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“Q&A: How To Tell Her You Like Her” – March 31, 2002

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“Q&A: How To Tell Her You Like Her” – March 31, 2002



I’ve read the first chapter of your book and already I’ve gotten results and a clearer vision of why I date and who I want to date. I’m leaving the “Nice Guy/Loser” behind and really getting what I want and giving women what they want too, a cocky /funny man that they can’t rule with their whims.



>MY COMMENTS: It’s really amazing to me that a lot of us guys use a strategy called “Be a nice guy” when we’re with a woman that we are attracted to…

But that this very strategy prevents us from EVER experiencing real success and mastery in this area!

What’s with that?

Like you said, you’re now GIVING WOMEN WHAT THEY WANT: A cocky, funny man that they can’t control. Enjoy the rest of the book.


“Dear David:

I’ve had a lot of success dating on the Internet, but I would always respond with the typical, boring description and “hope to hear” sort of introduction, and let my picture do the selling, as I am a handsome guy. Well, last night I was browsing and I saw a BEAUTIFUL woman. I responded with the “let me guess, you get about 50 emails a day from geeks” email. Well, her response back started out with “How did you get my password, because you must have been reading my emails”, and ended with “so what do you do when you’re not writing charming emails?”. I included my photo, but I think I’m in here.



>MY COMMENTS: Isn’t that GREAT?!

I love to hear stories like this one…

By the way, you would absolutely not believe that volume of email that comes in to me saying “Hey, I lost the newsletter with the personal ad response in it… can you send it to me again?” and “Everyone is talking about how well the personal ad letter you wrote works… can you send it to me?” and such.

If only I had the time to sit at my computer day and night answer all of the requests…

In any event, make sure you get her on the phone ASAP, and don’t dilly-dally. Strike while the iron is hot.


“When I ask for the phone number, women often ask “what do you need it for?” Does it mean that they are not interested or I didn’t do the talking well before or they just challenger me? If it’s a challenge, what would be a good response?

Thanks in advance,


>MY COMMENTS: To me this smells like you’re giving off some strange vibes. It’s only a guess (and an educated one), but if women are asking you “What do you need it for?” often, then you’re probably coming off a little strange.

Work on your confident, cocky/funny demeanor. That should help. You must ask in a way that doesn’t say “I’m a wuss and I don’t think you’re going to give it to me”.


Haven’t I ranted and raved enough about how much easier it is to get email addresses, and how much better women reply to emails than calls?

Don’t make me yell at you again in public!


“I am a nineteen year old woman who searched the internet with my now-broken up boyfriend and found your newsletter and jokingly signed up for it under my screen name. Well, I have been reading it and I must say…your advice to these men is very accurate…how did YOU ever get to know all this stuff? You say that you get a lot of women writing in that it’s not fair that you tell men these things. I personally am glad that you do, I’ve searched the world over for a man who will act like that…but WOMEN want advice TOO!! The game would be a little more fair if women had the same cheat sheet that you’re giving the men. So, that being said…I have the “innocent” sort of look, and as a result many of the men I run into tend to treat me like a child. How do I get them to see me as a woman and not as their little sister?”

>MY COMMENTS: Did I ever mention that I respect 19 year old innocent-looking women highly?

To answer your question, I got to know all this stuff because I woke up one day and I was SICK AND TIRED of not knowing the first thing about how to approach women, get their number, make them feel attracted to me, etc. And I hated it.

So I spent a long time reading, learning, and getting to know guys who knew how to attract women. I looked for the common elements, and I refined those (and developed several of my own in the process).

By the way, if you want to learn the female version of how to be attractive, read the book “The Rules.” I even recommend that guys read it. Fun stuff.

So back to your problem of being an innocent-looking 19 year old woman who wants more respect…

Stay tuned to these emails, and use what you learn.

Oh, and call me for some private consulting. Your situation sounds challenging, but I think I may be able to help.



I won’t bore you with more exclamations of how you are the man or how your techniques are the best thing since french ticklers, so let me get right to the success story and a follow up question. Met a sweet young thing at the university I attend. Went from never having spoken to her at all last semester to having her come sit by me this semester every day because I make her laugh. Sprinkle in lots of “smileys” and “winkey” faces in e-mail, never mentioning her boyfriend, etc. and you see where I’m going. The 19-year old Italian ballet dancer is making pasta for me at her place later this week, and I can’t wait to see what she has in mind for dessert.

The question is not mentioned in your e-mails or in your book (which I did download and which does rock the house). What is, in your experience, the best way to deal with “cock-blockers”. These are the guys that while you are talking to a girl, even just during the brief one or two minutes, have to jump it at annoyingly high volume with their favorite anecdotal contribution to your humor. It wrecks not only the rhythm but the attention of the target. Obviously bashing him/her isn’t the plan as we’re not here to get into confrontations. What methods have you found to best deal with this? Let’s assume this is a girl you really want to home in on, so at least until you find out if she is available, “moving on to the next one” isn’t the first option.

I’d also like to mention that while you stress the importance of not using these techniques at work, I would like to stress that a workplace environment is an exceptional place to practice! Avoid any of the sexual innuendo but be cocky and funny. Find out what works and what doesn’t. Find out what girls in the age group are looking for that month. And so on. Even if you don’t ever get with any of them, they are great “sharpening stones”.

Be cool, D.”

>MY COMMENTS: This is a great question, because it actually happens often.

As far as I’m concerned, you have to just be a Jedi.

Your only purpose is to get her email address and phone number.

Don’t worry about anything else.

If someone starts being stupid and distracting, just cut it short, and say “It was nice talking to you, I’m going to get back to my friends and leave you two to chat….

…Hey, do you have email?”

Then just get her email and number right in front of your admiring blocker, and walk away. Take it as a signal that it’s time to get the info and hit the road.


“Lots of respect Dave,

I have and issue, no matter where i am and i see a girl that i like, i am some how afraid to go over and talk to her. If you could let me know what to do to get rid of this fear as soon as possible.


>MY COMMENTS: It takes a lot of nerve to admit that you’re afraid in these situations. You’re not alone.

Here’s the deal:

Every one of us is different.

I know you want a quick solution, but a quick solution depends more on you than it does on anything else.

I recommend that you start by chatting with women on AOL and other instant messaging services. This is great free practice, and it allows you to think, because IMs are slow.

Next, work your way up to conversations with waitresses, checkers, bar tenders, hostesses, and other women who are being paid to be nice to you.

Then, try doing something that involves a lot of people with a common interest… like yoga, pottery, or sports. These situations have a lot of built in opportunities to talk to women you don’t know.

Finally, start talking to women that you see everywhere.

Of course, it’s very important to know what to say, and how to talk to them. For a full explanation of the mindset and attitude, refer to my book “Double Your Dating.”

It’s up to you how fast you progress. Remember, they don’t bite… (well, most of them don’t).


“David i liked your email about “Are you a player” One response that I really liked and that has worked for me is a play on words, no pun intended. I’ve been asked if I a player not if I date other women. So I have used the responses:

“Yeah, (pause) I play/played hockey, I play basketball. . .”

Or if I have already had sex with her or fooled around with her:

“Well i like playing playing with you” (then give her a little pat on on the butt or touch her somewhere else)

Its been my experience, you may or not agree, that women find this a play on words is not only funny, as long as you don’t sound like a dumbass, but imaginative all the while making you more attractive to them.”

>MY COMMENTS: Ah, someone who gets it.



What kind of style or clothing do you recommend to attract women? Dark colors? Solids? Collared shirts? What kind of pants? Shoes? Accessories like watches etc?

And still try not to spend a fortune! And just curious, does a man in uniform have any advantages and if so, what uniform is the best?



>MY COMMENTS: I recommend that you check out how Motley Crue dresses, and try to copy them as much as you can. They seem to get a lot of girls, so try that.


This is actually a great question for your FEMALE FRIENDS.

If there’s one thing you can usually count on getting from your women friends, it’s good fashion advice. And they often know the great discount places to shop as well.

My take on fashion is that you don’t have to wear expensive clothes or fancy watches, but it sure helps if you know what you’re doing and you have at least a little bit of style.

Start reading GQ when you’re at the newsstand… watch how the handsome lead guys are dressing in the movies… stay tuned to what kinds of jeans are in, what kinds of colors are in, and what kinds of shoes are in. It really doesn’t take very much time at all.

Then go down to your local discount clothing store like Ross Dress For Less, Marshalls, or my favorite, The Nordstrom Rack, and mix-and-match up some hip getups for your bad self.

A lot of the guys I know who are very successful women are neither rich, tall, or handsome…

…but almost all of them dress well.

And dressing well doesn’t mean spending a lot of money, it means knowing HOW. Someone who knows HOW can walk into a Goodwill or used clothing store, and walk out looking great having spent twenty bucks.

And remember, women ALWAYS know whether you know or not.


“Hi David,

I’ve known this girl I grew up with since we were little, but the only problem is that I don’t know how I should go about telling her that I’m interested in her, every time that we are out with some friends of our every thing is all right, but when its just me and her in the car its quiet not much to say to one another and that if its the right thing to do to ask her if there could be something between her and I since we are so close what should I do.



Whoa, Trigger.

The first thing you need to do is NOT “go about telling her that you’re interested in her.”

And the second thing you need to do is NOT “ask her if there could be something between her and I”.


But first, let’s address the “every time we go out and it’s just her and me in the car it’s quiet” thing.


I’d be quiet if I were in a car with you myself (but, unlike her, I think you’re pretty cute).

Try this:

Do yourself a huge favor, and date a few other women for awhile.

Don’t call her for a week or two.

Then, when you do talk to her or see her again, just be friends with her.

Tell her about what you’re up to, that you’re dating some other women, and that you have to go… then hang up.

You need to get some other options in your life, and you need to quit being quiet and creating that uncomfortable silence which says “I’m attracted to you, I’m insecure about it, and I’m sure hoping that you like me back.” Don’t do that anymore.

Women aren’t attracted to weakness and insecurity. And one of the best ways to communicate that you’re weak and insecure is to ASK her if she likes you, or tell her you like her.

And read my book “Double Your Dating.” You’ll learn a lot.



I have a question. A few months back I started dating this fantastic woman. We hit it off instantly. I have been practicing the cockiness before with great success. She loved it and things went along great. The mixture of romance and cockiness worked very well but stopped working. The problem is that she has suddenly decided she does not want a boyfriend right now because she has many things to work out. I have given her space, and she will email me or call after a few days to see what I’m up to, but no indication of when or if we will go out again. Do I give up, keep at what Im presently doing, or just move on? Thanks

T. in Dallas”

>MY COMMENTS: This is only a guess because I don’t know all of the details, but my guess is that you DIDN’T GIVE HER ENOUGH SPACE.

You probably called her too much, saw her too much, and acted like a clingy-boy.

When a woman says any of the following:

“I don’t want a relationship right now”

“I really care about our friendship and don’t want to mess that up”

“I like you as a friend”

“I need some time to find myself”

…it usually can be translated thusly:

“You were cool at the beginning, but you started acting like a wuss, and I just don’t FEEL IT for you.”

Solution: Don’t call often. End conversations first. Give her space. Always end interactions too soon, and on a high note…

Get it?

Don’t take it personally, take responsibility.

And remember, ATTRACTION ISN’T LOGICAL. Women aren’t attracted to what they SHOULD be attracted to.

If you want women to feel attraction, you’re going to have to learn how to create it.

Stay tuned.


“Hi David,

Your newsletter is really good. I come from Scotland and although I can detect a slight ‘American’ influence it really works well. I have a problem David that I just don’t know will ever be solved but I’d like to ask you anyway. I realise it is a bit heavy but the main thing is I’m sort of OK with it. I have a disability David that I think puts women off from the ‘this is my man, an he’ll provide for me, attitude’ Talking to women as never been much of a problem (I think I’m OK at communication). ; even hooking up sometimes and more often than not the ‘back to my place thing’.

I’ve also been involved with a women for four years and although the sex is great, deep down we both know we aren’t going anywhere. It gets worse because she is a good friend now and a companion. She also helps me clean the house up and has one of my keys. I just don’t know what to do David. I don’t expect you to reply to this e-mail but if you do, thanks for all the tips. For all the other guys out there – listen to this man – he knows what he’s talking about.



>MY COMMENTS: I hope you see the irony in your email to me…

I get emails all the time that say:

“Oh, David… please help me… I’m a good-looking, athletic guy, but I just can’t figure out what to do with the ladies…” and such.

And you’re emailing me saying that you have all kinds of success with women, and you’re just ending a four-year relationship… and you want to know what I think about your situation.

Here’s the deal: Sure, some women might have an initial issue with your disability. We all have aspects of our lives that aren’t the “ideal” socially approved variety.

But you will only be as limited as you allow yourself to be.

I know and know of guys that have overcome so many incredible challenges and gone on to be successful in all areas of life, that I can only say “You can make whatever you want to make of your own life and success.” And this includes success with women. You’re already way ahead of most guys…



I am a 39 year old guy and am still single because of a lot of personal problems I went thru in the early and mid 1990s (nothing too serious–wasn’t arrested, didn’t go bankrupt, wasn’t psycho, etc). Now that all of this is in the past, I’ve been venturing out into the dating scene again. As I’m more serious about finding a relationship, I prefer women in their 30s and early 40s. My question is this: Do you think that the “cocky and funny” routine works on women in their 30s and 40s too? It seems to me that women of this age group who are divorced/single do not want to play games as much. I’m not looking to play games either.

Or should I take a modified approach to cocky/funny?


Dating in Chicago”

>MY COMMENTS: You’re using the word “games” here to describe the cocky/funny attitude, and I think that we’re mixing up our definitions and associations.

When I think of “games” as the term relates to men, women, and dating, I think of things like lying, cheating, and manipulation (in the negative sense).

Cocky and funny is a fun, attractive attitude that is VERY attractive in general – to women of all ages.

And yes, women that are in their 30s and early 40s love it.


“Bonjour David,

I’m 31 and i teach computer office stuff. Most of my students are woman from 22 to 50. I’ve always been the guy that is …I wouldn’t not say an AFC, but in french we say “homme rose”. So, i’ve been reading your mail for a while and after i finally got the courage to change my personality, I started acting cocky and funny(and why not practice on my classes). Would you believe it, in an instant my classes became a chicken farm…and i’m the only rooster…ahahah!(picture me in front of 20 women that really enjoy looking at me and listening to me!!!). I’m not talking about flirting here. Their attitude toward me changed dramatically, some of them kiss me when they get into class, they touch me a lot now, they try to match me with the hottest in the class, it’s very funny. I have a girlfriend that i truly love for more than a year now, but realizing that i can attract a lot of woman gave me confidence toward what i can bring to my girlfriend. That way i know that if our relationship ends one days(i don’t want that but…) i can just turn around and have other options…

What is strange about this new situation, now they pass the word around that im a bad boy( i guess to them it’s a way of saying attractive man, different from others). To all of you readers. The more you will act cocky/funny, the more this will become your nature, blended with your own personal style.

In the history book of seduction. Your name is in it David.


>MY COMMENTS: Tomorrow I’m going to call up and find out what I need to do in order to teach computer skills to groups of women.



Your stuff is right on. The thing I like most about it is that you keep your self-respect when use the stuff in your book . . . and women pick up on this.

My question is this: Can you recommend any exercises that one can do on his own that can keep him from behaving like 95% of the losers that have no spine and no persistence? You know… some “spine strengthening” exercises.

Keep up the good work,


>MY COMMENTS: The best exercise is to make sure to practice with EVERY woman you meet. From the grocery store line to the operator on the telephone. All of them.

Test every kind of cocky/funny idea you can come up with.

If you’re on the phone with the operator, say:

“Wow, thanks for your help… I think this relationship is off to a good start.”

If you’re in a clothing store and a woman asks “Can I help you?” say “Wow, this new cologne must be working… I’ve had a woman walk up and talk to me in every store I’ve been in.”

Just practice saying charming, funny, slightly arrogant things.

If you keep this up, you’ll keep seeing the positive responses that you’ll get, and it will become “reflexive.”



I have had a lot more success with women since I got your e-book. The techniques do work, however I realize that I have a ways to go before I really get rid of my bad habits in dealing with women and get to be good with your material.

Background and Question: I met this girl a year ago, we hit it off real well for quite a while, but then she went cold on me (you don’t have to say it:) I know, I started really liking her, and started to make all the wussy mistakes that most unenlightened guys make–the biggest mistake was that one night she was rather inebriated and obviously wanted sex, but I did not make any advances on her in that state; that was when she really lost interest in me.

So I got pissed at her for the way she was acting after that (ignoring me completely, not doing things with me she had committed to etc.), and didn’t contact her anymore (as a side note, I had not yet found your newsletter or ezine at the time, nor had I decided that I had to really get this aspect of my life dealt with–after she started acting uninterested, I decided that I must fix this part of my life–so I bought your ebook).

Let me explain that I am a very inexperienced guy when it comes to women (I am very young and still a virgin)–so I have some major stumbling blocks like getting up the courage to kiss her, to know HOW to transition it to the next level etc.

So after a couple of months, she called me and was all friendly like nothing ever happened. She told me she was seeing another guy, so I wished her the best and ended the call first–but I know she was curious at least about me (of course—she was not used to getting the cold shoulder from me).

It went on like this for several months (on friendly but very aloof terms for my part–I always had to go, ended the call first etc) til recently; she called me last week and invited me out with her to see some Flamenco dancing. I was noncommittal and said I would get back with her the next day to confirm or not. I was supposed to call her back the next day, but decided to make her call me so I wouldn’t look too interested. Sure enough she called me that afternoon and I accepted. She insisted that she pay for the tickets and treat me out (I told her that I was broke on the phone), and so we went.

On the way there she started to tell me that she was single again (hint) and that she was upset that she was shot down by a guy recently. Halfway through the performance, there was a break when we could talk and she bought us drinks, started to complain how she had never been asked for marriage (for crying out loud, she’s barely 20, and she is certainly cute with a great figure). She is also convinced that I have girls all over me–she kept bringing the subject, and Dave, I must say that I very skillfully didn’t answer her direct questions, but made it into cocky funny jokes. She still wonders…

I teased her about this for a bit and was cocky and funny the whole time. On the way home she wanted a light from me and I told her “for a kiss” in a funny way to which she said that she would find her own lighter and wasn’t a good kisser; I told her she needed to be taught by a good teacher, and that I would have to just steal that kiss and teach her (however I didn’t–no good opportunity arose as she was driving a difficult road and there was a console between us–should I have just kissed her anyway when I wanted to kiss her?).

Then we got home and she told me again that she was real tired and not feeling well (which she had been saying all evening, in fact even on the phone that day, and I think it was the truth) and I left after thanking her and kissing her on the cheek (there were no cues for me to make any moves so I didn’t).

OK– sorry for all the background but it is necessary. Now the questions: Is she interested in me again as I think? Did I handle it alright for a novice? What cues do I need to put my arm around her and cuddle, etc., or do I need any cue from her to do these things? She is not a touchy feely person.

And finally, how should I handle it from now on? This is most important. There is a dance this Saturday, should I ask her out or stay aloof?

Thanks my friend,


>MY COMMENTS: Your email made an impact on me… because it covers a lot of different real-world issues that us guys have to face all the time with women.

Sometimes a woman will be flirting with you, then the next time she’s cold as a fish.

Sometimes it will seem like she likes you, then it won’t.

Often, if you stop calling a woman who didn’t seem interested, she’ll start calling you.

Here are a few things to remember:

1) Women are attracted to men for very different reasons (in general) than men are attracted to women for.

2) Women are, in my experience, far more “fickle”. In other words, one day they’ll seem interested, the next day they won’t.

3) If a woman knows that you’re completely taken with her at the very beginning, she’ll be FAR less likely to be taken with YOU.

You’re doing just fine.

One of the most important things you can possibly do right now is to REMEMBER NOT TO TAKE ANY OF THIS PERSONALLY… AND NOT LET ANY OF IT DRIVE YOU CRAZY.

If you stick with it, keep learning, and keep practicing, you will start to get a “feel” for what’s going on with women.

And soon, you’ll be sitting back, thinking to yourself:

“Well, let’s see… I’ll bet that when this girl meets guys they fall for her quickly. Guys probably call her all the time. I’m going to call her, get off the phone quickly, give her some space, and if she doesn’t call me within a week or so I’ll give her another short call.”

And you’ll know which situations to do this in and why this is the right thing to do.

…and to anyone reading this right now:

If you’re in a place where you have made the decision that it’s time to get this part of your life handled, and you’d like to learn more about female psychology, how to attract women, how to meet more women, how to get women’s email addresses and phone numbers, how to meet women online, how to take things from the first meeting all the way to the bedroom, and everything in between, then I’d highly recommend that you go and download a copy of my online eBook “Double Your Dating.” Just go to:

[ebook download link]

…right now and get your copy. You’ll learn the techniques that it’s taken me years to find, learn, develop, and refine.

And I’ll talk to you again soon.

Your Friend,

David D.

P.S. As you can probably imagine, I get a TON of email… So if you’d like to send me a Success Story, Question, or Comment, follow these guidelines:

1) Keep it short and to the point. Two paragraphs max.

2) Tell me what’s working for you before you ask your question. I appreciate all of the “Your stuff is great” and “I don’t need to tell you how well your stuff works” comments, but the fact is that I DO need to hear all of the specifics… because this helps other guys to see what’s working in different situations.

3) If you have a Success Story, write “Success Story” in the subject line of the email. I read these first.

4) At the end of the email, give me your initials and tell me where you’re from.

5) Send it to me at:

[newsletter sign-up link]

…don’t just hit “reply” to this email. Thanks!

This is an archive of a David’s answers to questions directed to his mailing list for his Double Your Dating eBook. David’s newsletter is a free e-mail list that that teaches men how to be more successful with women and dating. If you would like to purchase David’s book or subscribe to his mailing list, you should visit

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