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“Q&A: STOP BEING A WUSS!” – March 1, 2002

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“Q&A: STOP BEING A WUSS!” – March 1, 2002

Can I just start off with “I love my job”…? I have gotten so many great emails this week. Literally hundreds of them. If you’ve sent me an email and It’s not included don’t lose heart. Follow these steps:

1) Keep it to a paragraph or two. I need you to be brief.

2) Contribute before you ask a question. In other words, give something before you ask for something. Tell me a story about something that’s working for you, then ask your question. I also love plain old success stories.

3) Put the words “Success Story” in the subject line of your email. This tells me that you’ve been paying attention. I read these first.

4) Make sure you send your email in to me at:

[newsletter sign-up link]

…don’t just hit reply to this email. I’ll probably never see your letter if you do.

Now on with the fun!



Thanks for your inspiring tips, I’m putting them to the test every day in my interactions with women. Playing these games might be effective, however, I’m curious concerning an important aspect – if you “click” instantly with someone, is the use of games (even if you don’t like the term) necessary?

Best Regards,


>MY COMMENTS: Your question is interesting to me because you keep using the word “game” to describe the techniques.

My question to you is “What is a game and what isn’t?”

It took me a long time to realize this (I was pretty dense in this area for a LONG time), but attractive women play games almost ALL THE TIME when you first meet them. And if you think about it, THEY HAVE TO.

What would you do if you were a woman and you had men approaching you several times a day, every day, week after week, month after month, year after year…

YOU’D LEARN HOW TO USE SHORTCUTS (translated: GAMES) to filter out the exceptional guys from the not-so-exceptional ones (translated: ATTRACTIVE GUYS from the WUSSES).

The games that I teach are what I would consider to be useful in almost every situation. If acting like an attractive man is a “game” to you (in other words it doesn’t come “naturally”) then keep playing the game. It’s better to play the game and keep the woman than not play the game and not keep her. Check your personal values when in doubt.


“ok, i’ll be brief. What do you do when you meet a woman who you cant get out of your head because you fall in love with her and you want something more with her which is not just a friendship? I’ve tried showing her what I feel, I tried ignoring her for some time, i tried send flowers and poems since st. valentines, but I dont know what to do. I’m too shy to tell her verbally that I love her. What should I do?”


[ebook download link]

Hint: ACTING like a woman isn’t the way to ATTRACT one.

OK, that was harsh (but funny)… I mean, really… what are you thinking? Click the above link for help.

And on second thought, I take back my comment. You weren’t really acting like a woman. Women usually give up a lot sooner…


“Maybe you should make sure all employer’s pay women the same as men before you send out information like this. I don’t believe you have talked to enough women or maybe any………………because what your saying is not what the typical “normal” day to day women think or feel…………your method would definitely the guy off my list in a flash and he wouldn’t have time to “funny or “cocky”…………..that’s definitely what women want is another “cocky” man……………NOT!!!!”

>MY COMMENTS: Guys, let this be a lesson to you. If this is the kind of woman you’re after, pay for dinner.

Or raise her pay.

Or both.



I read your dating tips as I am writing several articles on Internet dating and getting a “male” perspective is important too. Now, while I love men I have to say this article is way out of line. I am a single woman and a Personal Coach. I think the advice you just gave could have been a bit “kinder” in nature. I agree that going out for tea or coffee or a drink works much better for me so “I” don’t feel obligated after a man has bought me dinner. This works both ways. I do like it when a man buys me things (usually something small), a single flower, he drops by the grocery store for some flowers or a dinner after we have had the chance to “qualify” whether we even like each other. It let’s me know that there is real interest there.

However, no woman likes Cheap. There is a difference. Thank you for the perspective. Let’s give fair time to the “female” perspective here.


>MY COMMENTS: I can understand your perspective, but I have to mention a couple of things. First of all, you say that I could have been a little “kinder” in nature.

lol… I’m trying to get guys to be LESS KIND!!! I don’t think that the best way to do it is in a kind way… lol.

Let me try again…

“OK guys, now I know this might sound a little bit harsh and unkind, but maybe, if you’re open to it I’d like to maybe possibly suggest that you don’t start out buying dinner. It can be interpreted as you showing too much of your feminine side, which, in many or even most cases can trigger a woman’s unconscious resentment of weak men, leading to her to act uninterested in order to get you to pursue her and buy more food and gifts…”

Hmmm. I don’t know. I think it sounds a little weak.

Oh, and did I hear you say “I do like it when a man buys me things…”? I thought so.

***NOTE: There’s a huge difference between what women “Say they want” and what they actually respond to…

For example, when I explain my “3 Minute Phone Number” technique to women, they ALL say “That would never work on me!” So then I have to bet them money that it works, and let them watch me get three or four in a row from any woman they point at. Really. I’ve had to do this more than once.


Read some social psychology books if you want to read about what people ACTUALLY do in situations. Don’t fall for the old “That would never work on me” line.



Last week end I was in Boston on business and met this sweet young lady. Instead of taking her out on an expensive dinner, we had coffee and “stimulating conversation” and took a 3 hour walk through the park. Now I can’t get her to stop emailing and calling me.

Thanks for the advice,




Dear Dave,

Help!! I’m in the slump of my life and I can’t get out! It’s been 5 months now since I broke up with my girlfriend and the cat is looking real good right now. Mickey Mantel said: “A slump is like a comfortable bed, easy to get into hard to get out of”. Please rescue me before I drown in celibacy.

Z., Boulder, CO.”

>MY COMMENTS: I neither endorse nor condone bestiality or lewdness involving cats or other animals. And no, not even sheep (or cats).

If celibacy is a bed, then you might want to consider my ideas a LOUD alarm clock. Stay tuned, make friends with some guys who know what time it is when it comes to women, and make something happen for yourself.

Stay tuned.


“I have a question that is probably really easy for you to answer. I have been dating a girl for a little over 2 months now, and I really do like her a lot. When I ask her about her feeling toward me she won’t really tell me how she feels. Is there any way to tell how a girl feels toward you if she will not tell you. I think that she does care about me a little last week end she drove five hours just to see me. But I can’t really tell what she is feeling so I was wondering what you thought?”

>MY COMMENTS: Yea, this is a really easy one for me to answer… you were right.


The only possible result of this is her thinking that you’re the Wuss that time forgot. Oh, and in case you haven’t heard it enough from me:


If I were you, I’d take the five hour drive as a good indication that she likes you. And start acting like an all-grown-up man. No more of this revealing the feminine side early on!


“Since I’m 22, most of the girls I interact with are between 18-22. I’ve adopted your cocky and funny attitude and have noticed a HUGE difference in how they treat me…which is of course for the better. I noticed lately that when I’m teasing a girl she will laugh and then hit me in a playful way. Some will just grab my arm of give me a gently push. I look at their body language» and it’s always open and they continue to smile or laugh. Now my question is: does this kind of playful hitting mean a girl is becoming more attracted to you? Thanks.


>MY COMMENTS: Um, yea… she likes you. Good guess.


“This is a mantra that any reader of your e-mails and/or books needs to know: HESITATION IS YOUR ENEMY. If you wait for things to happen to you, you will invariably miss out on some of the best opportunities of your life, when it comes to women. Nut up and talk to the girl that you think might be vibing on you; the worst that can happen is that she says no (not likely, if anybody reads your book), and you’re back where you started from.

Big props.


>MY COMMENTS: Great point. I’ve found that if I just walk over to a woman I always come up with something to say. Waiting around isn’t the answer. It only fills your mind with more fear and self doubt. Action gets rid of the fear and doubt.


“David, things just keep getting better, I’m the englishman that first used cut and paste, I’m moving house soon, I choose 5 girls that sounded half decent who lived in the area I’m moving too, and cut and paste the script for personals again, within a day, 4 replies, you sound cool… you sound great, 50 emails from losers more like 500 & your the only one I’ve replied too, just as you said.

But the replies I’ve used:

a) look I know how you women are: first a little compliment, then telephone, then back to yours to check out your stereo etc… I’m not like that…

Great response

b) so your a real person…. we have 2 choices, love via internet, or maybe we actually meet up and etc etc…. (feel free to add your scripts) dont want too make this too long,

Also great responses.

I havent even moved and I have 4 telephone numbers and email, nice! They are so hooked,

But one queston how do I go about one night stands, its not in my nature, and i’ve never felt comfortable doing it… some ideas much apreciated?

No problems meeting them it just never seems to end with an invite to theirs or me asking them back to mine.

Is there some little structured technique like your (bridges 10 – step) but quicker that leads too some action on the night.

your help would be much appreciated,

P.S how long till the new book?

C. (u.k)”

>MY COMMENTS: I think I said it before when you wrote in: “I love it when people take action!” Nice!

To address your question about one night stands…

In your letter above you say: “…its not in my nature, and i’ve never felt comfortable doing it…”

If it’s not in your nature, and you’re not comfortable, then don’t do it. My perspective is that there’s nothing inherently wrong with a one-nighter, but that there’s also nothing inherently RIGHT with it either. In other words, if it’s your style, then fine. But for most of the guys I know, it’s not.

I realize that if you meet a woman and she’s attractive that it’s natural to want to have sex with her. Duh.

But too many guys I’ve met put too much importance on “getting laid”, and not enough importance on actually doing what fulfills them. The drive to get laid is strong in most men I know… but that doesn’t mean it will make a man happy. Think about it, and do what’s right for you. If you want to speed up the process, then just increase how fast you go from step to step. It’s really that easy.


“Hi David,

Almost two months ago I followed your advice to dump a woman to whom I told about my feeling for her a couple of times but she just shunned away from me.

Right before Valentine’s Day, she sent me a card and started calling me. I ignored her entirely, but she keeps on sending emails. In each message she asked invariably the these question, such as, how is my love life? Have I met any interesting woman? Or how was my weekend? Sometimes she said how bored she has been.

I still like her but don’t trust her. I think she is playing games and trying to find out if she still have the power over me. So I reacted remotely.

Now my question to you is 1) what is she trying to accomplish by contacting so often all of a sudden? What does she has in mind? 2) Secondly, how should I react to her if I want to get back to her?

Thank you in advance.


>MY COMMENTS: I remember your original letter. I included your letter this time because I think it’s really important for more guys to realize that a move like the one you used REALLY WORKS in REAL WORLD situations. And it’s a MUCH BETTER RISK than clinging, calling all the time, sharing how you feel, and other not-very-attractive things.

If you do decide to get back together with this woman, do yourself a HUGE favor: Don’t make yourself so available anymore. Keep being distant, start teasing her more, acting cocky and funny, busting her balls, and doing those things you’ve learned that create that magical feeling called ATTRACTION.

Thanks for following up.


“Dave, I followed your advise about the on-line personals and answered one emphasizing you sound like someone who would make a good friend. Reassure me. That is reverse psychology isn’t it? Anyway she replied with three pictures. I love it! I sent her the URL to my web page where my pic is located. Do you think that was premature? Now I need too move this to the telephone stage, right? I can’t believe this is working so well.”

>MY COMMENTS: I know, I know. Isn’t it amazing when you go from the “I have no idea what’s going on with women” category to the “Wow, cool… this stuff is actually starting to work” category?

The best thing you can POSSIBLY do right now is GET BACK ONLINE AND MEET ABOUT FIVE MORE WOMEN. Make hay while the sun is shining. And yes, get her on the phone. Don’t let the online thing go for too long, or it will lose the magic.


“Dear Dave,

Having always been both intelegent (but not boring) and a romantic (but not needy or sappy) I have naturaly began to a develope into a well-mannered, well-dressed young (21 this april) gentleman. I dress very well and try to act cheerfuly, politly, and yes, even humoursly towards others. In truth, both my mid-60’s mother and my 17-year- old sister have comemented on how good I look.

This, however, hasn’t helped my dating much at all! Unlike highschool, where finding dates was relitivly easy, most of the supossed “good” placed and methods to find dates have proven unreliable with me. Constantly I am avoided at clubs and bars, all my webpersonal messages are ignored, and people in bookstores, on busses, and on the street are seldome intresteted in platonic friendship, let alone a date!

Can you sugest any alternative sugestions as to where I can find young women who might be more reseptive?



P.S. Would business cards bee too out of line? (I’m an artist.)

>MY COMMENTS: First of all, if you want to convince me that you’re ACTUALLY intelligent and romantic, you’re gonna have to do a better job with the spelling and grammar.

You have NO LESS than a dozen mistakes in this small letter to me.

So you’ve “naturally began to develpe into a well-mannered, well-dressed young… GENTLEMAN”???!!!

Oh, really?

And your “mid-60’s” mom and “17-year-old” sister both say that you’re good looking, huh?

And you’re surprised that you can’t get a date?


Hmmmmm… I think I might have an idea or two for you.

lol… Where do I start?…

For starters, you might want to get some pointers about women FROM A MAN instead of from your mom and 17 year old sis. This would be BIG step in the right direction.

Next, you might want to GET OVER YOURSELF ENTIRELY. It sounds like no one has ever mentioned to you that your “I’m a really neat guy because I’m smart” attitude isn’t really going to do you much good in the real world.

The only attention you’re going to get with it is from big mean guys that like to beat up arrogant stuck up guys like yourself. But something tells me that this isn’t what you had in mind…

Look, go download a copy of my book. Read it at LEAST three times. After you start realizing what ATTRACTS women, then I’d like you to ponder something.

After carefully researching the topic, I finally think I’ve found the guys in the world who have been with the absolute most famous, rich, attractive women. I’m talking about the guys who are the envy of all men. These four guys have dated, slept with, married, or otherwise gotten busy with just about every hot famous woman alive. Give up?

Motley Crue.

Yep. And I think it might do you some good to go look at their book “The Dirt” and read about some of the things that these guys do to attract women.

Sure, you say… “But they’re rich and famous.”

But you must remember ALL OF THE HIGH PROFILE WOMEN THEY’VE BEEN WITH WERE ALSO RICH AND FAMOUS. I mean, I don’t think Heather Locklear and Pam Anderson were having a lot of problems getting dates and such. And I don’t think they need the money.

So why do these women and about forty seven thousand others including every Playboy centerfold that you’ve ever drooled over go for these guys?

I guess you’ll have to read my book and theirs to find out, huh?

OK, now I’m starting to rant and rave… and as fun as it is, it’s time to move on.

Oh, and RUN THE DAMN SPELL CHECKER before you send me any more of these fake intellectual emails!


“plight of the short man

Hi, I’m a fairly good looking man who always seems to get “overlooked” by women. The fact is is that I’m 5’5” and its always a struggle even to get girls to notice me. How can I better my situation?

s. Chillicothe, MO”

>MY COMMENTS: This problem is in your mind. I know NO LESS than five guys who are all EXCEPTIONALLY good with women who are around your height (some shorter).

And I’m serious about this.

The problem is in your mind, not in the world. If you get over your problem with it, things will change for you. It is my FIRM belief that PERSONALITY IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN LOOKS when it comes to attracting women. This is NOT an excuse to NOT pay attention to your looks. Quite the contrary. It’s important to do whatever you can to maximize what you have.

But NEVER let your height stand in your way. Ever.


“I just wanted to verify a point i’ve seen many times in your e-mails…if you are already in a relationship that may be rocky because you are a wuss, being cocky and funny will increase your attractiveness! i would like to stress that your advice is not only for singles…

i am a 32 year old man in a long standing relationship of five years with a woman in the tech field. it was good for the first year, but my needyness increased with the feelings of attachment (having 2 children helped also). then, because computers and technology holds her interest, she gradually drew closer to men in that field and others via chat rooms, e-mails, online communities etc. this increased my ‘wussivity’ introducing insecurity and jealousy…even towards the computer and two-way pager!! no more…cocky/ funny has allowed me to be the one she turns on and logs in–my hard drive is firmly loaded onto her hardware…without a glich! now, i’m never microsoft, yet she waits for my upgrades like i’m bill gates himself!! although we’re getting married, i’ll use these tactics until we grow old and gray…even by using the “next” attitude!! thanx man…”

>MY COMMENTS: How very right you are. One of the biggest mistakes men make is to get into a relationship then start acting like a wuss… which, of course, screws everything up. If you want to know the effect that acting a like a wuss will have on a relationship, just imagine how your gal gaining 50 pounds would affect it. Not good.

And as for your hard drive being firmly loaded into her hardware… thanks for the visual.


“Hi there Dave,

Alex from Australia here…

Just wanted to say thanks for today’s email. When you’ve read your book (as I have :-), you realise that each of these new emails really builds upon the book. I’ve been receiving these emails since August now, and since that time, and especially the last dozen or so emails… they have all been really top notch stuff, adding so much more. In fact, it’d be great for people who’ve bought your book to be able to ‘download’ or have access to a collection = of your emails. If online, it’d be a username and password affair, I guess, to be able to read the ‘updated chapters’…

Unless it’s going into your new book! 🙂

Anyway – just wanted to say thank you and that your work is greatly appreciated, and obviously by the content of the weekly emails, a lot of other people think so too! 🙂

I think you’re providing an invaluable service and you truly have taught me a lot. Many thanks indeed, and please keep the emails coming, I’m always looking out for them and have noticed the fact you’ve moved the delivery dates around and over the past two or three weeks have really gone all out with some fantastic material.

Cheers and best regards,


>MY COMMENTS: Thanks for writing in. I say it often, but I think it’s important for other guys to hear from people who have read the book… it REALLY IS important to read it in order to have a foundation for these emails.

Everything makes more sense once you understand in detail how I think.

And as for the “archive” of my emails… you guessed well. I use many of them as foundations for other materials, so I’ll probably never “archive” them. Stay tuned for more great products in the near future!


“Hi there,

Just wanted to share a little success story. I’ve been using an on-line dating service for the past year or so with decent results. During this time I’ve read the free emails you send every week, and there is no question that I have benefited; I am simply more skilled at attracting women than I used to be… something amazing has happened in the past week. In one of your latest mailbags, you suggested how one might go about contacting someone on-line through a personal service. You included a sample “query letter.” I thought your example was a little ridiculous – definitely over the top – but just for kicks I decided to send it to four women.

Well (you know what’s coming!) so far I’ve gotten three replies out of four… and they have all been outstanding. In fact, two of them said things like “I’ve gotten tons of emails, and I haven’t written anyone back in months, but you seem like such a nice guy!”

NICE GUY! You gotta be kidding me. Cocky and funny, they mean. Anyway, I just ordered your book. $39.95 is too little money not to risk, when you consider the possibilities…

Thanks a lot man,


>MY COMMENTS: And with that, I recommend that you go download your copy of my eBook at:

[ebook download link]

…it’s a great investment in your future success with women and dating. And it comes with the best guarantee on earth: If you don’t like it, you get your money back and YOU GET TO KEEP THE BOOK.

Do I get ripped off once in awhile?

Sure I do.

But as far as I’m concerned, it’s the right thing to do. And I stand behind my materials.

I’ll talk to you again soon.

Your Friend,

David D.

P.S. If you have a website that gets a lot of traffic and you’d be interested in advertising my materials on your site, please email me at sup***t@do***.com[ ? ]. I’m always looking for great sites to work with!

This is an archive of a David’s answers to questions directed to his mailing list for his Double Your Dating eBook. David’s newsletter is a free e-mail list that that teaches men how to be more successful with women and dating. If you would like to purchase David’s book or subscribe to his mailing list, you should visit

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