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“Q&A: Should The Man Pay?” – November 4, 2002

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“Q&A: Should The Man Pay?” – November 4, 2002


I have a question concerning dating and when/when not to pay for stuff. At what point (if any) should I pay for both of us when dating? I don’t want to get the woman into the mindset of “courtship.” What should a man pay for when he’s dating?

DOUBLE YOUR DATING»” has changed me for the better. I look forward to getting your advance dating series.




This is a common dilemma that most men face…

To pay or not to pay, that is the question.

Here are some of the problems that “paying” creates:

1. It sets you up as the one who is “pursuing” the woman, which symbolically gives away your power to her.

2. It can be expensive.

3. It usually causes women to play even “harder to get”.

4. It triggers all kinds of “courtship” behaviors, like her making you prove yourself, waiting to have sex, etc.

5. The places you’ll be going to “pay” are often not the best places to actually get to know another human being. Movies, fancy dinners, etc. aren’t natural environments, and they don’t lead to people “being themselves”.

So what’s the alternative?

Well, the FIRST thing you should do is CHANGE THE WAY YOU THINK ABOUT “DATING” and “paying”.

Most guys just naturally assume that if they’re “taking a girl out” that they need to take her to a show or movie, a nice dinner, etc.

Of course, these are basically the WORST places to go with a woman in the beginning, because, as I mentioned above, they aren’t very “natural” places to be.

Instead of asking a woman “out to dinner”, try this…

When you’re talking on the phone about getting together, say “Let’s meet for a cup of tea. This way if you turn out to be a complete freak, I can run away easily.”

This will get a laugh, and it will get her thinking to herself “Wow, this guy is qualifying ME.”

Suggest a place that’s close to your house, by the way, in case you want to invite her over after.

When you meet for tea, actually drink tea (or iced tea) because coffee makes your breath nasty, and tea is perceived as a more “classy” drink. It’s also cheapter than a latte or a mocha.

After you have tea for 30 or 60 minutes, decide how YOU like HER. If you want to continue, say either:

“Hey, let’s keep talking. I want to go shop for a bit, come along.”


“Hey, let’s keep talking. Where are you parked? You can follow me…” (to your place, of course)

In either case, just assume that she will go along with whatever you’re doing, and she almost always will if you’re doing a good job of being Cocky & Funny and keeping her attention.

If you do go out “shopping”, go to a funky alternative neighborhood that has tattoo shops, record stores, ethnic food restaurants, etc. Every city has an area like this, so go there.

These places are SO GREAT because they have fun and interesting conversation BUILT RIGHT IN.

If things are going well, and you’re enjoying the time with her, you can then have her follow you over to your place. Again, just tell her that you’re enjoying the conversation, and that you’d like to continue… and for her to follow you.

Total expense (if you pay for her tea and yours):

A few bucks.

How much better is this than taking her out to an expensive meal and trying to have a normal conversation across a table while being forced to look right at each other all night?

You do the math.

If you actually do a little creative thinking, you can figure out ALL KINDS of great things to do that cost little or no money at all when you go out with women.

Extra bonus:

When you don’t do “normal” dating things, women will tend to play “hard to get” less, they’ll expect less in the way of gifts and money spent on them, and they’ll actually HAVE MORE FUN.


You mentioned above that you’re going to be getting my Advanced Dating Techniques CD Program. Good choice!

For those who want to know more…

It contains 11 CDs and a 100 page workbook JAM PACKED WITH HUNDREDS AND HUNDREDS of great techniques for approaching, dating, and getting physical with women. The five guest interviews alone are priceless. Of course, it comes with a 100% no-questions-asked money back guarantee. If you’re not THRILLED with it, just ask for a refund. No questions asked. I know it’s going to blow your mind. Go to:

[products info link]

…and if you’re reading this right now, and you haven’t yet downloaded my online eBook “Double Your Dating“, you really need to get a copy. It’s the foundation of everything I teach in these newsletters, and it will make EVERYTHING about women and dating make more sense.

It’s at…

[ebook download link]

I’ll talk to you again soon.

Your Friend,

David D.

This is an archive of a David’s answers to questions directed to his mailing list for his Double Your Dating eBook. David’s newsletter is a free e-mail list that that teaches men how to be more successful with women and dating. If you would like to purchase David’s book or subscribe to his mailing list, you should visit

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