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“Attraction Isn’t A Choice” – January 15, 2002

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“Attraction Isn’t A Choice” – January 15, 2002

In this Dating Tip I want to tell you the interesting story of how I came to realize that “Attraction Isn’t A Choice”, and how to use this concept to dramatically improve your success with women.

I can remember when I used to believe that being a “nice guy” was the way to make a woman like you, and that if you were “nice” and she didn’t like you, that it was probably just because she didn’t think you were handsome enough, rich enough, or whatever… and that there was nothing I was going to do about it.

I mean, doesn’t it make sense that a woman should be attracted to a guy who treats her well, is attentive, is sensitive to her feelings, gives her what she wants, buys her gifts, etc.?

Of course it does. It makes LOGICAL sense.

But when I really started to pay close attention to what was happening in the REAL WORLD, I started to notice a few things:

1) Women would tend to break up with me, play hard to get, and generally not be happy and satisfied when I treated them “overly nice.”

2) My “nice” friends weren’t the ones who were attracting all the women… it was my “bad boy” friends that seemed to be getting all the attention from the girls.

3) The most popular male “sex symbols” tended to be guys who were mean, fighting, abusive “bad guy” types.

About four years ago, when I first decided that it was time to “figure out” this part of my life, I started by reading and learning as many “popular techniques” and ideas as I could.

I tried just about every system to “meet women” that has been created. You name it, I tried it.

But no matter what I tried, there always seemed to be something missing from the puzzle. Sometimes the ideas worked, but for the most part it was VERY hit and miss.

Then, one day I was talking to a new friend that I had met about how to meet women. I was telling him about some of the new techniques I was trying like handwriting analysis and palmistry…

All he could do was look at me with a kind of half confused smile on his face.

As it turned out, this new friend of mine led me to a realization that was a key to understanding the idea of “attraction.”

As he listened to me talk, he would always try to explain to me that women aren’t attracted to “nice” guys who kiss their asses and do nice things for them. He explained that his method of attracting women involved being arrogant and funny, and leading the woman in the direction he wanted her to go. He even talked about being kind of rude at times, which really confused me.

As I started to put the pieces of the puzzle together, I began to realize that:

1) Attraction isn’t a process that happens by “choice.” In other words, a woman doesn’t start talking to a man and say to herself “wow, this guy seems very smart and funny… just the type of guy that I’ve been looking for… I think I’ll feel attracted to him.” This has evolved to my phrase “Attraction Isn’t A Choice.”

2) Attraction happens at an unconscious level as an automatic EMOTIONAL response to certain cues. For men attraction usually happens in response to a beautiful face and a nice body. For women it usually happens for other reasons (although it can and does happen on occasion for physical reasons alone).

3) Attraction does have a “logic” all of its own, complete with techniques you can learn in order to increase it.

4) When a woman feels ATTRACTION to a man, she will do things that seem to be completely illogical, irrational, and even against her best interests in order to be with the man who is the object of her desires.

If you’re a guy that is stuck in the idea that a woman “should” feel attracted to a “nice guy”, then your first step is to open your eyes, and take a look around at some of the OBVIOUS patterns that are hidden right in PLAIN SIGHT around you.

1) There are a lot of guys who are average looking, average height, average income, etc. who have ABOVE average success with women.

2) The “nicest” guys aren’t usually the ones that women are attracted to.

3) There are a lot of men who are truly “bad boys” who get FAR more than their share of women.

4) We humans, for the most part, are not in control of our “attraction mechanisms”… in other words, when we are attracted to someone else, it takes control of us and there’s NOTHING WE CAN DO ABOUT IT.

I have a simple exercise that I’d like you to try right now:

Take your computer mouse and turn it 180 degrees clockwise. Turn it so the end closes to you is now furthest from you, and the furthest part is closest.

Now try to use the mouse to move the pointer around on your screen.

At first, it doesn’t make any sense… it’s backwards and upside down. But as you play with it a bit, you start to get used to it, and you can move around pretty quickly.

Now try using it with it turned only 90 degrees one way or another. This is much harder. But with some practice you can do it.

Learning to make women feel attraction for you is much the same way. At first it DOESN’T SEEM TO MAKE ANY SENSE AT ALL. But the more you practice, the more you start to see that even though it isn’t logical IT DOES HAVE A PATTERN AND A METHODOLOGY TO IT.

As a matter of fact, I’ve realized that once you learn this set of behaviors that “pushes the attraction button” inside of women, you will start to see that women actually KNOW when they are dealing with a man that understands this principle. Women instantly respond to men who “get it” and they INSTANTLY REJECT MEN WHO DON’T.

Just like moving an upside down mouse you must learn to do things that don’t come “naturally” to you.

But once you learn them you’ll have a skill that will create amazing results in your life.

Here are a few ideas to practice and review on a regular basis:

1) Use the magic formula of COCKY+FUNNY. Arrogance by itself is a turn-off to women. But arrogant humor that MAKES THEM LAUGH is a HUGE turn on. Make jokes about her trying to pick up on you, tease her about something she is insecure about, make fun of others… just make sure it’s making her laugh.

2) Give her a hard time and tease her about something as soon as you possibly can. Now, I’m not talking about being MEAN here. I’m talking about teasing a woman just like you might do with a family member. This communicates total confidence and comfort in your own skin.

3) Hold yourself in a way that communicates confidence, leadership, and dominance. Use good posture, move very slowly and confidently. Don’t laugh or smile very often.

4) Don’t do “nice guy” stuff like buying drinks, giving compliments about beauty, or acting needy. In the beginning you must keep your cool and act as if YOU are the catch and she is the lucky one.

You must remember that attractive women are being approached all the time by guys who are kissing up to them. You must be something different. You must be entertaining but not goofy, confident but not so much that you appear insecure, and most importantly totally in control of yourself and the situation.

I hope you’re starting to understand better why I always say “Attraction Isn’t A Choice.”

Of course, if you want to get my very best thinking about this topic, I recommend that you download my online eBook “Double Your Dating” and the three bonus booklets that come along with it. You’ll learn the secrets that it’s taken me YEARS to figure out in just a few hours of reading… all from the comfort of your computer screen. Just go to:

[ebook download link]

…now and get it. Isn’t it time that you got this part of your life handled once and for all?

I’ll talk to you soon.

Your Friend,

David D.

P.S. Make sure you send your success stories to me at:

[newsletter sign-up link]

This is an archive of a David’s answers to questions directed to his mailing list for his Double Your Dating eBook. David’s newsletter is a free e-mail list that that teaches men how to be more successful with women and dating. If you would like to purchase David’s book or subscribe to his mailing list, you should visit

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