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“Q&A: Starting Conversations With Women” – October 29, 2002

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“Q&A: Starting Conversations With Women” – October 29, 2002


Dear Dave,

I give you gratitude in SPADES. Now fully converted against the way of the WUSSY, my knowledge is expanding like Oprah’s waistline. For your entertainment, Jedi Master, I bring you my latest tale of triumph (your loyal band of apprentices could put this to use as well)…. three moons ago I found myself in a familiar terrain (an alcohol infused celebration inside a residential dwelling)…but this time my noggin was armed with Dave’s boost of mackishness. 5 minutes after arrival, my optical sockets fell upon the physical structure of a quite genetically fortunate femenine specimen (about a penny short of a dime). I made eye contact and kept it with her as I made my approach. I began my “player patter” immediately and the dialogue went as follows…

Me: You know what they say about girls who wear these, right? (pointing to her large hoop earrings) Her: What?

(I pause for a few seconds, then crack a hint of a smile)

Me: That you cant afford enough jewelry, so you use your bracelets as earrings.

(her jaw dropped, obviously surprised…then turned into a smile)

Me (pretending like she said I was right about her): Dammit, I hate it when Im right! Are all the rich girls taken or what? (I start walking away, but she grabs me by the arm) Her: What’s your name? Me: That depends…you tell me your name, and if I like it I’ll tell you mine. Her: R Me: Alright R, before I tell you my name you gotta tell me something. Her: Okay, what? Me (stealing one of your lines): So what, are you like four feet tall without the shoes? (she laughs and hits me in the arm) Her: You dont like my shoes? Me: Well, they look okay on you I guess….since you’re a MIDGET and all. But they’d make a normal size woman look freakishly tall. Her (laughing): Your so mean! And you haven’t told me your name yet. Me: You women are always trying to pick me up for my good looks…I need to know that you arent a wierdo before I tell you my name. Ive had stalker problems in the past.

And it was on after that. After I handed her a few more ball busting comments that got increasingly sexual…she handed ME an invitation to her innards. 10 minutes later we were upstairs desecrating a futon. That was the first time I’ve done push-ups at a party! 🙂 Not to mention Ive gotten three phone calls from her since then (two were invites to her quarters to…ahem, “bury my muscle”, hehehe). Make no mistake about it readers, C&f WORKS! Dave, I wish I could thank you in 3D, but since that isnt an option…I wish you a long and fruitful life filled with good times and hot x-chromosomes who could suck a barnacle off a rock. Ive also got a couple questions, but I’ll shoot my flares toward you on a later date.

GD, Seattle


Well then.

You’re obviously one who totally understands the concept of being “Cocky & Funny” with women, and using it to amplify ATTRACTION.

Love it.

This is a great story… thanks!


Hey david, I bought your ebook and so far I’ve been getting more numbers (around 2 or 3 a week) than I ever did in my life. I usually don’t do as much cf as just maintain composure and confidence when talking to girls, and the email + phone number technique works great. However, I do have a slight problem. I’ve gotten girls on the phone and we set up a meeting (for a cup of coffee) after I’ve gotten them to laugh and stuff, then they tell me they’re already seeing someone and that they want to make sure we are just meeting as friends. Am I doing something wrong? Or did these girls actually think I wanted to be “just friends?” Or yet, are these girls trying to test me in some way? Anyways, I appreciate your help.

DC 18, Cali


Here’s a rule of thumb for you:

If you start hearing things like “I just want to be friends” or “I’m kind of seeing someone right now” when you call women on the phone, it probably means that you’re doing something when you FIRST MEET the women that is causing them to see you as a “nice guy friend” type.

You’re probably not using what you’ve learned to create what is known as “sexual tension” and ATTRACTION.

If you don’t quite get how these things work at first, that’s OK. Just keep doing what you’re learning, and you’ll start to get a better feel.

I would say that you should START using the Cocky & Funny material as soon as possible, because it does create this tension and attraction early on.

I also suggest that you start getting EMAILS and not just numbers. Women tend to respond better to emails in my personal experience.



A few months ago, I sent you an e-mail asking whether or not C&F works on older women. To recap, I am in my late 30s and am looking for women in the age 30-45 range. I tried C&F on “Kelly”, a 43 y/o divorced woman that I know. “Kelly” facially looks 30, bodily looks 25, i.e. she keeps herself in good shape. In applying “C&F” to her, I discovered that with women her age appreciate it, but you have to be more subtle with it and much more creative. Why? Because 30- and 40-somethings have usually “been around the block” more and are a somewhat more sophisticated than a 21 year old. And they appreciate it more when a guy shows some sophistication around them. Anyway, the night I was hitting on “Kelly,” she was wearing a leopard print top and a leather skirt, both of which made her look hot! I “busted her balls” by getting on her case about how the leopard is an endangered species, and how dare she wear an endangered species (the top was rayon). She then asked why I didn’t get on her for wearing leather which really came from an animal. I replied that if people didn’t eat burgers and wear leather, we’d be up to our armpits in cows! She loved it! Now here comes the comment part of this e-mail: within 5 minutes, I asked her for her e-mail, which she gave and then her phone number, which she refused to give me at first. When she answered “no”, I immediately asked “How often do you answer your e-mail?” Guys, notice what I did here? I was not thrown off by her initial refusal. Women are sometimes hesitant to give out their numbers, and they have every right to be…there are a lot of a#holes around. She didn’t give her number out, but she was interested in keeping communication open between us. There’s an old saying in sales that “no” means “know”. She wanted to know me a little better before she gave out the number. (In sales, that is called a “false objection). So guys, don’t pester a woman if she doesn’t give you her number immediately. Don’t lose control and get thrown off. IF she’s giving you her e-mail, she’s interested. (By the way guys, try flirting sometime with an older, still-hot woman. It’s good practice, you’ll really make her day, and you might find out what an experienced woman can do for you).



Nice insight.

It is VERY important to not let a woman’s initial “resistance” throw you off and cause you to quit. Often, a woman just wants to talk to you a little more and get to know you a little better before she gives out her info.

The more you interact with women, the better you’ll get at creating a “comfortable” mood with women that will lead to them giving you their contact info quickly.

As far as being more “subtle” and creative with the older, more sophisticated women… agreed. Thanks for the great example.


Hello Big D.

I’ve been reading your newsletter for two weeks now and will begin downloading your book as soon as I hit Send. I just wanted to take a minute to tell you that I’ve never had so much fun. For as long as I can remember, I’ve been “addicted” to the idea of chivalry, and being the nicest guy any woman has ever met. Your ideas are so foreign to me, and yet so familiar. I’ve always been somewhat funny and often accused of being a cocky bastard, usually by male friends. As I reflected on highschool and college days, I remembered female friends who I treated “like one of the guys” – they were ALWAYS hanging around. I couldn’t figure out why THEY hung around but the women I was interested in ran away. I was the biggest pansy-ass wuss that ever walked the campus. I opened their doors, stood when they sat down or left the table, always had kind words to say etc etc etc. AND I JUST DIDN’T GET IT ( And I mean that in more ways than one ) After reading your newsletter for two weeks, I figured I’d give your “psycho method” (sorry that’s what I thought – at first ) a shot. OMG! The first woman (girl?) I met at a store basically threw herself at me while I was buying some stuff at her register. I gave her a bad time about the silly shirt she was wearing and suggested she follow me to the clothing section to pick out something more flattering. She said “OK, I’m going on break now anyway”. I’m not terrible looking, but this girl was an 8+ AND I’m 38 she couldn’t have been more than 26. To make a long story short – we had a good time 😉 she didn’t mind the age difference at all. On the way home, that same night, I stopped at a gas station to fill up. A gorgeous hottie (much closer to my own age) had just finished filling her tank. So I said – “Hey sweetie, fillerup, and check the oil too.” She laughed and said she didnt work there. I said “So? are you gonna check my oil or what? I’ll pump the gas myself” as I began pumping the gas, she walked over and told me to pop the hood! Damn! I popped the hood and she checked the oil for me! As we walked together to pay I told her I was impressed that she found the dipstick and checked the oil without breaking a nail. Again she laughed and SHE opened the door for ME paid for her fuel and waited for me to pay (and buy a bunch of crap I didn’t need just to see if she’d hang around). She took my arm as I walked with her to her car (this time I opened her door) she got in and I walked away then, just as she started to leave, I stopped her and got her email and digits She made me PROMISE to call her, which took me three days, and in that time I’ve busted on 6 other women. I doubt I’ll ever completely loose my “chivalrous habits” but, I still can’t believe a woman doesn’t want “Nice” on some occasions, just not ALL the look forward to a bit of reading and a lot of success with women.

Thank you,

Former Utah Wuss.

P.S. One comment in a recent newsletter was RIGHT ON! The underground society of Double Your Dating» fanatics are not in Ogden, Utah. We are a couple of counties south and, when I finish your book I WILL BE THEIR KING!!!


Any man who can have a female stranger checking his oil and opening doors for him within minutes of meeting is basically my idol.

The best part of your approach is that it was FUN for her as well. I love this stuff.

And as for the girl at the store who you felt pity on and decided to give private fashion lessons… this is an AMAZING example of how attractive women often respond to men who give them a hard time.

You know, I think I’m going to run down to the gas station and see if I can’t get some hot woman to check my oil…


Good comments overall. I’ve been getting your newsletter and it’s really been a help. Anyhow, I’m a musician. As a professional cornetist, singer, and conductor, I focus a lot on posture and the voice. Your last newsletter said:

“Suck in your stomach, hold your head up and back, pull your shoulders back, arch your back…”

You missed the key to all of this, LIFT THE CHEST. Place your hand at the bottom of your sternum and use it as a guide to lift the chest. When the chest is lifted correctly, the stomach muscles will lie flat, without having to suck it in, the back will be arched, and the shoulders will be back in a more natural position.

Also, in body language», high shoulders indicate stress, while lower, relaxed shoulders indicate confidence and control.

Just thought I’d throw in my two cents on this one. Keep up the good work!



Thanks for the advice!

I just put my hand at the bottom of my sternum and “lifted my chest”, and it is EXACTLY what I was talking about.

Great exercise!


Dear Dave,

I have a success story and a question about your material.

First of all, I recently purchased your e-book and the CD audio series (which are incredible) I have put the material in use the past several weeks and I have had more success with women than in the past ten years combined!!

I recently was at a coffee shop with a friend when I noticed sitting next to us a group of three women, one who was particularly attractive and comely. I saw that she was wiping tears from her eyes and I just looked at her and said, ” Don’t start crying, I have not left here yet”. Lo and behold she looked at me with amazement and then started smiling. I found out that she was hanging out with her friends and that she was quite emotional about the recent breakup with her boyfriend. I continued being C& F with her and was able to leave with her e-mail and number (all thanks to you Dave).

Now, I have a tough question that has been bothering me for a while. There have been several times I have gone out with a woman and jokingly teased them ( about not knowing how to read a map for example). I’ll bust on them for not knowing their right from their left. They all start laughing and saying” You’re so mean” or ” I thought you were a nice guy”. Now, the question is: How do you know when you are being cocky and funny vs. downright mean? ( I know that the funny part is important and you need a fine balance of C & F). I think sometimes teasing a woman in a joking manner truly upsets them. Any help on this matter would be appreciated.

Disciple -in-training in Virginia


This is a GREAT question!

The fact is that sometimes you’re going to meet a woman who just doesn’t have a sense of humor, isn’t in a good mood… is feeling hormonal… or whatever.

Or sometimes you’ll just make a comment that is LAME.

It happens.

As they say in cooking:

“You can’t make an omelet without breaking a few eggs.”

You just have to accept the idea that when you’re learning how to use this material that you’re going to occasionally run into a woman who doesn’t get your humor.

Don’t worry about it.

Here are my personal ways to disarm one of these situations:

1) Say “It was a joke” with deadpan serious look on your face.

Saying “it was a joke” in this manner is very funny all by itself, because your serious look contradicts the words. This will often get a laugh all by itself and allow you to continue with the line of Cocky & Funny humor you were using in the first place.

2) Give her a “sly smile”.

The sly smile is a great way to interrupt a woman who is taking you too seriously. As she starts to get upset, just squint your eyes a little, purse your lips, and smile with a look of “You’re cute when you’re mad”.

3) Start laughing.

This is another personal favorite. Just start laughing as she starts to get offended. Even tell her that she’s cute and needs to lighten up a little.

…all of these work well when women are GENUINELY offended or upset, because they communicate that you were kidding around.

But here’s a warning: Don’t use these TOO much. If you use them when she’s not actually offended, they’ll make you look weak and insecure.

In general, women love to “play like they’re offended” when you tease them.

For instance, a woman might open her mouth with that “I can’t believe you just said that look”. This is usually the signal to TURN IT UP! Keep going. Most women know you’re just flirting with them… so don’t turn into a WUSSY at the first sign of emotion.


Hello Dave.

I recently ordered your book, and wanted to say it was like you had brought to light feelings I always suspected but never could quite put into words. I have been in college for 2 years now, and am always amazed by how attracted women are to the guys who seem to be a little rough with them. (By “rough”, I mean personality-wise), especially when guys like me (who would do mostly anything for them) were all over. I am now trying to bring out the cocky and funny in me and apply your ideas.

I have a girlfriend who has always been controlling. Her having a lot of what I wanted (hot, intelligent, career-focused) wanted to keep her around, and gave her whatever she wanted. I could tell exactly what you mentioned in your book – that she was actually becoming less interested in me because of it. I got the feeling I was more “there to give to her” rather than share a great relationship with. Now, I tried some of your techniques with her the other day. She hates surprises. I told her I had one. She insisted I tell her what it was, and resorted to some pretty harsh and bitchy tactics to try to get what she wanted, including calling names and even threatening to leave! I simply came back at her with a retort every time that indicated I really could give a damn, and even that I was getting amused by her little rant and rave. You know what? There came a point I have never seen with her…she actually backed down. She suddenly changed the subject, and started acting VERY responsive to me, suddenly seeming to care more about what I was doing in life, how I was, etc.

Now, I don’t know if it matters, but we have recently become long-distance. My question is this: You say that once a woman sees you as a certain type of personality (I would be the wussy-boy), it is very hard to back-pedal and become somebody different in her eyes. She seems like the type of woman you describe as one who likes to have a boyfriend around for a while, and maybe even marry, but really is only trying to take what she’s being given by a man-boy. By the response I got from her to my latest test, it seemed as though she had the potential to turn right around, and that even after one application of your techniques, that she may have started to see me differently… that fast.

So, is it worth it? Can I re-mold my personality with this girl, or am I out of luck. By the way, we had been seeing each other for 9 moths, and just recently started dating long-distance when she switched colleges. I think that actually helped the situation, because she doesn’t have as much control or perspective about me from a distance as she would in person. What would you say I could do? Is she hopeless?

-Thanks for your great material. I’m already putting a lot of faith in it after this quick test.

-J (ex wuss-to-be)


It’s rare that I comment on “relationship” issues, but your email caught my attention… so here goes.

There are exceptions to every “rule of thumb”.

My general rule on this topic goes something like this:

If a woman thinks of you as a WUSS, it’s probably better to cut your losses and move on than to try to convince her that you’re NOT a wuss.

Trying to chance a first impression is hard work, and relationships between two or more people are rather difficult to re-adjust after becoming set… unless you’re an expert at it, which most people aren’t.

But that doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t “test” to see if your particular situation has potential.

If you’re willing to change your wussy ways, start being strong and confident, and not being the clingy girly-man that you once were, then give it a shot.

Women can feel a REAL INTERNAL shift, and many times they’ll respond.

If things start working out they way you want them to, then stick with what’s working.


Hey David

I was reading the latest mail bag and a tip you mentioned – ‘…talk to a woman like she was an old friend…’ struck a chord. I was at a party on saturday, talking to this girl and , you know making her laugh, keeping it cocky, busting her balls and she said out of the blue its wierd, it seems like I’ve known you forever’. Wow!!!

Since starting with your materials (and some other life changes that I’ve made) my success has improved remarkably – I’m still below were I won’t to be, but just the fact I can actually talk to an attractive woman, hold their attention, be (very) funny and be confident» in that type of situation is a vast improvement, believe me.

A lot of the ‘inner game»‘ strategies have helped too – mental rehearsal, making friends with guys who are genuine players, no staying home every friday night, actually working out (its been six months know and that has made such a difference to my self image) and most importantly, making a commitment to myself to take responsibility and put the hards in. Its a hell of a lot of work and its very scary when I realize just how much I don’t know, but its definitely been worth it, especially the increase in the quality of my life and the level of control I now know I have.

So thanks Dave, You’ve helped me get of the couch, put down the remote and start to become, literally, a man 🙂 If I keep this up I may even get laid soon – lol!

N H (from Australia)

PS Killer line I use now when talking to a girl and busting her balls (it just came out of the blue during a phone call) It what I call the ‘a-list’ routine. Essentially – when sorting the first date or just bring cocky funny – I imply that there are not my ‘a-list’ friends/ option, so I’m spending time with them until a list people come along. And then I use it as a running gag – so hows life in the b list, you must feel so special now (as I slowly advance them from c to b++ list, but never a-list!) Its sound weird but it works like a charm, done the right way. I’ve got several dates… from this approach!


Thanks for the compliments on my CD Series. I’m glad you’re enjoying it.

The technique of acting like she’s an old friend is powerful indeed.

Once you master this relaxed state of thinking and behaving, you’ll find that MOST of the women that you talk to say things like “I feel like I’ve known you all my life” etc.

And the best part about this is that IT’S EASY.

Most guys get all uptight when they’re talking to attractive women. It’s so much easier to stay relaxed and just act like you’re talking to an old friend…

And as for your “a-list” routine…

That’s funny!

Any ways you can communicate that you’re picky and selective will only increase the ATTRACTION present in the situation.

Great stuff.



I just bought the CD advanced series and I would like to recommend it to anyone who read the book, this is by far the best stuff coming out from your ‘terrible’ women magnetic mind, loved every one of them. You kept me up nights and disrupted my whole last week at work , u shall pay for it . Well.the least you can do is extract me from my little hell in paradise and solve my dilemma.

I have used the system on this 10-10 gal , she is nearly double my height, we get looks all the time, but who cares. Problem is women automatically get attracted to me, thinking what the hell is this guy hiding under his sleeve. I’m 32, look closer to 36, short and even a bit over weight and having a blast with this 20 year old slim tall model. Their eyes say, ‘hey , lemme have a piece of you too, u must be doing something right’. Problem is, every time I go out with her, girls look, smile, wink at me behind her back, trying to get my attention. How can I capitalize on that, I wont their No’s, I’m greedy, I want more! Slipping them my number without speaking to them, would be against the grain of your system, so what to do? This is hell in paradise!girls starting up with me, and I cannot do anything! u must have some idea!



OK, let me get this straight…

You’ve used these materials to get a “10-10” 20 year old slim tall model… who is nearly DOUBLE your height, and all you want to know is how to hook up with the other women who are checking you out when you’re with her?

You’re too much.

Well, first of all, let me mention again that I don’t like the idea of being a “relationship wrecker”, and I don’t recommend that guys do sneaky things.

If you and this girl have agreed to be in an exclusive relationship, then forget what I’m about to say…. lol…

But if you’re just casually dating, then here’s an idea for you:

When you’re out with this girl, walk away from her once in awhile. If the two of you are talking to a group, just say “I’ll be right back” and leave.

My personal experience is that this alone shows a “non-wuss” attitude that is attractive.

Then, while you’re wandering around, stop and say “hi” to the woman or women that were winking at you.

Talk for a minute, then say “I’m going to get back to my guest” and then “Do you have a card?” Make sure to get an email and good phone number, even if she has to write them down.

Asking for a card is a great way to say “I’d like to talk to you again”, but have it come across in a semi-professional manner that leaves her wondering what is really up.

And I think that cards are perceived as less of a threat by the current date than hand-written numbers/emails.

Think about it. You are a very, very bad man, by the way.

…one more comment…

It’s funny, because many of my friends who are really amazing with women aren’t at all what you’d consider “attractive”.

They’re not handsome, not tall, not rich, and not “sexy” in appearance.

In fact, I have at LEAST 4 or 5 friends who are between about five foot two and five foot seven that are KILLER with women. Some of them are balding and overweight to boot.

My point is that they key to success with women is KNOWING HOW THE PROCESS OF ATTRACTION WORKS, and having the specific SKILLS it takes to succeed. Nothing more, nothing less.

If you want to learn all of my very best ideas, techniques, and personal strategies, then I’d recommend that you check out my CD Audio Program “Advanced Dating Techniques” (the one that they guy above with the 20 year old model mentioned in his email). It’s taken me literally YEARS to put all of this great material together, and you can get it all in about 12 hours of listening. Just go to:

[products info link]

And if you haven’t downloaded my eBook “Double Your Dating” and the three bonus booklets that come along with it, go to:

[ebook download link]

…and download it now. It’s the best introduction to the keys to success with women and dating you can get.

And I’ll talk to you soon.

Your Friend,

David D.

***If you’d like to send me a Success Story, Question, or Comment, follow these guidelines***

1) Keep it short and to the point. Two paragraphs max.

2) Tell me what’s working for you before you ask your question. I appreciate all of the “Your stuff is great” and “I don’t need to tell you how well your stuff works” comments, but the fact is that I DO need to hear all of the specifics… because this helps other guys to see what’s working in different situations.

3) If you have a Success Story, write “Success Story” in the subject line of the email. I read these first.

4) At the end of the email, give me your initials and tell me where you’re from.

5) Send it to me at:

[newsletter sign-up link]

…don’t just hit “reply” to this email. Thanks!

This is an archive of a David’s answers to questions directed to his mailing list for his Double Your Dating eBook. David’s newsletter is a free e-mail list that that teaches men how to be more successful with women and dating. If you would like to purchase David’s book or subscribe to his mailing list, you should visit

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