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“Make Her Feel ATTRACTED, Not BORED” – January 27, 2002

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“Make Her Feel ATTRACTED, Not BORED” – January 27, 2002

“You can’t bore a woman into feeling attracted to you…”

I realize that this may sound like an obvious statement, but judging by the emails that I get week in and week out, maybe it’s not as obvious as it might seem to some guys.

In fact, when I think back on my own experiences with women, I am DEFINITELY guilty of trying to bore women into feeling attracted to me…

So what do I mean by this silly sounding statement?

Well, let’s start with some ideas that I hear in one form or another all the time.

“I was a perfect gentleman on our date, but she didn’t call me back, and I can’t reach her…”

“I don’t want to use any ‘techniques’ with women because I feel like that would be ‘manipulating’ her…”

“I want a girl who will like me for who I am…”

“I give her everything she wants, take her out, buy her things, and I don’t understand why she doesn’t feel the same way towards me that I feel towards her…”

“She tells me that she only likes me as a friend, then she goes out with these guys who treat her like crap instead of going out with a guy like me that would treat her wonderfully and give her everything she wants…”

And the list goes on and on…

Now, I realize that these statements are actually different from each other, and deal with different issues. But the common denominator in each of them is:


I got one letter recently where a guy was telling me that he had taken a girl out on a date, but that there wasn’t any “spark”… but he still felt attracted to the girl. He seemed to think that just because nothing obvious was BAD about the date, that this girl should also feel attracted to him. (Maybe he thought that a few more uninteresting, boring dates would cause her to open her eyes and see the light).

Here are a few common problems that lead to “BORING DATE-ITIS”:

1. Playing it “safe”, following her lead, not saying anything you think will upset her, and making sure that you’re “proper”.

2. Talking about BORING things like jobs, family, weather, etc. because it’s “what people talk about to get to know each other.”

3. Being boring.


I can remember when I thought that the proper way to act on a date was to talk about socially acceptable topics, act sterile and quiet, and generally try to make sure that she got whatever she wanted.

Oh, was this a huge mistake.

Generally speaking, women are BORED TO DEATH BY THIS KIND OF BEHAVIOR.

When you meet a girl for a cup of tea or go out to dinner, it’s time to have FUN, not to be her personal ass kisser!

Playing it safe and kissing up to her is a sure way to get either an expensive relationship or a woman who won’t call you back.


Don’t talk about your job and your family!


Guys who are trying to convince women that they’re “nice” talk about their families (If you really want to be a loser, carry pictures around with you and show them off.).

Talking about families is “courtship” behavior, and it will put her into the old “this guy is boring” frame of mind. Unless you’re related to John F. Kennedy or someone even more interesting, keep the family history to yourself!


So what does a “boring” guy act like?

Well, for starters he acts like he’s NOT COMFORTABLE in the situation…

Nervous smiles. Apologizing. Agreeing with her opinions all the time. Asking her what she’d like to do. Holding your body in an unsure, insecure way.

That’s a good start.

Mix in a few uncomfortable silences and you’ve got the makings for her running as fast as she can and changing her phone number to save herself from another one of your boring calls!

So what’s the answer? What’s the secret to making her feel attracted to you, and not BORED OUT OF HER SKULL?

I thought you’d never ask.

Here are a few ideas for starters:

1. Take her somewhere that has a lot going on… somewhere that has interesting conversation built in. I like funky areas that have lots of eclectic, artsy, trendy shops. You can’t walk through one of these areas without having an interesting conversation.

There are all kinds of interesting things from tattoo artists to funky hat shops to ultra-trendy clothing stores. Most cities have an area like this, and I’d suggest you go check it out.

2. Talk about something that isn’t BORING. One of my favorite things to do is get her to talk about her life, then find things to make fun of. This is a great opportunity for cocky and funny

YOU: “So, tell me something interesting.”

HER: “Like what?”

YOU: “What, you can’t think of even ONE interesting think about yourself or your life? I think I need to go before this gets any worse…”

You get the idea…

3. If there is a silence, NEVER let it be uncomfortable. I think that it’s great to stop talking when you’re first getting to know a woman. But don’t do it in a way that sends chills up her spine.

If the conversation goes cold for a few moments, just pay attention to something else for a minute. Think about something funny to say and laugh to yourself. She’ll say “What? What are you laughing about?”… which is a great lead in for about 1,000 different cocky/funny answers.

If the conversation stops, be cool. Just act like you’re with a friend, act totally casual, and pick it back up later. Just don’t ACT nervous and uncomfortable!

4. DON’T BE PREDICTABLE. There is an area of the human brain called “Broca’s Region” that is constantly anticipating what is about to happen, then discounting the predictable. In other words, the more predicable you are, the faster you will be considered BORING.

Learn to say random things. Disagree with her… (without sounding like a whiny little girl). Tell her that you think Britney Spears looks like a dog…

If you’re boring, read a couple of books on how to tell stories… or get a book on comedy to learn how to be funny and tell jokes.


OK, I think you’re getting the idea.

Women don’t want BORING. A woman would rather be with an interesting, fun guy than with a RICH, HANDSOME, PREDICTABLE, BORING one (and the women who want the rich boring guy are often boring themselves…).

…of course, if you REALLY want to understand what makes women tick, you have to read my book. Just go to:

[ebook download link]

…now and download a copy for yourself. And make sure you check out my new audio clip near the end of the second page.

Now go and be boring no more!

Talk to you soon.

Your Friend,

David D.

P.S. Send your success stories and questions to me at:

[newsletter sign-up link]

…and do me a favor: Keep your email to a paragraph or two, and include a success story before asking a question! If you share what’s working for you, I’ll be MUCH more likely to answer your question in the next Mailbag!

This is an archive of a David’s answers to questions directed to his mailing list for his Double Your Dating eBook. David’s newsletter is a free e-mail list that that teaches men how to be more successful with women and dating. If you would like to purchase David’s book or subscribe to his mailing list, you should visit

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