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David DeAngelo’s Double Your Dating Mailbag


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[Note: This question starts with an interesting success story, and that’s one of the reasons I chose it. Because of this, I’m going to discuss two different points in this newsletter… so enjoy!]



Date #1 was coffee. Date #2 was yesterday, and success came as a surprise. Here’s why.

I understand the theory behind being cocky/funny, but from lack of experience, I couldn’t quite start doing it on date #1. Now, on date #2 (same cutie), I somehow managed to do it a bit where opportunity arose. I also managed to avoid some direct questions, especially about work and family.

But she seemed a bit distracted and I didn’t quite feel a connection building. Worst of all: a Voice in the back of my head kept saying, “Man, you’re just not doing this right; you’re missing something; you’ve got so much to learn; back to the drawing board!”

However, I *just stuck to the method.* No one overhearing us would have said, “This guy is funny as hell,” but he would have said, “This guy has a sense of humor and is confident.” We ate sushi, then went to a movie (A Beautiful Mind). Suddenly *she* started touching me while whispering comments. Afterwards, we got to kissing without even a kiss test! The only hard part was to cut it short with a “hey, you’re fast!” and leave while still on a roll.

THE WORD OF CAUTION to all fellow trainees: Don’t listen to the Voice! Don’t evaluate while on the date. Don’t worry. Just have fun. Stick to the method. Boy was I surprised when this cutie suddenly was so warmed up I could smell the pheromones!

NOW FOR MY QUESTION to you, Dave. As practice, I answered some ten online personal ads, got two replies, but in both cases the girl dropped the ball. I realized that I did not apply any cocky/funniness in the emails. Should I? How to do it email? How is it different from in person? I’m unsure about the strategy here.


>MY COMMENTS: I’m really glad you wrote in, because you really hit the nail on the head and brought up points that I have seen and dealt with a lot… both in my personal experience, and when coaching guys in general.

A lot of guys have this idea that if they’re not seeing “instant results” that what they’re doing isn’t working.

In other words, if a guy says something that’s cocky and funny, and the girl doesn’t jump on him, he assumes that he made a mistake.

Even worse, sometimes women will respond to cocky/funny comments with the “I can’t believe you just said that” look… to which a lot of guys respond with “Oh, um… I was just kidding”.

Big mistake.

The best thing to do when a woman gives you this kind of look or response is to SAY SOMETHING ELSE THAT’S EVEN MORE COCKY AND FUNNY!

Then, if she keeps actually objects to what you’re saying in a “serious” way, you’ll know that she’s probably a cold fish and not going to be any fun anyway.

But in MOST cases, you’ll find that the second comment either gets a laugh… or at least a “I can’t believe you just said that” look.


I know that this may be hard to believe, but stop for a moment and think back in your own experience to see if this makes sense…

Now that I’m to a point where I could care less what a woman thinks of me, and I don’t respond to these kinds of things by backing down, I find that women are FAR more attracted to me. Women simply are not ATTRACTED to men who kiss their asses.

And this is a great example of what often happens when you just stick to the program, and don’t wuss out.

Now, on to your actual question…

Let’s talk about how to deal with women when meeting them via the personals.

First of all, imagine what it’s like to be a woman who’s running a personal ad.

1) She’ll get dozens of responses a day, in most cases.

2) Most of the responses are from desperate loser guys who make it very clear that they are not at all attractive.

3) Within a few days all of the guys seem to blur together into one big mass of exactly what she isn’t looking for.

So let’s play this out.

You’re a woman who’s tired of playing the dating game, meeting guys at bars, or whatever… and you think “Hey, maybe I should place a personal ad and see if I can meet a nice guy.” So you get online and see an ad for a free trial at a personal ad site, and you go for it.

The first day of your ad, you get 35 responses. You’re thinking “Wow, this is cool. I’m going to be able to choose between all these guys… there HAS to be a few good ones in here…” so you go to work reading through them.

The first one says “I’m a DWM, 45, two kids, looking for a SWF for a LTR….”

You’re so bored that you delete it thinking to yourself “I hope they’re not all that boring.”

Second one says “Hi, you’re really hot. If you’d like to get together for some “no strings attached” physical fun, get back to me. I’m very into giving pleasure…”


And on and on… and the next day there are 35 more full of the same stuff…

If you think that I’m exaggerating, just ask a few women who have run personals. This is real world.

With that said, if you’re going to work with the personals, you need to do a few things to:

1) Get her attention and stand out.

2) Come across as something OTHER than a loser.

3) Get her to answer you, then get her on the phone ASAP, before she tunes out from all the responses.

To answer your first question, YES you should be cocky and funny with personals! As a matter of fact, you need to turn up the volume for this special occasion…

Here’s an example of something I might say:

“Well, you sound like you might be more than just another pretty face. Something tells me that you’re probably getting about 50 emails a day from loser guys saying things like “Hi, I’m freshly divorced from my seventh wife, have 5 delinquent kids… but the good news is that I have a good chance at finally getting a job…” etc.

In any event, I’m 35, have my life together, and I’m more than the usual amount of interesting and funny, so you’d better like to laugh.

You sound like you might make an interesting friend, so let’s get together for a cup of something delicious and some interesting conversation… if you think you can handle it, that is!”

I can see it now… you’re probably already going out and signing up for ten online personal sites and you’re thinking “Hey, cool… I’ll just cut and paste what David D. wrote here and the chicks will bangin’ my door down.”

Well, in fact that might happen. And I’d recommend that you test this one out…

But here are a few more tips for you, based on a LOT of experience:

1) If you’re going to use the personals, you have to STAY ON TOP OF THEM. You want to be one of the first 10 people to email a woman! Not number 293. Yes, this means paying attention.

2) You need to do something to make it personal. Use your cocky and funny skills to talk about something she said in her ad. If she’s into dogs, say “Hey, let’s go down to the pet store and see if we can’t get your pooch one of those extra-fancy chew toys that are like Krispy Kremes for dogs.” Use your imagination, and stay cocky and funny.

3) Get her on the phone as soon as you possibly can. Remember, even though she sounds like she likes you in the first email or two, she’s STILL GETTING 40 MORE GUYS SENDING HER RESPONSES EVERY DAY. If you don’t get her on the phone fast, you’ll just fade into the pool of losers in her mind.

Here’s a little secrets: Personals are one of the BEST places to learn and practice how to be cocky and funny, because you can THINK ABOUT WHAT YOU’RE GOING TO SAY! It’s like a real world simulator. I love it.

Thanks for your email… and for reminding everyone how important it is to “stick to the plan.”

…and by the way, I have more tips on how to meet women online, what to say, and all kinds of other great priceless techniques for attracting women in my eBook “Double Your Dating.” If you haven’t downloaded your copy yet, you need to go to:

[ebook download link]

…and get it now. It’s the best investment you can make in your dating future.

I’ll talk to you soon.

David D.

P.S. Send me your success stories and questions here:

[newsletter sign-up link]

…keep them to a paragraph or two, and put the words “Success Story” in the subject line. I read those first!

This is an archive of a David’s answers to questions directed to his mailing list for his Double Your Dating eBook. David’s newsletter is a free e-mail list that that teaches men how to be more successful with women and dating. If you would like to purchase David’s book or subscribe to his mailing list, you should visit

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