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“Q&A: To Kiss Or Not To Kiss…” – March 28, 2002

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“Q&A: To Kiss Or Not To Kiss…” – March 28, 2002



Dear David,

I have been reading your book and trying your ideas for a while now with limited success. However the other week I decided to try your cocky and funny attitude in a nightclub setting and get over my fear of approaching attractive women.

Here is what happened . . . I spoke to 35 girls in a four hour period. Got 2 phone numbers and lots of physical contact like hand holding, hugs etc. My approach was basically like this . . . A girl bumped into me and say “Sorry” I replied. “C’mon I know what you are doing. You just want to seduce me and take me home. . . But listen, I am not THAT easy. I hate it when girls just want me for my sexy body and incredible looks (I am an average looking bloke) I mean I have feelings . . . and a brain. What happened to just talking a bit and being friends . . . By then the girl is really cracking up and playing along. Like she said, “Oh, it must be a real problem being as good looking as you how do you cope?” I said things like “So tell me, What does it feel like to be talking to such a good looking sexy and intelligent guy like me?” OR Have you ever talked to such a good looking sexy, intelligent . . . and modest guy like me before?” “You are not going to start stalking me now, are you?”

Another approach I used with waitresses was . . . “Excuse me, but how do you do that?” (She ALWAYS says, “Do what?”) Walk so straight. You just glide through the room with this great energy. Are you a dancer or something? . . . Then I went into my cocky and funny . . . Hey, you are not intimidated to have such a good looking and sexy guy like me talking to you, are you? (I got her number)

I would ask them where they were from, and when they told me I would ask . . . “So what are you doing here, did you get lost?” I would shake their hands when I introduced myself and then say . . .”Wow, you have an interesting handshake. You know you can tell a lot about how a person first meets someone by the way they shake hands . . .” (They almost always say “So what can you tell about me?”)

Anyway, since that time I have lost my fear of meeting women in any situation. I comment on their clothes, jewelry, hairstyle, an item they carry etc. Then get into the good looking sexy routine. Also when I am in shops, checkout lines etc. And I get asked how are you? I now say, “You mean apart from being incredibly attractive and irresistibly sexy? . . I am really great!!” This always gets a reaction. If it is a bit reserved I follow up with “You are not intimidated by having such a good looking guy come into your store, are you?”

Or if they ask “Would you like a bag” (Like in a grocery store) I say “You mean to put over my head because I am so good looking and to stop all the girls from attacking me when I walk out? Good idea.” Then after her response I say, “You are not going to start following me when I leave here are you? You are not a stalker are you?” If she is a bit freaked out. I say “You look a bit intimidated by what I said. Haven’t you ever had such a good looking guy through your checkout before?”

So now I am meeting, women and getting phone numbers EVERYWHERE I go. But more than that I make people feel great after I leave. And have them saying things like “You made my day” “I was feeling down until you came” Etc. etc. etc. This is soooo much fun.

Thank you David, I look forward to coming to your seminar.


P.S. Question: I know some of the girls really like me. But I seem to miss the chance to close. (Kiss and/or number and e-mail.) At least 10 times now while I am talking to the girl, a friend comes and drags her away. What’s the way to overcome this. I REALLY want to kiss close and get the number. I know I keep missing the moment. How do I know when the moment is there? (My feeling is I am just go wussy and get scared when I get to that stage and I just have to have a go and just DO IT!!!)


Great examples… thanks!

In response to this great letter, I’m going to focus this issue of the Dating Tips newsletter on integrating several of the different “pieces of the puzzle” together.

One of the most important things to remember as you hear the different ideas that I present is that THEY’RE ALL PART OF A BIGGER PICTURE.

All of the ideas work together.

They strengthen and magnify each other.

And they are explained the way they are for specific reasons.

Let me give you a couple of examples.

Why do I teach the concept of being “Cocky and Funny?”

Because it’s the absolute best way I’ve been able to find for a regular guy to communicate in a way that makes an attractive woman feel a gut level ATTRACTION.

Attraction is complex to explain. It would appear to be a simple concept.

But it’s not.

If you want to be able to create it, you have to understand things that most guys don’t get.

Cocky and funny communicates:

1) That you’re an “alpha” type male. Even though you’re making jokes and being funny, you’re talking in a way that only confident men talk. This is attractive.

2) Humor requires intelligence and creativity. And when you use humor with a little bit of cockyness, it comes across as “superiority”. Also attractive.

3) It says “I get it” in a very subtle way. Attractive women are approached all the time by men… in one way or another. When you’re acting cocky and funny, it’s a very DETACHED kind of attitude. An attractive woman who is used to being approached all the time and worshipped finds the attitude VERY interesting and refreshing.

4) It’s UNBELIEVABLY easy and low-risk. It beats the hell out of fighting to show off that you’re a dominant male.

And on and on…

The point is, there are about a hundred great reasons to use the attitude. And in my book “Double Your Dating” I explain some of them. In future books I’ll explain even more.

But the point is that I RECOMMEND IT FOR A REASON (a lot of reasons, in fact).

Next, let’s talk about getting email addresses and phone numbers.

Why do I recommend getting email instead of numbers?

Because it’s a lot easier, women aren’t so resistant to it, women respond to it better… and you’re about twice as likely to hear back when you email as when you call.

Again, there are all kinds of reasons for it.

How about the idea of getting her email address within a few minutes of meeting her instead of going for “kiss closes” and trying to take women home the night you meet them?

Why do I suggest that?

Wouldn’t it make more sense to get her more interested in you on the spot? And strike up an interesting conversation to prove what a great guy you are?

Well, sure.

If you’re the mac daddy of all time, then it’s a great idea.

But if you’re a regular guy, it’s probably not a good idea at all.

See, if I go out on a Friday night with some friends, and we go to a couple of bars… there are a few interesting dynamics that are probably going on.

1) Women that are out are usually with friends. Friends don’t like to have their friend taken away from them so you can mack on her.

2) Unless you are a “pro”, the chances that you’re going to make a better impression by talking longer in a bar or other busy public setting are slim. There are a lot of distractions… and a lot of other guys around who want your gal’s attention (competition wastes time).

3) If there are a lot of other guys around, she will have better looking, smoother talking men to compare you to. In my experience (unless you’re Brad Pitt’s brother) there is ALWAYS a more attractive guy in a busy bar. It’s only human nature to have this work against you.

4) If you talk to one woman all night, you may or may not wind up dating her later. In my experience, due to the reasons above, your chances get worse the longer you talk. MUCH BETTER to get an email address (AND number) from a woman in a few minutes, then move on and get another… and another. I know a lot of guys that go out and get 3-5 emails and numbers a night (some get a lot more). Then you have a bunch of prospects to follow up with during the week.

5) The chances are that the woman you’re talking to is NOT the kind of woman you’re going to want to see again. YOU READ THAT RIGHT. Just like most guys are not what an attractive woman is looking for, most women aren’t what you’re looking for. She’s probably either a bad match to your personality, has different values than you, is annoying in some way, or whatever. I’d say that maybe one in three women would even warrant a second date on average. Remember this before you invest too much time talking when you could be getting more emails and numbers!

The REAL point I’m trying to make is that the “Three Minute Email/Phone Number” technique isn’t just a cute trick or a gimmick.

There’s a reason why I use it personally and why I teach it and mention it so often.

It took me a looooong time to figure out all of the reasons that I’ve listed. And there are many more. But the point is that the technique and mindset behind it work and will get you more success than others.


To answer your question of what you should do because all of these women have friends that pull them away before you can “kiss close” them…


Then go get another one. And another.

Then, meet each of them for a 20 minute cup of tea during the week and decide if you like one or more of them enough to spend some time later together. What a much better mindset.

I have a friend who has slept with over 1,000 women… and when he goes out to meet women, he’s not looking for a woman to take home that night. He’s looking to get numbers.

Now, we’re talking about a guy who likes to date a LOT of women here! (I realize you may not want 1,000 women, but the idea still rings true)…

His words (paraphrased by me): “You have to run it like a business. Go out on the weekend and get 20 numbers, then call them all on Monday and set up your dates for the week…”

This idea works just as well if you’re looking to find one special girl as it does if you’re looking to find one special girl every night.


1) Remember that all of the pieces work together.

2) Think about doing what makes the most sense rather than trying to be Mr. Mack Daddy and get “kiss closes” from every woman you meet.

I think you’ll find that you have more overall success, whichever direction you choose.

…oh, and if you’d like to learn dozens of specific ideas for how to meet women, how to get email addresses, how to meet women online, how to take things to a physical level, and just about everything else you need to know to DRAMATICALLY increase your success with women, make sure you get a copy of my online eBook “Double Your Dating.” Just go to:

[ebook download link]

…and get it now. You’ll be glad you did.

I’ll talk to you again soon.

Your Friend,

David D.

This is an archive of a David’s answers to questions directed to his mailing list for his Double Your Dating eBook. David’s newsletter is a free e-mail list that that teaches men how to be more successful with women and dating. If you would like to purchase David’s book or subscribe to his mailing list, you should visit

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