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“Q&A: Creating ‘ACCIDENTAL ATTRACTION'” – September 17, 2002

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“Q&A: Creating ‘ACCIDENTAL ATTRACTION’” – September 17, 2002

This week I got a few different letters from women, and I thought that together they told an interesting story. I’m going to start with these letters this week… this Mailbag has some great stuff toward the end as well, so keep reading!


Hey David.

I’m a woman that signed up for your emails out of curiosity. I think what you’re telling men is right on. I’ve dated a lot of guys, and I feel a lot more attracted to the ones that are cocky and funny, instead of the overly nice, kiss the ground I walk on types.

I did want to make one comment though. One of your tips is for a man, when setting up a date, is to tell the woman to cancel her plans because he’s more interesting. This is a great tactic, if the plans are boring she may cancel. But if she doesn’t want to cancel, I wouldn’t recommend pushing the issue. It seems so desperate and selfish when men don’t want me to spend time with other people.

Keep up the good work, I’m tired of wussies!

Tulsa, OK



I wish that more guys would do themselves the favor of just asking 10 women the following question:

“Are you attracted to the “nice guy” type who is submissive and just wants to do whatever you tell him?”

Even though it isn’t LOGICAL, women are NEVER attracted to this type of behavior (unless she is a dominatrix and she’s looking for a new slave).

Women feel ATTRACTION to men who are a CHALLENGE to them… men who are almost too comfortable around them… who do and say things that are slightly TOO confident (Like telling a woman to cancel her plans because you’re more interesting).

Thanks for your letter. Very nice.


Hi Dave,

A guy friend got me reading your letters and so far I pretty much agree, from a woman’s point of view. I haven’t read your book or anything but my question is: I’m married and want to stay that way but I’m getting bored and frustrated with my husband. I try and do stuff with him (download music, watch star trec, etc.) He seems so disinterested with me except sex but he will just come to me and want me to get naked and start having oral sex (to him or him to me) without any of the other stuff US WOMEN like. Do you think your book would help a married man with his wife? I haven’t come across anything about this subject yet. Life is so boring, he works shift work, he sleeps, works, downloads music, chops wood for our fireplace, eats, has sex. We don’t do much together besides go for coffee with friends, when he doesn’t have to work the next day, and have sex. He has a hard time even having a conversation with me.

I think you have some very good info. What about a man that has a woman in their life, what do they do to keep them. Do you think buying your book for my husband would be a good idea? The other question would be: How do I get him to read it? I have read other books and said it had some good info. in it would you like to read it? And it’s a great big NO, I’M NOT INTERSTED!

Please help! Any information would be greatly appreciated.

G. Canada


Well, you might have your hubby start reading my newsletters and maybe have him read my book. See the following letter for more info.


HI….I am a married woman (10 years) …and somehow (?) we started getting your newsletters…and, well…My husband and I love them! And….well….it works on me too! He is becoming more like the type of man I dated but did not marry because they were not the “marrying type”.

My husband is trying the cocky funny stuff with me…and, yes…I know he is doing it..and yes..I love it! Even when we socialize with others he does it…and I love that too….I like seeing other women react to my cocky funny husband. He makes me proud….maybe I am weird…but I think happily married men, who do NOT wanna fool around (except with their wives of course) can all use some cocky funny techniques. We wives love it too! thanks for the laughs…to.


Thanks for your letter.


The reality is that women don’t really care that much WHERE you learned how to do something… as long as you’re DOING it in a way that they enjoy.

For instance, if you are making love with a woman and you do some incredible sexual technique that brings her to a MIND BLOWING orgasm… then later say “Yea, wasn’t that cool? I decided that I wanted to learn more about sex so I read this great book and learned that technique” SHE’S REALLY NOT GOING TO CARE.

In fact, she’ll probably ask you to GO LEARN MORE!

Don’t be embarrassed about the fact that you’re learning how to be successful with women and dating. Women will be GLAD that you are doing it. Really.


Hi Dave,

I’ve noticed that you get a lot of letters from guys wondering when they can ‘stop the act’ and be themselves around a woman that they’ve been dating for a while. What they don’t realize is that c&f isn’t about not being yourself. They have it confused with trying to be society’s conception of ‘cool’ all the time. The truth is, if you pull of the c&f right, it doesn’t matter if you let them know who you are. Just don’t turn into an emotional cripple. I think the stuff guys are scared to let woman know is that they read books or watch Star Trek or do things that they think are inconsistent with being cocky and funny. What I’ve learned is that you can let them know your true self, as long as you do it unapologetically. If you just act yourself, chances are they won’t care because they’re already attracted to you. Ever dated a girl with bad teeth but overlooked it because she was attractive and fun? If you’re making her attracted to you, she probably won’t care about the stuff that you do. Besides, if she does say something, it’s prime opportunity to bust her balls. Like if she disses you for reading the Economist, tell her you like to know more words than are required to read a shampoo bottle. Anyway, just my two cents.



Ahhhh, someone who gets it.


If a woman feels that magical emotion called ATTRACTION, then NOTHING ELSE MATTERS.

You can love Star Trek if you want.

You can collect comic books.

You can even be overly thoughtful, buy gifts, be romantic, and do all those things that you SHOULDN’T do BEFORE a woman feels ATTRACTION for you.

But most guys just don’t GET this point.

Instead, they come up with all kinds of reasons why this probably won’t work, or why they want to “be themselves” and have women like them “for who they are”.

When you integrate this stuff into YOUR OWN PERSONALITY you’ll see that you can have women like you for who you are… as long as you DON’T do the things that interfere with ATTRACTION and you DO do those things that AMPLIFY ATTRACTION.


Dave…quick question man. In your book you say to stay and talk calm and cool. Lately I have been acting more uninterested in women, and its great, but how do I come back to questions like. What’s wrong? you don’t like me?? Also, Do you think your too good or what? I’m completely lost with these types of questions.

L Tx


Oh, this is good stuff.

If a woman asks ANY of these questions, there’s a 99% chance that she REALLY likes you. If she didn’t like you or just didn’t care either way, then she’d never say something like this… because it wouldn’t matter.

If you’re acting indifferent towards a woman, and she asks you “What’s wrong, don’t you like me?” this is a PERFECT opportunity to come back with “Well you like me… isn’t that enough?” or something equally as Cocky and Funny.

You must interpret these comments as her being insecure, and make fun of them.

Let me ask you this:

How would you behave if you knew that a woman wanted you and there was NOTHING you could do to screw it up?


See, one of the WORST things you can do is to LET A WOMAN’S COMMENTS THROW YOU OFF BALANCE.

When a woman sees that she has the ability to affect your emotional state, your composure, etc. it means that SHE is the one that’s in control of the situation.

In other words, she’s dealing with a Wuss.

So don’t let things like this bug you. Just answer with a cool, calm, Cocky and Funny response.


Dave –

When a chick comes back at ya with a C+F line how do you comeback at her?!?! Should you follow up with your own C+F line or what? And if you can’t comeback what do you do? A goofy little giggle only goes so far and is kinda dumb…lol. Also, while im at it, any key body language» you think we should know about and any body language» source you recommend? thanks man your awesome

N from nj


Great questions.

I personally LOVE it when a woman gives me back some great Cocky and Funny play.

Women that get it enough to actually USE IT are often more intelligent, more funny, and more interesting to be around than those that don’t.

In fact, Cocky and Funny is a great test.

If a woman gets uptight, doesn’t get it, or tries to act offended because you’re busting on her and giving her a hard time YOU CAN BET YOUR LAST DOLLAR THAT SHE WILL BE A HUGE PAIN IN THE ASS LATER ON. Women that get uptight and can’t take jokes and deal with others making fun of them are usually ULTRA HIGH MAINTENANCE.

So I say go with it. Keep up the fun, and keep giving it back to her. It’s all kinds of fun when you meet a girl like this.

And as for body language»… that’s a big topic.

Women can tell INSTANTLY from your body language»:

1) Whether you’re self-confident or not.

2) Whether you’ll be good in bed or not.

3) Whether or not you’re a “dominant” male or a WUSS.

…and about a million other things.

Now, there are all kinds of subtle aspects of body language». And I recommend that you watch guys who are good with women and pay attention to the little things they do to make women feel attracted to them.

See if you can imitate some of these things.

Start with holding yourself upright, shoulders back, head held up.

Next, practice slowing down your movements and incorporating an “unhurried” look to all your actions.

Eliminate nervous behaviors, twitches, and signs of insecurity.

Learn how to maintain eye contact with women you see until THEY look away.

This is a good starting point.


Dear Dave

I recently downloaded your book and found it to be an amazing read. However , I need some help .

I met this girl on the internet and we have been chatting via enail and mobile phone . She went away for the weekend and sent me an sms via mobile phone saying she wishes she was with me having a drink . It got to a stage where she ignored my sms I was asking her if she was purposely ignoring me etc . When queried she said that her phone was on charge mode. Anyway she said I musnt be so paranoid. She has since come back and has been offish and distant. She says she is still be prepared to see me but when I asked her she said very bluntly “cant” I then told her it was best to move on and it was a pity we didnt actually meet .

I know from our discussions that there is something there and she has indicated that too . I then sent a message two days later and asked if she would forgive me and still meet. She said she would but wanted to cool down as I had upset her , and would contact me when ready I then sent an email apologizing and left it at that .

I would say I may have been overpowering acting like a real wuss as a result cocked it up. I have been cocky as well but I think I have destroyed everything .

Could you offer some help

South Africa


My guess is that you started messaging her too often, and she had that little emotional shift from “interested” to “not interested”.

It’s very subtle, but when a woman feels like you’re being too “clingy” or too “interested” they shut off like light switches.

Most men make a HUGE mistake when the woman gives some sign of being interested (like yours did when she said to you that she wishes she was with you having a drink)… They immediately start paying WAY too much attention to the woman.

In your case, it sounds like you probably started messaging her a lot.

Your BIG mistake was when you asked her if she was purposely ignoring your messages.

This is one of the worst things you can do, because it REALLY demonstrates insecurity.

Don’t ask a woman why she hasn’t called you back, if she’s avoiding you, or if you’re annoying her. And never EVER mention that you’re clingy, needy, lonely, or a WUSSY.

If you do one of these things, you will KILL your chances with a woman instantly.

The help I would offer you is:

Pour a bucket of REALLY COLD water over your head, WAKE UP, STOP ACTING LIKE A WUSS BAG, and get a life.

And don’t screw up like this again!

Once you make a mistake like this one, it’s going to be 100 times easier to go out and meet a new girl than to try to get this one back.


Hey Dave,

On Attraction:

Just a couple of days back I sat to write down what associations come to my mind when I hear the word attraction. Then in your last newsletter you coincidentally included some of your own precious thoughts on the matter – so I combined them together and here’s what came out:

Attraction is:

– A STRONG emotional feeling. It usually isn’t a choice.

– Usually beyond rational judgment and control (“he’s a jerk but I love him” issue)

– Is like a puzzle and built up by various pieces (some don’t make sense) One major piece of attraction is ANTICIPATION – and this could be created by unpredictability, mysteriousness and of course the C&F friend. There are mountains more to creating attraction – read David’s book!

– A reaction – a “CLICK, WHIRR reaction” (as in Cialdini’s book) which means that it happens most of the time with no conscious awareness and typically in response to the right “behavioral code” on the part of the man, i.e. you will trigger attraction (as reaction) if you behave in the “right” way, no matter what you look like or how much you make an hour.

– Something you can’t talk a woman into. Not even if you’re Cicero.

– Is a skill that can be acquired through learning! – Just like you study maths or biology and try your best to be a successful student you can learn how to cause women to feel attraction for you. And Dave, I will petition my Uni to create a new subject “Attraction Studies” and I will propose that they should appoint you as the “Head of Department!”

– Everything! It’s like a DRUG: If she is on it – SHE is gone. If she’s not on it – YOU are gone! (it’s yours word for word and I love it!)

The KEY is to THINK attraction. A lot of guys make the mistake (I certainly did) of seeking ways to behave or say things to a woman that they think will IMPRESS HER – Yes? – a big, NO-NO! We should really concentrate on doing things that are likely to CAUSE A WOMAN TO FEEL ATTRACTION for us – and not to impress….

If you want to impress a woman by catering for her needs, doing her favours, buying gifts and demonstrating various kinds of devotion – she will, if you are lucky, feel AFFECTION towards you, which is a dead end on the way to ATTRACTION – don’t go that way, it may hurt you later.

Whenever you approach a woman train yourself to think attraction – make it your MINDFRAME – and always ask yourself: “Is what I’m doing likely to cause her to feel ATTRACTED to me?”

– And find some time, go out on the mall and ask the hottest women you see to tell you how “ATTRACTION” is different from “AFFECTION” and what each term means for them individually – you’ll have great fun. You can also dress it up as a survey to ease the tension if you must.

And Dave, if anticipation is a major force in attraction, you are the the major force behind my success with women. I am still learning – and will never stop! You should try and come to London to do a seminar so that we Europeans could also bask in the light you emit!

And finally Attraction is a magical feeling that women LOVE to experience so give them the pleasure of it – you will feel good inside (pun unintended)



Nothing else needs to be said. Amen.


Hey man,

I’ve been using your techniques with some success. I’ve gone from getting a phone number every month or so to getting one or more every time I go out almost.


But, now I have a question. What venues “are game” for macking on girls? I mean, we all know that bars and clubs are practically designed for such, and an attractive girl should *expect* to be macked on at such a venue. But what about work? Or a train station? Or just out on the street downtown? There are plenty of examples like these where I have kept to my own business rather than bust up on a complete stranger, or in the case of the workplace, I feel like professionalism dominates. Are these places I’m avoiding the use of C&F at lost opportunities?


DL in SF


Well, first of all… it’s easier to engage a woman in a “normal” place than it is to engage a woman in a bar or a nightclub.

There are usually fewer distractions, less competition for her attention from the music, other guys, friends, etc. and a LOT better chances of meeting a woman alone.


If you see a woman walking down the street, just realize that you can have ALL of her attention if you just talk to her.

And if you’re interesting, charming, and funny you can have AMAZING success.


Hi David,

I guess you get a lot e-mail from guys telling you the same stuff time and time again. I would almost think you might actually start getting tired of hearing the same stuff about the cocky/funny approach when talking and conversing with women. I have read your letters for many months now and listened to you fellow followers “waxing lyrical” about just how effective being c/f was for the them and how it has changed their lives. Being a bit of a skeptic to all this stuff, I ended up leaning back and laughing at these guys and saying “yeah right”, you must be fabricating these e-mails and making it seem to the rest of us as though hundreds of guys are following your advice. Well, my mind and impression of this stuff has been changed for ever. I was at this really up-market restaurant the other night and having a few drinks and dancing in amongst the ladies on the dance floor not really giving a damn about any of them. I can’t recall exactly how the exchange started with this one little goddess on the dance floor, but some how, unconsciously, all the advice which you had been imparting in your letters lay dormant in the back of my mind until now and it poured out of me, like a dam wall which had collapsed under the weight of water (cocky and funny knowledge) behind it. I was “playing” with this woman and getting her to laugh to the point that she was almost crying with laughter. I couldn’t believe the effect I was having on her. I found myself several times thinking if what was happening here was for real. She was a really good dancer and as I knew a move or two myself, she quickly and very forcibly grabbed my hands and wrapped them around herself as she wriggled and writhed against me. Dave, I think the restaurant was getting ready to light up after we were finished on the dance floor. Dave, I am now converted in your ways and you are indeed a sage when it comes to dealing with woman and giving them what they want. They want to be challenged and they want to be tested and they want to be pushed to the point where they will ultimately submit.

Thanks buddy, I am eternally grateful for your invaluable advice.

O. from South Africa.


Oh, ye of little faith…

I’m glad that you actually WENT OUT THERE AND TRIED THE MATERIAL so you could see how it worked for you.

Good job, and I know that you’ll have even more success now that you have gotten a taste of how this game works.



I’m 38 and have been happily married for 10 years and have two children. Recently I have been looking for ways to increase the attraction between my wife and myself. I found your website and signed up for the newsletter. I started using your cocky-funny routine on my wife and our relationship has really changed. We’re having alot more sex and going on more dates than ever before. However, there is one negative point that I would like to point out that surprised me. I am unknowingly being cocky and funny at work, at the gym and other places. This seems to be causing other women to become accidentally attracted to me. I am now struggling to control my behavior in this respect. Dave, I’m only human and did not realize the power of your techniques as they relate to most women. You should post a warning to married men that there may be a price to pay for following your advice that might not seem apparent at first but could pose problems in the long run. Thanks for your time and keep up the good work.

Hartford, CT


OK, let this serve as a WARNING to everyone reading this newsletter…


Yea, so be careful.

[The best part is that I don’t make any of this stuff up… all of these letters are the real deal.]

OK, so if you need more “accidental attraction” from women, and you’re ready to take your dating success to the next level, then you need to get a copy of my eBook “Double Your Dating“, and then order my CD Audio Series called “Advanced Dating Techniques“. Go here for the eBook:

[ebook download link]

…and here for the CD Audio Series:

[products info link]


And I’ll talk to you again soon.

Your Friend,

David D.

***If you’d like to send me a Success Story, Question, or Comment, follow these guidelines***

1) Keep it short and to the point. Two paragraphs max.

2) Tell me what’s working for you before you ask your question. I appreciate all of the “Your stuff is great” and “I don’t need to tell you how well your stuff works” comments, but the fact is that I DO need to hear all of the specifics… because this helps other guys to see what’s working in different situations.

3) If you have a Success Story, write “Success Story” in the subject line of the email. I read these first.

4) At the end of the email, give me your initials and tell me where you’re from.

5) Send it to me at:

[newsletter sign-up link]

…don’t just hit “reply” to this email. Thanks!

This is an archive of a David’s answers to questions directed to his mailing list for his Double Your Dating eBook. David’s newsletter is a free e-mail list that that teaches men how to be more successful with women and dating. If you would like to purchase David’s book or subscribe to his mailing list, you should visit

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