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David DeAngelo’s Double Your Dating Mailbag

“Q&A: Approaching Women: A Great Example” – March 25, 2002

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“Q&A: Approaching Women: A Great Example” – March 25, 2002


“Hello Dave,

I just wanted to start off by saying you have very valid points with women. I have worked at bars and restaurants where women come in looking to hook up with men. And the cocky-funny attitude works wonders. I’m 22 going on 23 and I have had no problem ever getting women to give me their number. But there is one problem I do have. That is timing “the call”. When should I call? Plus I used your “Are you single” approach with this very attractive girl. She gave me 5 mins of her time and I found out some cool things about her. She was very hesitant on giving me her number, but after I sat down to talk to her, she gave me her number. Well, I called her two days after she gave me her number and she was on the other line. So she told me to call her back in 15 mins. I waited 30 and she never answered the phone. so I left a message. Should I rip up her number and never call her again? Or should I call her in a week? Your advise would be greatly appreciated. Plus why would she give me her number if she planned on not talking to me in the first place?


>MY COMMENTS: I personally think that this is one of the funniest questions in the book. I mean, haven’t you watched “Swingers”? lol…

My rule of thumb is to wait at least one day, but not more than a few. The real key is how OFTEN you call her, and, more importantly, what you SAY when you call.

But let’s talk about the psychology of why women give out their phone numbers, and why I personally like to get email addresses.

You must remember that attractive women are being approached all the time by men, in one way or another.

They have an unlimited supply of guys to choose from.

I think that a lot of women who give out their numbers, then respond by being flaky when you call are doing something that many of us guys wouldn’t have thought of in a million years:

I think they’re making themselves feel good.

Explained differently, I think that many women give out their numbers are looking for the self-image-boosting hit of power that comes from having a lot of men calling them… men that THEY have the power to ACCEPT OR REJECT.

They can also use it to get attention from friends:

“All these guys just keep calling me! Why don’t they just leave me alone! Don’t the get the hint!?”

Now, don’t get me wrong. I know that this sounds a little bit negative… and I don’t mean to say that ALL women do this, or that ALL women are bad, etc.

To me, it’s just part of the real world that you need to learn to accept and deal with.

Which leads me to why I get email addresses…

Keep in mind, I’ve tried a lot of different things when it comes to curing this problem of hot-and-cold women who act one way when you meet them, then totally different when you call.

And what I’ve found is that if you get EMAILS instead, you not only differentiate yourself, but you also increase your chances of hearing back from her about 100%. No lie.

For some reason, email has a power that a call does not.

If you have my book “Double Your Dating“, then you have read about the technique for getting a woman’s email address within a few minutes of meeting her. Email is also seen as lower risk by her… and it’s easier to get as well.

Try it. You’ll like it.



Being cocky is the best way to go! I have picked up more chicks reading your newsletter then I ever have in my life. Getting the digits is a problem i used to have and really sweat about. But now its a breeze! and i average about 3-5 a week.

But anyway to my dilemma..! I met this chick at work, she is very good looking and we flirt all the time. But she has a boyfriend! He drives a killer truck and he is 22 and im 19. Recently we have been flirting and talking more then ever. but a co-worker went up to her and said that i really like her and that she should stop sending me the wrong signals since she has a boyfriend. So she comes up to me and tells me that flirting is just part of her personality and that she has a boyfriend that she plans on being with for a while. But it just doesn’t add up… when im around her i get a totally different vibe… everybody around me tells me that they can tell she wants me. Plus i already have her number THANKS TO YOU!!!! but how do i get past the mature rich boyfriend. Or boyfriends in general!! im stumped on how to retaliate Please help me find out what she wants, and how to send the bf packin! i am so stuck on this chick that i even find myself being depressed after that day… HELP ME!!!

your loyal fan.”

>MY COMMENTS: With all the women out there that don’t have boyfriends who drive trucks… and don’t work at the same place you do (which can only lead to problems in the long run), why are you spending your time pining away over this one?

I know, I know. She’s extra good-looking, and she’s funny, and blah blah blah.

Look, just be her friend, and keep teasing her. She’s great target practice.

But do yourself a major favor, and go find a girl who doesn’t have a truck-owning boyfriend, and who doesn’t work with you.

Then, if the stars align in the future, she won’t have Truck Man anymore, and you won’t work at the same place, and she’ll be so attracted to you from all of the teasing that she’ll follow you around like a puppy.

Stop wasting your mental energy trying to get something that has a high risk of turning very bad, and put it on finding opportunities that make more sense.


“Hi David,

What are your thoughts on approaching groups? And what’s the best way to approach a group of girls? I just moved to Vegas, and I’ve found that hot girls will frequently travel in groups of up to 8 girls or more. What have you found works best for approaching groups? Thanks!


>MY COMMENTS: The only reasons I can see for approaching a “Group” of 8 or more girls are:

1) You have a bunch of friends, and you’re trying to hook them all up.

2) You really like challenges and entertaining people.

I know someone who loves to approach groups of people, and he’s great at it. He uses a combination of magic, humor, and other great techniques to charm everyone, then leaves with the girl of his choice.

But as far as I’m concerned, it’s not the group you’re after most of the time… it’s one woman in the group… so stop with the “GROUP-THINK”.

OK, 8 women walk into a club together (sounds like the beginning of a good joke). What happens over the next 2 hours?

Well, some of them peel off and dance, some go to the bar for a drink, some go to the lady’s room to powder their noses…

There are all kinds of opportunities to meet women when they’re not in the group of 8. And I’ll tell you what, if she is standing at the bar with her 7 friends and you start talking to her, the other 7 will go about their business and not care.

Just go get her email address. That’s all you need.

Or learn magic. Really.



As a female subscriber i’d like to admit to consciously falling for many of the techniques outlined in your newsletter. I’m a nineteen year old college girl and have been dating my boyfriend for four years. His occasional disinterest in me only makes me want him more. He doesn’t call or email me as often as i call him or think it necessary that we spend every weekend together and i know he has a life other than me (i find this terribly attractive). His body language» or habit of “taking up space and leaning back” is irresistible and his cocky attitude has been making me hot for years. I want to tell your male subscribers not to lose the cocky/funny routine after they have found a girl they like; not just to keep her, but to attract other girls as well. i find it a huge turn on when i catch other girls checking out my guy.”

>MY COMMENTS: Ah, yes. Thanks for the comments. Next time do tell more about the whole “I find it a huge turn on when I catch other girls checking out my guy…” thing.


“Hi David,

I have a question for you. Does the techniques you use in your book work on women of all races? I am African – American.



>MY COMMENTS: I get literally hundreds of emails a week from all over the world telling success stories, so my guess is that “yes, they do”…

And as a matter of fact, I’d like to thank all my readers from every corner of the planet for staying tuned, and for sending in your questions and stories.

Often, the person sending the story doesn’t speak or write English very well, and I don’t speak their language, so I don’t include them in these Mailbags… but I try to respond personally when I can.

My answer to you is: Try it. I think these principals are universal when it comes to women. Just take your local customs, traditions, and benchmarks of proper behavior, as cultures differ… and I know that our culture in America is different than many of the cultures around the world.


“David, I just wanted to give your book a plug to all the men out there who are currently involved in a long-term relationship and want to spice things up. Using the techniques described in your book I completely turned around a 10 year relationship that had gone stale. We went from having sex 2-3 times a day in the first 6 months of the relationship to once or twice a MONTH in the last couple of years. After reading your book, I began the whole cocky/funny routine on my wife and stopped giving in to every little whim she had and…BAM! Just like that she was attracted again. She tried to pretend that she didn’t like the cockiness, but her actions showed how she really felt about it. We’re now back to 2-3 times a week and I’m loving life. Thanks buddy for a great education.”

>MY COMMENTS: Can I just tell you how much I love getting emails like this one? Hats off to you.


I just wanted to say I LOVE YOU MAN! for emphasizing the COCKY AND FUNNY philosophy. I’ve recently tried out this internet dating thing and man I’m telling you that I turned up the volume to the max on being “cocky and funny” towards the hottest chicks on the web. Let me tell you man that my profile reads like a d*ckhead who can be hilarious at the same time wrote this stuff. I would say things like I got “abs” and sh*t, and that I only date girls with pretty faces and who have cute feet and straight teeth; that I like to party and have fun and look good doing it and that my weakness is that I can be an a**hole sometimes but give me one reason to change? You would not believe the response so far. I’ll keep you posted.

Keep up the good advice.


>MY COMMETNS: lol… You just gotta love guys who take things to the limit, huh? I think you’re starting to get it… lol.

(And for everyone who wants to know what “lol” means, it’s the internet way of saying “funny”… the letters stand for “laughing out loud.”


“Hi Dave,

This cocky/funny stuff becomes part of you after you use it for a while. I have gotten numerous e-mails and dates under my belt thanks to you.

Example : I met this hot grl at a bar, mostly college crowd. Lot of guys were hitting on her. But as soon as I saw her alone – I approached her. Here is the dialogue:

Me: Hey, can I ask you a quick question?
Her: ya….
Me: You go to college around here?
Her: no (and then she looks away as if not interested)
Me: (I tap on her shoulder) So where you from?
Her: From…(she gives the city name 4hrs away from where I live)
Me: How do you like it here?
Her: I am visiting friends (She looks away again and talks to her friend).
Me: So what do you do in (her town)?
Her: I go to pharmacy school…
Her:(She cracks up and the ice is broken)…..small talk …..ya da ya da.
me: small talk…..ya da ya da
me: I need to go back to my friends but nice meeting you. (I turn away)
her: nice meeting you too (I really had her attention by now) Me: (Turn back) do you have e-mail?
her: I don’t check my e-mail often.
ME: “Ha!ha!ha!” (I started laughing loud)
Her:(Little disarmed)
Me: Do you have electricity?
Her: no….(cracks up)….I really don’t check e-mail.
Me: Listen grl….imagine the worst case scenario…(do as mentioned in you DD book)
…..I just want to make friends with a DRUG DEALER. Her: Okay…here is my e-mail.
TOTAL TIME – 3 minutes and 16 seconds to get her e-mail – yes i timed it.

We have exchanged e-mails back and forth now. She even asked me to come to her place to go partying/dancing.

I replied back saying: “What?? I don’t even know you and u want me already? Sorry I am not that easy. Whatever happened to the good old days when ladies invite guys for coffee first?”

She is special(she is hot and seems to have good personal qualities). Problem is she lives four hours away – how do I go about doing this long distance thing? I told her to come on down to my town. Provided she has personality that matches her looks – I think she would be worth my time and I would drive 4hrs to see her.


>MY COMMENTS: I know, isn’t it great that this stuff actually works?

By the way, nice touch asking the pharmacy school gal if she’s a drug dealer.

This is a great example of EXACTLY what to do when you meet a girl. Read it again.

And as for the driving 4 hours thing… In the 4 hours of driving EACH WAY, you could probably go out and meet several other nice young ladies that are a big closer. Maybe she loves to drive?


“Hey Dave,

Unsolicited, I think you’re book is AMAZING. NICE WORK! Breaking rapport with humor is a charm! I’m having a blast with it. Ex: Attractive older woman at the cash register tells me to move over to the next register, then she tells another clerk to take care of the next customer, I say, “You just order EVERYBODY around…DON’T you?” She goes, “I’m too old to get married, but I LIKE you! You’re REAL!” So of course, I responded, “Well, I just do what I’m told, but I’m not so sure about you…too BOSSY.” Women love this stuff!

Question: I’ve noticed in three different occasions where chicks have respond to my actions by pouting. I know that you’ve had some great recommendations, i.e., saying, “You’re cute when you pout.”, etc. and it works, but, in your opinion, have you found that the pouters have a lot of personal baggage? Or is that normal female behavior?? …or BOTH. The last thing I want to do is get too involved with a neurotic.

Please share your experience and observation.

Thanks, DJ Chicago”

>MY COMMENTS: Well, if you date enough women, you’ll get just about every possible response in the world.

Sure, once in awhile a woman will pout if you give her a hard time and tease her.

It’s a judgement call, but if you’re dealing with a fragile personality, just say “Oh, lighten up.”

Most of the time, just do what you’re doing… “You’re cute when you’re mad” is great. Thanks for your story, it’s great.


“Dave, its working to good for me!!!….lol! You truly know ur stuff. Ive had so many girls pursue me in the last couple of months. Ive narrowed down my girls down to 2 and they both cant get enough of me, but theres one i really like out of the 2. Ive recently decided to break it off with one of them and stick with the one i really like, but there’s a problem. With the one that i really like, no one really has the upper hand in the relationship. I dont know what i have to do to gain this powerful control. How can i make this girl wait on my every word!??!?! Any help would be much appreciated. Once again, you are the man Dave. Thanks again.


>MY COMMENTS: Ahhhhh… interesting.

The one you like is the one who won’t allow herself to be controlled. An attractive woman with a sharp mind and a quick wit. A challenge.

Probably not a coincidence, my friend.

Of course, this is the same thing a woman is looking for in a man… someone who is interesting, challenging, unpredictable…

If I were you, I’d thank my lucky stars that:

1) You found a woman that’s this great.

2) You learned how to be and stay attractive to her.

You sound like a guy who’s interested in having a great relationship, but I’m not a relationship counselor.

I get guys into trouble like yours, not help them deal with it! You poor, poor dear.

…and if you’re reading this right now, and you’ve made the decision that it’s time to get this part of your life called “WOMEN AND DATING” handled, then I’d recommend that you download a copy of my online eBook “Double Your Dating.” Inside I’ll teach you how women think, what attracts them, plus dozens of techniques from how to get women’s email addresses and numbers to how to meet women online. Just go to:

[ebook download link]

…now and get it. It’s taken me years to figure all of this stuff out. And you can learn it in a few hours of reading. Check it out.

I’ll talk to you again soo.

Your Friend,

David D.

P.S. Send your stories, comments, and questions to me at:

[newsletter sign-up link]

DON’T just hit “reply” to this email or I’ll probably never get it.

Keep it short, tell me what’s working for you, and write “Success Story” in the subject line if you have one for me… I read those first!

This is an archive of a David’s answers to questions directed to his mailing list for his Double Your Dating eBook. David’s newsletter is a free e-mail list that that teaches men how to be more successful with women and dating. If you would like to purchase David’s book or subscribe to his mailing list, you should visit

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