», she is going to run away because she doesn’t know the game. She is just like every other girl because obviously your techniques worked, but now in order to take it to the next level with her, I need to crack HER code. Thanks a million. Oh, and if you haven’t all ready, download your copy today by Clicking Here: [ebook download link] 😉


>MY COMMENTS: I disagree that an inexperienced woman will run away if you use a cocky and funny attitude, play hard to get, etc. You may need to adjust a bit for her complete lack of male/female experience, but you can turn up the attraction all the same by doing things that are unpredictable, exciting, etc. The best way to communicate that you have feelings is to DO something… like kiss her. Words mean far less than action in this context.


“Dear David,

I’m a beautiful, fun, passionate and highly successful woman and I’ve been reading your email “Success Stories” for a number of months. I’ve often thought about writing to you but was finally pushed into action when you posted that email from the spell-checker challenged woman who told you your approach to women pissed her off. Right, Dave, make it look like only complete idiots don’t agree with the way you teach men to abuse women.

Look, in some stuff you’re right on. The kiss test is a great idea. And, women like men who aren’t needy. I ain’t your momma. But you’re dead wrong when you confuse being needy with being nice. You make it the same and it’s not. Guys who are needy suck you dry because it’s always about them needing you to make them feel OK. Get a therapist. But the opposite of being needy is not being a jerk. Jerks are losers, too, because they need to disempower you so they can feel OK about themselves. They’re power-trippers. Different approach. Same dweeb.

You’re also wrong that telling a woman she can’t have what she wants will increase her attraction to you. That’s abuse pure and simple, Dave, and I’m completely outraged that you’re encouraging guys to treat women like that.

You’re teaching guys to hunt in the wrong forest. The tips you teach will attract needy women. They may be beautiful on the outside but they have poor boundaries. And that’s what you want because your techniques are all about getting laid. If you’re going to get laid without commitment, then you’ve got to find women who don’t value themselves so they’ll spread their legs without expecting much in return. Highly irresponsible on two counts, Dave. First because needy women are high maintenance. So, OK, you got some easy ass but she’s going to make you pay for it down the road because she’s got issues. Second, you’re a public health hazard waiting to happen because sexually transmitted diseases are epidemic. You’re teaching guys to set themselves up for some very serious long term health problems. Sheesh.

My best advice to you: Keep it zipped and start having some integrity. Show guys how to have character and live courageously and unselfishly. Look, you think the New York City fire fighters are having a hard time getting a date for Saturday night? I don’t think so. Women are drawn to men who are strong, who put service before self, and who understand the meaning of commitment. So, get a life. And no, you can’t have my digits.


>MY COMMENTS: I don’t get emails like this often, but I think you’ve raised some good points, and I’d like to respond.

Here’s a list of some of the assumptions you’re making:

1. That I believe that the opposite of needy is “jerk”.

2. That not giving a woman what she wants is “abuse”.

3. That women who will have sex without commitment, by definition, don’t value themselves.

4. That “keeping it zipped” is the answer… and somehow leads to “integrity”.

5. That NYC firefighters don’t have problems getting dates, and that it might be a good idea for more guys to look into this line of work as a career choice.

OK, #1: I draw a distinction between “being a jerk” and doing the things that jerks do to attract women… MINUS THE ABUSE. If you’ve been tuned in to my newsletters, then you have read this at least 10 times over the past months.

#2: In your email, you say:

“…You’re also wrong that telling a woman she can’t have what she wants will increase her attraction to you. That’s abuse pure and simple, Dave, and I’m completely outraged that you’re encouraging guys to treat women like that…”

It is NOT abuse to refuse to give a woman what she wants. This is the kind of thinking that, unfortunately, most of us guys confront when we take women on dates, and the woman EXPECTS us to pay. In your model, if I don’t pay, then I’m an abuser.

#3: The idea that only women who don’t value themselves will have sex without commitment leads me to a mental question:

“Should women be charging for this service?”

I mean, if they VALUE themselves, then I guess they would be charging for it, right? I realize that this is a flippant question, but think about it. Are you with me?

I know, I know… some women will sleep with a guy just to get some attention. And some guys will pay for 10 dates just to have a chance at getting laid. But here in the real world where I live, I realize that every time a man and woman have sex, they are BOTH involved. It’s just plain ridiculous to suggest that all sex that occurs outside of a committed, long-term relationship occurs between “a man who is settling for a needy loser and a woman who doesn’t value herself.” Cummon, wake up.

Here’s a quote from your email:

“…If you’re going to get laid without commitment, then you’ve got to find women who don’t value themselves so they’ll spread their legs without expecting much in return….”

It’s very clear that your underlying belief is that WOMEN SHOULD EXPECT SOMETHING IN RETURN FOR SEX. In my mind, that is called “prostitution”. In many societies it’s called “tradition” or “culture” or something equally official. This kind of thinking is dysfunctional and sick. Sex shouldn’t have a price or an obligation tacked on to it.

#4: On “keeping it zipped”: Dream on. Sure, sex has it’s occupational hazards. But if you pay attention, take safety precautions, and educate yourself, you can actually live in the real world with the rest of us that think sex is OK.

#5: I don’t know if you realize this, but being a firefighter (especially in NYC) has occupational hazards of it’s own.

Which, of course leads me to ask you… If you think it’s OK that NYC firefighters have no problem getting dates, do you also approve of them having sex on those dates? Or is that out of the question… at least until they buy some dinner, wait until they are in a “committed relationship”…? Or, better yet, is it OK to pay the woman for sex?

To wrap up, another quote from your letter:

“…Women are drawn to men who are strong, who put service before self, and who understand the meaning of commitment. So, get a life. And no, you can’t have my digits…”

Actually, women are DRAWN to men who put SELF before SERVICE… they’re DRAWN to men who they can’t figure out… and they’re DRAWN to men who seem “un-tamed”…

I will say that women generally SETTLE FOR and MARRY this kind of guy you’re talking about. But “drawn to”? No, sorry.

So why have Included this letter and response in my mailbag? Because I want to point out that a lot of women have these kinds of ideas in their heads, and it’s something you’re going to have to deal with on occasion. I think it’s a good idea to deal with like I have here… head on.

By the way, I thought my “spell-checker-challenged-woman” email was pretty darn funny…


“Dear David,

I meet a lot of women at karaoke shows, and have made good use of your e-book, thank you very much! I was reading your Christmas Eve mailbag, and wondered if you had any good ideas for cocky comebacks when women compliment me on my singing. You know, something that would lead into other cocky/funny banter.

Thanks and Merry Christmas,


>MY COMMENTS: Oh, you could come up with some GREAT STUFF! OK, so she walks up and says “I really liked your song.”

You could say “I’m sorry, I don’t have time for autographs right now…”

Or… “Yes, well I wrote it. I’m glad you liked it.”

Or… “And you want to buy me a drink, right?”

I could go on and on… but try those. And have fun!



I recently ordered your book and after reading it top to bottom, I decided to put some of what I had learned into action. Here are a few observations so far:

1. In the past I was never very successful with women, even though I consider myself a decent looking and friendly guy. Just reading your book gave me a huge confidence boost, as I felt I now had a big edge on the competition. That book did wonders for my self- image.

2. The Sex Secrets book confirmed almost all of my own experiences. That material was right on the money, and I truly believe a guy armed with that information is in a much better position (excuse the pun) to get what he wants out of life.

3. The most helpful info of all was the little tidbits of information about how to move from one point to another. Specifically, the tip you explained about touching a girl’s hair to know whether she is ready to be kissed. That might sound simple to some, but it worked magic for me! Any future versions of your book should contain more of these types of specific examples. Invaluable.

4. I found the portion of the book about being “cocky, but charming and funny” to be a bit much for someone with less experience than you with women. That approach probably works great when it does work, but when it fails you fall pretty hard. It’s an awful fine line to walk to get it just right. Push it too far and you’ll get the door slammed on you; don’t push it far enough and it may look contrived. Nevertheless, this section got me thinking about some stuff I hadn’t given much thought to before.

5. The section dealing with women’s psychology and the games they play was quite interesting and informative. Your candor also made this section easier to take in.

I’m still experimenting with this new material. I just got a new girlfriend and I have already started to use some of this stuff in an unconscious way. Now I’m attempting to use more of it in a more premeditated manner. So far the results have been exhilarating.”

>MY COMMENTS: Thanks for your compliments. Most guys don’t really understand how important it is to understand the PSYCHOLOGY behind male/female interactions. I get a lot of emails telling me how important the psychological insights are.

I personally think that understanding what’s going on inside the minds of men and women is the first big step that leads to actually BEHAVING differently. If you don’t know what’s going on in a given situation, you won’t be able to ACT IN A CONFIDENT WAY, which will lead to average (or below average) results…

…so that about wraps up another Mailbag adventure…

If you haven’t downloaded your copy of my eBook “Double Your Dating“, make sure you do that as soon as possible. It’s taken me YEARS to figure out all of the things that I’ve included in that book. And It also comes with a few great bonus booklets to help you really take your success with women to the next level.

Just go to:

[ebook download link]

…and download it now. It’s a great investment for the new year.

I’ll talk to you again soon.

Your Friend,

David D.

P.S. If you have a success story for me, send it to me at:

[newsletter sign-up link]

…and put the words “Success Story” in the subject line. I read those first! Also, make sure you keep your stories and questions to a short paragraph or two. I just don’t have the time to read and edit the really long letters… thanks!

This is an archive of a David’s answers to questions directed to his mailing list for his Double Your Dating eBook. David’s newsletter is a free e-mail list that that teaches men how to be more successful with women and dating. If you would like to purchase David’s book or subscribe to his mailing list, you should visit

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