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“Q&A: Success Approaching Women” – October 8, 2002

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“Q&A: Success Approaching Women” – October 8, 2002


Hello David,

I want to say, your books are great, I just got them and I feel a lot more confident. I have a few questions. I go to a site… and read some of their articles every so often, they talk about wingmen and how to use your buddies to your advantage when trying engaging in conversation with women. What is your opinion about this and how do you use this if you do?

And the second question is also from the site; I have been talking to a woman for a few minutes and the conversation goes ok. I ask her name and she tells me. She never asks my name ever in the conversation ,is that a sign she is not interested? Any help in clearing my confused head would be helpful


To answer your first question, there are positives and negatives about using a buddy for a “wingman”.

My opinions:

1) If you go out with a wingman, make sure he’s A LOT better than you at meeting women. Pay attention, let him lead, and learn from the situations you get into.

2) If you don’t have any friends that are good with women, FIND SOME. I don’t care what you have to do, just go do it… make some friends that are good with women, and watch closely as they communicate with women. You’ll learn about 100 TIMES as much if you first read my book and listen to my CD Audio Series, because you’ll know what to look for.

3) It’s also a good idea to use a wingman if you need the “moral support” of a friend to get yourself started meeting women. But make sure that your friend can handle himself when talking to women. If he can’t, he’s probably going to make things worse and scare women away from you. Trust me, I’ve been through this one MANY times.

What I’m trying to say is that using a “wingman” is great if it works for you. Try it.

To answer your question of “if a woman never asks my name, is it a sign that she’s not interested?”…

I’m going to answer this in two ways.

First, I’ll say that if a woman doesn’t ask your name, it MIGHT mean that she’s not interested.

But the thing that concerns me about your question is that you’re really looking in the wrong direction for clues to decide if a woman “likes you”.


The only thing that matters is whether or not she feels that powerful, magical, all-important emotion called ATTRACTION!

I’ve had women who were annoyed by me, bothered by me, and basically upset at me still feeling ATTRACTION for me because I did the right things.

I’ve had women who started out fighting with me at first feeling so attracted to me that they wouldn’t leave me alone for the evening until I gave them my number.

My point is that you need to get over caring what a woman thinks about you… and start doing the right things.

If this doesn’t make sense to you, then stay tuned and check out my CD Audio Program… really.



Just want to tell you your material is very good and effective. I find that women love a guy that teases them and busts their balls. I find that they like it when a man approaches them and he is completely calm and cool, and even better in control of the situation. Now I admit this, sometimes the way I approach a girl or what I seem to talk about doesn’t “hit em” how I wanted it too, like I seem to get boring, pretty damn quikly…and that is when my mind just starts to draw a blank and I dont sucks. But sometimes I say the right things and I just know this for a fact becuz the girl will either have a smile on her face or I’ll see her licking her lips…and from what u said in the DYD book thats a good thing…For example: today I was sitting at a round table with just me and a girl,we were facing each other, and I’d say she was about an 8. She dresses real pretty and I said something like “Do you dress nice everyday…Or are you just trying to impress me?” She smiled and licked her lips so I knew that I was right on track…but then I drew a blank…I didnt kno how to continue that convo. What are some normal topics to bring up in a conversation with a girl? What are some interesting ones that they just seem to be very into? What else would help me to keep the convo going and so I don’t draw a blank and feel like a dork? I appreciate all the help your book has done, reading about confidence and all that did help..and now I would just like to touch up and become more than just an amatuer. You do not have to post this on the newsletter but hope to hear from you soon.


D from CT


This is a great question.

One of the most important things you can do is MENTALLY PREPARE for these kinds of situations.

Now, I don’t want to sound like a weird motivational self- help guy, but mental preparation WORKS.

Take some time when you’re alone, close your eyes, and actually plan out how you’d like interactions with women to go. If you’ve never done this before, you’ll learn A LOT from it.

You’ll think of things that you never would have imagined when you’re taking things step by step in your mind.

One of the OTHER best things you can do is GET A JOURNAL so you can keep notes to yourself.

Try this:

Sit down and write out 20 great things you could have said in that situation, then go through and mentally imagine saying each one five times.


If you really sense that the conversation is about to end, you need to know how to ask for her email/number and go.

You can do this at any stage in the conversation, as soon as you’d like.

Here are a few good topics to try when talking to women:

1. Why women are crazy, and men are perfect.

2. That she should stop thinking of you only as a sex object.

3. What she needs to change to have a chance with you.

Of course, you need to be able to present these topics in a COCKY & FUNNY way so she LAUGHS while you’re talking about them…

But you’ll find that topics like these can create some good fun with women.


Hi David,

You are absolutely right! Being nice and wussy doesn’t work AT ALL!!

Now, this technique of getting e-mail in three minutes… I must admit that it works very often. But it fails rather often too. Guess my success rate is only about 50% or something. That is, 40% gives a dummy address and 10% does NEVER respond. Maybe i’m doing something wrong here. But somehow i get the impression that most women are smarter than that. The most common response to that situation is something like: “What? You talk to me for a few minutes and you expect me to give my e-mail?”

My question could either be: “What am i doing wrong?” or “Is 50% the outcome that you would expect from this technique?”. I let you decide which question you want to answer in the interest of your readers.

Anyway, you don’t hear me complain. Because i’ve learned an awful lot from your book. And my success rates have at least doubled, if not tripled, after reading your stuff. And 50% is far better than where i come from.

Now, for my success story, this is an approach that gives me about 80% success. I talk to a woman for ten minutes (not three ;-)) and then i say something like “Hey, you seem to be rather smart… or is that just an impression?”. When she says “no” i respond with: “Yeah right, that’s what they all say! I bet you don’t dare me to double check that!”. Then i don’t give her much time to respond. I immediately come back with: “Oh… you do? Okay… if you’re up to the test, give me your e-mail. I’ll send you some tricky questions and i expect SMART answers.” I never mention “meeting” because that always seems to trigger some “pushing” alert.

Obviously, when she refuses to give her e-mail, i say: “See! That’s exactly what i mean! Boy! Am i disappointed!”. I very often get her e-mail after that. And those seem to be ALWAYS correct addresses 😉

Keep up the terrific job David! You are really HELPING!

PhD (Belgium)


I love letters like this one.

You get good email addresses from HALF the women you talk to for three minutes?

I’d say that you’re doing pretty well, cowboy.

Probably half of the women in this world are either married, in a relationship, lesbians (YES!), or in a bad mood.

Your technique for getting it up to 80% is great.

Challenging, funny, and interesting. It creates curiosity and comes across as low risk for the women. Very nice.

Just keep working on it, and you’ll improve over time.

Good job!


Dear David,

I have to say, I am bloody disappointed with your advice at the moment…

I’ve used your tips, and written you on 2 occasions concerning different subjects. Your last mailbag actually spoke about an issue I’d had with a woman who I KNOW is interested in me, who gave me her number, told me she was busy and never called back.

I love music, so, I’m always in the CD shop at the local mall. There just happens to be a number of attractive women who work there. To make a long story short, one the girls starts being really nice to me after I start ripping on her, always waving saying hi, going out of her way to serve me on occasions. Hell, once I heard a co worker run out the back and say “he’s here” and she came running out to ask if I need looking after… Never really acted interested though, didn’t speak about much other than “how was your weekend” stuff.

So I start running into her at a club. Again she goes out of her way to say hi. So finally she waved from across the room one day and I signal her to come over as I was getting a drink, she runs over and gives me a hug and a kiss hello!! (I don’t really know this girl from a bar of soap). I was really tired, had only slept 4 hrs the night before, was pretty drunk, it was late too and I was about to leave.

Basically I could have taken her home right then and there (trust me!!) but instead I just said for her to give me her number that I’d take her out sometime. Didn’t offer her a drink, just said I had to go back to my friends, then we left.

I had been supposed to visit her the next day, it was usually the day I went shopping, but I was busy. I call her the day after, she acted fully uninterested said she was going away for 10 days and that she’d call after she’d packed that day. Such as yet, no call… I don’t care, she’ll pay when I see her again… in a few weeks (sometimes it’s a weeks in between visits). I’d say we r playing a game now.

Also, just recently had a girl who I’d known thru a friend start msging me, asking to come over to spend time with me, she said ‘chat’, but she didn’t want to chat. I’d busted on her a bit before that started happening.

The issue here with your advice is this…

How the hell do I get these girls to stop throwing “IT” at me?? It’s no fun when I just get it served up. It’s not like I get a chance to tell em that I’m not easy, they don’t say in that many words that they want to sleep with me. You just know.

I like to play with them a bit and see if they r gonna be worth the trouble… and I want to know a bit about a girl before I sleep with them.

Damn dave, what’s going on?? I’m just too good for my own good it seems, how can I slow things down and get em to play a bit longer??



You’re asking the wrong guy the wrong question… Ha Ha!

I’ve helped you get to the point where women are “throwing themselves at you”, and you want to know how to SLOW THEM DOWN?

Maybe go check out some “mars and venus” books or something.

Or watch some Dr. Phil on Oprah.

I don’t know… this just isn’t my area of specialty.

You’re killing me over here.


Thanks a lot David, NOT!!! I’ve been reading your mails for a while now and I’ve unconsciously been integrating the “Cocky&Funny” into my personality (which is great by the way), and it’s so much fun that I’ve realized that I do it all the time (I’ve also realized that being cocky and funny with a girl is just as if you were messing around with your male friends’ heads). But yeah so I’ve got a complaint or success story, I’m not sure which it is: so there’s this girl who I’ve met about a year ago and we’ve been best friends since then… and then the other day she admitted to my face that she had been in love with me for the past six months!!!!!!!! It makes me feel great about myself… but on the other hand it sucks cuz she was a really great friend, almost a sister, so I’ll never be able to go out with her (and there’s nothing wrong with the looks or anything). So yeah, I think you should put a surgeon general’s warning on your “Cocky&Funny“. WARNING: may cause you to be unexplainably attractive to (almost) anyone! So yeah, a word of advice to all those reading the newsletters, be careful who you use the C&F with!

Nick, the Belgian


Wow, another horrible side effect.

I really should stop teaching this stuff and be a monk or something.


You answered my email in your last mailbag…(see below)

Thank you for answering me so quickly. Your mini-van comment, while making me want to vomit, made me realize I had to do something – and fast! On our next date I said something obnoxious to him and he gave me a funny look. Before he could say anything I said, “you know sometimes I can get kinda obnoxious, and when I do… just tell me to shutup, – and from that point on he didn’t let me get away with anything! He is a “real man” after all!! Yeah~! And you said trying to teach a guy how to stop acting like a WUSSY isn’t easy 😉

Later that night when we were saying good-bye, he said he was going to come by my work to visit, I asked him what time he’d be there, and he just said “you’ll see” with a smirk. I smiled, said “good answer,” kissed him, and left.

Ah, the miracle of attraction! Can’t wait to see him again…thank you for saving this relationship, and for saving me from dying of boredom!

Thank you Thank you Thank you Thank you Thank you Thank you


I have been reading your emails for about 6 months and think you are totally, exactly, completely, right on target. I just started dating a guy that I am attracted to and I who really like, but I don’t feel strong attraction. I realized that it’s because I’m a bit of a smartass, and most of the time when I bust on him, he takes it – I really don’t want him to at all, ever! Do you have any advice for women on how to get a man to “be a man”?! Is there something I could say to him that would do the trick? Maybe a little less blunt than “I really need a man who won’t take my crap, can you do that?” He doesn’t have email (yes, he does have electricity!) and I don’t know him well enough yet to tell him to buy your book – we’ve only had one date. I just want him to stop letting me get away with being a brat! Please don’t tell me I have to stop being a brat – that would ruin the fun. I look forward to your speedy reply – as we’ll be going on another date this weekend! Thanks for all that you do for the women of the world. You are my hero. 🙂


Oh, yes. That’s me…

David DeAngelo, the unselfish helper of women.

Well, here’s the deal. Trying to teach a guy how to stop acting like a WUSSY isn’t easy.

I would suggest that you send him to my website and tell him to read my newsletters.

I realize that it doesn’t sound very romantic, but you have a choice: Either help him to stop acting so damn “nice” or tell him to get lost.

Hey, maybe he’d make a “Sweet, minivan driving house-husband” for you?

Sounds charming, doesn’t it?

NOTE TO GUYS: Women aren’t ATTRACTED to “nice”.


Am I really reading this stuff?

I’ve now got women who are teaching men this material because they just can’t deal with the WUSS FACTOR any longer…

It’s really too much.

The lesson:





I just got your book after receiving the newsletters for a few months and my eyes were really opened to how many new skills I need to acquire. In the past 6 months (before reading your book) I went from being too nice to becoming a prick. After reading your book, I now see that there is much, much more to it and that it’s ok to be nice sometimes, but only on your terms. I am having a ton of more fun now and am def. getting reactions from women, but I realize I need to find a middle ground. Being cocky came a little too easy for me and right now I am focusing on adding humor to my personality to balance it. I got Helitzer’s book but it seems a bit overwhelming. What helped you the most when it came to adding humor to your personality and where is a good place to start? One thing I would recommend to all readers is to find a good female friend to discuss your material with. They will prove to you that this stuff is really attention getting and will help you improve overall.

Thanks in advance.

AW in Pa


You’ve brought up a great point here.

It’s SOOOO important that you find the balance between Cocky and Funny

If you’re too cocky and arrogant you’ll come across as insecure, and if you’re too funny without adding any of the magic of being Cocky, then you’ll come across as stupid and goofy.

You must strike the balance.

You’ll know when you’re getting it right, because the responses from women will become very powerful.

Even if the reading is difficult, I still recommend that you read the comedy book you purchased. It’s great.

As I recommended to another reader above, take the time to write out ideas for different situations, then rehearse them in your mind.

You’ll know when you find the right balance.



I am from a Latin American country so forgive my english if i make some mistakes. I met a girl in a trip to the beach and i really liked her very much. I met some of her friends and asked what was her phone number. Several weeks after that i call her and talk some time and i had to hang up. some time after that i called her again and we talked for hours and she seemeed very interested in me so we stop talking. One time i called her to her celular and she didnt answer and inmediatly she called to my house that showed me that she was interested in me. But then i called her almost daily and she sort of got bored and when the conversation got to about a minute she told me she had to go. I insisted on calling her more but that only brought bad results and i ask her if i didnt like her i think i realy blew it with her because i acted like a wuss.

It has passed about 3 months without talking to her i have run with her a few times but ignore her i dont know why. i was really pissed off but some friends of her that are also my friends told me that she sort of liked me. i knew she liked me before i acted like a wuss but i think enough time have passed and i would like to talk to her again because duringh those 3 months i thought about calling her everyday and i would want some advice so i can know what to do Please answer quickly i am waiting eagerly for your answer. Please excuse some of my expressions english is not my first language.


Well, you hit the nail on the head.

When you start calling a woman too often, acting clingy and needy, and generally behaving like a total WUSS BAG, you’re probably going to drive her away.

Don’t do it anymore!

You need to move on, and get over it.

It’s a hard thing for most guys to accept, but when you’ve convinced a woman beyond the shadow of any reasonable doubt that you are a world-class WUSSY, you just need to move on.

It’s an uphill battle to try to convince her otherwise, so just get on with your life, and don’t make the same mistake again.

Repeat after me:

“I will stop acting like a WUSS”


I don’t think I’ll start my e-mail with a success story since I’m a woman and have the freedom to walk into any bar, walk up to any man and tell him, “by the end of tonight you’ll be in bed with me” and it will happen.

I’ve been using your techniques on men for years but never could put into words how or why it worked. I think most of your principles are true for both sexes. My friends often accuse me of being a man on the inside and this is why. I am a very confident, self sufficient 22 yr old woman, about an 8 on a 1-10 scale. Add on top of this the fact that I use your C+F techniques.

Most times I just meet men that I can walk all over and lose interest in the first 30 seconds (this is why I’m compared to men). Every now and then I meet a man who also knows how the attraction thing works and we hit it off and have a great “mental tennis” match. This is the problem. The men I do meet that can match me and keep my interest are great for a little while, but then once they realize I can keep up with them and please them in bed like most women won’t, they get over excited and turn into wussies. They start telling me how they’ve looked their whole life for a woman like me and yadda yadda. That’s great and I appreciate the compliments, but they aren’t keeping up the C+F/self confidence and I lose interest–FAST. Case in point: I met a guy who was about a 6 on a 1-10 scale. He had the whole C+F thing going on. Everything was great for a few dates until he confessed to me that he felt like he was “playing out of his sandbox” and that he didn’t understand why someone as beautiful as I would continue to see him. In the snap of a finger I lost all interest in him because at that point, I was above him instead of on equal playing ground.

So this is my question: Is there a secret underground society of double your dating» fanatics that actually know how to keep a woman’s interest? and if so where do I find these men? Also, since I’m sure there isn’t one, can you give me any ideas as to how to keep men at a safe enough distance that they don’t feel like confiding all their insecurities in me?

Thanks, David, you truly are an attraction genius! Keep up the great work!

K.H. in Ogden, UT


Yes, there is a secret underground society of Double Your Dating» fanatics who actually know how to keep a woman’s interest.

But the bad news is that THEY’RE NOT IN OGDEN, UTAH!

Was that your first guess about where they’d be located?

Are you sure that you’re as sharp as you say you are?

I don’t know if I personally buy it.

I’ve used your email to point out something VERY IMPORTANT TO MY READERS…


This is when the woman usually hits the road, and the man is left thinking “What did I do wrong… I was such a NICE GUY.”

This is a bad thing, so don’t do it.


Dave the Expert, i never in a million years thought a book like yours would ever come out and help millions of guys out here that constantly struggle to find the exact way to attract a woman! And your book is IT…no questions asked!! i have had a lot of success these past eight months ever since i bought your book and from reading your newsletters. i’ve never dated so many women, it’s grrrrrreat! but the time has come for me to ask you a question that i am practically begging you to respond to. i finally met this terrific girl who i think is the “one” 4 months ago and we’ve been dating since but we just recently broke up because she moved to college about 4 hours away from me. it hurt me so bad. i used the cocky/funny approach to reel her in at the beginning and kept up the cocky/funny attitude the whole way through until…the break up. ouch! you see, we are both dancers and we both dance in the same dance studio but she only comes down from college to practice maybe once every couple of weeks because her and i are in a duet together. we have a competition in about a month so i couldn’t just back out of it but it is really awkward having to dance with her because i still have feelings for her and our duet is a very emotional dance w/ a lot of feeling involved. we broke up because she said that college was stressing her out so much and she felt that our relationship wouldn’t work because long distance relationships are hard and we couldn’t see each other as much as we wanted to. plus, she is on scholarship and she can’t let herself make bad grades or else she can’t maintain her scholarship. she didn’t mean this in a bad way but told me that i was a little cause of her stress because we would talk on the phone when she was supposed to be doing homework. w/ all the homework and the dance team practices up there she stays busy and rarely ever gets to come down except to practice our duet. we’ve agreed to just be friends but dave, it just doesn’t feel right. i want to be more than friends but i just don’t see a way for this relationship to work out and have it be the way it was when we first started dating! i miss her so much and would do anything to get her back and i think i screwed up by telling her that! i told her that i would make time for her and that i never felt this way about a girl before, which is true. god, i know i was a complete wussy after we broke up but i felt that it was the right thing to do because after 4 months it didn’t seem to matter if i spilled my feelings to her, right? dave, i need to know what to do to get her back because i still have to dance w/ her and i don’t want to feel uncomfortable and insecure when i’m around her. any advice would greatly be appreciated!



I’m glad you’ve had so much success with the materials, and I appreciate the feedback.

I don’t usually respond to “relationship” questions… but I just can’t help this one.

You’ve switched into WUSS BOY mode, and you’re only shooting yourself in the foot, man.

Get on with your life, stop acting like a wussy, and quit telling her that you’d “do anything to get her back”.

I know it’s what you FEEL like saying, but it will only make you look weaker and weaker if you keep it up and don’t just put it behind you and move on.

If you want to have any chance at all of this relationship working out, you’re going to have to quit acting whipped and needy.

Now use what you’ve learned to go meet some new women and stop acting like a Wuss.


Dear Dave,

I’ve been reading your articles for the past 2 weeks, i think it is so awesome, and i’m soon going to buy your book. i wanted to tell you that i have no problems with women when i’m not attracted to them, but if they are a perfect 10 i get scared, and i can’t even say hi to them, help me, how can i overcome this fear of pretty girls?

When the girl is not so hot i don’t have any problems talking to them, getting their phone number and going on a date with them, the problem is how do i attract the beautiful women and how should i approach and actually start a conversation with them?

thanks G.
i appreciate your help.


Well, first of all, go check out an issue of the magazine that goes by the name of Perfect 10.

You’ll see that the women in there are all over the map.

In other words, every guy has a different idea of what a “10” is.

Yes, some women are obviously more attractive or “fixed up” than others, but we all have different tastes, and in the morning when she wakes up she’s going to look a WHOLE LOT different than she does when you first see her.

So remember that this girl who is a “10” to you is only a 6 or 7 to another guy. That should help.

Next, if you can’t figure out how to get over your fear of approaching attractive women, then you’re going to have to just face your fear and do it anyway.

To start with, just focus on saying ANYTHING to the women you see. You need to see for yourself and teach your mind and body not to be afraid of women.

I don’t care if you walk up to the next 100 women you see and say “You’re beautiful… can I have your autograph?”

lol… that’s pretty funny… I just might try that one myself come to think of it.

My point is that you need to JUST DO SOMETHING!

Most of the anxiety involved in approaching attractive women comes from the FEAR OF THE UNKNOWN and the FEAR OF EMBARRASSMENT OR REJECTION.

Once you actually approach a bunch of women and talk to them, you’ll find that nothing bad is going to happen to you. This works wonders.

Then, when you’ve gotten past your fear, you can lead the conversations into getting numbers, etc.

By the way, in my eBook and audio series I teach some great exercises for getting over fears. Check them out.

Just go to:

[ebook download link] for the eBook… and

[products info link]

…for the CD audio series. Both of these websites have a BUNCH of good samples, so check them out while you’re there.

And I’ll talk to you soon.

Your Friend,

David D.

***If you’d like to send me a Success Story, Question, or Comment, follow these guidelines***

1) Keep it short and to the point. Two paragraphs max.

2) Tell me what’s working for you before you ask your question. I appreciate all of the “Your stuff is great” and “I don’t need to tell you how well your stuff works” comments, but the fact is that I DO need to hear all of the specifics… because this helps other guys to see what’s working in different situations.

3) If you have a Success Story, write “Success Story” in the subject line of the email. I read these first.

4) At the end of the email, give me your initials and tell me where you’re from.

5) Send it to me at:

[newsletter sign-up link]

…don’t just hit “reply” to this email. Thanks!

This is an archive of a David’s answers to questions directed to his mailing list for his Double Your Dating eBook. David’s newsletter is a free e-mail list that that teaches men how to be more successful with women and dating. If you would like to purchase David’s book or subscribe to his mailing list, you should visit

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