The Top Pickup Artist Forum On The Internet: Fast Seduction 101

David DeAngelo’s Double Your Dating Mailbag

“Q&A: Critical Mistakes To Avoid With Women” – January 24, 2002

<< full article list

Double Your Dating eBook
If you find David DeAngelo’s writing useful in your life, buy a copy of his eBook,Double Your Dating.  There is a Review of David’s eBook available on this web site, and you will also get access to David’s full product offerings when subscribing to his mailing list.

“Q&A: Critical Mistakes To Avoid With Women” – January 24, 2002



I have read your book, and found it truly inspiring. But I still need some help in one area, and need a real fast response. My wife left in July of last year, found out that she had been unfaithful, we divorced in September. I met a girl at work who I fell head over heels for, I met her in town one night, we talked, I got her number, she got mine, she actually called me first, we rode around a bit together and talked, we really hit it off, so I thought, well a few weeks went by of her coming over, phone talking, etc…., we never went out on a actual date. Some background on her…she has been in a bad relationship with a guy who cheated on her and really got her not to trust guys, I guess, all her past relationships have ended this way. Anyway, just as I thought things were going to move on, she told me she just wanted to be friends. Now I know that did wrong by being abit needy, as you put it, that may have been the problem, though she says that I did nothing wrong, just that she likes me just as a friend, well she got with this one guy and that only lasted a month, she stilled called me and talked to me at work, and now she still calls, and she actually came over the other day, but the friend thing is still being punctuated, and I’m just agreeing and telling her that is fine, which it is, but man, I am in love with her, she is the women that I would spend the rest of my life with. And she even told me at one time that I’m the type of guy that she would want to spend the rest of her life with, oh it is f***ing me up. But I’ve been playing it as cool as I can and not acting needy. Now, we are supposed to go eat dinner tomorrow night… as friends, my question is, with what I have told you, hope you gather my situation by what I have wrote, I hope you can give me some advice as to what I should do or say to get passed this friend deal and get her back into getting close again, I don’t have any idea what caused her to push away, well yah I do, cause I was awful desperate, but I was speaking honest. I’m the same type of guy you described yourself as. You know one who would be faithful if was in a serious relationship. I make her laugh I do know that, she has shared a lot of problems, dealing with family matters to me, that she says she has never told any other past partners. We haven’t had sex, though sex has been a topic, and yes they do talk about sex rather bluntly. Amazing. She and I talk so easily, I just can’t see why she can’t love me. We seem perfect for each other. ??????????

All help is appreciated,,,


>MY COMMENTS: It seems to me that there are a couple of things you don’t realize:

1) You can’t talk a woman into feeling attracted to you… your reasoning may be good, but reality is telling you something different.

2) If you’ve spent several weeks proving to her beyond the shadow of a doubt that you are a “nice, needy guy” it’s going to take a lot more than a quick-fix technique from me to change it. If I knew how to solve problems like yours instantly I would charge $10,000.00 per session for the advice, and there would be a line around the block of guys who would pay it.

I realize that I’m being a little harsh, but the real answer is:


Right now I’m shaking my head. Why? Because in your letter to me you say that she told you that you didn’t do anything wrong… that she just likes you as a friend.

It must not be as obvious to you as it is to me why this is erroneous thinking. Do you actually think that a woman you just met a few weeks ago is going to say “You know, you’re nice, but you just act too nice, you know… kind of like a wuss… and I’m just not sexually attracted to that kind of behavior…”? Of course not!

You may have missed it yourself, but in your letter you wrote that all of her relationships have ended badly and have invloved guys who mistreated her. DO YOU UNDERSTAND WHAT THAT MEANS? It means that she’s attracted to “BAD BOYS”… you know, the kind of guys that are selfish, abusive, AND SEXY.

By reading my materials you understand better what creates ATTRACTION inside of a woman, and now you need to take what you’ve learned and apply it. As you know, you don’t have to be a jerk to be attractive.

The best thing for you to do is stop calling this girl, start dating other women, and hope that she begins to miss you and feel differently once she sees that you’re not a clingy guy… and that other women find you attractive.

And next time, use the set of ideas that I spell out for you on pages 41-44 of Double Your Dating» so that the woman that you’re getting to know doesn’t see you the way this one has been programmed to see you (by you).

If you keep doing what you’ve been doing, you’re going to most likely keep getting what you’re getting: A new friend, and a curious dry feeling just above place where your legs meet.


“Hi David, my name is G. and I have been reading all your Emails and book but failed to follow up.

My problem is (was) as follows.

I am 44 years and my girl is 33 years with 4 year child. The relationship started ok until I decided that being kind, and supportive would be better choice of behavior during her divorce proceedings. During this time all she talked about was her x abusive husband and how they had a great daily sex life. But the abuse and beating got to her and call it quits.

Now that her divorce is final ,she now wants me to be friends only with her.

In the last few days she been sleeping with another guy whom I have met. He is funny, self confident, assertive, kind of cocky. So I am left holding her hand while this guy enjoys her bush.

Given that I have failed to be like this new lover, is there a way that I can get her back… Or should I walk away and lick my wound for another day?


>MY RESPONSE: There are few things in life as upsetting to a man as the idea that the woman he desires is having sex with someone else…

I want to point out something here that a lot of guys don’t really think of when they SHOULD be thinking…


It’s important to remember that if you want a woman to feel ATTRACTION for you, you need to do the thing that will cause that feeling. I know this sounds obvious, but it just seems to slip our minds when the woman of our desires is going through a tough time in life.

We will often tend to “be more nice and understanding” only to find out later that this very expression of our caring turned out to be the end of the relationship. Bummer.

So what’s the answer?

Well, as it turns out, I’ve been in similar situations to your several times, and had the girl that I was treating very well decide to leave. It really sucked.

I think you have to keep the balance, while at the same time staying attractive.

In other words, in the real world you sometimes have to stop what you’re doing and give a little bit to a person who is going through a tough situation. I realize this.

But at the same time it’s VERY important to present yourself as someone that is strong, confident, and ATTRACTIVE.

If your girl is having a hard time, keep up the cocky and funny attitude… make fun of her problems so she laughs at them. Make comments that let her know that you’re on her side and at the same time you’re not going to let her situation drag you down (or into it).

If I had a dollar for every well-meaning guy who screwed up a great thing by turning into a wuss at the first sign of a woman’s problems… and in the process caused her to start to only like him “as a friend”…


“Dave, just a quick question. I have read your book and put it into practice. I have gone out with a girl that I really like a few times and I want to see her more. I don’t want to tell her that and seem “needy.” I have played it cool and I asked her out for later this week. How can I push her over the edge and get her to see me more? Your help would be greatly appreciated.


>MY COMMENTS: Ahhhh… why don’t more guys email me with questions like this one?

Now, this is a situation I can probably help make a HUGE difference for… because you haven’t let it get to a bad spot before asking for help.

First of all, I ask you to re-think the idea of “pushing her over the edge and getting her to see you more”.

Why’s that?


You are already starting to sound “needy”… like it’s overly important that you get this girl. Now, I get it that she may be pretty special, and that you may want to take this relationship to the next level.

But if you communicate this TOO EARLY ON in the relationship with her, you are VERY LIKELY to scare her off, or make her see you as a wuss (I just love that word WUSS. It just explains the concept so well).

Your best be right now would probably be to see her a little bit LESS. Get a little bit busier with your life, and add another day or two between how often you see her for the next few weeks.

Keep up the ideas that you’re learning here, and you just might have HER SAY TO YOU: “You know, I have been thinking about it, and I really like you…” etc.

And at this point, of course, you need to say:

“Wow, this is pretty sudden… you’re not going to ask me to marry you, I hope… (as you smile)”

Are you with me here?

Remember, ATTRACTIVE WOMEN don’t like WUSSES. They tend to be MORE ATTRACTED TO GUYS WHO DON’T “NEED” THEM. You’ve read my book, so you should understand why this is.

In any event, think carefully before you go confessing your undying love too early on…

A few more comments:

I’ve included these three emails to demonstrate a concept that I often talk about: Don’t act needy.

I get several emails every week like these three.

Unfortunately, too many guys out there just don’t understand that they can’t CONVINCE a woman to feel attracted to them… they can’t BEG a woman into submission, and they can’t UNDO several weeks or months of acting like a wuss overnight.

“Uhhh, hey Beavis… chicks don’t dig you because you’re a wuthy… yea yea…”

So if you’re guilty of having acted like a wuss in the past, commit right now to ending the pattern. Make sure you keep up the attractive behavior, even when things are going tough for her. It’s in both of your best interests!

…and if you haven’t downloaded your copy of my eBook “Double Your Dating“, you need to go do that now. Just go to:

[ebook download link]

…now to get it. It will DEFINITELY prevent you from acting like a wuss in the future. And remember to check out the new audio clip just after the P.S. on the site.

I’ll talk to you again soon.

Your Friend,

David D.

P.S. Keep your success stories and questions to a paragraph or two MAXIMUM, and send them to me at:

[newsletter sign-up link]

This is an archive of a David’s answers to questions directed to his mailing list for his Double Your Dating eBook. David’s newsletter is a free e-mail list that that teaches men how to be more successful with women and dating. If you would like to purchase David’s book or subscribe to his mailing list, you should visit

The primary textual contents of this archive is Copyright©2001-2008 by David DeAngelo.  All Rights Reserved.  By your accessing this archive, you understand that the information contained in within is an expression of opinions, and they should be used for personal entertainment purposes only.  You are soley responsible for any use of the ideas, concepts, and content and will hold David DeAngelo harmless.  All names have been changed or deleted to protect the contributors, and questions/quotes have been edited for clarity.  By sending David a question or comment you are agreeing to allow him to use it in future articles, newsletters, and writings.  Please keep this in mind when you send your e-mails.

The content of this archive is reproduced here with permission from David DeAngelo.  Visual enhancements and search features have been added by the webmaster to facilitate the reading and researching of the content.  The raw text as it appears here is exactly as it appeared in the original context (e-mail newsletter or published material).  Products, services, or external web sites mentioned or linked to in this archive does not denote endorsement of those items.  The contents reprinted here are the opinion of the original writer(s) and are not necessarily the opinion of, nor endorsed by, the owner(s) or operator(s) of  The archive enhancements are generated automatically and there may be occasions where the visual cues don’t correlate exactly with the textual context; most of the time, though, the enhancements are pretty accurate.  The archive is updated as regularly as possible, whenever new content is available.

>> back to top

 Learn The Skills StoreStore
Learn Pickup By Watching