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David DeAngelo’s Double Your Dating Mailbag

“Q&A: Getting Numbers, Meeting Women Online” – July 24, 2002

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“Q&A: Getting Numbers, Meeting Women Online” – July 24, 2002

This week we have a FANTASTIC Mailbag. All kinds of good stuff, so enjoy.



All I have to say is that the Cocky/Funny attitude is seriously the golden ticket to getting girls. I can honestly say now from acting this way towards girls my success has skyrocketed in just a matter of time. Just from reading your newsletters I have gained so much self confidence in myself in meeting and approaching girls. I at first thought your newsletter was a bunch of bs at first because (stupid I) thought girls liked “nice guys”. Not the case at all, I can’t thank you enough for all these tips you have shared with us, and I’m buying your book at the end of this week! Oh and I’ve seen some people comment that the cocky/funny approach doesn’t work, your 100% wrong, just try harder and believe in yourself.

CB, New York


Thanks for your email. It’s hard for some guys to even entertain the idea that being Cocky and Funny with women could actually make them feel ATTRACTION. I wouldn’t have imagined it in a million years…

But the fact is that even though it doesn’t make logical sense, it works. I’m actually writing another book right now about the concept of ATTRACTION and how it works…

I’ve done a lot of research, thinking, experimenting, and watching to get to the bottom of how and why ATTRACTION exists, and more importantly how to create it with your behavior, communication, etc. There’s a lot more to come, so keep your eyes open for it.


I’ve never really liked your approach, even though I have no doubt that it works… personally it rubs me up the wrong way, and I’d rather go out with a guy who’d listen to my problems. But hey, maybe I’m a one off. However, though I’m a girl I’ve been trying out your C&F routine for a while. Funnily enough it works just as well for men as it does for girls… I think partly because guys are so shocked that a girl would go about ball busting them, but also be flirtatious at the same time. My favorite move is to always refuse any free drink offers, yet keep up the C&F routine. (“why, do you think you have to buy me or something?”) It seems to send guys into a tailspin. Keep up the good work.


Hm, first you tell me that Cocky and Funny rubs you the wrong way, then you agree that it works, and even on men… then encourage me to keep up the good work.

Hey, would you do me a favor and write a book teaching women how to use your “Don’t accept free drinks” technique? I think it would go over very well!

No, really… I think you should do it. It’s just the kind of wisdom that our women of today need. And you’re just the person to do it. You’d be helping women all over the world.


Dear David,

One of my friends wants to slap the sh** out of you! Your advice to the guy at the gym was totally out of line and rude. The guy looked at a woman too long. The woman then told him she had a boyfriend. He then said, “I realize that is a major accomplishment for you, however, it it quite normal for a woman to have a boyfriend.”

First of all, the comment insinuates that the woman is a lesbian, or does not deserve a decent guy in her life. Lesbians in this country are in a minority and their rights are protected by law. All women have the right to choose their partner, whether male or female. Women also have the right to choose the most compatible male available. This person, in my friends opinion, does not deserve the time of the day from that particular woman for being so insulting to her face.

Second, the comment slaps the woman in the face. The woman at the gym may have problems finding and keeping a boyfriend. She may be shy. That comment is a good way to injure a woman’s delicate psyche.

I urge you to reconsider the advice given to that man. I am not the only one to say this. Maybe you should quit writing this column and give the job to a woman!!!

Thank You,


Belleview, Florida.


Oh, I smiled with joy when I read this one.

This woman has gone on to email me again twice ranting about my newsletters and materials. The latest one was a bizarre misinterpretation of a part of my book. It was great.

But let’s stick to the email at hand…

And to be fair, I’ll reprint the original section that you’re commenting on (before I mock you in front of many thousands of male readers who are already biased against you because they know I’m going to mock you):


Just wanted to share a little bit of what your lessons have done for me. I read your book and started concentrating on what I thought was my weak points. I did as your book recommended and started picturing myself as the cocky funny person I wanted to be. I even did the whole daydream practice thing everyday. I work at a fitness center so I see lots of hot women all the time. My biggest weakness is that I look away quickly after eye contact is made. I decided that before I started trying to approach women I would make it my goal for a couple of weeks to just make eye contact and hold it until they looked away. Ok, here is the good part. After practicing eye contact for a couple of weeks and doing the whole mental exercise thing, I was at work one day working out after my break and was practicing my eye contact thing between sets with this really hot girl near the dumbbell rack.

I knew she noticed but it never bothered me cause I had no intentions of acting. Well, I had to go over to get a set of dumbbells for my next exercise and as I got close to where she was she suddenly turned around and said “I have a boyfriend” and turned around. Normally I would have kinda stood there in shock and said nothing but, I guess all that mental practice paid off. With out even thinking or pausing the words just came out. I said “Hey that’s great I am happy for you. (Pause – and in a lower tone) I know this is probably a major accomplishment for you but to the rest a the world this is kinda normal so you might not want to go telling every stranger you see.” Then I just walked off with my weights to do my sets. 5 min later she comes over to me and apologizes and asks for my number. Turns out she didn’t have a boyfriend but was just tired of being picked up by losers while she was trying to do a workout. Thanks for the pleasant surprise!


[I didn’t include my answer, because it was a few pages long… as you may remember]

So let’s consider your first comment of:

“First of all, the comment insinuates that the woman is a lesbian, or does not deserve a decent guy in her life. Lesbians in this country are in a minority and their rights are protected by law. All women have the right to choose their partner, whether male or female. Women also have the right to choose the most compatible male available. This person, in my friends opinion, does not deserve the time of the day from that particular woman for being so insulting to her face.”

Lesbians are a minority? The comment insinuates that she’s a lesbian? Women have the RIGHT to choose the “most compatible male available”?

Can I ask you PLEASE PASS ME THE CRACK PIPE, because it’s obviously some good stuff. I mean, you MUST be high.

My comments are only taking away from the beautiful comedy that you’ve already created in this heartfelt paragraph, so I’ll continue with your next…

“Second, the comment slaps the woman in the face. The woman at the gym may have problems finding and keeping a boyfriend. She may be shy. That comment is a good way to injure a woman’s delicate psyche.”

The only problem that the woman at the gym was having is the ability to TELL THE TRUTH! Hell, she opened her mouth and lied to a complete stranger without even being spoken to.

The reason she might have a problem “finding and keeping a boy friend” is that she’s a liar! I don’t know a lot of people that feel compelled to lie to people they’ve never met or spoken to, but this is a little red flag, in my humble opinion. And it’s surely NOT a sign of SHYNESS.

LOL! You’re killing me.

Yea, ALL of my shy friends feel compelled to start conversations with strangers by lying. It’s a fundamental part of the “shyness” complex.


Oh, and this “woman’s delicate psyche” B.S. is really nice. How nice of you to frame all women as “delicate psychological flowers” who are wrongfully injured by brutally interesting men who bust on them.

And to wrap up, you go with:

“I urge you to reconsider the advice given to that man. I am not the only one to say this. Maybe you should quit writing this column and give the job to a woman!!!”

Yea, you’re right…

I’m reconsidering right now.

Oh, already came to a decision… I was right on.

And you know, I really think your idea of me turning over this “column” to a woman is a great idea. Maybe you could handle it for me?

Let me guess, you’re actually writing this from your laptop inside the “Carter” building… you know, the one in New Jack City that was taken over by gangsters and converted into… what else?


Wow, I could work with this material all day. If I can stop laughing maybe I’ll dig up your other emails that you’ve sent me since this one for the next mailbags… I couldn’t imagine better material if I tried.



Could you give an Cocky and Funny example answering “What time is it?” from an obviously interested (well, more or less) chick?



This is a great question.

I think it’s a great idea to come up with some great comebacks for common situations like this. Think them through.

There are probably 10 or 20 situations where women start talking to you, and you should be ready for all of them.

To answer your specific question… try these:

“I will tell you the time, but I just want to let you know that I see right through your little ploy to meet me. I realize that you probably don’t see such attractive men often, but you didn’t have to use such an obvious line to meet me.”

“It’s time for you to get a watch.”

“What an unoriginal pickup line.”

…now come up with 10 of your own. And come up with others for the other common situations where women start talking to you.


i juz thought u might like to hear about a very recent success story…earlier today actually….i was in school (college summer classes) not plannin on pickin up girls at all….i mean i was there in basketball shorts and slippers, wut can i say, i was tired, i didnt feel like gettin all dressed up for school…well anyways…on to the story….there was this new girl there, id hafta rate her about an 8, the body was bangin….neways i went outside the class to work and so did she so i layed deep into the C&F. like soon as the door closed im all “why u following me? geez” well we got to talkin cuz as we all know…bookwork is very boring…after about an hour shes all “take me to lunch, i’m buying” so i was like “naw i got a lotta book work to do u need to get to work slacker” and that did it. she was like “be a slacker with me, cmon, please??” it was great so after awhile of her begging i went out and let her buy me lunch….well i juz thought u’d like to hear yet another success story.

J.B. Nor Cal


One of the greatest things you can do is play hard to get when a woman is doing something uncharacteristic… like offering to buy you lunch or take you out.

It’s ESPECIALLY powerful if the woman is unusually attractive. Attractive women have NO IDEA what to do when a man isn’t being a typical wussy… it creates a situation that is both mysterious and challenging to the woman.

I’ve had plenty of success in my day when I was not all dressed up. When you’re dressed casually and it’s obvious that you don’t care what others think… AND you’re being Cocky and Funny is kind of says “I am a person that has power regardless of my appearance”. It’s powerful.


Dear Dave,

Your techniques are right on target. Your guidelines helped me become successful on everything from approaching women to being confident and having fun doing it. I went from the nice guy “wussy” that women practically ignored, to something along the lines of well, a player! The cocky funny routine matches with my sarcastic personality and women cant seem to get enough of it.

Ok, well Ive done the routine and picked from about the 10 hottest girls and now have a very hot g/f , but now there is a dilemma. My chemistry teacher now wants me, Im dead sure of it (shes only 3 years older than me). But this is one of the biggest challenges ive ever come across and I think it needs your expert opinion. First, she is every guys fantasy and a 10,000 on the 1-10 hotness scale…(yeah the girl is that hot) The problem is she definitely knows this. I have heard many guys hit on her and she has shot all of them down, I heard it with my own ears. She already asked me indirectly twice if I was going to a local place to watch a game, unfortunately I couldn’t make it both times. And it seems like the more I ignore her the more she flirts. I want to build the tension to the absolute highest level before I decide to show the slightest bit of interest, how do I do this effectively?…

Your Friend,

New Jersey


Hm. Yea. I think I know what to do.

I think that it’s just too dangerous for you to start something with your teacher. And if she’s this attractive there’s only one thing I can think of to do.

I’m going to be in New York in September doing a seminar, and I would be willing to do you the personal favor of coming to N.J. and escorting this woman myself. I’ll handle it, and you won’t have to worry about her anymore.

I’d do that for you, since we’re friends and all…

OK, try this:

Next time she asks you where you’re going, just say “Isn’t it against the rules for you to keep asking me these kinds of questions?” and give her a sly smile.

Then laugh, and say “Hey, do you have email?”

Get her email, and write her an email that says:

“Hey, I’m busy today and tomorrow, but I might have some time this weekend. Maybe we should have a cup of tea and some stimulating conversation… and you can help me with my homework.”

That should do the trick.

Oh, and if you decide that you just aren’t up to it and don’t want to risk it, let me know. I’m here for you.


Dave, I want to thank you for your book and for always answering my questions. Since reading your book, I have been working out, dressing nicer, and attracting women. I am only 5’5 but, when I am using your techniques women seem to focus more on my build, clothes, and personality rather than how short I am. My question is; my car lease is ending and since I won’t have a car for a while, how will I be able to date women? The meeting and attracting I am beginning to master, but how do I take a women out on date and what to I say to them if I don’t have a car or access to one. Thanks for all your help and everyone should go buy this book. It is awesome!



Oh, don’t stress about it.

If I were in your situation, I’d tell women something like:

“OK, do you have a car? Good, because my lease just ended and I’m between cars… and a woman without a car just isn’t an option for me.”

Turn it around and make it something funny! Make it a qualification that a woman has to meet…

I would. Great opportunity for Cocky and Funny!


Hey Dave!

Just wanted to say that your C+F techniques work like magic – they have such a strong impact that sometimes a girl can just say “I love you” literally half an hour into the conversation. or things like “you are the only person who seems to understand me”, or “i’ve never met anyone like you before!” I especially like situations when they ask you for some favor like a drink, to take them out to a club/bar, or simply to hold something… immediately I say ..”… And what am I gonna get in return?” They freeze for a sec and then usually say: “A hug”, “a kiss”, “or anything you like” lol depending on the situation I may say “Nah, not good enough…” and then say “go do it yourself” or something along the lines. Anyways, I was sitting in one pizza place with one of these chicks and she asked me to take her to some exclusive place I know and I said my phrase (above). I was expecting she’d say “anything you like when we get there” but instead she backfired: “ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!” – I froze for a sec – and then I said that it wasn’t good enough… lol and she nodded and smiled (it’s like she knew I was in the game) but still, it was the first time I heard such a response and I was wondering what you would say the best response is to this sort of situations/comments! Everyone get the Book! It’s a treasure!!



This is a fantastic observation. When you are “in the zone” with your Cocky and Funny, and you’re really being an interesting challenge while at the same time making her laugh, you’ll get all kinds of amazing responses.

It’s not uncommon to have a woman say “I’ve never met anyone like you before”. It’s true they usually haven’t!

Most guys kiss up to them, act fake, try to buy them dinners and gifts to get their attention, and generally act like Wuss-Bags.

Some see Cocky and Funny as being “too manipulative”, but when it’s done right it’s the opposite. It’s learning how to be fun, interesting, challenging, and magnetic.

And your question of “What am I going to get in return” is must magic. It catches women totally off guard… and it’s charming. It’s very suggestive, while still being classy. Great job.

Thanks for your email.


Hello David,

Much of your information is insightful, and educational. However, I think the heart of the matter in regards to men’s fear of women, is the fact that men see what attracts them in a woman, only it requires a theatrical performance that puts them on stage. The real fear is a result of one’s own inner psychology working against their conscious brain, that if the verbal presentation isn’t met with approval then the result is personal rejection by a woman who meant so much in one’s own mind, which is taken personally due to it’s sexual ramifications, an absence of sex. Comedians call it shtick, and without a well rehearsed comedic routine, then there indeed is something to be nervous about. Women are very much like a rabid dog, keenly smelling fear and able to inflict personal pain, the key is to approach not only without fear, but with indifference so as not to get bit with total rejection. Men are better at dealing with physical scars than the psychological ones, which take far longer to heal, and some don’t. Unlike a man, women are totally unforgiving, and every man knows this, and this is the “fulcrum of fear”, knowing we are coming in for the approach without power and it must be done to her unknown mental terrain… right now. The difficulty for women is the fact that society places beauty on a pedestal, which automatically inflates their ego far beyond what they can handle. Pretty girls get off on rejecting men, it feeds the ego quite nicely. It’s the equivalent of the school bully beating up all the other boys, only women do it psychologically using their beauty and then rejection. And unlike the physical presence of a battered victim, the feelings are invisible and go unnoticed, without any regard for the psychological result. Absence of fear (calmness)and indifference (self control)eliminates a woman’s psychological control. This power is what they are born with if attractive. Combine this with a biological hormonal imbalance and you have… a beautiful rabid bad dog. They are also in a unique circumstance that is making them more dysfunctional with the progression of time especially in the United States. They are gaining more power in the world as playing the role that men have (psychological strength), and yet are to be receptive sexually to a man’s advances (psychological submissive). This is a total dichotomy whose result is confusion in their own minds and rejection feeds the new power that fuels the immediate psychological satisfaction through self gratification. This is far more prevalent in the industrial countries than in the third world, where a woman’s naked breast is a thing of beauty that is not even noticed. Here in the U.S. a nude breast is taboo, and met with nervous arrest. Thus the difficulty in attempting to communicate with the opposite sex is three dimensional, being biological, psychological, and cultural. Did I mention their interests are the opposite of most men? Don’t get me started….

T.W- the Phoenix

P.S. Me….well, I burned out about five years ago, and hope to eventually rise from the ashes to re-enter the psychological arena and do battle once again.


Phew. That was kind of intense.

Clearly the words of a guy who’s been there.

I would like to comment on one thing. You said something in the middle that stood out as a gem:

“Absence of fear (calmness) and indifference (self control) eliminates a woman’s psychological control.”

This is a profound thought. I think that men everywhere need to get this idea at a deep level.

I was listening to India Arie’s album, which I think is pretty cool (As Butthead would say “Chickth Dig It”).

She has a song on the album called “Back To The Middle”.

I think that us guys tend to get too far to one extreme or the other when it comes to women.

We either see them as “innocent girls” who just need a guy to be nice, buy them dinner, protect them, etc. in order to get their love and approval…

Or we see them as cold, hardened, ice-hearted control freaks who emotionally and psychologically manipulate us.

My experience is that most women fall in the middle of this range, and they will act differently in different situations. If you act like a wussy, call 47 times a day, devote yourself to her, and become a complete emotional suckerfish, she’s likely to get so repulsed that she’ll walk all over your sensitive little feelings with her stiletto heels.

If you she favors you and becomes emotionally attached, then you take advantage of her and abuse her emotionally and psychologically, then you might see the more frail and weak side.

On the other hand, if you “Come back to the middle” and cultivate more indifference while lessening your insecurity, you can bypass a lot of this extreme and unhealthy stuff.

“Absence of fear (calmness) and indifference (self control) eliminates a woman’s psychological control.”


I’m not sure whether to thank you or berate you. You may not realize this, but while you are helping thousands of clueless guys you are also hurting the entire male population by raising the bar. The more mentally attractive guys there are out there, the less attractive they all seem. If everyone drove a Ferrari, then Ferraris would be as boring and commonplace as a cheap Ford, no matter how physically beautiful the car is. No one wants boring and commonplace. That’s partially why C&F is so attractive to women (As if you didn’t already know this). Now I know that you’re barely making a dent in the population of wusses out there, but word is beginning to spread. You might consider toning down your marketing or not giving out so many of the info gems. Or you may ruin everything you’re working for. Can you imagine a world where wusses are the attractive ones… just because they’re different? The thought makes me shudder. Anyway, I’d give you a success story but I think I’ve said enough. If you start cloning Jedi, then you’ll have a clone war on your hands.

-BJS in Houston


Well, I don’t think you have anything to worry about. My guess isn’t that being a wussy is EVERY going to make the ladies feel attracted to you.

And it’s going to be a loooooong time before enough guys in this world learn how to actually make women feel ATTRACTION. I think you’re going to be OK.


David, I’ve only had your book for a few days now, and it’s paying off. Let me preface by saying that I’ve been able to do the cocky-funny thing my whole life, but somehow believed that I had to keep it in check and be a ‘nice guy’ in order for women to really fall for me (Ouch!). Anyway, I’ve seen lots of people ask you about how to get dates with waitresses or bartenders etc. and thought I’d share: Friday night I’m playing a gig with a band at a local venue, so I show up early for soundcheck. There’s [an attractive] waitress there, and she starts talking to me (Didn’t even have to worry about approaching her!) so I decide to pour it on. It went something like this:

Her: “God, I’m tired. I need to take a nap.”

Me: “Well, you can’t sleep here or we’ll have to ask you to leave. You know, I’ve been sitting here waiting for 5 minutes for you to get me another drink. No tip fior you, I guess.”

Her, laughing: “OK, hold your horses.” (gets drink) “So what’s your name?” (introduces herself)

Me: “Oh, trying to pick me up already, huh? You know I hardly know you, and I don’t give my phone number out to strangers.”

Her, laughing, looking at me in disbelief: “That’s bullsh**! I’m just trying to be nice!”

Me: “Sure you are. Well, if you insist, you can give me your number. I mean, who knows, maybe we can be friends?”



Yes, Bingo.

But hey, Bingo doesn’t usually have prizes like this one, does it?


Hi, I’ve been getting your letter in my e-mail for a while now, one thing that I don’t understand is the Kissing Test. How do you do it? I must have missed something, but I’m curious from all of the success stories that use it.

Thx. (You da man) E.L. OK


Just go to my main website and enter again. It’s on the very first page after the entry page.



I’ve been having some really good success getting women from online personal ads to respond. I used your formula, modified with some of my own material.

Then I follow up with my email version of cocky&funny. I wanted to share a recent email that I received:

“You’ve managed to intrigue me. Give me a call when you get a chance…555-1234

I like your confidence!

This was just her 2nd email to me. And I didn’t even have to ASK her for her #, she just volunteered it. I’ll be calling her this evening. Obviously, I have changed her phone number – I don’t want all your subscribers calling her too!

Here’s my question:

Many times she won’t volunteer her #. In your book, you suggest that the next step is to get her number so you can set up a meeting. I have found that sometimes you can skip the # part and arrange the meeting via email. But some women are more open to this than others. Is there a good rule of thumb here?

Thanks for everything,



Good job.

I personally like to email first, then have a telephone conversation. I think that the email establishes an interesting and unusual relationship… and the telephone firms it up and is a better way to set up the next meeting.

I’ve tried all kinds of combinations, and this is my personal experience.

Email first, then call to set up the meeting.

You’re doing a great job, and thanks for your email!

…and if you’re reading this right now and saying to yourself:

“You know, it sure would be cool to get this part of my life handled and to figure out how to actually make women feel attracted to me…”

…then I’d recommend that you go and download a copy of my online eBook “Double Your Dating: What Every Man Should Know About How To Be Successful With Women”. It’s jam packed with all of my very best ideas and techniques for meeting and attracting women.

It’s not a bunch of recycled pickup lines and stupid ideas that you don’t work. It’s taken me years to figure it all out, and you won’t find the materials anywhere else.

Best part? 100% money-back guarantee. If you’re not THRILLED with it, just email and ask for a refund. It’s that simple. Just go to:

[ebook download link]

…now and download it.

And I’ll talk to you again soon.

Your Friend,

David D.

***If you’d like to send me a Success Story, Question, or Comment, follow these guidelines***

1) Keep it short and to the point. Two paragraphs max.

2) Tell me what’s working for you before you ask your question. I appreciate all of the “Your stuff is great” and “I don’t need to tell you how well your stuff works” comments, but the fact is that I DO need to hear all of the specifics… because this helps other guys to see what’s working in different situations.

3) If you have a Success Story, write “Success Story” in the subject line of the email. I read these first.

4) At the end of the email, give me your initials and tell me where you’re from.

5) I LOVE comments from women! So send away.

6) Send it to me at:

[newsletter sign-up link]

…don’t just hit “reply” to this email. Thanks!

This is an archive of a David’s answers to questions directed to his mailing list for his Double Your Dating eBook. David’s newsletter is a free e-mail list that that teaches men how to be more successful with women and dating. If you would like to purchase David’s book or subscribe to his mailing list, you should visit

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