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“Q&A: Personal Ads And Approaching Women” – June 11, 2002

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“Q&A: Personal Ads And Approaching Women” – June 11, 2002


Hi David,

After downloading and reading your book I’m getting more attention from women than I ever imagined possible. I’m 54 years old, bald and overweight. I’m dating beautiful women in their late 30’s & early 40’s.

I meet them on-line, arrange for a face to face meeting and then ignore them. They call me, sometimes daily. If they call daily I let the answering machine take most of their calls.(I must really be busy seeing other women) Of course I’m always too busy to see them very soon, Then I make a date for a week or so later. They are actually anxious to get me into bed. My question: Sometimes I’d like to meet a woman who I meet in the performance of her job, such as a clerk, secretary, waitress etc. This is always a very public scenario. No way to get her alone. What can be done in this situation?



>MY COMMENTS: Great job using the online techniques to meet women. It sounds to me like you should just use a variation with the women you’d like to meet who are working…

Just say “Hey, do you have email?” and then get their email address and start talking online.

There are all kinds of reasons why this works well, and I’m sure you’ll take to it quickly.


SUCCESS STORY: I was reading a book at a cafe, when a cute “7” asked if she could sit at the table *next* to me. I smiled slyly and said, “Well, will you behave?” She laughed and said she needed the space because it had an electric outlet for her laptop. I said, “What, you can’t afford your own electricity?” Then I returned to my book and completely ignored her for five minutes. As I got ready to go, we chatted briefly about “time-to-go-to-work” stuff, and then I did your TEXTBOOK CLASSIC, bye/turn to go/turned back/hey to you have email? Worked like a charm! Her sweet smile was promising, so I think I’ll get a tea date of this.

QUESTION: This was easy, because she started the conversation and I could just give a cocky-funny response. But often a cute girl will sit down two tables away… HOW THE HECK do I get the conversation going then!?

-CC, Berkeley, CA

>MY COMMENTS: lol… nice one.

And to answer your question, I would suggest that you re-read chapter 7 of my book Double Your Dating.

Also, I want to point something out to you:

She didn’t START A CONVERSATION with you… she asked if she could sit at the table next to you. YOU see that as “she started the conversation.”

In other words, you can start the conversation with ANY woman… even if she doesn’t SPEAK first.

For instance: Let’s say you’re at that same cafe next week, and there’s a girl sitting at that same table with her laptop plugged in…

You should sit down and say “What, you can’t afford your own electricity?”

Are you with me on this one?

The barriers you feel are imaginary. And read Chapter 7 again in the book… there are a couple of GREAT ideas for starting conversations with women.


Just like to say Dave you are the man, your stuff works over this side of the Pond too! Here is my half a success story:

Last week I was at a singles bar (this for me is a first) and during the course of the night got talking to several girls, none special, so I left them. At last though I get talking to another (she sat down next to me, unintentionally I think, then of course I hit on her for her bad approach, got her laughing and we were away! try this guys as an approach), she was something else, tall, slim, fit (IMHO an 8) and the female equivalent of C&F. Tried your stuff and could not believe her eyes light up. She just could not get enough – had to tell her that she could not touch my bum – had her chasing me across the bar to get a feel. Anyway, end of night get a taxi home, drop her off (not that lucky I’m afraid) , I say “give me your email” (note give me, previously I would have just asked) , bingo out comes business card – quick look reveals no mobile so “and your mobile too” gets me her mobile no.

Anyway 48 hours later (maybe I should have left it longer) I email her saying that she could take me out for a coffee, stating that in 2 days time would be good for me. I get a 1 line reply saying that she’s too busy and has a life. Trouble with email is you can’t tell if she was being funny, exclamation marks or not. Bummer. Don’t know what to say back to recover the cocky & funny and absolutely kill any idea that I had no plans for the weekend, therefore being needy and available – I was out. Constructive criticism welcome.

Your Limey friend

CP, London

>MY COMMENTS: Great story… aren’t women like this one fun to talk to?

lol… now, first of all… you need to get out and meet about 5 other women as soon as possible so you’re not so concerned about this one.

Next, I like to email a little sooner. Next day if possible so you’re still a little fresh in the mind.

Finally, if she says “I have a life” and such, you need to come back with some solid Cocky and Funny material.

“Look, you don’t have to try to make excuses for the fact that you have no life. Don’t you remember? You were picking me up IN A BAR of all places the other night. some life…”

Are you with me?

Pour it on.

You’ll have a lot of fun teasing women with email.


My stories are really just the same as everyone else’, amazing! Still working on the cocky part, but I’ve had the funny down for as long as I can remember. As a student of cultural anthropology, I can say your conclusions concerning the development of attraction are nothing short of astounding, people if you haven’t buy this book! On to the question: Many guys don’t know what to do when a woman gets pissy, irritated, or confused when receiving the full frontal C/F assault. I try not to let on that I’m joking (ie. no smiles during the delivery) but if a girl seems confused by the approach, can I flash her a “you know I’m just joking” smile? Women often ask me, “Why are you so mean to me?” Usually after they sock me for something I’ve said =)… The “you know I’m just joking” smile has worked wonders in this situation. Is this an okay response if the momentum is there? Also, what happens when a girl is familiar with this kind of approach? I’ve had great dialogue going and after just a little teasing they just walk away. These types of reactions aren’t the norm, but I’ve had to let some interesting women go because of it.

Thanks for all the work you’ve done,


>MY COMMENTS: There’s a great little facial expression that I call “The Sly Smile” that’s great for situations when the woman you’re busting on starts taking it a little bit too personally.

Purse your lips and smile with half of your mouth while squinting a bit. Lots of fun.

As for women who just walk away, just realize that in many cases women just aren’t interested in meeting a guy right then.

The more women you talk to, the more likely it is that you’re going to meet a lot of women who are either happily in a relationship, bitter towards men, lesbians, or whatever.

“Hey Beavith, Lethbianth are Kewl.”

Don’t worry about it. Move on to the next one… and when you run into the woman who walked away later in the evening, smile and say “Couldn’t handle it, huh?” [Insert Sly Smile Here]


Man, your stuff is really gold. I’m 6’5″ abt. 250 lbs. not bad looking at all. I’ve been highly complimented about my looks by many ladies, some have even told me that my looks intimidate them, but I’ve always lacked the confidence of closing on the deal; always way too shy, and self conscious, fearing rejection. I’ve been getting the newsletter for a while and finally bought the book. Not only did it teach me how to be more forward with the ladies in a take it or leave it kind of manner, but a great deal about self confidence.

Success story? Where do i begin? Picking up girls all over the place, from book stores, to strip joints. I’ve even had some buddies try to hook me up with their friends and family. (doing nothing more than exactly the opposite of what i used to do) All this because I started retraining the way i act, with a LOT more confidence. Best story so far though: (and ALL of this revolves around you) I went shopping the other day, with a girl I’ve recently met, and stopped at a book store to pick up some books you recommended, and started bust on the girl behind the counter. (with my “date” wandering about the store!) Out of fear of putting myself into a situation i did not need, (still acting kind of wussy) i could not close on the deal. The good part is that the store didn’t currently have 2 of the books i was looking for. She asked for my info, (to call me when they’re in) i said “Aren’t you being a bit forward? We just met.” She chuckled. I gave her the info, and asked, “Now are YOU going to call me PERSONALLY? Because i don’t like being disturbed, unless it’s REALLY important.” She laughed out loud, and the only thing she could come up with was, “Oh stop…” Then i found my date and walked out without saying bye. Awesome thing is that I have a guaranteed second chance with the counter girl when the books come in. Niiiicee….

I won’t even get into the reactions i got from just smelling my date’s neck for a few minutes, and not just rushing into kissing towards the end of the night. (just like you said)….. excellent, excellent stuff.

My question: i want to corner the “local singles” web dating services. Most of the sites i go to, you have to pay to respond. I don’t even want to respond anymore knowing what i know. can you recommend in some detail what i should put up as a personal ad that would get them swarming a bit? Your help will be greatly appreciated.

Solid believer,

B.P. in New Jersey

>MY COMMENTS: Thanks for your story and question. As for the ad…

First of all, if you’re going to write a personal ad, you need to make it Cocky and Funny to the EXTREME!

Id’ suggest that you read some personals that have been written by other guys to get a feel. If you read them for awhile you’ll probably find a couple of good ones as examples.

I just had a guy email me with a killer personal ad idea…

He sent me a picture that he had taken in the Bahamas or some tropical place of him in the water with two dolphins snuggling up to kiss him.

He told me that his personal ad responses went from a couple a day to OVER 100 a day as a result. Might be a good idea to try something animal related…



You are the MAN. You deserve a Nobel peace prize for your work. LOL. I am downloading your book tomorrow morning. Just from the newsletters I have gathered quite a bit but I want to take it to the NEXT level. I am even funny at work my coworkers keep asking me what I keep smoking before work. LOL. Your stuff has really had a ripple effect in my life. Ok enough of that wussyitis. LOL. Question if a girl says she is going to call but doesn’t do you wait a few days and then call (making sure you bust her balls of course)?


>MY COMMENTS: Well, let me address your question by first addressing how you’re asking…

It sounds to me like you’re putting a high value on this woman that you don’t even know.

Remember, attractive women are just as likely as any other woman to be unfriendly, depressive, mean, dishonest, or whatever…

In other words, if a woman says that she’s going to do something then doesn’t follow through, you might take that as a warning sign.

You might also take it as a sign that you acted like a wuss when you were talking to her and she’d trying to avoid you, by the way.

In any event, the best thing you can do is GET OUT AND MEET MORE WOMEN… this way it doesn’t matter whether or not she calls.

I know that it sounds like an overly-simple answer, but think about it. Are you going to sound needy and desperate if you have five other women to call that night? Of course not!

As a matter of fact, you’re probably going to say something like “Well, I’m busy tonight and tomorrow, but I might have time for tea on Friday…” which makes you even more attractive.

And finally, if you really want to call her again, DO BUST HER BALLS FOR NOT DOING WHAT SHE SAID SHE’D DO!


Dear Dave,

Thanks for all your work. You seem to understand that both men AND women love a challenge, and, quelle surprise, a sense of humor. Playing hard to get is something women have done for years, and the cocky/funny routine has certainly sharpened my skills. However, while the fun is in the chase, my question to you is this: for the more aggressive woman ready and willing to make the first move, what do you propose as a sort of male version of the “Kiss Test?”

J.G., New Jersey

>MY COMMENTS: lol… You’re a woman and you’re asking me how to tell if a guy is ready to be kissed?

You gotta love it.

If I were a woman who was smart, witty, and attractive, I would NEVER make the first move. Why not? Because I would want a man who wasn’t too much of a WUSSY to kiss me. Think about it.

In fact, most of the attractive women I’ve discussed this with tend to agree with this point… and they won’t make a move because they don’t want a WUSS.


I’d like to start out by saying I was a bit skeptical about what you have been saying based on your newsletter. I did not want to dump $40 into a worthless ebook, but I thought about my situation and wanted improve my methods before next semester at college, so I downloaded your ebook. I cannot say how glad I am to have done that. Whoever is skeptical out there, the ebook is very informative and enlightening, a fascinating read.

Let me give you a little background before I ask you my core question. I haven’t dated much, a result of not being ambitious and putting myself on the line, although I have that personality type, and in part just bad timing many times. I met this girl at college last year, she was killer, great personality, the works. I hadn’t read your book at that time (Curse that!) but I still played things fairly cool, I never said I was interested, never said I liked her. But I did not tease, I did compromise, I did not joke too much, I just tried to have a normal fun with her (I know many of my errors now). I did try to present myself as an adventurous adrenaline seeker, as I am. Well Things didn’t turn out how I wanted, although they didn’t turn out bad. She just didn’t seem interested, we talked sparingly after the initial two weeks or so and things fizzled out.

My question now is how can I salvage what this situation has become. I believe after reading your ebook I have the tools to use, but I need to know how to ease back into things and give her a new impression of myself. One thing I need to mention is that I IMed her several times and she never responded, for what reasons I don’t know, but She abnormally didn’t respond. She sent me many mixed signals and tested me extensively now that I look back on it, she was the one who asked for my Screen name! I do have her e-mail, which I have only used once, and that was just to send something to her, so I have that means of communication. She has been an excellent learning experience, but how do I change the first impressions’.

>MY COMMENTS: I feel your pain. Been there.

Now give your inner child a hug and a SWIFT KICK IN THE ASS and get on with your life.

The best thing you can do is start dating some other women…

Then, about three months from now, give her a call and tell her about it. Apply liberal amounts of Cocky and Funny and ball busting…

Then tell her that she’s a nice friend and she should call you more often…

Try that.


Hey David,

I put your book to good use for the first time. I was in a bookstore browsing and spotted a cute blonde. I made my way over to her, took note of what books she was looking at (books on fencing) and lingered in the area to make contact. After a moment, she faced me, said hi (I said hi back) and she walked past. I turned and said, “Interesting hobby”, to which she replied “What” and I said “Fencing”. At that point she moved closer and began to talk to me about fencing and the conversation took off from there. By the time I had to go, she was so enthralled by our chance meeting, I don’t think I could’ve left without her number, even if I wanted to. Pass along to all your readers, bookstores are a great place to meet women and practice the cocky/funny approach. I can’t wait till my next opportunity to try out your techniques!

This leads to my question, I’m at a point in my life when I want to play the field for a while. My life is going in a lot of directions right now and it makes committing to someone difficult. Problem is, as soon as I meet someone, they very quickly want a serious, committed relationship. I’m honest with them about how I feel at this time and they say it’s ok, but somehow it never is and things wind up ending badly. So, how do I manage to maintain a light-hearted relationship with a couple of girls until I’m ready to settle down with one? Thank you for your help and I appreciate any advice you can give.

A.G. in PA

>MY COMMENTS: Your problem is simple:

You’re ACTING like you’re in a relationship with these women you’re dating from the beginning… and this is triggering their “Relationship Behavior”.

If you want it to stay “light hearted”, then here’s what to do:

1) Don’t call more than once or twice a week.

2) Don’t stay on the phone more than 5 or 10 minutes at a time.

3) Don’t see a woman more than once or twice a week.

4) Don’t act like she’s your girlfriend right from the beginning.

I personally believe that we humans come pre-wired with a mechanism that recognizes “relationship” behavior, then releases all kinds of chemicals to form long-term pair bonds once a long-term relationship has begun.

Just don’t trigger that mechanism.



It seems like I’ve read thousands of newsletters, articles and comments about your theories and what other people have said on [other websites]. I understand what your saying, what people are doing with their approaches, and how they’re being successful with woman. I just can’t find the nerve to make the approach. I just can’t do it. To boot, I’m a good looking guy, muscular build, 6 foot, 210, athletic, getting my masters in education and this is something I just can’t do. I don’t think it’s a fear of rejection because I know many chicks who have said that I’m hot. That’s the f’d up thing… I’m confident in the fact that the majority of the time I wouldn’t be rejected if I just tried. I think it may be the fear of approaching, saying ‘hi’, and then nothing. I mean, I’ve done my share of fluff talk, but that’s about it. When I see a hot chick I want to approach, I’ll make eye contact, I think about what to do, and then my heard starts thumpin’ like I have an interview in front of 10 administrators. I just don’t know what to say after ‘Hi’. I almost feel embarrassed to do approach. I feel like I’m the character Chris in the movie “Roxanne” where Steve Martin has to feed lines to Chris in order to woo Roxanne. On top of all this, I actually have a girlfriend who I meet in grad school, probably 7 ½ – 8. It’s only been 4 months and I’m not really into her anymore, but that’s beside the point. My point here is what is your book going to do for me to basically make me grab my balls and apply your magic? I see hot chicks in all the wrong places (other then social gatherings) where I don’t have a clue what do say or even the balls to say anything. I want to buy your book, but not sure it’s going to help me out.


New York

>MY COMMENTS: This is a great question, and I admire you for taking the steps to improve this area of your life.

I can remember exactly what it felt like to look at a woman for hours and never get up the nerve to talk to her… I hated that feeling.

To answer your concern…

One of the keys to being able to approach women, start talking to them, and take things to the next level is UNDERSTANDING THE SITUATION AND THE PSYCHOLOGY BEHIND IT.

For me (and for many, many other guys who’ve read my materials) it has made a HUGE difference.

If you get a better understanding of WHY women behave the way they do, HOW male/female interactions usually play out, and specifically WHAT to do in each of the most common social situations, then it usually leads to far less stress when approaching women.

I think you’ll find that my eBook and the three bonus booklets that come with it will help you improve your success in a DRAMATIC WAY.

And by the way, my materials come with a 100% no-hassle, no- questions-asked refund policy. If you’re not completely satisfied with your results, just ask for your money back, and you can keep all the materials for taking the time. I can’t make a more confident offer than that.

…and if you’re reading this right now and you’d like to take your own personal success with women to the next level, then I’d recommend that you download my materials right now. You can be reading and learning in just a few minutes from right now. Just go to:

[ebook download link]

…now. If you’re on AOL you’ll probably have to copy and paste that link into your browser’s address bar. Check it out. I think you’ll find that I’ve done my homework – and my fieldwork.

And I’ll talk to you again soon.

Your Friend,

David D.

P.S. I’d like to find a couple of guys who live in the LOS ANGELES area, who are great at APPROACHING women and getting emails/phone numbers. If this is you, or you know anyone who fits this description, please email sup***t@do***.com[ ? ] and let me know. Thanks!

*****If you’d like to send me a Success Story, Question, or Comment, follow these guidelines*****

1) Keep it short and to the point. Two paragraphs max.

2) Tell me what’s working for you before you ask your question. I appreciate all of the “Your stuff is great” and “I don’t need to tell you how well your stuff works” comments, but the fact is that I DO need to hear all of the specifics… because this helps other guys to see what’s working in different situations.

3) If you have a Success Story, write “Success Story” in the subject line of the email. I read these first.

4) At the end of the email, give me your initials and tell me where you’re from.

5) Send it to me at:

[newsletter sign-up link]

…don’t just hit “reply” to this email. Thanks!

This is an archive of a David’s answers to questions directed to his mailing list for his Double Your Dating eBook. David’s newsletter is a free e-mail list that that teaches men how to be more successful with women and dating. If you would like to purchase David’s book or subscribe to his mailing list, you should visit

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