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“Q&A: What If She Doesn’t Call Back?” – September 28, 2002

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“Q&A: What If She Doesn’t Call Back?” – September 28, 2002


I’m sure there are a lot of guys out there that would like your input on this question.

There is something that I haven’t seen addressed in your mailbag or your e-book and that is what to do when the woman you’ve have e-mailed or called didn’t reply to the e-mail or phone call and you see them again. Two personal examples:

Example one:

I meet this girl at my job. Start doing C&F routine on her: “Why do you look so serious, are you trying to scare people away. I know inside of you there’s a nice girl that’s just dying to come out.” She laughs and I say “That’s more like it, now you don’t look so scary.” To make a long story short I ask this girl Friday to give me her phone number so that we can get together the next day. She gave me her number and I called, left a message on her voice mail and she never got back to me. Saw her the following Monday (she sits right across from me) and she didn’t say anything. No reason why she didn’t call me back. Nothing. I ended not talking to her. I thought that if I asked her about why she flaked she would’ve given me a lame excuse anyway. I haven’t been giving her too much attention since.

Example two:

I go to this club on a regular basis. I saw this one girl and started dancing with her. Did some C&F routine like “Don’t get too close”, “I don’t even know you that well”. She was enjoying it. I asked her for her number before I left (she didn’t have e-mail). Found out after I called the number that she gave me a wrong number. I saw her two weeks afterwards in the same club and just ignored her.

Now for my question. What should I do when I come across situations like these again? Act like it never happened and ignore them or call them on their bullshit. Sometimes I think women flake as a test to see what the men are going to do if they happen to come across them again. I know some guys will just tell them off? What have you done in these situations?



First, thanks for this question. I have had this situation happen to me personally many, many times, and I’m glad you asked.

Right now, I’m sitting in my hotel room in New York writing this newsletter (I’m doing the New York Double Your Dating» LIVE! seminar right now… I’m on my lunch break).

One of the things I talked about yesterday and a little bit today how once a person believes something to be “true” or believes that they understand how something works they then tend to make other new information or learnings fit that older model, rather than being open to change.

For instance, people who become part of a cult will tend to make all advice from others, evidence that they’re not doing the right thing etc. help to convince them that they ARE doing the right thing.

The reason that I bring this up is because it sounds to me like you’re looking for an answer to how to solve a problem that you should actually try to PREVENT in the first place.

I’m going to talk about how to prevent this problem first, then tell you a few things you can do when you run into it again in the future as well.

Here are two things to keep in mind:

1) Women give out their numbers to guys A LOT (on average). A woman can have all kinds of reasons for giving out her number. She might like the attention, or it might even be just to get rid of a guy.

2) Women expect men to call THEM. And if a man doesn’t reach them when he calls, a woman expects the man to TRY AGAIN. (In the book “The Rules” – the book for women about how to get a man to marry you – the authors tell women not to call men and rarely return men’s calls, because it makes him think about you want you more).

If I were you, I’d start thinking about two approaches:

1) Figure out how to make it so that women WANT to give you their REAL number and WANT to call you back based on the first meeting.

2) If you got a number instead of email, call her at least 3 or 4 times before you give up.

To figure out how to make women WANT to call you back, you might have to work on improving your humor, your personality, your appearance, or whatever.

Don’t go too overboard on this one, because a lot of this issue is just the fact that women don’t return calls as often as men do… but think it through.

There are probably a few things you’re doing that are making women feel a little strange at first (this is just a guess, as most guys have things they could improve).

Maybe you’re acting a little too nervous.

Maybe you’re acting too “nice” or like you’re “awed” by women.

Maybe you’re not making eye contact directly, and you’re giving off a “not-very-confident” vibe.

Think about it.

But the best thing you can do is to just call a woman on the phone 3 or 4 times before you give up! (That is, when a woman gives you her REAL number).

Women expect men to keep trying, so they just don’t call back.

Remember, SHE’S THE WOMAN. She’s the one who’s getting approached by interested guys, and who probably sees you as “just another guy” calling her.

You must be persistent, keep it cool and low-key, and keep calling until you reach her.

If a woman gives you a fake number, it just means that she wanted to get rid of you…

You need to think about how the interaction went, and TAKE RESPONSIBILITY for the behavior and communication that made her want to give you a fake number.

Again, think about it and make improvements.

And to answer your question directly of “What do I do if I see her again afterwards”, I’d say that it all depends.

If you would consider going out with a woman who has the ethical standard of giving out fake numbers, then I’d say you might want to reconsider your choice of women…

And if you would like to talk to a woman who didn’t call you back (maybe you left her a message, etc.), then I’d come up with something funny. Cocky & Funny, that is.

Walk over make fun of her because it’s obvious that she didn’t have enough money to pay her phone bill and when she tried to call you back she found that her phone was disconnected but that it’s nothing to be ashamed of and you’ll take pity on her and buy her some ramen noodle soup while she’s broke and hungry.

Just make sure you’re lighthearted about it, and you communicate that you could really care less that she didn’t call you back… but that you’re going to take the opportunity to bust on her because she’s in your presence.

Today in the seminar I’m teaching, we did some exercises around body language» and other non-verbal communication.

Your body language» says SOOOOO MUCH about you, and women use body language» to decide many, many things about you.

If your body language» and communication aren’t working together to create ATTRACTION, then you’re going to get a lot more fake numbers and a lot fewer calls back from women.

One of the things I’ve focused on in my new Advanced CD Program is the body language» of men who are successful with women.

This is absolutely one of THE most important skills you can learn, and if you DON’T learn it you’ll probably get many more fake numbers and women who fail to return calls.

To learn more, just go to:

[products info link]

And if you’re reading this now, but you haven’t read my book “Double Your Dating” yet, then you really need to check that out as well.

It’s the starting point and the foundation for all the things I teach. You can go download it right now at:

[ebook download link]

I’ll talk to you soon.

Your Friend,

David D.

This is an archive of a David’s answers to questions directed to his mailing list for his Double Your Dating eBook. David’s newsletter is a free e-mail list that that teaches men how to be more successful with women and dating. If you would like to purchase David’s book or subscribe to his mailing list, you should visit

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