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“Q&A: How To Get HER To Buy The Dinner” – March 7, 2002

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“Q&A: How To Get HER To Buy The Dinner” – March 7, 2002



What happens when two people meet who BOTH have a great grasp of your theories? A standoff? Dueling cockiness? If neither is willing to give up power, will there EVER be a point at which they let some guard down and start to really communicate? You teach us to avoid getting into personal details…if one of us isn’t interested, fine, but if that never happens, how can there ever be any reality? OK, so I like her, and grow to love her, and finally ask her to marry me, all the time being cocky and funny in order to maintain her attraction. She may say no becuase I haven’t allowed her to get to really know me. I don’t want a standoff. Someday I want a wife.”

>MY COMMENTS: Let me give you a little hint…

If you do find such an amazing woman, and she sticks around long enough to be marriage material, then you’re going to KNOW whether or not she’ll accept your proposal.

You’re talking about the above as if it’s not desirable… on the contrary, women like the one you’re describing, who can create as much chemistry as you can… who can keep stepping up and staying interesting… who have a grasp of the theories are the MOST FUN…

You’re turning what is probably a wonderful potential situation into a mental drag. Get over it, and realize that if you find such a great woman, you’ll both realize when it’s time to come clean and “let the guard down.” But PLEASE never confuse “letting your guard down” with TURNING INTO A GIRLY- MAN. If she’s attracted to it at the beginning, chances are she’ll be attracted to it 20 years from now.

Moral: Don’t let your failure fantasies prevent you from doing what you know is best.


“I don’t get it Dave, Are you saying that i should never buy a woman a gift or dinners, so that she doesn’t think of me as a “WUSS”?

>MY COMMENTS: No, I’m saying you should never ACT LIKE A WUSS so she doesn’t think of you as a wuss.

Big difference.

I have more than one friend that likes to take women out to dinners… and they are very successful with women. But you must understand that they are SO AWESOME when it comes to being attractive to women that IT DOESN’T MATTER THAT THEY BUY DINNER.

Most guys buy dinner because they DON’T KNOW WHAT ELSE TO DO, and they think they need to pay to have a woman’s attention… that they need to use a bribe. Big wuss behavior, if you know what I mean.

Rule of thumb: If you find yourself surrounded by women who won’t leave you alone, and you just don’t have time to see all of them, then you’ll know that it’s OK to take a woman out to dinner when you first meet her.

On the other hand, if you don’t know what you’re doing with women, then chill on the dinner and gift program. It isn’t helping.

[By the way, the two friends I was thinking of when I made the above comments will be at my seminar in May… along with several others.]


“Hi David,

I really enjoyed your last newsletter on where to take your dates without paying big bucks. Your suggestions where great… if you live in a city. Unfortunately I attend college in a small town which means that there is basically nothing to do. Of course they have art galleries here but I’m pretty sure that if I’d take my date to a place like that you’d only think that I’m pretentious. Obviously there are a lot of parties around, however, I don’t really want to take someone to a party on a first date. What to do, what to do?


>MY COMMENTS: DRIVE to a big city. Gas is cheap. And it will be an adventure. Buy some red licorice and chips for the road. Cummon, use that creative mind of yours!


“A friend introduced me to your newsletters and I wasn’t sure what to think at first. But, when I watched my friend actually use these techniques in public, I was shocked to see that women flocked to HER. Yes, we are both women, and it apparently works just as well for women who are trying to pick up women.

My question is this: I dated a woman a few years back. She is a stripper, but surprisingly she does not do any drugs, drink, or even smoke cigarettes. I had a lot going on in my world at that time, and so I kind of let the relationship fizzle. Three years later, I found myself thinking about her. I decided to go ahead and call. She was surprised to hear from me and I think she knew I was curious about seeing her again; hooking up with her again. I let her know I was going out with a few friends for some drinks (completely casual), if she wanted to go. She said it sounded good and she would call me later that day to confirm. Well, she never called and I was feeling pretty frustrated. But then at 1:30 AM that night, my phone rings and guess who it is. We talked for about an hour and a half. The conversations seemed to go pretty well, and she said she wanted to see me that next day around 5pm or 6pm. I said it would be nice to see her, and I’d be in and out of my apartment all day, so she should call my cell phone. I ended the conversation as well. But then the next day (yesterday), she never called at all. I’m not sure I know what the hell is going on here. She wasn’t the game playing type years ago, but who knows what she is up to now. I’m not sure what my next step should be. Do I wait for her to call, and chance that she might not call? Or do I give it some time and call again? OH, I did get her email address though, but I’m still not sure what to write, without letting her know that I was pretty disappointed I got blown off.

OH, and I really didn’t think that I’d enjoy these newsletters, and now I’m starting to look forward to them… thanks.”

>MY COMMENTS: I know, I know… now I’m giving women advice on how to pick up strippers. The nerve of some people. And I know what you’re thinking… “This can’t be real.” But, like every single other letter that I’ve included in every single other Mailbag, it’s real.

So, to answer your question…


Oh, sure she’ll be a little jealous when she finds out that I’m in the picture. She’ll come around. And we’ll all be one big happy family… trust me.

But really, you need to do what you should already know how to do: PLAY HARD TO GET. Don’t call her more than once or twice a week, keep busy, let her know you’re dating other women, and do the chick thing. Didn’t you read “The Rules”? And keep these emails coming… I want to hear ALL the details when you reel her in.


“Brother Dave,

Success story: I bought your book eight weeks ago and applied the techniques to K.: email close at Borders Books, kiss close on date two, then stalled on date three, but date four: yee-haw! Especially, it helped to remember “no” means “turn me on more.” …

Question: What to answer when in bed, just after the first sex, she asks, “What is love?” Is this a time to cocky/funny? Evasive?


>MY COMMENTS: Yes. That’s exactly what to do. You don’t want to be getting into the love conversation for oh, about another SIX MONTHS. This is just an intuition, but you might want to cut this one short…

Unless, of course, she looks like that hot new brunette GUESS model… in that case maybe go with it.


“Hello David,

I’ve been reading your e-mails for some time now and have thoroughly enjoyed the insight that you impart. I especially like reading your e-mails because what you have to say is totally common sense… ah, but there’s the rub… “common sense” is one of the most uncommon things in this world. Anyway, I’d like to share a success formula that I’ve used for a good number of years, and which is consistent with your “buying dinner for a woman is not a way to make her feel attraction…” I figured that out on my own a long time ago, but never really spelled it out as directly as you do. Anyhow, my success formula usually starts out with the “hey, I like to spend time at this coffee place near my house, why don’t you meet me there tomorrow” type of thing. Once we’re there (I arrive a little late, usually after she has arrived and bought her own coffee) the conversation eventually get around to food. I am pretty much a health nut, and I date only very fit women. This is an easy way to get into a conversation about how restaurants don’t really serve food that is delicious and good for you… anyway, next comes the “hey why don’t you pick up some groceries, your favorite things, and I’ll cook us a nice dinner at my house.” This is great, because I don’t pay for the food, it gets her to participate in the set up of the date, and provides a very easy what to establish an attraction… I find that almost every woman I’ve ever met finds a man who can cook (even badly) to be attractive. Of course, you can’t set the expectation that you want to cook for her all the time, that makes you look like a overeagerly-anxious-to-please wuss…but it is a great way to start off: it’s cheap, it’s attractive, it’s polite, and it works.


P., Raleigh, NC

>MY COMMENTS: You, my friend, are the man. This is a GREAT idea, and more guys should do things like this. ***APPLAUSE***


“Hi David, your book is great and I love the emails. I had a blind date yesterday that went really well. Met her at a cafe. I put her off a couple of times and then when we met I was relaxed and funny (I hope). I said I had to leave after an hour. She wanted to talk outside and I think we both felt attraction. Question: what would be the best next move? I plan to call her on her cellphone (didn’t get her email) and ask her to meet me at a cultural market on Saturday. It’s a great place to go where I can practice my cocky/funny routine. Any thoughts?


>MY COMMENTS: Here, let me try a little analysis on you.

You say “…when we met I was relaxed and funny (I hope)…”

You HOPE? Look, don’t make me call you GIRLY-MAN in front of thousands of readers looking for a good excuse to laugh.

I’ll do it.

Back to Morphius in the Matrix:

“Don’t THINK you can. KNOW you can.”

And don’t “ask” her to meet you… tell her that you’re going and she should come along to entertain you. Tell her she should watch some good live comedy between now and then to brush up. Have fun.

And quit being unsure of yourself. It’s not attractive.



Sorry but this isn’t a success story..i actually have a pretty bad problem right now and i think you might be able to help me out…I am friends with a woman who is four years older than me…but the thing is that i am completely in love with her…big surprise…i can tell she knows because i unfotunately make it obvious i’m attracted to her just by the way i look at her…how can i get her to see me in the same way i see her? I’m going to lose it if i can’t figure out a way to make her see how much i care about her and how much i want her to be more than just a friend to me…




Sweeeet, I get to do amateur psychology again…

I know that you THINK you need to “figure out a way to make her see how much you care about her” blah blah blah, but what you REALLY need is to stop acting like an abandoned puppy and do something to make her feel ATTRACTED to you. And I have news: The puppy bit isn’t it.

I hate to say it, but you’ve driven me to it. Click Here:

[ebook download link]

Until you get at least the basics, nothing I say will probably even make any sense at all.


So, unless you’re the most attractive man in your state, you need to try something different or you are going to have ZERO chance with this woman (or any other attractive ones, for that matter). Trust me.


“Hi David-

Love your advice on handling women. The cockier and funnier and more carefree I get, the more women want me. They now call me a “man’s man.” or “real man”. I just take them less seriously now, during the approach. Anyway- here’s my question: Just started to try personal ads for fun (there are so many beautiful women on line) and using your example I got my first response from a knockout! She stated she gets more like 200 Emails a day and that they all say the same thing- “I work out 6 days a week, fit, athletic, into water skiing,etc…I’m passionate ,romantic….”

She says she is bored and looking for the man who doesn’t use such clichés. She asks, if they’re so great why are they looking online for a date? (She has not acknowledged me at all in her response-just complaining about her 200 emails a day)

How would you respond to this gorgeous hot babe…?

Thanks a lot.”

>MY COMMENTS: Here’s exactly what I’d do… I’d respond to her saying:

“Yea, I was thinking exactly the same thing about you… if you’re so attractive, why are you looking online for a date?”


Say “So let me guess, these pictures were taken in 1989?”

“200 emails a day, huh? Well THAT must be fun talking to every loser on the entire internet. How cool. You must be meeting some REALLY fun guys.”

Get it?

And get her on the phone. Don’t waste time.



C. here. I love your book, worth every penny and then some. I can not believe how much difference the cocky and funny attitude makes. I have always been a comedian, and have attracted women. But I never tried the cocky part, (more like the wuss after I attracted them–we know how that turns out) and the difference in UNBELIEVABLE. I sent out about 15 e-mails cutting and pasting your paragraphs (with a few changes) on a monday nite, and I had 9 replies by the next morning, had 3 more the next day. By saturday nite I had 3 phone #’s and had responded twice to about 7 of the girls. All wrote that my e-mail was the only one they responded to. Words like, and I quote “you sound marvelous” “I want to meet you”, “you are so funny”. Thanks for the tips, and keep up the good work. And guys, don’t forget to bust the girls for screwing up. I busted one chick for not using spell check and she has emailed 3 times in 3 days.!!!

Thanks again,


>MY COMMENTS: I love busting on women for not using the spell checker… that’s great. Ah, another guy who takes action and does what works. Nice.


“your stuff works like a charm i tried the approach at a bar where you say i wanted to get your opinion on something and the women love it you are a master heres the ? i got her email had a drink of tea walked around the city had 8 or 10 more dates i got lucky on the third but then came valentines day i think you might say i turned into a wuss i made plans for lunch brought a real nice gourmet lunch to her class she is a teacher and said it would be cool to eat there she loved it sent me a nice email later in the day but since then we have not seen each other she has been too busy love to hear your thoughts…your #1 fan”

>MY COMMENTS: If you went on 8-10 dates and you REALLY liked her then I see nothing wrong with being sweet and doing something thoughtful like you did. My guess is that it wasn’t the act of bringing her the lunch… it was probably in the way you began acting. My question for you would be: “Did you stop doing the things that she was attracted to in the first place?”

My guess is YES.

I want to clarify something:

I’m not against being nice, or being romantic, etc. I’m just against laying it on too thick too early… or turning from a man into a girly-man who’s all emotional and needy.

Get it?

Romance is great, flowers are great, being thoughtful is great.

But it’s not great if you pour it on when you first meet a girl, or if you use it to act like a needy, clingy, WUSSY.

[Can I just say that I’m pretty stoked about the idea of bringing the words “Wuss” and “Wussy” back into vogue?]

Where was I… Oh yea, if you want to keep a woman’s attention long-term, you need to KEEP DOING THE THINGS THAT SHE WAS ATTRACTED TO IN THE FIRST PLACE.

Think of it like this: What would you think if you started dating a super-hot woman, and about two months after you met her she decided that she really liked you, that you were both meant for each other, and since she didn’t have to worry about attracting a new guy anymore she could stop taking care of herself, gain 100 pounds, and stop bathing.

Well, that’s about the effect guys have when they mysteriously go from Mr. Attractive, Cocky and Funny to “Mr. Wuss Boy” when they decide that they “really like” a girl. Think about it.


“Hey David,

Thanks for the emails, although they are very informative I’m not sure if I can use these tactics. I consider myself to be an attractive guy but very shy when it comes to meeting women. If I use one of your tactics and I get rejected I’ll be crushed and likely never try again. My QUESTION is how can I desensitize myself so I can treat rejection as something not so harsh. When I meet women and get turned down, I likely won’t approach another women for months. Most women I date are women I know through friends or work, but what I really want is that random chick in the supermarket. Thanks. D.”

>MY COMMENTS: Well, first I think you need to go take some martial arts classes, or get some female friends of yours to role play rejecting you… so you can see that it’s really not that bad, man!

You’re telling me that if you get turned down that you WON’T APPROACH A WOMAN FOR MONTHS? MONTHS?

As in, like MONTHS?

Excuse the language, but I think I would have to bitch-slap myself silly until I got over that one.

Don’t hurt yourself.


“I am handling myself very well these days thanks to your info, but a couple of things are still a problem for me. One thing is when I get a compliment. Sometimes I am so caught off guard by a compliment I just don’t know a good response for it. Occasionally I’ll give them a “God, you’re really into me aren’t you” which has done well a few times, but any insight that you might have would be greatly appreciated.



>MY COMMENTS: Ohhh, this is a GREAT question…

I don’t think that there is a better opportunity in the world to be Cocky and Funny than when a woman compliments you!

And your response is great.

Here are a couple of off-the-top-of-my-heads for you:

“Look, I’m not like other guys. This compliment thing isn’t going to get you anywhere.”

“Already starting with the compliments, huh? Look, let’s just get this over with… go buy me the drink already.”

“I’m not giving you my phone number, so just quit.”

“Cummon, can’t you at least think of something original to compliment me on?”

And the list goes on and on…

And on a different note:

So as I was skimming through the 200 or so emails I got this week full of the GREATEST comedy/drama stories ever, I noticed that a few guys had the same thing to say/ask. It goes a little sumthin’ like this:

“Dave, I think there are situations where your ideas won’t work…” or “Dave, what if I try it and it doesn’t work…” or “Dave, do your ideas work with all types of women…?” etc.



I’ve gotten AT LEAST 20 emails from guys who CUT AND PASTED WORD FOR WORD my “online personal” letter, and EVERY ONE OF THEM got responses from it. I estimate that most of them got a 50%-75% response rate or so.

Now, what this also means is that they got a 25%-50% “It didn’t work” rate as well. But who’s complaining?

Here’s the bottom line:

I’ve spent about five years now figuring out what makes women feel ATTRACTED to some men while only feeling “friendship” or nothing at all for others.

I’ve come up with a set of general principles, rules of thumb, and concepts to use. In addition, I have probably a few hundred different specific techniques that I’ve learned, discovered, developed, refined, and organized.

In my personal experience, my ideas and concepts work better than anything else available to attract women. In addition to working better than other methods, I believe that my concepts “feel right” when you get the hang of them… and lead to women feeling attraction.

But just like anything else, you need to apply yourself and use what you’ve learned intelligently.

Are my ideas perfect? Do they work on every woman in every situation every time?

No way.

But I’ll tell you what… they are the shortest, most direct path from being lonely and feeling insecure because you have no confidence with women to feeling secure, fulfilled, and happy because you’re able to create chemistry with woman and attract them with the magic of your personality alone.

If you haven’t downloaded my eBook “Double Your Dating“, then you need to do that… it will give you a great foundation and understanding of the basics. It includes three great bonus reports that cover everything from the personalities that are naturally attractive to women, to how to get a woman sexually aroused, to how to take things from one step to the next…

Just go to:

[ebook download link]

…and get it.

And remember, only 78 days until Double Your Dating» LIVE! If you want to come, reserve your seat soon.

I’ll talk to you again in a few days.

Your Friend,

David D.

P.S. If you want to send me a Success Story or a question, you need to follow these steps:

1) Keep it to a paragraph or two. I need you to be brief.

2) Contribute before you ask a question. In other words, give something before you ask for something. Tell me a story about something that’s working for you, then ask your question. I also love plain old success stories.

3) Put the words “Success Story” in the subject line of your email. This tells me that you’ve been paying attention. I read these first.

4) Make sure you send your email in to me at:

[newsletter sign-up link]

…don’t just hit reply to this email. I’ll probably never see your letter if you do.

This is an archive of a David’s answers to questions directed to his mailing list for his Double Your Dating eBook. David’s newsletter is a free e-mail list that that teaches men how to be more successful with women and dating. If you would like to purchase David’s book or subscribe to his mailing list, you should visit

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