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“How I Learned To Meet Women” – April 3, 2002

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“How I Learned To Meet Women” – April 3, 2002


Over the last couple of weeks I’ve gotten a lot of email from guys asking me questions like:

“David, how did you learn all this stuff?”


“David, what is your background?”


“David, what’s your story?”

Soooo, I thought I’d take this opportunity to answer this general question with a newsletter… and hopefully share some good insights in the process.

When I was younger, I never had any success with girls.

In middle school and high-school I wasn’t one of the kids that got notes from girls. I didn’t dance with girls at the dances. And I never had a girlfriend (I know… boo-hoo for me).

I didn’t have my first girlfriend until I was 18.

I always just kind of assumed that I wasn’t attractive to women. I just silently worshipped them from afar.

I’ll tell you, back then I would have done ANYTHING to have a girlfriend. But the more years that went by without one, the less likely it seemed.

In any event, I met a girl when I was 18…

She was wild, came from the most bizarre dysfunctional alcoholic family… and was just the co-dependant, needs- a-guy-to-“save”-her project that I needed.

Well, over the next 8 or 9 years I had about 5 or 6 girlfriends…

They were mostly great women, and I don’t mean to “badmouth” them, but I now realize that I got into relationships with them because I DIDN’T THINK THAT I HAD ANY OTHER OPTIONS.

Whenever I was single, I always had a very lonely, insecure feeling inside that created a desperation to find a woman who would be with me.

Then, when I found one, I would cling to them instantly, hoping that they would love me back.

About 5 years ago, I had just moved to Southern California to be closer to the company I worked for.

Shortly after moving, I quit that job, and I broke up with my girlfriend (it was a long-distance relationship that just wasn’t working out).

So here I was, in my late 20s, in a new place, with no friends and no girlfriend… with that same lonely, unsure feeling that I always got when I was single.

I made the decision that it was time to get this part of my life handled. I wanted to figure out how to be successful with women and dating so that I wouldn’t be insecure anymore.

I didn’t like the idea that I could be out in public, see a woman that I’d like to meet, but have no idea what to do to meet her.

I didn’t like the idea that I had to just had to “feel lucky” when a woman liked me… but that I had no control over which women liked me and when.

So, being the kind of guy I am, I decided to do something about it once and for all.

My commitment to myself was that I was going to do whatever it takes to get this handled.

So I started reading books, going to seminars, listening to tapes, and searching the internet for ideas.

At first, I was excited because there seemed to be quite a bit of good stuff available on the topic.

But the more techniques I tried, the more I began to realize that none of the methods being sold out there were quite as good as their authors were claiming.

After literally a couple of years of trying different things, I finally shifted my course.

I started watching what guys who were successful with women did in real-world situations, and I started asking them for help.

This is when things all started to happen for me.

One friend showed me how he met women at bars, another showed me how he met women online, another showed me how he met women at dance clubs, another showed me how he approached women on the street.

I took what I was learning, and I started using the ideas to chat with women using internet chat.

Online chatting has a great advantage: It’s slow.

It allows you to think about the conversation, and it gives you a lot more time to analyze the conversation.

At first it was a little bit strange. But I soon got the hang of it.

I realized that women online were used to getting instant messages from literally dozens of guys an hour, and that they were bored with guys saying:

“Hey, what’s up?”


“Hi, want to cyber?”

So I developed a different approach.

In short, I would bust their balls.

I would IM a girl, then IMMEDIATELY start giving her a hard time.

And I found that the more I treated women like “brats who needed to be verbally spanked”, the more intensely they responded.

It was almost like magic.

I kind of view instant messenger programs like free “Slow Motion Women Simulators”.

I mean, think of it.

You can get online anytime, 24 hours a day and talk to REAL, LIVE WOMEN. And better than that, you can talk to real women who are getting approached by men all the time… without having to deal with the confrontation of in-person rejection. And it’s all free.

Ah, the power of technology.

I digress…

From this combination of watching guys who were successful with women and testing online, I realized a few key things:

1) The things that came “natural” to me, like being “nice” to women, kissing up to them, buying them things, and doing all the things that “mommy taught me” didn’t work the way they “should have.”

Women didn’t respond to kind, giving, ass-kissing behavior by giving me attention and approval. They responded to it by running the other way.

2) Attraction is king. I a woman doesn’t feel it, then it’s going to be VERY hard to make any progress beyond “I only like you as a friend.”

3) Attraction is very different for women than it is for men. Men are attracted to looks first, personality second. Women are attracted to personality first, looks second. (I know that a woman will see you before getting to know you, so you’ll be JUDGED on your looks, but as far as attraction is concerned, personality is more important.)

4) Men see all physically attractive women as potential sex partners, but women don’t see all physically attractive men this way. A woman has to find out a bit about you first. Then she’ll decide if you’re either “friendship material” or “possible romantic material.”

But it doesn’t just stop there…

Women have a very interesting distinction that they make when they are considering getting involved with a man. They either think of their new romantic interest as what I call a “Lover” or a “Provider.”

If she perceives you as a “Lover”, she’ll get physically involved with you quicker, and she’ll be far more ATTRACTED to you.

If she perceives you as a “Provider”, she’ll hold off on getting physically involved, she’ll make you “prove” yourself, she’ll “play hard to get”, and she’ll seem aloof and hard to read.

If a woman likes a man, but considers him a “Provider” she’ll let him buy her dinners and gifts, and if he proves that he’s willing to do this forever, AND he has a personality that’s not unpalatable, she may just find it in her heart to begin to feel AFFECTION for him.

Affection and ATTRACTION are very different things, by the way.

5) Being a “friend” type doesn’t make a woman feel ATTRACTION. Women aren’t looking for another “friend.” Women are looking for something different. Have you ever seen “A Streetcar Named Desire” with Marlon Brando? Well, in this classic movie, Brando plays a brutish, abusive hunk who beats his wife. But for some strange reason, he’s considered to be one of the sexiest men alive in this role. Hmmmm.

It started to dawn on me that women might have things that they found attractive that didn’t really make logical sense.

I also realized that a lot of the most attractive women I knew and had dated often had histories of dating abusive jerk types in the past.

So after putting all the pieces together, I developed a kind of psychological model for how women work in dating situations.

And, of course, I tested it out. A lot (wink).

I developed all kinds of techniques based on my newly-developed theories.

I learned how to get women’s numbers, I figured out the best places to take them on dates, and I figured out how to take things from one step to the next when it came time to “get physical.”

Of course, this is what my book “Double Your Dating” is all about – everything I figured out about how to be successful with women.

But I’d say that one of the most important keys is the attitude that I call “Cocky and Funny.”

It’s an attitude and a technique of arrogant humor that instantly separates you from all of the needy guys out there who are in the same situation that I used to be in.

It communicates that you’re confident, smart, dominant, funny, and a big challenge. In short, it says “all the right things” without needing to actually say them.

Of course, there are A LOT of other pieces to the puzzle, but this is a big one.

You’ll hear a lot more about it in future newsletters (in fact, I just got a great story from a reader that will be in the next Mailbag, so keep your eye out for it in a few days)…

And if you’d like to learn some of my best-kept secrets and techniques for being successful with women, then I’d recommend that you download a copy of my online eBook “Double Your Dating.”

I explain how to meet women, how to get email addresses, how to meet women online, how to take things to a physical level, and just about everything else you need to know to DRAMATICALLY increase your success with women… things that it took me YEARS to figure out.

Just go to:

[ebook download link]

…and download it now. You’ll be reading it in just a few minutes.

I’ll talk to you again soon.

Your Friend,

David D.

This is an archive of a David’s answers to questions directed to his mailing list for his Double Your Dating eBook. David’s newsletter is a free e-mail list that that teaches men how to be more successful with women and dating. If you would like to purchase David’s book or subscribe to his mailing list, you should visit

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