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“Q&A: What If She’s Not Interested?” – May 21, 2002

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“Q&A: What If She’s Not Interested?” – May 21, 2002


Hey D,

I couldn’t believe what i just saw on the new Star Wars 2 movie. Anakin Skywalker returned to see Queen Amidala after 10 years of being apart. He acted very nervous and said that she looks beautiful, of course she rejected him harshly. Later, he stared into her eyes and smiled and she said “Don’t do that again, it makes me uncomfortable,” which is the 2nd rejection. Finally they are in a room together and he tells her that he has had feelings for her his whole life, that he dreams of her, and he is being tortured inside because he likes her so much… this point i was laughing to myself thinking “wussy boy is going to be rejected the third time.” however, i was surprised when she kissed him and said she has feelings too. So my point is that I’m glad you’re helping us guys out because most people would think “wow, maybe i should do everything that Anakin did,” but we know that telling your feelings to a girl is a definite no no. that movie was very misleading since Amidala fell in love with Anakin when he did such a stupid thing as confess his feelings.

Thanks for showing us the real truth

>MY COMMENTS: Ah, the wonderful movie fantasy world.

You know, there are so many movies that would be great examples for men, except for the fact that they all end very unrealistically.

They always start out with the guy doing all the right things, being cocky and funny, presenting a challenge, and generally being ATTRACTIVE…

Then, at some point towards the end, this guy who was doing all the right things all of a sudden gets the bright idea to start sharing his feelings, and acting like a totally Wussy. Of course, in the movies the woman that he’s confessing his wussy feelings for somehow sees the light and falls for him.

Sounds like in this one (which I haven’t seen yet because I was soooo disappointed at the last one… Jar Jar Binks has to be the biggest mistake that Geoge Lukas has ever made in his prfessional career) started out all bad as well…

Some great movies that would so SO KILLER and show such awesome examples of how things really work (without the wussy endings) are: The Tao Of Steve, Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon, Cruel Intentions, Top Gun, Chocolat… and about forty seven million others.

I just can’t recommend them because the male leads always figure out how to do the wrong thing at some critical point in the movie, and it somehow always leads to the woman liking them… which, of course, would never happen in the real world.



You are the Man,

That is what I would like to let you know first off. Your dating theories are dead on target. What you have done is simplified thousands of methods most men already knew about but were to stupid to figure out on our own while they were working for them all along(me being one of them). I am like these guys who finally woke up and realized what it is that worked. “Cocky and Funny” Playing hard to get, etc.

I have a situation, I really like this girl I have been seeing for a while. We have been dating for almost 2 months and haven’t slept together yet. The thing is she was on and off again with her ex of 3 years until I came into the picture. The problem is she knows I care for her because I have been kinda of a wuss, but how can I correct the situation and make her want me so bad she can’t take it. At the same time making her forget the guy who took her virginity for good.

Don’t Want to be a rebound.


>MY COMMENTS: Trying to back-pedal and UN-Wuss yourself in a woman’s eyes is tough work.

Once you start behaving like a girly-man, the switch shuts off in a woman’s head, and it BREAKS.

This of course makes things even worse, because then nothing you do seems to make any difference at all.

That best hope you have is to start dating some other attractive women, don’t call her for awhile, and when she calls you let her know how you’re doing and what you’ve been up to.

Then, if she begins to miss you, you’ll have one single, solitary opportunity to begin behaving like a man again.

If not, then you got on with your life, and you kept your self respect.

Move on. It’s the best thing you can do.



I am 18 years old and I just recently graduated high-school. In high-school, I never really took the oppurtunity to talk to girls that much, but I reason that I should have. Right now I work at blockbuster video (no girls my age there) and then I come home afterwards. I only have about 3 friends and they are all male and are just sort of my pals and I am the best friend to all of them, so this doesn’t give me much opportunity to get out to parties and meet new girls. My first question is “where should I meet girls?” Mind now, I am 18, 5’11, average looking and I have very few connections with other people.

Now for my second question; whenever I go and talk to a girl that I like even a little bit, the conversation always gets boring with long moments of silence in between. I try to be cocky and funny, and I succeed but every second minute of when talking to girls has too much silence in it. I mean we just run out of things to talk about, and this is because the girl and I both can’t think of anything relavent to talk about. This is very true for when I am talking to girls I don’t know. First we talk about how things are going and then what schools we went to and then jobs and then that’s about it. What other topics are there to talk about with strange girls…what do they want to talk about?


>MY COMMENTS: Wow, I sure whish I would have been thinking about this when I was 18…

If I were you, I’d get an instant messenger program like AOL, MSN Messenger, or Yahoo Messenger and start chatting with women online.

You can learn so much by talking to women every day, and when you do it online you have time to think and create interesting conversation.

It’s the best simulator there is, because it’s real.

Now, as far as conversation goes…

You need to learn about history and how to tell stories, learn how to tell good jokes, learn how to make interesting comments, pay attention.

I’m not sure what kind of area you live in, so I really can’t tell you where to go to meet women (I haven’t been to Australia yet), but I’d say that maybe you should go check out a pottery or art class, go to an aerobics class, and find the local health spa. Look for a coffee shop that’s nearby, and bring along a book… see if all of the spa- babes come in for tea and such.

If you just take a little time to think, then look around, you can find places where attractive women congregate. I’m sure you’ll find some!


I love your stuff. I have been trying it on one chick where I had totally wussed out before, because I figure what the heck, it’s a safe place to experiment, since I have nothing at all to lose, the stakes are low. Now this same chick is calling me all the time (I have to cut off the calls), wanting to stop by the office to visit, etc. and I am amazed, like developing a super power you don’t know what to do with (go Spiderman). Its actually against my regular instincts, but that’s what’s so interesting about your methods. But I want to advance to the next level, at least for me.

My question is about humor, not just the cocky-funny style type that you have been talking about. I personally get a laugh out of self-deprecating humor (David Letterman for example or Rodney Dangerfield). That’s what I personally like in a comedy club or whatever, so since that’s what I like, I tend to use that style when in a group. I am actually pretty self confident and (up until now) I thought that the ability to make fun of myself showed that I had ample self confidence. But maybe that’s an “over thought out” and wrong theory. Maybe chicks are just too literal minded to get ironic humor. I make a lot of ironic jokes and just get this blank stare, no reaction, they don’t get the humor. Maybe they think you are serious when you make fun of yourself too (its actually sort of like giving them a hard time). When around the babes, do you recommend using or dropping this style of humor? (I can always save it for my guy friends, who do appreciate that style).


>MY COMMENTS: Good observation. “Cocky and Funny” does not imply making fun of YOURSELF.

If you’re going to make fun of anyone, make fun of her and others. Just make sure it’s funny.

When you bust on yourself, it comes across to women as you trying to show off by making fun of yourself… but it’s usually just weak.

Like you said, you can always save the self-depricating humor for your guy friends… maybe they’ll be attracted by it!


hi there freind. being a cynic i doubted the techniques and doubted whether the success stories were even real… but my god..after reading the E-mails i had to get the book! the 3 minute routine works a treat, i never knew getting number atfer number and e-mail after e-mail of girls could be so easy! My freinds have seen me in action and call me “smooth” it seems that the more you do it the more confident you keep getting..i have no fear of getting blown out. the cucky+funny routine is definateley an amazing way to realy get girls and to get them realy intrigued about you…i realy mean this when i say thanks a lot i am realy enjoying myself with this knowledge!

MY COMMENTS: You’re welcome. I smile every time I get an email from a guy that says: “I can’t believe it! A woman actually gave me her email and number!”

I can remember when I had no idea that it was even possible to get a woman’s number right after meeting her…

Great job, and thanks for the email.


Dear Dave:

I am from Peru, and I have been receiving your mails for a while now. I haven´t downloaded your book yet, but I will do it shortly.

About my story: The day before yesterday I was called for a TV quiz show, with a car as the main prize. I was in the post nearest to the public, and they were girls from a high school. But the teacher, she was really a hot babe! mid-twenties, long hair, long legs, gorgeous! She looked at me and I held the look. When the show began, I was really nervous, and I failed the first answer. After they cut the recording, I was upset, but I said to myself “what the hell, if I don’t get the car at least will try to get the girl”. So I went to her and told her sternly “if you want to give me the answer, at least give me the right one!” She looked at me astonished (she hadn’t even open her mouth), and then I said: “OK, I forgive you. But if I don’t get the car, you owe me a ride home” She smiled and said OK. I couldn’t believe it! The rest of the show she and her students were cheering me, and not the other guys. And guess what? I got the car! and she ran to me really thrilled and gave me a bear-hug and a great kiss! I was so excited, both for the car and the girl, that I didn’t remember that I can’t drive (never learned) and when I told her, she said “Never mind, I will ride you home anyway”. Now she is my driving teacher.

Thanks by your “cocky-and-funny” attitude. It really works. BTW, if you know any Peruvian person, the show will be aired this Sunday, by Channel-13 in Peru. (Yes, I am the guy with glasses and a bit overwheighted). Whoopeee!!!


Lima, Peru

>MY COMMENTS: And another one of my favorite stories to hear is about guys like you who are on a different part of the planet using these materials to help you succeed with women and dating.

I love your idea of turning the fact that you can’t drive into an advantage by making a cute girl your DRIVING TEACHER. Nice.

Let me know how the “lessons” turn out.


Hey David,

I have been reading your newsletter for more than 3 months now. I have been learning from your techniques, cocky & humerous attitude that a lot of your readers claim to have success with. But you know…. I am just trying to be myself in front of girls…and I dont think being cocky and humerous is really being me. Is there any way i can change my mentality? or my attitude? will reading your books help me to change my mentality?…

Thanks for reading my letter,


>MY COMMENTS: I hate to have to be the one to break the bad news, but if “being yourself” isn’t getting you any success with women, then it’s probably time you tried doing something a little different.

I got an email recently from a guy who asked me:

“Do you really think that a guy should change how he acts, just to get more dates with women?”

My answer is: Only if it’s worth it to him.

If you’re not naturally behaving in a way that attracts women, then what are your options?

I mean, if women don’t find you interesting, and don’t feel attraction towards you, what do you want me to do?

Maybe I should whip up some fairy-dust that you just sprinkle on yourself and it attracts babes and makes them not notice that you’re boring them to tears.

I can only lead the horse to water. You’re the one who has to drink.

And yes, I think my book would help you out a lot. It will explain to you why the Cocky+Funny attitude actually makes women feel ATTRACTION, and how to use it and other techniques to help you meet and date more women. I highly recommend it.



After finally buying your book about a week ago, I just finished reading the book and the three booklets that accompany it. First of all, I would just like to say WOW! I was so surprised! It all made so much sense! Reading your books gave me the information that I really wanted (and needed) concerning the few past relationships that I had been lucky enough to have. All the things I did WRONG and all the things I did RIGHT! (I was glad to see that I was actually doing some things right!) Your books really put things into perspective! I plan on reading them all again (maybe two or three more times) to fully grasp the information. Thanks for the great information. I can’t wait to get out and try some of the stuff!



>MY COMMENTS: You pointed out something that I hear quite a bit: “Well, I’m doing SOME of the things you talk about… but she still doesn’t like me.”

If you don’t have the whole puzzle together, then things just won’t work smoothly.

You can be close, but if you’re missing a key piece, and you don’t know about it at all, you might go for years without knowing why things just won’t work out with women.

It sounds like you’re having some big “Ah Ha’s”, and I can’t wait to hear a Success Story from you soon.


whats up Dave, I have been getting your newsletter for about 2 months. Wow! I have had more success than ive ever had, particularly with this 1 girl whom I have been friends with for over 2 years. I knew she felt something for me to the start, but I was so pathetic. I was the “nice guy” and expected her to realize how good of a person I am! OMG what the hell was I thinking! I have got farthur with her in 1 week than the 2 years I was the “nice guy”! I flirt with her all the time and I think she enjoys it. Question is, when do I know when to ask her out, I’m not sure if she really likes me yet (she is a flirt to a lot of her guy-friends) I want a relationship with her…something tht will last. But how do I go off to ask her out to be my girlfriend. Could you give me some tips/stratagies to knowing the right moment? Thanks to you man, Im finally not a wuss. You the man Dave!

>MY COMMENTS: WHOA! Stop right there!

Before you go and screw up something even worse that it’s taken you two years to get this screwed up…

Where have you heard me say “Ask her to be your girlfriend at the first sign of her flirting with you”…?

That’s right… NOWHERE… NEVER.

You need to lean back, give her some space, and play it very cool.

You need to give her some attention, make her laugh, tease her a bit, then don’t call for a few days.

Next, you need to go out with her, and bust on her like she’s an old friend. Don’t do anything that would lead her to believe that you’re interested. Even talk about other girls.

Finally, if things keep going well, use The Kiss Test to take things to a physical level… and then give her some space again.

If things continue to go well, and you use what you’ve learned from me (and in my book “Double Your Dating), SHE will be the one to start making “relationship noises.”

This is when it might be a good time to consider it…

But don’t you dare screw this up by moving too fast and turning into needy-wuss-boy right in front of her.


I have been using the techniques I’ve learned from your book and from your emails for the last few weeks now and I managed to land myself a hot one. To make a long story short we went out three days in a row and on the third date we were intimate. I could tell she liked me because she was calling me a few times a day…and was really responding to my cocky funny attitude which I left on her answering machine the first time I called her telling her I’m that incredibly attractive had sexy guy from last Saturday…ect. When we were out she would whisper to her girlfriend a lot and before that would get to me and I would ask the friend corny stuff about whether her friend liked me, and I would constantly wonder if the date was going OK. No more… I made her a guest in my reality and just relaxed and had a good time. After date two she saw me getting attention from another girl at the bar and she got really upset… but just like your book said I remained calm didn’t apologize for anything and laughed at her. To my surprise she was calling me the next day apologizing for the way she acted ect. And on Day three she called me and left a message and when I didn’t respond immediately she left me another message indicating to me that she hoped everything was still all right ect and that she still hoped to meet up later that night ect.

This is my question. On day four I dropped her off after our night of passion and she told me that she was going to work and that she would call me later that day. Well, I didn’t hear from her. Should I call her today with a funny cocky routine about how she used me for my body ect…I know women will play different games to see how interested a guy really is ect (and no I don’t consider myself a bad lover..I have had no complaints in the past, and I’m usually the first to end my relationships). I just don’t want her to think I’m hooked or anything. Your advice would greatly be appreciated.


G Texas

>MY COMMENTS: Interesting situation.

I don’t mean to bad-mouth women, but this is a VERY COMMON game that they play…

They say “I’ll call you later”… but they never do.

It’s an oooooold game. She’s trying to see if you’ll call her and say “Hey, why didn’t you call me?”

She probably wants to know if she’s “Got you.”

Part of your idea was great…

Wait a day or two until she calls you, THEN say:

“Oh, I see. You just used me for my body, huh?”

There’s nothing more fun than taking typical female games and turning them around in a semi-serious way…


hey dave,

your technique is magical! last year I was lucky to even talk to any girls aside from in classes that I took when it was necessary. Now I have about 15 girls going crazy and fighting over me, which I find very amusing. Anyways, with all these girls fighting over me, I finally picked one. But me and her are both in the same like, group of friends,and it’s hard to get her out of the group, because when ever I try to invite her somewhere one on one, with that magical, ‘lets get together and make friends’ approach, she tries to invite other people in the same group, or we run into other people in the group and they decide to just tag along. Another question… If your at a party with a bunch of friends, how do you get into a one on one situation with a girl there? People tend to walk up and start talking to you, interrupting your conversation, as well as what ever progress you were making with the girl. EVERYONE BUY THE E-BOOK! it’s a work of art! Keep up the good work dave!!

-New York

>MY COMMENTS: lol… you’re a funny guy. And I quote:

“With all these girls fighting over me, I finally picked one…”

Yea, you picked one of the ones that WASN’T fighting over you!!!


Well, it’s not the first time, and it won’t be the last time a guy has only been interested in the one single woman in the world that just won’t seem to come to her senses and chase after him.

Why don’t you just pick the best of the 15, and call it even?

My guess is that you’re communicating in some way to her that you’re into her, and she’s playing hard to get (which is what YOU should be doing, my man).

…and if you’re reading this right now, and you’d like to have problems like this guy, I’d recommend that you go and download a copy of my online eBook “Double Your Dating.” It’s full of great techniques for meeting and dating the kinds of women that you’ve always wanted… Just go to:

[ebook download link]

…now and download it.

And I’ll talk to you again soon.

Your Friend,

David D.

***Instructions for sending me a Success Story/Question***

1) Keep it short and to the point. Two paragraphs max.

2) Tell me what’s working for you before you ask your question. I appreciate all of the “Your stuff is great” and “I don’t need to tell you how well your stuff works” comments, but the fact is that I DO need to hear all of the specifics… because this helps other guys to see what’s working in different situations.

3) If you have a Success Story, write “Success Story” in the subject line of the email. I read these first.

4) At the end of the email, give me your initials and tell me where you’re from.

5) Send it to me at:

[newsletter sign-up link]

…don’t just hit “reply” to this email. Thanks!

This is an archive of a David’s answers to questions directed to his mailing list for his Double Your Dating eBook. David’s newsletter is a free e-mail list that that teaches men how to be more successful with women and dating. If you would like to purchase David’s book or subscribe to his mailing list, you should visit

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