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“Q&A: COCKY AND FUNNY IS THE ANSWER” – January 30, 2002

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“Q&A: COCKY AND FUNNY IS THE ANSWER” – January 30, 2002


STOP right now, and think of AT LEAST THREE guys you know who need to be reading this newsletter… then either send them to [newsletter sign-up link] or follow the directions above. Just hit the forward button and send this on over to them. I appreciate it, and so will they.


This week contains some of the best stories and funniest content I could imagine. Enjoy!


“Hi Dave! I used your email close twice now and it worked like magic both times: once with a statuesque black woman, the other with a cute Asian. Yeah!

One was in a bookstore, the other in a cafe: I chatted for five minutes, started leaving, then asked for email.

But what do I at a party where I’m likely to stay for at least an hour? Pretend to leave, get email, then stay!? What’s the strategy here?


>MY COMMENTS: Isn’t it amazing how easy it is to get an email address from a woman you’ve just met? I didn’t believe it myself at first…

Well, it sounds like you have quite the diverse taste in women… glad to hear that my techniques cross all racial and cultural boundaries.

If you’re at a party, the strategy is:

“Well, it was nice talking to you… I’m going to get back to my friends… [turn away]… Hey, do you have email?”

Then get her email and go back to your friends. If she starts up a conversation again with you, you now have all kinds of options. Think about it.

And if you or she leaves early, you can still contact her later. Nice.



I bought your book and its been money well spent as far as I’m concerned. The email/phone approach works like magic; I have never, ever gotten a phone number in a bar before, and now I can! Also the “are you touching me” line you mention in your book is a real winner. And all the general advice about body language», attitude, its all working.

So now I’m wondering if you can provide some advanced know-how. The sort of girls I like are the blonde, high-maintenance “Los Angeles” looking babes, and they seem to be the hardest for me to succeed with. Any suggestions on what I should be doing to attract them? What look I need to have, methods of approach, things to say, whatever…

(To explain where I’m coming from, I’m tall (6’2″), thin but cut, average looking, run my own business and make good money. I try to be both funny and arrogant but am usually more funny than arrogant. My style is goatee, black turtleneck, khakis, black loafers.)

Thanks in advance for any extra tips you can provide!


>MY COMMENTS: Lease a Mercedes 500SL, get a big gold chain, pretend to be a big-time producer, and make references to your “connection”.

The problem with the type of woman that you’re describing is that WOMEN DON’T ACTUALLY LOOK LIKE THIS IN REAL LIFE. EVERY ONE OF THESE WOMEN IS TRYING TO COMPENSATE FOR SOMETHING! And it’s usually something like, oh, self esteem, insecurity, lack of attention from a father figure, a neurotic need for approval… you get the picture.

If you want a fake woman, then be a fake man.

Your other option, of course, is to TURN UP THE MAGIC COCKY+FUNNY FORMULA TO THE MAX. You’re going to have to see her fake beauty and raise her an arrogant attitude unseen since Ali.

Try it. If it isn’t working, turn it up. You’re probably asking for trouble, but since you asked…


“Hi Dave,

Great book! It certainly makes much more sense to bypass those “dating rules” that women seem always play and make your own rules instead.

I do need your opinion here: I’m successful, intelligent, cocky/funny (bordering on a**hole/arrogant at times), not bad looking, and in good shape. However, I’m Asian/American and shorter than the average white male. On the internet, I’ve had many comments how great I seem until they learn that I’m Asian– then I don’t hear from them again. In person, it’s a slightly different story because I can use funny/cocky, which gives me better responses.

I know that Asian American males have always had huge gripes about white women and even women of their own race who will NOT date them because of the stereotypical (nerdy, needy, backwards, or arrogant, bad to women, philanderers… list goes on) AA males that are always portrayed on TV and movies. And also, you just hardly ever see AA males with white women (especially in the white suburbia where I happen to live).

Do you have any special advice here? Any personality traits we should emphasize? Have you seen AA males be successful using these techniques and what have you observed?



>MY COMMENTS: I have an Asian friend who’s probably about 5′ 5″ tall, and he’s ALWAYS surrounded by young women. And I mean surrounded. Like 5 or 6 at a time. There are biases everywhere, in all cultures… if you buy into them, then they apply to you. If you don’t then they don’t.

Who’s reality do you live in anyway? Yours? Or hers?


“Hi, this maybe a dumb question but what does “cocky” mean and can you provide me some examples.



>MY COMMENTS: The formula is:


Cocky alone is not attractive. Arrogance repels people like bad breath. But a FUNNY arrogance… Ahhh, that’s the stuff that miracles are made of.

The cocky man says “You are acting like a little girl, and it’s annoying me.”

The cocky+FUNNY man says “If you keep acting like a brat I’m going to spank you like a red-headed step- child.” (The usual response is “Ooohhh, be careful, I might like that.) No, really.

A cocky+funny man is always on the lookout for an opportunity to show off his arrogant humor.

She gives a compliment on the clothing… Cocky+Funny Man says:

“I just met you and you’re already starting with the compliments. Look, I’m not going home with you. I’m not that easy.”

I’ve just placed a pearl of wisdom before you. If I were you, I’d pick it up, look at it from many angles, and improvise variations. This is magic waiting to happen.


“HEY DAVE! I have a teensy weensy little questions for you, but first I’d like to say that your book kicks serious butt!! I have had more luck with women since I got it… Not that I really needed it or anything, (cough cough) ahem! Anyways, now to my question.

1)I know how to be cocky, I know how to be funny, I treat women the special attractive way they should be treated… but I have no clue whatsoever as to what signs a woman will give off when she is feeling attracted, I keep doing silly, stupid things like um… backing off afterward ’cause I’m not sure what her reaction meant, which I am positive is a problem.

So if you could help me here I would be most obliged


>MY COMMENTS: The main sign that a woman gives off is VERY simple to spot:


You can stop clapping. I know it was profound.

But really, if a woman isn’t interested, she won’t keep talking to you. She’ll start looking around, acting bored out of her skull, or moving around in an uncomfortable manner.

The first minute or two is often like this anyway as two people begin a conversation… but if it continues past about 3-5 minutes, you need to move on and try to be a little less boring with the next girl!

I knew you would find my answer profound… but if you’re still waiting for her to tilt her head, lick her lips, and twirl her hair then you need to stop reading books published by guys that have nothing better to do than spend 25 years watching people in bars and writing down what they do.

It’s simple:

1) Meet girl
2) Get email and number
3) Invite for tea and stimulating conversation
4) Meet and tease, be cocky and funny
5) If she’s not psycho, invite her over
6) Use The Kiss Test
7) Don’t screw it up!

I may have oversimplified a bit here, but I think you get the idea. Don’t worry about what she’s thinking… just do what you know is ATTRACTIVE, and then lead. Things will work themselves out if you keep doing the right things.


[QUOTE FROM LAST WEEK]: “I have a strong sense, though, that a 37-year-old guy approaching a 23-year-old girl (or anyone under 28, say) would be looked on with suspicion by the girl…”

OK! hold it right there! With that attitude, what’s to say our bro won’t be stopped by some other smokescreen objection!!! (too tall, too short, too blond, too dark- haired, etc….”not her type”, “too nice”… whatever)

I am a 52-yr.old, VERY average-looking guy, who last month successfully [approached] a 23-y.o. cutie, and she effectively wound up asking me out and she was the one to first mention the word “sex”. How? I think the words “cocky and funny” say it all. Come to think of it, I don’t think I can recall ever scoring without coming across that way. (BTW, I don’t ordinarily favor that age group, but she was pretty mature for her age.)

>MY COMMENTS: Us guys have this amazing ability to come up with reasons why things won’t work… but we forget that TRYING CARRIES ALMOST ZERO RISK, AND A HUGE UPSIDE RETURN ON INVESTMENT IF WE SUCCEED.

I can remember looking women all night in bars and coming up with all kinds of reasons why they probably wouldn’t want to talk to me… they probably had a boyfriend… they were busy with friends… they were gay (hey, wait a minute… that’s cool Beavis)…

Just get over your imaginary failure scenarios and DO SOMETHING. Having a girl say “Oh, no thanks, I’m in a relationship” isn’t that bad, you know. Women are usually flattered when they pass… really. So stop making up reasons why you should fail, and start making up reasons why you should succeed. Things seem to work much better that way.



Been reading your newsletter, and bought your book. I’ve read it once and will read it again for better comprehension.

Success Story:

In the meantime, I’ve been putting into practice what you teach. I wanted to share this success story with your readers, as an example of how well this stuff can work.

At a bar with a bunch of friends for a stag party. Took the stag-boy around the bar to get his t-shirt signed by all the women (this is a great way to meet and talk with every woman in the bar). Anyway, later I saw a blonde that I had talked to earlier. She was talking with 3 guys. I went over and tapped her on the shoulder and said “Hey can I talk with you a minute?” and walked away about 10 feet.

She came over, I used your email/phone # material, and gave her pen and paper to write it down. You should have seen the looks on the faces of the three guys who were just talking to her. It was worth it just for that.

I got 4 numbers that night and have been out with 2 of those women.


Like many other guys who write you, I’ve been trying to develop the cocky-funny attitude. I’ve watched most of the comedians and movies you suggested in your book. I’m working hard on this but it’s just moving along slowly.

Now that getting emails/numbers isn’t a problem, and even getting dates (although I know I could do better if I was more cocky-funny) is now more possible, I now have run into a whole new problem: how to create tension/tease/act cocky-funny on the first date so that SHE calls ME for the second date (hopefully cooking a meal at her place).

Anything you suggest for us guys at this stage of our learning that isn’t already in your book would be most helpful.



>MY COMMENTS: You’re doin’ great… and you’ll figure it out as you go.

One of the best things you can do is to take out a pen and paper, and write down the ten most common situations that you find yourself in, then write down some cocky, funny lines to use.

For instance, you might write:

End Of Date

1) Say to her “Now don’t call me three times a day… I had fun too, but no stalking”

2) Kiss her and say “Call me”

3) Tell her “I’m busy tomorrow, but if you tempt me with a good enough offer, I might make time for you the next night…”

Are you feelin’ me?

Just work out the different situations on paper first, then do them in real life. You’re on the right track…



You’ve guessed it – the magic formula is working. I went for 10 years with only 3 women, and in the last 3 months, since I read the book, I’ve slept with 3 more. The C&F theory is 100%. I picked up one girl at supermarket, got her email, sent her an email, got a date, left early (“got to go – too busy, sorry…”, waited 10 days, got another date, asked her if she’d like to see me again, told her “I think you should, because I’m almost perfect” (she laughed), kissed her and you can guess the rest… This stuff is dynamite. I’m a good looking, successful 36 year old (separated), but I act an idiot in front of women – or used to. Now I feel *totally* in control, and am enjoying playing with your ideas. Spot on!


>MY COMMENTS: Isn’t it amazing what a little attitude adjustment can do? I appreciate your email because a lot of guys don’t realize that JUST BEING GOOD LOOKING doesn’t do it. In fact, I know more average looking guys who are successful with women that “good looking” guys who are. Funny, isn’t it?

Actually, it’s COCKY and funny. Ba-Dum-Bum.


Dear David,

I met this girl on the internet and we have been out twice. On the computer and on the phone she’s all sweet and inviting but in person she is entirely different. On our second date she told me that she didn’t feel “connected” with me. Meanwhile I have been nothing but a gentleman to this woman. Help, what did I do wrong.



>MY COMMENTS: I have two ideas for you:

1) Stay tuned and read every email that you get from me.

2) [ebook download link]

And listen to the little audio clip at the end of the second page. You need to learn that ATTRACTION ISN’T A CHOICE. And it isn’t logical. Again, stay tuned.


“Hi David,

I spend a lot of time in the library these days studying for an exam – Psychology of all things-but it hasn’t helped because oftentimes I see an attractive girl at the next table or perhaps a cute girl walks past – never to be seen again. My problem is that I’m totally at a loss as to what to say and how to arrange it so we meet in what seems like a natural and unsuspicious way. I can’t just go up to a study-table and suddenly introduce myself and I’m certainly not going to follow anyone around. Any suggestions?


>MY COMMENTS: Like I say in my book “Double Your Dating“… women KNOW what you’re doing when you approach them. Heck, even if you’re just being nice and friendly they’ll SUSPECT that you’re picking up on them.

So get over this “unsuspicious way” idea.

What, do you want to start talking about math or anthropology, then slide in under her radar with your smooth Mac Daddy techniques… and have her wake up enamored with you?

Well, now that I put it this way…

Just sit close and start up a conversation. Ask them what they’re studying. Say anything. Then be cocky and funny. Then say you have to go, that it’s been nice chatting… and “Hey, do you have email?”

Quit trying to be the “Secret Agent Mac” of the campus. And besides, women think that men who are self-conscious approaching them are WUSSIES.

And in case you didn’t know this, WUSSIES DON’T GET WOMEN ALL HOT AND BOTHERED.

Revenge Of The Nerds will NEVER happen to you.



First of all, I’ve got to say that your advice is brilliant! There’s a lot of con-men out there selling silver bullets for guys women problems, but you’re writing makes you figure out what works best for you. Since I’ve started following the Cocky-Funny approach, I’ve noticed better results with women in general.

Recently, I was out with a group of friends for someone’s birthday. I met this great chick who we both have mutual friends with. Well needless to say we both were attracted to one another and were dancing in the club later with each other. One of my friends was talking to her and then afterwards she went a bit cold on me. He told me later that she said she liked me but had just started going out with another guy for 2 weeks.

Now I’m not one to try and steal another guys girl, but I felt that the two of us really connected and would like to see this girl. I haven’t got her number, but my friend has a good excuse to ring her and I know I will be seeing her again in a couple of weeks through friends. Well my question David is this. You’re tips helped make her attracted to me, but what can I do if she’s still unsure about what to do with her current relationship?

I’d really appreciate your advice!


>MY COMMENTS: Well, if you haven’t read my book, then you need to get it ASAP and learn how to use the “friendship” approach with women.

I think that most guys are just too damn anxious to get their willies wet sometimes. Instead of trying to convince her to leave some guy she’s been dating for two weeks based on a few dances, instead say:

“It was nice meeting you, you seem like you might make a nice FRIEND. Maybe we can have coffee sometime.”

Get it?

I’ve learned the hard way that it’s much better to get to know a woman as a friend FIRST anyway. It puts you in the right frame of mind, and you get to learn a few things about her before you apply all of your serious advanced smooth-mac tactics (and very well may just save you from a neurotic experience of the unwanted kind).

When you say “friends” first, it says all the right things. Think about it.


“I have a qeastion about fat womens. if a women sit in the house all day worry about things and trying to destroy my career of making music and looking for some attention and money should i get rid of the fat pig or stay with her till things blow and hit her like a punching bag to settle her emotionals down? she not my girlfriend she just a sick women who was cool with me since my youth but she hates everything i’m into.well i,m ready to treat her like dirt as far the game go she play to talk trash about my talent and putting her nose in my business.what should I do punch her like a pimp or kick the fat bic.. to the curb.(we ain,t got anything in command)”

>MY COMMENTS: I have to warn you beforehand, I’m not a qualified relationship expert or licensed practitioner, but I may be able to offer you some insight.

It sounds to me like your relationship could possibly have eroded beyond repair. Again, I’m not a qualified expert, but this is just my personal intuition.

In addition, I realize that on occasion a woman can behave in a way that is unsettling, but violence is never an acceptable way to settle a dispute of this nature.

In other words I just don’t think that if you “punch her like a pimp” that it’s going to solve anything.

Good luck with your “…career of making music and looking for some attention and money…”.

[I know, it just isn’t possible that someone could have sent me this letter… but sometimes life is just this way. I cut and pasted it exactly as it was sent to me… with no edits. Unreal.]


“Dave, I wrote you last week saying that I really like this girl and wanted to “push her over the edge” and get her to see me more. Well, I took your advice and waited for her to call me. Well, she did, and everything that you said would happen did. She told me that she is used to guys calling her all of the time and bugging her and that I am the first guy she’s gone out with that didn’t try to call her and ask her out every day. Needless to say she asked ME if she could see ME more. It worked like a charm and she spent the night last night (it was worth the wait). Just wanted to say thanks for the help and that you are cool as hell for helping guys to quit acting like “wusses”. Thanks buddy.


>MY COMMENTS: What else can I say? NICE!

I should invent a creme called “WUSS-BE-GONE”… or maybe “WUSS-AWAY”… you could rub it on yourself and it would overcome the urge to call women and beg for their attention. I could sell it for $100.00 a tube. Hmmmmm… I’ll have to see if I can scare up some venture capital for this one. I’ll keep you posted.

…and that about wraps up another one.

I’m still trying to recover from the comedy above… I really hate my job.

A couple of quick things:

1) If you haven’t read my eBook “Double Your Dating” then you need to go to:

[ebook download link]

…NOW and get a copy for yourself. It will fill in the missing pieces of the puzzle and help you to understand how to attract women.

2) Make sure you check out my new audio clip on my site. It’s at the end of the second page after the above link.

I’ll talk to you again soon.

Your Friend,

David D.

P.S. Send the (short, two paragraph max) success stories to me at:

[newsletter sign-up link]

…and remember, if you give me a quick story about what’s working for you, I’ll be MUCH more likely to feature your question in a Mailbag. I get HUNDREDS of emails every week, so keep trying!

This is an archive of a David’s answers to questions directed to his mailing list for his Double Your Dating eBook. David’s newsletter is a free e-mail list that that teaches men how to be more successful with women and dating. If you would like to purchase David’s book or subscribe to his mailing list, you should visit

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