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“Q&A: How To Avoid Being ‘Just Friends'” – June 24, 2002

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“Q&A: How To Avoid Being ‘Just Friends’” – June 24, 2002


I started to talk to this girl that i met when i went out with one of my friends’ brother. we went down town and hung out. everything was going good and i got her # by the end of the night. We hung out the next weekend and went to a club. we got in the club and she asked for 6 dollars to by her a drink. I asked her “what do i get out of it?” and there was the laugh and then i decided to give her the money. after the club i took her home with my friend and her friend. I asked her for a Kiss goodbye she gave it to me. Then i told her that i was goin to call her the next week because i knew of a party the following week. After calling her next week i had trouble getting ahold of her and she didn’t pick up her cell phone. It has been about 2 weeks since i have talked to her. And the weekend that she was suppose to hang out has just passed. Do u see a problem in this or if i messed up some where?

thank you


Yea, as a matter of fact, I do see a problem.

What are you doing giving a woman six bucks for a drink?

You were SOOO right no target when you answered with “What do I get out of it?” SHE LOVED IT!

But then you had to go and SCREW IT ALL UP by giving her the money… ouch.

When she laughed you should have said “Well?”

And WHATEVER she answered with, you should have said:

“SORRY, not good enough… buy your own drink.”


It makes you look like a WUSSY SCHMUCK BOY.

Oh, and will someone remind me to practice being more honest and direct with people? I sometimes feel that I’m too shy and don’t want to hurt their feelings…



I have been trying your cocky and funny stuff it works like a charm But theres a problem with this one chick that i like she is a flirt. whenever im around her she always be flirting with me but the only problem is that i dont know how to take the next step. if i take the next step im afraid that shell probably move away. i dont wanna feel like a dic*. so i wanna know how should i make a move on her and not getting rejected. (I really need your advice)

-Student in NY, 21 years old


I feel your pain on this one.

For the most part, men are expected to take ALL THE RISK of being rejected at EVERY IMPORTANT STEP from the first meeting to the bedroom.

And we always know when one of those risky situations is staring us right between the eyes…

“Should I kiss her? Maybe she’s not ready and I’ll screw up ALL of my chances with her.”

“Should I call her so soon? What will she think?”

“How should I ask her out?”

…I get it. These are what I call “Critical Moments” or “Moments Of Truth.”

If you don’t know how to handle each of them, you’re VERY likely to get hung up, not know what to do, and wind up not doing ANYTHING to avoid the chance of screwing up.

Of course, not doing anything usually leads to a woman thinking “He’s a Wussy… can’t even kiss me.”

And on the other side, if you’re too aggressive and “fast” for her you might offend her and scare her off… RIGHT?

My solution is to create “Bridges” to get you from one Critical Moment to the next… smoothly.

There are things you can do at each step that make it NATURAL for things to progress.

Try this: Sit down with a piece of paper and write down ten ways that you can “Take the next step” in any given situation. Then choose the one or two that you think will work best, and mentally rehearse them until you can CLEARLY SEE how they’ll work in your mind’s eye.

OR, you can download a copy of my eBook “Double Your Dating“. It comes with a bonus booklet called “Bridges” which contains my favorite ways to take things from one step to the next…


I recently have had several of the same experiences in the club/bar scene. I’ll get a nice conversation going with a girl. We will have a few drinks, laugh and seem to connect. This dance goes on for awhile. Out of nowhere the girl will say that she is tired and leave. What does this mean? How does a woman communicate that she wants you to leave with here?

GC, WashDC


It means that you should STOP doing the following:

1) Having “nice” conversation.

2) Having a few drinks.

3) Laugh and “seem to connect”.

And you should START doing the following:

1) Focus on getting emails and phone numbers, not getting “nice conversation.”

2) Avoid “having drinks”. Instead have FOCUS (on your outcome of getting her info).

3) Talk for a minute or two, then tell her that it was nice meeting her, but you’re going to get back to your friends. Then turn around and say “Hey! Do you have email?” Take out a pen and have her write it down.

When you’re at a club, it’s SOOOOO much easier to get 10 emails and numbers, then follow up later than to try to land the big fish that night. Once you’re the super- duper-mack-daddy-from-hell you can go back to chat and drinks… but for now get the info!

You’ll find that things work a lot better when you’re having a conversation with her ALONE over a cup of tea rather than in a loud bar full of sexually frustrated, drunk men who want to show off and fight over women.


Hi Dave,

After reading your emails for a few months. I decided to go the whole hog and buy your book. I have had some success, after reading your book. I have come over most of my fear about talking to woman. I did get one girl’s number, but it was a message service. I tried calling her a few times. But never got hold of her. I have also just gone to the local bar, with the idea: “Ok i am not looking for a girlfriend, i am just going to have a good time. Be cocky and funny…” so far i am getting mixed reactions. So i have a couple of questions.

1) With the girl, who gave me her message service number and situations like this how many time would you say call. Before you say she is not interested – Next. ( I did leave cocky funny messages )

2) The area i live in, the girls always wanting to know my age. As per-book. I have tried to avoid a direct answer. How about a cocky funny response, as i tried a few of my own. But so far nothing works.

Many Thanks,

Nice Guy on the Jedi Road.


As for the girl who gave you the “message service”, you need to interpret that as follows:

She didn’t find you interesting enough to give you her REAL number. That’s OK, you’re doing a great job… but you need to get EMAILS and REAL NUMBERS in the future.

One thing you can do is say “Is this a phone that you actually answer in person?” If not, then give it back to her and say “It’s OK, give me your number.”

When a woman asks your age, just say “Old enough to know better than answer a question like that one… how old are YOU?”

If they insist, just add 20 to your age and tell them that. Be serious about it and really bust their balls.

Keep it up, you’re probably close to a breakthrough!


David, “the Man” Cocky funny works like magic. I was trying to pick up a former Teacher Assistant of mine at university for about a year. Sending nice email after nice email, and getting totally stood up and/or blown off. So I took the cf to the extreme. “I know you’re scared of meeting such an intelligent charismatic rockstar like myself, because you’ll fall so hopelessly in love you couldn’t take the rejection, fall into habitual drinking, and eventually kill yourself… but really its okay I’ll treat you like an ass and you’ll hate me, and life will go on” Totally worked, the next week she met me, and we hit it off really well, I kept up the cf routine and we’ve been having a blast together.

My question is last night she really needed someone to talk to, a lot of personal family issues to deal with. Of course I lent and ear and in the end she felt a lot better. But back when I was a wussy I used to do this for women all the time, and as you can quite well imagine I was always the ‘friend’. Any thoughts?


This is an AWESOME example of how to be COCKY AND FUNNY!

You’re the man. My hero even.

To answer your question…

This is one of those issues that doesn’t have a “right” answer, but in GENERAL it’s not a good idea to be the “girlfriend” early on in the game.

After date number 10 do whatever you want. (In other words, it’s safer to help her with a situation like this without being unconsciously thought of as “girlfriend- man” later in the relationship. Just don’t do it too often or you’ll become a Wuss candidate.)

Here’s a good way to deal with “a woman that you’re getting to know who wants help with her problems”:

As soon as you hear the “I have a problem and want someone to talk to about it” tone of voice, IMMEDIATELY ask “Is this something you want to solve or is it something you want to just TALK about?”

If she just wants to TALK about it, say “I’ll tell you what, I think that you’d be better off talking to a girlfriend about this, because I don’t want to turn into an old married couple so soon.”

There’s a fine line between being a cold human being and letting her know that you’re not her personal free therapist.

Personal free therapists who “listen” are thought of as WUSSY-BOY-GIRLIE-MAN-FRIENDS (as you well know)… and their behavior doen NOT create ATTRACTION.


Hi, i’m M. (from Italy: here to visit my family), I’m 23 college student / waitress; judging by the e-mails you been sending my brother about picking up women, it seems as if you know what you’re talking about, but being a women I usually rely on guys just approaching me, but there’s a problem. Although I get my share of guys approaching me, there is always one that I would have my eye on that will NOT approach me… this seems to be happening time and time again. I don’t know if you’re an expert on THIS side of the field but I try to get his attention by going a little closer, but it doesn’t seem to work. This is extremely frustrating to me, if you gave me any explanation I would be very happy.


Sorry, but I’m only using your email for the benefit of myself and my MALE readers… lol. (Maybe I’ll find it in my heart to give you some advice after I’m finished taking ruthless advantage of you…)

This email is very interesting to me because I have a few friends who are VERY good with women who have STOPPED APPROACHING WOMEN ALTOGETHER.

That’s right, they don’t approach women anymore, but they’re AMAZINGLY successful with them.

These guys have taken their skills, personalities, body language», and communication skills to a level where women actually want them before they’ve even spoken!

I’m betting that the men that this 23 year old Italian college student/waitress is referring to have something about them that is MORE than just their “looks”. (By the way, if you’re reading this right now, please email me again to confirm this)…

See, women are about ten times better at using body language» to communicate than men.

Next time you’re out with a woman, point to a couple and say “What’s going on between them”. You won’t believe all the body language» she’ll point out and then interpret for you.

The point I’m trying to make here is that you can go BEYOND just learning techniques to “approach” women. You can actually learn how to get them to approach you… really. It’s all about body language»… and how you use it to communicate all the time (because you are, in fact, communicating at all times… you can’t NOT communicate).

And as for you, my poor Italian 23 year old college student and waitress…

Just walk up to a guy and say “Give me your number… and MAYBE I’ll call you sometime.”


OK Dave, I have read all these news letters and it sounds interesting… but, I don’t want a girl. I DON’T WANT A BOY EITHER BY THE WAY! I want a woman! These tactics seem so juvenile and childish. Something that a high schooler would be intrigued by. What’s in it for the guy that is not into child’s play. Other useful information is how many megs of memory do I need to get all the “books”?



LOL! [That’s “laughing out loud” in internet-talk]

What are you doing whining about the techniques before you’ve even tried them!?

>>From your short email I can guess the following:

1) You don’t have a lot of success with women.

2) You over-analyse things instead of just going out there and trying them yourself.

3) You need to download a copy of my book before you die of no-date-itis (It’s less than a meg total, not a huge file at all). [ebook download link]

The concepts work with women of all ages. Will you do yourself a favor and quit arguing in your mind… and get out there and TRY IT!


I bought the book, and it makes a lot of sense. Would you give some examples of how an online meeting/conversation on a personals board might go? I need a little help in the imagination department.


Sure. As a matter of fact, let me tease you a bit…

In my Los Angeles seminar last month, I included a whole section on meeting women online (to go along with the portion of the seminar where I TAUGHT everyone how to do it)…

I included several examples of things I’ve done PERSONALLY, with exact transcripts, profiles, etc. Here’s a little piece of a conversation I had online with a woman awhile back, right from the workbook:

HER: what do you look like
ME: I’m 4′ 11 and I weigh 345
HER: lol, what ever
ME: I have long facial hair and a hairy back too
HER: what do you really look like
ME: Hold a sec.
HER: k
ME: Read your mail
HER: not bad
ME: I don’t recall asking for your opinion

…that’s a little example of how I communicate with women online. You need to be EXTREME with the humor online. Really turn it up. The message you’re communicating is “I must be a pretty confident and interesting guy to say that I’m four foot eleven and weigh 345…” Get it?

Try being over-the-top Cocky and Funny. It’s fun, and it works like a charm.


hi David

I am an 18 yr old who thinks u are the BOMB. You have given true Players a voice.. you are the “MESSENGER”. I have been reading your newsletters for over 7 months now and you are spot on. This is the deal, there is this really beautiful blonde i have been friends with for a while now I see her out a lot at clubs(College). she always wants to dance with me (i am a decent dancer) i have been cocky funny la la the works but now i am in trouble, this girl fancies me and i know it, how do i work it so that i remain in control of the situation without getting to WUSSY ?

M.N from London


If you start to feel the INNER WUSS coming out, just remember to LEAN BACK. Call less, see her less, and make yourself a little less available.

Attractive women are used to being approached and pursued all the time… you need to be different.

Of course, when you’re alone with her, you need to take things to the next level, and always advance.

But don’t turn into a needy, clingy, emotional wreck.

Remember, LEAN BACK when you feel the INNER WUSS coming out.



First thanks for taking the time to be the # 1 male to get enough balls to figure out women a little better to make it easier on the rest of us. I’m 21 yrs.old and since I got your book i’ve been steadily increasing my dates w/college girls at my university. My question though is: I go to the college bars thurs-sat w/my buddies and we always talk to as many girls in the bar as possible. The problem is all the other guys are doin the same thing. I use your technique to be cocky+funny, and get a number or e-mail address, but the girls have talked to so many guys and after all they drink they don’t remember which guy I was even though I made a good connection. Any tips?




Yep, got a great tip for you…

Don’t worry about the other guys. They don’t matter.

What matters is that you use what you learned in the book when you FOLLOW UP.

Sending interesting, funny follow-up emails is a KEY to getting women to meet up with you again.

“Hey, nice meeting you last night. I think that you MIGHT just be more than an another pretty face… let’s get together for a cup of tea and some stimulating conversation this week.”

Are you with me?

49 out of 50 of the other guys there either won’t get her EMAIL address, won’t follow up, won’t remember anything about the girl, or will send a DUMB-ASS message…

If you do the right things over and over, you will find success VERY often.



Thanks, I have more self confidence than ever. I’m meeting tons of 7’s and 8’s. When I go out with friends they get pissed at me for “showing off.” I have no problem meeting, dating, and getting women home. In fact, some of my friends have nicknamed me the “Pu$$y Patrol.” (joke or no joke, I’ll take it as a compliment)

To everybody out there, Cocky/Funny is the key. BUY THE BOOK!!!!!

Here’s my question. Lately for some reason, I’ve had a little difficulty sealing the deal. I’ve had two 8’s in my bedroom this week (today is friday). Door locked, hot & heavy. Somehow, I’m batting 0 for 2 this week I keep on hearing from the girl, “Lets take it slower.” and “I don’t want to be that girl.” How do I overcome these challenges. B/c I believe its sort of like the final test that I must pass. And apparently, I’m failing.

I need help ASAP my Avg is suffering,

“Pu$$y Patrol”



OK, when you downloaded my eBook “Double Your Dating” you also got three bonus reports. One of them was called “Sex Secrets— How To Turn A Woman On, Satisfy Her In A Big Way, And Get Her To Do The Things You’ve Always Wanted”.

In that booklet I describe a sequence for REALLY getting her aroused… and I mean REALLY.

You need to learn how to build anticipation and then AMPLIFY it. It’s really pretty simple once you’re to this stage… and ANTICIPATION is the key.

Again, read the report. It’s the way.

…Well, hasn’t this been an interesting one…

As always, if you’re just learning about some of my ideas and you’d like to really start being more successful with women and dating, you need to read my book. Just go to:

[ebook download link]

and download your copy. It’s the very best place to start, and you’ll get a great education in how to start meeting and dating the kinds of women that you’ve always wanted.

And I’ll talk to you again soon.

Your Friend,

David D.

***If you’d like to send me a Success Story, Question, or Comment, follow these guidelines***

1) Keep it short and to the point. Two paragraphs max.

2) Tell me what’s working for you before you ask your question. I appreciate all of the “Your stuff is great” and “I don’t need to tell you how well your stuff works” comments, but the fact is that I DO need to hear all of the SPECIFICS… because this helps other guys to see what’s working in different situations.

3) If you have a Success Story, write “Success Story” in the subject line of the email. I read these first.

4) At the end of the email, give me your initials and tell me where you’re from.

5) Send it to me at:

[newsletter sign-up link]

…don’t just hit “reply” to this email. Thanks!

This is an archive of a David’s answers to questions directed to his mailing list for his Double Your Dating eBook. David’s newsletter is a free e-mail list that that teaches men how to be more successful with women and dating. If you would like to purchase David’s book or subscribe to his mailing list, you should visit

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