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David DeAngelo’s Double Your Dating Mailbag

“HOW DO I GET OUT OF PAYING FOR DATES?” – February 18, 2002

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“HOW DO I GET OUT OF PAYING FOR DATES?” – February 18, 2002

I’ve gotten several emails this week asking questions like “Should I pay for dates?” and “How do I avoid paying for dates?”

The answer that I’m going to propose is deceptive in its simplicity, but hey… those are my favorite kind…


See, if you don’t go out on “take her out to dinner” dates anymore, then you won’t have to deal with paying for them.

Profound, I know. Please, hold the applause.

Let me explain this a little more.

A lot of good research suggests that women think of men that are potential mate potential in one of two categories. I call these categories “Lover” and “Provider”. If you’ve read my book “Double Your Dating” then you will recall that one of the three free bonus reports was dedicated to this topic.

The basic idea goes like this:

In a “traditional” boy-meets-girl situation, the girl makes a decision early on whether you’re the type of guy that she should get physically involved with quickly (spelled A-T-T-R-A-C-T-I-V-E) or if you’re of the “nicer” type (spelled W-U-S-S-Y) that would be glad to “prove” yourself to her by paying for lots of expensive dates, buying flowers, etc.

I realize that I’m generalizing here, and that I’m being a bit extreme… but I’m making a point, so go with me.

A very common approach that men use is the old “Can I take you out sometime?” line.

At first glance, it sounds innocent enough.

It has the ring of “I’m a nice guy, and I’d like to take you to dinner so I have a chance to get to know you better” to it, right?

Well, it may seem that way at first glance, but let’s get a little deeper into what ELSE you’re saying when you ask a question like this one (or start off by paying for dinner, etc.).

Here are a few of the OTHER LESS OBVIOUS things that you’re saying when you offer to “take a woman out”.

1) You’re starting off the relationship RIGHT FROM THE BEGINNING by offering to buy something for her, and, more importantly YOU’RE SETTING AN EXPECTATION. In other words, when you do this, you’re setting an expectation that you’re going to do this from NOW ON.

2) You’re subtly saying “I feel like I need to use a bribe to get you to see me again”. I’m sure that men have been bribing women with food and gifts since the dawn of our species. Does this sound far-fetched to you? Check out how our closest relatives, the chimps use food to persuade females to have sex with them. No, really.

3) Once you “take a woman out” and prove to her beyond the shadow of a doubt that like to pay for things, you set a whole series of other unconscious expectatins in place. Without going into detail, most of these other expectations will only lead to her thinking of you in the “nice guy” category, and costing you time and money that you might as well have thrown down a rat hole.

4) By going out to a typical nice restaurant setting, you start a whole chain of events that often leads to two people looking at each other over a candle, in a loud room full of other people, with a typical uncomfortable “OK, so tell me about yourself and don’t ask me too many personal questions please” look on your faces.

I don’t know about you, but this just isn’t my idea of a good time.

So what’s the alternative?

Thought you’d never ask.

Well, as I said earlier, the first thing you might consider doing is NOT ASKING WOMEN “OUT” ANYMORE.

Instead, just say “Do you have email?” and if she does, hand her a pen and say “Great, write it down for me.” Then, follow up by inviting her to join you for a cup of tea and some stimulating conversation. Here’s an example email for you:

“Hi, it was fun talking yesterday… I’m thinking that we should get together tomorrow for a cup of tea and some stimulating conversation. You seem like you might make a nice friend.”

Then, if you’re REALLY cheap, show up 5 minutes late so she buys her own tea and is waiting for you. You can even say “How inconsiderate of you… where’s mine?”

Here’s the key:


Use the techniques that you’re learning from me to be Cocky and Funny, keep her laughing, and generally bust on her to increase the ATTRACTION level.

If you buy a woman enough dinners, she may begin to feel some AFFECTION for you… but food and gifts will never lead to ATTRACTION. Big difference.

And, of course, if you want to get all of my best thinking on what creates that magical thing called ATTRACTION inside of a woman, then you need to read my eBook “Double Your Dating“… just go to:

[ebook download link]

…and download your copy now. It will not only explain this topic better, it will also teach you other great places to take women that don’t cost money, how to take things to a “physical” level, and much more. Do it.

Talk to you soon.

Your Friend,

David D.

***P.S. If you’d like to send me a success story or a question, send it to me at:

[newsletter sign-up link]

…don’t just hit “reply” to this email! If you just hit reply I’ll probably never read your email, and you very well could wind up removing yourself from this list by accident. Keep your email to a couple of paragraphs, and if you have a success story to tell me, write “Success Story” in the subject line… I read those first.***


“Hey Butthead, what is MENTAL MASTURBATION?”

“Heh Heh, it’s like… when you’re thinking about a chick while you’re GETTIN’ THE JOB DONE”.

This is an archive of a David’s answers to questions directed to his mailing list for his Double Your Dating eBook. David’s newsletter is a free e-mail list that that teaches men how to be more successful with women and dating. If you would like to purchase David’s book or subscribe to his mailing list, you should visit

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