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David DeAngelo’s Double Your Dating Mailbag

“Q&A: How To Start Conversations With Women” – March 13, 2002

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“Q&A: How To Start Conversations With Women” – March 13, 2002


“A friend sent me one of your newsletters 6 months ago and since then I’ve seen my understanding of women, and thus confidence with, soar. I went from no real experience with women to 2 GFs in those short months by keeping the power and being cocky and funny. If all I’d seen was the advice from chicks I would probably be a monk by now. However, I’m really into fit women and see a lot of prospects at the gym who I don’t know how to approach because they’re wearing headphones. Getting their attention once is okay, but more than that is lame and you become

just another schmuck. How to make your op count? Timing is also essential because I don’t want to stick around after getting the data.”

>MY COMMENTS: Oh, you poor, poor dear. You’ve gone from no success with women to two girlfriends in six months, and you’re already saying things like “However, I’m really into fit women…”.

A man after my own heart. Just don’t try The Kiss Test on me…

As for your situation, I think you should walk over to one of your gym super-babes with the headphones on and say:

“Can I ask you something?” This will get the head phones off…

“How is this butt-firming machine working for you?” (Even though it’s obvious to you how it’s working, it’s still a great opener)

Then, after 2 minutes of talk, say “Thanks, I’m going to get back to my workout.”

Finally, before you leave, walk back over to her and say “Do you have email?” and go right through the 3 Minute Email technique. Then leave. That should do it for you.


“Look when i tell women i like them they start to blow me off and ignore me and it seems that when i be nice to a girl they step all over me so should i be mean instead?”

>MY COMMENTS: A friend of mine once went to the doctor and said “Doc, it hurts when I do this (lifted up his arm above his head)”.

The doctor casually said “Well don’t do that anymore.”


Look, women KNOW that you like them. If she’s even half way attractive, she’s going to assume that you like her. Attractive women know that any man in her life would jump in the sack with her at any time if she wanted it to happen.

Telling a woman that you “like her” is the kiss of wuss.

Instead say “I like you… you’re a nice friend.” That will have a totally different effect.

And no, don’t be mean. Mean is worse than too nice.

You need to get some confidence, and act Cocky and Funny with women. Tease them and play hard to get. And while you’re at it, do download yourself a copy of my eBook. You need it.



I have always had my share of success with woman but I was not always sure of what worked so it was hit and miss. So I bought your book and I changed only two things, my posture and the way I move. Since then I have had several women comment on my confidence, I have had women that I have barley met walk over and hand me there

phone number with demands that I call. Within six weeks I met around 40 women with very little effort on my part, I have always been a little cocky and funny so I knew that part worked. Now I enjoy being able to pick and choose. Such a little change with big results. I guess the race horse that wins by a nose gets the big prize. One question though, if a regular relationship develops over a period of time and all appears well but she has a legitimate full

plate and starts to take my availability for granted, such as fails to call for a day or two because she “knows I am there.” Do I just revert back to being busy and stop calling her for a while? She usually has perfectly legitimate reasons for being busy but a phone call only has to take 30 seconds. I think I know what you are going to say. I am being a wuss, so lets hear it!


>MY COMMENTS: I know that the idea of meeting 40 women in six weeks sounds a bit far-fetched, but I have personally seen a friend of mine get 25 phone numbers over the course of three days, no B.S. (and he’s probably going to be at my seminar in May if you want to meet him).

To answer your question, you need to not let things get to this point. Don’t turn predictable. And if you do find her starting to take you for granted, go back to doing what worked in the first place!

As a rule of thumb, if she starts acting less interested, it’s probably because you started acting less interesting.


“Hi Dave, I’ve had this problem with women since I can remember. Whenever I find a woman to be very attractive, I become extremely uncomfortable when I am face to face with her. It’s so irritating because I want to be calm and relaxed inside like I normally am, but the more I’m attracted to them, the more turmoil I have inside me. They sense my nervousness and this ends up turning them off. As a result I end up settling or going after women that I’m only mildly attracted to for this reason. The only thing I’ve been able to come up with is to pretend the hot babe is a transsexual. This helps take the edge off a bit but I know there’s go to be a better way. I don’t want to be a wussyman. Can you help me Dave?”

>MY COMMENTS: NOW THAT’S A UNIQUE TECHNIQUE. I have to say, in all my days I never thought of imagining the super-hottie I’m talking to being a transsexual. Somehow that just makes you look at her/him differently, huh?

As an alternative, may I suggest thinking of her with 100 more pounds on her, or maybe 50 years older… that should have the desired effect without the, um, “extra” visuals.

You’re dealing with something that just about every guy on the planet can relate to. Now that you realize you need to do something about it, you’ll make progress.

And watch out for cross-dressers. It’s a jungle out there.


“Hey David,

I can’t even explain how much better I feel. I got your book two days ago and have only read through it once. But I went out last night to a bar with some friends and had a beautiful, intelligent girl hanging on my every word. I would usually be too modest or unsure of myself to have said half of the stuff I said to her. And I felt like less of a jerk by being cocky than I usually feel by being nice because I could tell I was making her day, not wasting her time. My God!, I didn’t even know I could get a girl like that so interested in me. I have always been the “nice guy” and have been extremely frustrated with meeting women. You would probably call me a pussy. No offense taken. I now have a beautiful girl’s email address, but more importantly a new sense of hope and self- confident/blah, blah, blah… Anyway, the book has already been worth the price. Thanks.


>MY COMMENTS: Great job. Thanks for the Success Story.


“How do I start a conversation with a woman if I had been sitting next to her for a while, for example in a church or a bus etc.?”

>MY COMMENTS: You might try something like “Hi.”

The key to starting a conversation with a woman is your body language», facial expression, and voice tone.

I get dozens of emails asking “What’s a good pick up line?”

The issue isn’t the words! It’s the body language»!

If you sound weak, insecure, nervous, etc. then you’re going to come across like either a girly-man or a stalker.

Neither are good.

Try making a joke about the bus or the church. But make sure it’s funny. And whatever you do, use a cool, calm, confident tone of voice and relaxed body language».

Practice in front of a mirror if you have to.

The key to approaching isn’t the words, it’s the tone and body lingo.



Your material works good. Too good sometimes. I have my first girlfriend in 6 years b/c of this advice and while I have her I also have 4 other chicks hounding me. My girlfriend tells me things like “Thank you for having me” and “You’re not fair” when we have sex. I like this girl and all but it is time for me to move

on and now that I have the rhythm, everything I say gets her to like me more. How do I get rid of this girl without crushing her? She is 19, I’m 21 and I was her first also which makes things even more difficult. She is an 8 and I’m shooting for 10s now.


>MY COMMENTS: Like a kid with a new toy, you are. After six years of being single you can’t be happy with a nice girl who’s only an “8”, huh? It’s 10’s or nothing for you…

You know, women are right about guys like you! lol…

Well, first of all, be careful what you wish for. 10s are a completely different ball of wax, young Jedi. You may just find that the 8 with the nice personality is better.

And to answer your question, all you have to do is say:

“I only like you as a friend.”

Women know exactly what that means.

And for gosh-sakes, quit saying things that make her want you even more! You bad man, you.


“Just to add to your (absolutely correct) remarks:

I am 5’6, and have dated numerous women taller than me. My current girlfriend is a catwalk/photographic model who is 5’10” tall.

It can be done, is done a lot more than you would think, and more than society would program you to believe.”

>MY COMMENTS: Exactly.


“Dear David,

Hi, whats up? I went to your site when it popped up on my computer screen. I think if you spent all your time trying to figure us women out, then well, your just pathetic. Most of what u said is crap! I got alot of laughs though! You are mosty wrong in your information, so I dont know how you could have “reserched” for it. I beleive that you are a loser for trying to figure us(women) out. If we wanted to be figured out they we wouldnt be so diffucult. Women are not manipularors, guys are just sometimes rather stupid. I just wanted to put my opinion in your mind, thanks for your time. All in all i dont think your ever find anyone with all your pathetic rules.”

>MY COMMENTS: That’s easy for you to say.

As a side note, you might try turning on the spelling and grammar check feature in your word processing software before you send out an email that’s going to be read by many thousands of people.

Oh, and I also need to point out that if this is the kind of woman that you’d like to attract, then my techniques probably won’t work very well. It’s obvious to me that she wouldn’t understand what you were doing.

[Can you believe that I get this kind of stuff without even having to make it up? Amazing.]



First, let me say, your methods are awesome, it is fun enough just being cocky and busting girls balls, but to reap rewards like I have is even better. I have a friend who had a friend with and awesome body and she was stuck up as hell, your techniques have not worked better on anyone than her. She never will stop laughing and can’t get enough of me. On our second date I went to her apartment to pick her up and when I got there she told me we weren’t going anywhere, she had cooked dinner and needless to say the night went very well.

Now I sure as hell didn’t want to tell her no, but the back of my mind kept nagging that I was giving up power, and that it would hurt me in the long run. She is still obsessed with me right now, but what do you think about a situation like this?”

>MY COMMENTS: I think YOU’RE GOING TO BE OK! lol… There are exceptions to every rule, and this is one of them. If a woman is insisting on doing something nice for you, then you can accept her “controlling” behavior long enough to enjoy. Just don’t let it spill over into the rest of your interactions.

I think she like you.


“Amazing D,

After reading a few of your newsletters and realizing how true your approach really is, i couldn’t wait to get my grubby little mits on your book. Before your book I was shy around most girls, but after finishing your book I had gained quite a bit of confidence without even realizing it. I used to think I was good with the women, but now i realize i was doing everything backwards. I’m really glad i encountered your book on the net, it has done more for me than i thought i was capable of.

Quick question-can you think of a good line for situations when she asks you to do favors for her? (and i don’t kiss her ass when it comes to favors)



>MY COMMENTS: Yea, I can think of a great line: NO.

I really crack myself up sometimes.

Seriously, a good “NO” can be a very healthy thing. Just don’t be a mean loser jerk about it.

The other great thing to do is make her pay you back for it… with interest. “OK, I’ll make you a deal. I’ll drive you to the store if you give me a 1 hour massage with hot oil, new-age music, and candles.”

Remember to use a cocky/funny tone of voice, but be serious. Try this a few times and you’ll start to understand why this is such a great idea. Trust me.

…and as a final note:

If you haven’t gotten a copy of my eBook “Double Your Dating: What Every Man Should Know About How To Be Successful With Women And Dating” then you need to go to:

[ebook download link]

…and get it now. It will teach you some of the lessons that it’s taken me years to learn in a few hours’ reading.

I’ll talk to you again soon.

Your Friend,

David D.

P.S. If you want to send me a Success Story or a question, email me at:

[newsletter sign-up link]

Here’s how to increase your chances of being included in a mailbag:

1) Keep it short. One or two paragraphs max.
2) Tell me what’s working for you first. Give before you ask for something.
3) Write “Success Story” in the subject if you have one. I read those first!

This is an archive of a David’s answers to questions directed to his mailing list for his Double Your Dating eBook. David’s newsletter is a free e-mail list that that teaches men how to be more successful with women and dating. If you would like to purchase David’s book or subscribe to his mailing list, you should visit

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