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David DeAngelo’s Double Your Dating Mailbag

“Q&A: What Women Want…” – January 13, 2002

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“Q&A: What Women Want…” – January 13, 2002

Sooooo… this has been a fun week!

You wouldn’t believe how much email I’m getting about the upset NYC Fireman-Loving gal from last week’s Mailbag fame. Or maybe you would.

Almost all of the feeback has been positive, but there are a few exceptions (one of which I’ve included here in this Mailbag… from another woman).

While maybe two or three people wrote in to disagree with my perspective, there were quite a few that wrote to say “Great job David, you really put her in her place” etc.

I want to take a moment to make a couple of things clear before we get into the mailbag.

1) I don’t believe that all women are the same. Even though I sometimes sound like it because I tend to generalize, I believe that there are some really wonderful women out there…

But in general, I think that most women in our culture (I live in America) have certain socially programmed ideas and ways of dealing with men.

In addition to that, I’m also convinced that women are wired differently from birth… and in such a way that causes a very complex set of drives, desires, goals, and even ways of dealing with the world.

I don’t claim to be a relationship expert.

I teach men how to be more successful with women and dating… not women and marriage.

My perspective is that too many men who want a great, fulfilling long term relationship wind up settling for one that’s not satisfying… just because they don’t know how to get any different or better.

If you want to find a really exceptional girl to have a relationship with, you’re probably going to have to meet several dozen women to get to her. And by mastering what it’s taken me years to learn and figure out, you can get there a lot faster.

And of course, if you’re at a point in your life where you just want to be free and single, and you want to meet a lot of women, that’s great too. It’s your life, so you’d better do something to enjoy it!

On with the mailbag…


“I have a great job, creative hobbies, well above average income, good health, reasonable looks, community status, many friends, and a romantic and pleasant kind and gentle personality. Published songwriter, author, poet, an overachiever perhaps in hobbies, hi IQ, no vices, no smoking, no drugs, modestly religious. I live in a small ski and golf resort town in North California. I also happen to be 5’6” tall.

On 20/20 on TV they showed a program that revealed outrageous bias against short people in hiring and romance (I don’t want short kids! she said) and they could not beg borrow buy or steal a woman to date a short guy. I this true, or am I just having bad luck in a small town? Yes I’m on net, but the respondents tend to be 1000 miles away or just foreigners trying to get citizenship. Any advice except “be patient” as friend tell me?


>MY COMMENTS: Before I answer your question, I have to point out something… I beg to differ with you on the “no vices” thing. You like to talk too much about yourself! lol…

But seriously… yes, it seems that there is a bias towards taller people in this world. They are perceived as smarter, more honest, harder working, more dominant… they make more money, they command more respect… and most of all…

If you think that just because this is true that you don’t have a chance, you’re wrong.

I’m really glad you wrote in, because I get this question a lot.

Here’s my experience. I have no less than 5 friends who are all around 5’4 – 5’7, who ALL are VERY successful with women. And I don’t just mean that these guys get a date once in awhile. I mean then go out with a LOT more women than most of the other guys I know.

And I can think of several guys I know who are over 6 feet tall that almost NEVER have women around them.

Just because a bias exists doesn’t mean that it has to affect YOU negatively. If another guy is taller, then you can be more interesting. If you meet a girl that only dates taller men, say “next.”

I’ve been dating a woman for quite awhile now who’s taller than me. She likes taller guys herself. But do I care? Hell no.

You’d be much better off looking for all the reasons that women will PREFER you than looking at the biases against you.

And, most importantly, remember: Your personality is FAR more important than your looks in the long run.


“Dr. D,

As cheezy as it sounds, you’ve changed my life, buddy. I was VERY skeptical when I bought your book… thought it was an Internet scam. I’ve been studying your book for 6 months now, and KNOWLEDGE IS POWER….thanks for all the insight. Okay, enough ‘penis petting’…eck. I wanted to write you and get your opinion of the movie “What Women Want” with Mel Gibson. Figured you’d have been the first guy to tackle it. Anyways, the movie kind of transforms Mel into this ‘kiss-ass’ for women, reading their minds and telling them what they want to hear. By doing this, he changes his image from a**hole to sensitive gay-guy friend, and women can’t get enough of him! Interesting… anyways, the message that it portrays seems like it’s the anti-christ of all that you stand for, Dave. Wanted to bring it to your attention. For the record, it WAS worth watching….just like ‘The Rules’ was worth reading – as you mentioned in your book. Thanks again for your mailbags and all the pearls of wisdom! Keep up the good work.


>MY COMMENTS: Two things:

1) Don’t ever say the words “penis petting” again.

2) I haven’t seen the movie “What Women Want” yet, but from what I hear, you’d be better off learning how to pick up women from watching “Shallow Hal.”

Of course, if you don’t learn anything watching Shallow Hal, it’s not a total loss. At least you’ll learn a few cool dance moves.


“Dear mr david,

well i’m sorry to tell you, that not all girls feel they need to have the guy pay for everything and have men “give” their power away to them, it might just be that this guy or guys, likes her pure and simple and they enjoy each others company…shes not conspiring against him in a plot for destruction…

of course there may be others girls out there that is exactly like you described, but the way you sounded, it was like no matter who that girl was, they were all out to get the same thing

yours sincerely j.”

>MY COMMENTS: You’ve made a great point. Not all women are like this. There are those rare women who are that perfect combination of mature and cool that are an absolute pleasure to spend time with.

And based on your response to me, you’re probably one of them.

How would I know?

Because you’ve responded with a non-defensive, funny answer that goes straight to the point.

Think about how this woman comes across compared to the one who I responded to last week…

This here is a woman who wants to speak her mind, but doesn’t need my approval one way or another. She’s happy with her life, and want’s to contribute. Take note.

And by the way, why didn’t you ask me for my number?



I really need your help. I’ve been love with a girl I work with for about a year and a half. The problem was to begin with she had a boyfriend. Last summer she broke up with him because the guy is a real jerk. He hits on her and yells at her. He’s very possessive and thinks everything should be >his way. Well me and her went out a couple of times and we both had really a great time. She is amazing to me and I love her so much. We never really talked about going out like (bf/gf) because we are really good friends and I didn’t want to screw things up and not even be friends with her. She told a couple of her friends that she really did like me and would like to have a relationship with me. She never really talked to me about it though. Then she gives me a letter saying she really does like me, but that I obviously don’t feel the same and that she is going to get back with her old boyfriend. (I Should’ve Kicked Myself!) They have been back together since about October and it is driving me crazy. I can’t stand seeing her with him, I don’t understand why she went back with him after the way he treated her. She still flirts and we talk and spend time together at work, but then she said that He said he didn’t like her being so close to me,and that she >couldn’t lie to him. So we were kinda quiet for a while. Now we are back to really talking again and I just want to get her away from him. I can’t stand him, He comes to our workplace and tries to sneak around and see her. I always find out though. It’s just really bothering me because I really do care for her and don’t want to see her hurt. She doesn’t seem as happy either she sits around and just stares sometimes and just seems unhappy. So tell me what you think into this matter. And any suggestions and advice you may have.



>MY COMMENTS: Well, unfortunately for you, you’re most likely in a situation that leaves you no way of winning.

Your story is painful to read. But it’s a story that is played out every day, all over the world:

Woman stays with abusive jerk, and passes on nice, caring guy who would treat her like a princess.

And why does this happen?

I’ll tell you why.

It’s because she feels something inside of herself that she can’t control, doesn’t understand, and cannot stop.

It’s called ATTRACTION.

Attraction isn’t logical. Attraction doesn’t make sense. Attraction is not chosen.

And, worst of all, it often happens to women when they meet guys who are horrible to them.

Do yourself a favor, and go rent the old movie “A Streetcare Named Desire” with Marlon Brando.

That was the movie that put him on the map as a major sex symbol. While you’re watching it, keep asking yourself “What could it be about this arrogant, uneducated, abusive guy who rapes his sister in law that women find IRRESISTABLY SEXY AND ATTRACTIVE?”

I know, I know… it’s enough to make you say “Hm.”

In any event, you would do well to learn the aspects of your personality that you can amplify and enhance so that women start showing this kind of attraction towards you. I know a good place to start…

[ebook download link]

(Hint, hint)


“well dave,

this is my first letter to you but i guess there’s good reason for me writing this. I recently had a devastating experience with a girl who i thought was “the one” LOL anyway, i went through the whole motion of being sick .i even resorted to begging…(what was i thinking!!) well anyway i started to read your emails and my confidence had shot up dramatically, using your tips iv been out with four girls in 2 months and they’re all soooo hot!! They’re calling me back to go out and the girl who i though was the one she sees me all the time and i think the fact im happy seems to have shocked her….she seems interested again…luckily I’m not anymore!!! Haha

well anyway just thought id say thanx

youre a star”

>MY COMMENTS: Over the holidays, I saw a friend who has been having some problems with his girlfriend. I told him “If you were dating three other great women right now, you wouldn’t be in turmoil, wondering what to do right now.”

I admire you for admitting that you resorted to begging her to take you back. That’s a tough one. I’m sure that there are a LOT of guys who can identify.

Next time this kind of thing happens, you’ll respond a little differently, huh?



enjoying the emails very much and thinking about getting your book!

My question: I’m British, living in London, and I get the impression that you and your correspondents are in merica.

I’m not sure how well your material is going to work over here, because of small but important differences in language, behaviour and culture.

Could you possibly tell me if you’ve addressed this question anywhere? Or if you’ve had feedback from any Brits?

Thanks again.”

>MY COMMENTS: I’m glad you asked this question… I wrote this book based on my experiences here in the USA.

But since releasing my book, I’ve been selling more and more of them to guys all over the world.

I had two today… one from Denmark, and one from Australia. And I’ve had guys from just about everywhere you can think of order it and report back that this stuff works everywhere. You may have to tailor some things to your particular local style, but I’m becoming more and more convinced that the psychology is universal. And, of course if you’re not happy with your purchase I offer a 100% no- questions-asked no-risk refund policy. If you’re not happy with the materials, just email for a refund. But I’m confident that you’ll be happy, and that you’ll learn a lot of very valuable techniques.


In terms of places to pick up chicks, I agree bars and nightclubs are very difficult. My friends and I are athletic college age guys and have never had much success at bars. Nightclubs we do all right but parties and everyday places are the best for meeting girls cause they don’t have their guards up and won’t feel like a slut in front of their friends if they give you their number or go out with you that night or go home with you. My question is why in your letters do you always insist on getting the email address. The good looking girls I know think that’s unusually corny and pathetic when I guy hits on them and asks them for their email address or says he’ll look it up on their school webpage directory. Nevertheless getting the phone number seems like the way to go but how do you get it without coming off too aggressive (I realize getting the email’s easy cause you don’t come off as being aggressive or pushy, and then you casually tell em to throw their phone number down too, but at the same time it still seems kinda corny?)

any opinion I’d love to hear

J. who’s looking to land a hottie.”

>MY COMMENTS: Asking for email is actually very cool. Just don’t ask with a whiny, unsure tone of voice.

“Hey, do you have email?”

It’s so easy.

Why do I like email?

Simple. Go out and get 10 phone numbers from women and then call them. 8 out of 10 times you’ll get a machine. 5 or 6 out of 8 times you leave a message you won’t get a call back. (I’m guessing based on a lot of personal experience)

Now go out and get 10 email addresses, and follow up a day later with a quick email. You’ll get probably 6-8 of those back. No chasing women. No calling ten times. No messages. It’s great. Try it, you’ll like it.

And once you have an email relationship, a woman will be MUCH warmer towards you when you do talk and meet again.

(In my book I give exact words to use when you follow up by email, and exactly what to do on page 81)


“What kind of stuff/subjects does a guy have to talk about to a girl if he wants to attract a girl he has just met, and also to make girls enjoy your company, in other words what kind of subjects make girls laugh and hence always look forward to your comapny?”

>MY COMMENTS: Talk about ANYTHING other than what you do for a living, where you grew up, where you went to school, who you know, and where you live.

Try talking about current affairs in a cocky, funny way. Make fun of the worlds most famous people in an entertaining way.

Say “So don’t you just love that new Britney Spears song ‘I’m A Slave 4U’? I love it when she says “All you people look at me like I’m a little girl…” I mean, every time I look at her with her pubic area hanging out of her low cut jeans that’s exactly what I’m thinking.”

Or… “How much says Michael Jordan insists on a Pre- Nuptual agreement next tim?”

Once again, the magic formula: Cocky+Funny


“Thanks a million Dave. Since I began to use these methods success has been very easy. Women I have been wanting for years before are now wanting me. I transfered the frustration that comes along with the confusion of not knowing if a person is interested or not, has the power, and etc etc etc…. A guy at my age with the knowledge that I have about women has a hell of a good forecast. With your methods and my personality I feel complete when it comes to dating women. One of the biggest problems I have is guys who hate that fact that I have it good with ALL women.

However, I want to comment on last weeks****EMAIL OF THE WEEK, FROM A WOMAN**** I hate people such as her. Odivously, she thinks she know everthing about the damn world but in reality she does not know sh**. (excuse my language) I bet some lame guy has filled her head up with nonsense. To top it off, at the end she goes, “You can’t have my digits” uh! I bet she was thinking, “I just burst his bubble ” and “I bet he is just like every other guy I know that has a GED. He will belive me and began to want me” That was very funny.”

>MY COMMENTS: Thanks for the support. We all know she wants me… lol. You know, I never did hear back from her…



I’m not quite sure how I got on your mailing list, but I have enjoyed reading your e-mails. However, It is rather obvious that your “reader’s letters” are contrived by you for the purpose of writing on a specific issue. All the letters begin by describing the success they have realized since buying your book, followed by a situation YOU wish to address. This tactic is an interesting marketing ploy, and I’m sure it is very effective, congratulations!

So I have a challenge for you, include this letter (along with the appropriate bashing) in your next e-mail, and I will take your advise more seriously.


>MY COMMENTS: lol… well, you asked for it…

I don’t invent ANY of the letters that I include in my Mailbag, Q&A, or anything else. They are all real. As a matter of fact, my biggest problem is that I get WAAAYYY too much email, and I have a lot of people that get upset every week because their letters aren’t included!

I would say that I get in the neighborhood of 1,000 emails a month right now, and I have to skim them to find interesting content for my newsletters.

Here’s why I include so many testimonials:

1) It’s important to me that my readers hear from people who are using the materials and getting results. This encourages them to keep learning and improving.

2) I like it when a person tells me what’s working for them, and then asks a question. If you want to improve your chances of getting into the mailbag, tell me how you’re doing first, then ask your question.


“Dave, you should get a nobel prize or something, you’re techniques are pure genious. I always had a funny attitude and I think I was a little cocky to begin with so I had a leg up on the competition. You’re tips really helped me though, I talk to any girl I want comfortably and I always usually know what to say to get them laughing. With your book on my side, I’m invincible. Anyway, I have a few questions so let me begin… 1) I just broke up with my girlfriend (on good terms) and while I’m done moping around (C’mon guys I know you all went through that stage) I sure wouldnt mind getting back together with her and by the sounds of what here friends say she wouldn’t mind either. Can you give me some tips on talking to her again and trying to form that mystique that would draw her in?

2) Could you just add in some more of those funny first comments that can make a lady puddy in your (my) hands?

Thanks a bunch,


>MY COMMENTS: Speaking of contrived-sounding compliments… Thank you.

To answer your questions, if I were you, I would remember that NOT BEING PREDICTABLE is very attractive. So as you’re learning how to be cocky and funny, remember that this girl has certain expectations of you. Start doing things that she doesn’t expect, and responding differently than you did before… while acting more like a challenge.

As far as what to say to a woman that will make her turn into “puddy in your hands”…

I think “putty” is spelled with two t’s, isn’t it?


I would focus more on the “how” than the “what.” In other words, you need to learn how to say ANYTHING in a way that causes a woman to feel attracted to you.

You need to learn to say things in a way that is both slightly arrogant and DAMN FUNNY at the same time. If you can get a woman saying in her mind “This guy is a little bit too confident… but he’s really funny. I can’t tell if he’s serious or not” then you’ve got it. Think about it.

I’ll let you know when they call me about the Nobel Prize for my book. You never know… could happen.

“Uhhhh… Uhhhhh Hey Beavith, check out thith kool medal I got for teaching guys how to pick up chicks!”

“Yea Yea! Kool!”

OK, enough childish humor…

As usual, if you haven’t taken advantage of my downloadable eBook “Double Your Dating” then I’d HIGHLY recommend that you do that now. Everything will make more sense after you read it. It also comes with three free bonus booklets that will teach you all about personalities that are attractive to women, how to turn women on sexually, and how to go from one step to the next when it’s time to get physical. Go to:

[ebook download link]

…now and download your copy. You’ll love it.

I’ll talk to you again soon.

Your Friend,

David D.

P.S. Remember, if you want to write me, send your email to:

[newsletter sign-up link]

Don’t just hit “reply” to this email. And keep your stories and questions to a paragraph or two at the most!

This is an archive of a David’s answers to questions directed to his mailing list for his Double Your Dating eBook. David’s newsletter is a free e-mail list that that teaches men how to be more successful with women and dating. If you would like to purchase David’s book or subscribe to his mailing list, you should visit

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