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David DeAngelo’s Double Your Dating Mailbag

“How Women Decide” – October 26, 2002

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“How Women Decide” – October 26, 2002

I have a question for you.

Have you ever heard something like…

“A woman decides within the first 30 seconds of meeting a guy if she’s going to sleep with him”


I’ve heard a lot of things like this over the past few years from men and women alike, so I decided to try to figure out if this idea was actually TRUE… and, even MORE importantly, HOW a woman actually comes to this important decision so quickly.

Well, the bad news is that I’ve never found the DIRECT answer to this question!

There are a lot of people out there who SUSPECT that women make the decision about sleeping with a man within the first 30 seconds (or first few minutes, or whatever), but I’ve found no “research” at all on the subject.

But the GOOD news is that in the process of trying to find an answer to this question, I’ve discovered some amazing things that I believe will help any man be more successful with women.


What I’m about to share with you is my personal opinion based on my PERSONAL experiences. This is NOT the result of a 25 year exhaustive double-blind study involving the mating patterns of a million women.

So don’t write in to me saying “Yea, you’re right except for times when it’s a full moon, and the woman is wearing red and she’s taller than you at the same time…”

What I’m about to share with you is a GENERALIZATION, meaning that the concept is generally true in most situations. I just happen to believe that THIS particular generalization is VERY accurate, and will help you increase your success with women DRAMATICALLY (if you understand it and use it).

My PERSONAL opinion is:


In other words:

1. It’s not that a woman decides “Yes, I’m going to sleep with him” at first. Women WILL tend to make the decision “No, I would NEVER sleep with him” ALMOST INSTANTLY, but the only “decision” a woman makes in the beginning is whether or not she’s going to stay OPEN TO THE IDEA LONG ENOUGH TO GET TO KNOW A MAN BETTER AND FIND OUT.

2. This whole process isn’t a “decision” at all. Instead, a woman makes the actual “decision” AFTER she feels a FEELING or an EMOTIONAL RESPONSE to a man. She makes the choice based on the unconscious emotional response that she has initially.


-This initial decision of whether to continue interacting with a man is MOSTLY UNCONSCIOUS, and mostly based on a man’s BODY LANGUAGE» AND VOICE TONE, and not on what he’s actually saying (pick up lines, etc.).

-Once you do capture the attention of a woman long enough to make her want to get to know you better, it’s important that you do certain things to make sure that her ATTRACTION to you continues to get stronger and stronger.

-If you don’t understand this process, and know how it all fits together, you’ll probably find yourself “dropping the ball” and making mistakes that cause women to eventually stop talking to you or want to be “just friends” MOST of the time.

-Women (and humans in general) make most decisions based on HOW THEY FEEL at the time. If you want a woman to make the decision to sleep with you at some point, you’re going to have to figure out how to get her to feel that all-important magical emotion called ATTRACTION… and then you’re going to have to help AMPLIFY it. When a woman says “…and that’s when I decided I was going to sleep with him…” what she’s REALLY saying is “…and that’s when I really started to feel a strong emotional ATTRACTION to him…”

So the question that every guy is asking is:

“What do I do so that women don’t mentally put me into the “NO” category, and instead put me into (and keep me in) the “YES” category?

That’s a GREAT question to ask!

The reason that this question is so difficult to answer is that the answer comes in a couple of parts.

The first part of the answer is:

“In the very beginning, when you first meet a woman, it is VERY important that you understand subtle body language», how women select men, what cues women look for to detect insecurity and fear, and what beliefs you must have.”

And the second part of the answer is:

“After you’ve started interacting with a woman, there are many CRITICAL MOMENTS that come up, from making the first date to kissing to “getting physical”, and you must know what to do at each stage to make things smooth and to transition easily from one step to the next.”

Both are key.

If you only understand the “inner game»” of how women are attracted to men, but you don’t understand the “outer game” of how to move from one step to the next, you will probably not succeed very often. You won’t be ready for things as they come up, and you’ll make a mistake somewhere along the line that will bounce you into the “friend” zone.

on the other hand, if you only understand the “outer game” of techniques, pickup lines, etc., but not the inner game», then you’ll probably never get the opportunity to use most of your techniques because most of the women that you interact with will unconsciously reject you within the first minute or two of meeting because you “don’t GET IT”.

I know that I’m going deep here, but stay with me.

Here’s my recommendation about how to get BOTH of these area’s handled, and to rapidly increase your personal success with women…

1. Learn more about how ATTRACTION works, and less about “pickup lines” and other techniques at first.

2. Spend most of your time in the beginning improving things like posture, eye contact, voice tone, and other body language».

3. Remember that women aren’t deciding “yes, I’m going to sleep with this guy” in the first 30 seconds, but they ARE deciding “NO, I’M NOT” very quickly! So stop doing the things that put you into the “NOT” category, and START doing the things that make women want to find out more and that create ATTRACTION.

4. Pay close attention to what SUCCESSFUL guys are doing with women. Go watch them with your own eyes to see and learn.

5. While you’re first learning, keep an open mind, and don’t let any particular challenge stop you from improving.

I spent a couple of years stumbling around trying to figure out what worked with women. I tried just about every wild idea that you can imagine. Most of it DIDN’T work.

It was only after meeting a lot of guys who were VERY successful with women that I began to really have a lot of success with women myself.

When you spend time listening to and learning from someone who has BEEN THERE BEFORE YOU, and who knows what to do in every situation, you learn a lot.

I recommend that you do the same. Find some guys where you live that are successful with women, and learn what they do. Sure, it might take some effort to find them and make friends, but it’s worth it.

If you’d like to get on the FAST TRACK, and really learn from some amazingly successful guys, I suggest that you check out my new Advanced CD Series.

In that program, not only do I share all the nuts and bolts of how to be successful with women, I also INTERVIEW several of my friends… who are some of the best I’ve ever seen with women.

Again, it’s taken me literally YEARS to find and make friends with all of the guys I know who are great at attracting women, and you can have the advantage of hearing exactly how they think and what they do.

It will literally blow your mind when you hear the amazing stuff that they share… everything from how to give a woman a “million dollar” date experience for under ten bucks… all the way to how to meet women online from the comfort of your computer… and everything in between.

And when you go to the website, make sure and listen to all of the samples… there’s some great stuff there. It’s all at:

[products info link]

Also, if you haven’t read my eBook “Double Your Dating“, then make sure you go download a copy. It’s the basis for everything else that I teach, and it’s JAM PACKED with ideas that you can learn and use starting TONIGHT. It’s at:

[ebook download link]

And I’ll talk to you again in a few days.

Your Friend,

David D.

This is an archive of a David’s answers to questions directed to his mailing list for his Double Your Dating eBook. David’s newsletter is a free e-mail list that that teaches men how to be more successful with women and dating. If you would like to purchase David’s book or subscribe to his mailing list, you should visit

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