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David DeAngelo’s Double Your Dating Mailbag

“Q&A: Can Average Guys Attract Hot Women?” – December 4, 2002

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“Q&A: Can Average Guys Attract Hot Women?” – December 4, 2002


Hey David,

I want to thank you for all your advice in your newsletters and in your ebook. This stuff really works! I just got a new job at a clothing store and all the girls that work there are all over me. Not to mention the ones that shop at the store! I have a question that I have been thinking about ever since I ran across your material. I know in your ebook you say to always make the decisions (like where to go, what to do on a date, etc.) and to be in control of the situation (don’t let her insult or treat you poorly). What is it about this that attracts women? Is this some kind of test to see if you are in control of your life, or is it like a subconscious trigger in a woman’s mind, or what? I would appreciate any feedback on this issue. Thanks again for all the help you have already given me.

St. Louis, MO


Here’s the deal about always making decisions and staying in control…

Women aren’t attracted to WUSSIES.

So how could you characterize a Wuss?

A Wussy is a guy who is weak, indecisive, and insecure.

A Wussy isn’t in control, and he doesn’t make decisions.

Women feel ATTRACTION for men who demonstrate the qualities of the LEADER.

How could you characterize a LEADER?

A LEADER is a man who is in control of the situation, and who makes decisions and follows through on them WITHOUT needing approval from others.

You’ve asked a great question, but it’s a complex one.

In my CD Audio Program “Advanced Dating Techniques” I talk at length about the qualities and beliefs of men who are NATURALLY attracted to women, and how to communicate all of these with body language», voice tone, and words.

If this topic is fascinating to you, then I recommend that you check out my CD program. It will blow your mind.


Jedi Master,

Your material has unbelievable results, After reading your book and newsletters, I am finding myself in a dilemma of needing to let some of the women down in order to make room for others.

The problem is they keep wanting to fill my schedule and I haven’t learned or need to learn how to let these women know that like yesterdays newspaper, I have read and prefer to read current events as opposed to rereading the same newspaper over and over. I guess I am being a wussy in this regard cause I just do not know how to say See Ya?

How does the master say this without being mean. I want to let them go without hurting their self esteem, they have done nothing wrong, they are beautiful, I just want to move on and enjoy, the riches you have endowed upon me, without hurting them, and without being a wussy in the process.

Portland OR


I’d say that the problem you’re experiencing is probably being caused BEFORE it actually happens.

How do women know if a man is interested in them for a “long term” relationship… or if he’s just interested in dating casually?

The trigger for this is HOW OFTEN YOU SEE THEM, and how often you CALL them.

Of course, there’s more… like whether or not you buy gifts, talk about how you feel, ask her to be your girlfriend, etc.

But if you want to just see a woman casually and not have her become “hooked” on you, then don’t call her more than a couple of times a week, and don’t see her more than once a week… maybe twice sometimes.

This should solve your problem.



I´m a 25 years old guy that never understood women. Now I realize the WUSS I have been for such a long time. Anyway, I was lucky because I got a girlfriend casually, and I experienced with her, but some years ago we broke up and I have been so LOST with the women task and suddenly YOU, sensei David, appeared in the middle of my nightmare, and things started getting sense (I bought your ebook, of course)


The thing is that I have a bisexual friend (girl) that I like, but I´ve never told her anything about my feelings. Some days ago she and some of her friends came to visit me and we went out. We were in a nightclub, and next to us there was a group of girls, I made eyecontact with one of them. And then I thought about something that I wouldn´t have figured out in my WUSS-PAST-WOLD: Let´s get that girl, and see the reaction of my bisexual friend. After some C&F stuff, I was french kissing the girl of the eyecontact in front of the face of my friend. And guess what was the reaction ???? Now I can´t get rid of her. It´s like I´ve been a kind of ghost, until that night

Thanks, David. Keep on giving us some perspective.



Hey, I never said that women made any damn sense!

Jealousy is a powerful emotion.

Some think that it’s the MOST powerful emotion.

It might be interesting for you to know that many of the guys I know who like to date a lot of different women don’t hide the fact that they date a lot of girls.

Many female animal species choose males by finding the ones with the most other females who are attracted to him.

Women are often the same.

Women can be very competitive, and if a woman knows that you don’t have any trouble meeting other women, it will often inspire her to feel even more attraction for you.

But be careful. I don’t think that it’s a good idea to try to deliberately make a woman jealous. It doesn’t feel good, and if you meet the wrong women you just might wind up with a rabbit boiling on your stove when you come home one night.



I won’t even begin to tell you how awsome your book is and how it breaks everything down for ex-wusses like myself because that would take up too much time, but I’ve got a situation for you. A few weeks ago, I met this girl in my class. She was definitely a 8-9. Anyways, I got her number and asked her if we could study sometime. We eventually set up a date to get a paper done. She didn’t show up! I was like…. okay, I’m not even gonna get mad. So a few days later, I saw her walking with this dude.. I was like… “ok, she has a bf, thats why”, but here’s the funny part; I’ve been working on my body language» and eye contact lately and it’s been doing wonders. When I see her, I just speak and keep walking. I haven’t held a conversation with her in like 2 weeks and yesterday she left a message on my phone that said…”Hey, this is —- from your english class, I was just calling to tell you that I think that you are a VERY attractive man, and I think you are really fine. But I have a boyfriend. I know you tried to study with me in the past, but you know how things can be when you have a boyfriend… so i guess ill talk to you later” Whats up with this? I didn’t talk to the girl in two weeks and she leaves this message? Was it a movement I made? Could you anyalize this for me please?

B in FLA

P.S.- I never knew body language» could be so powerful!


This kind of thing always makes me laugh.

I can remember when I used to call women too often, and if they didn’t show up, I’d get upset and try to set up another date with them, etc.

Of course, they’d usually play hard to get, and wind up thinking that I was a Wussy because I just accepted their flaky behavior.

Well, after I stopped calling women back who flaked, and basically stopped CHASING women, I had the strangest thing happen…

I had women call me… but sometimes it was literally WEEKS later. Just like your situation.

You probably just have a girl who was in a fight with her boyfriend the day she set the study date with you… but fixed things up with him before she was supposed to see you again… and then maybe got into another one with him so she decided to call you and see if you were available.

Don’t worry about it. Just move on. She’ll probably start flirting with you again when she’s single.


Hey man, I have to admit, I have been getting your newsletter for about 2 weeks now and I have dramatically improved the number of women i have been meeting and getting numbers from! Thanks so much for the help and tips. Usually when it comes down to the first date everything goes fine and I lay down the c&f attitude which gets me good places with her. But i have a problem. This last weekend i had a date with this woman i just met and we were in the hot tub and me friend and his date were with us. Well the problem was that my mind was totally blank for some odd reason and i couldn’t come up with anything interesting to talk about if my life was on the line. So obviously I really didnt get anywhere with her but she said that she would like to see me again. So my question to you is what are some topics of interest that i could talk with her about that wouldnt put me in the wussy boy category and would also get me in good with her, when i cant think of anything? Please help!

Thanks a lot!


Well, if you think about it, there are a few main topics that women PAY TONS OF MONEY to enjoy.

Think daytime dramas, Cosmo magazine, and romance novels.

For whatever reason, women just love relationships, drama, and humor.

So talk about famous people, their relationships, and their drama.

If you’re at a loss, and you want to start a funny conversation, just say “What’s with…” and finish up with any current gossip topic taken from any famous person’s life.

“What’s with Ben and J LO getting together?”

“What’s with Michael Jackson’s peach lipstick?”

“What’s with Kid Rock and Pamela dressing in trailer park getups?”

Of course, these kinds of topics lend themselves to all KINDS of opportunities to be Cocky & Funny. So do it.

Great job getting more dates… keep up the good work.


Yo! this is some serious stuff that you are teaching here man. How did you learn all this man?!

I’m currently at university and as you can imagine there is a rich diversity of hotties. I used to be the major wuss bag before a friend acquainted me with your newsletters. The major change in my approach is that I definitely have more confidence and the score card is no longer embarrassing. But I still am to get this C&F idea. You see the problem is that I can’t seem to get the mixture quite right. I am cocky but at times I seem not to have a funny bone in my body. Thus I end up looking like some arrogant you know what (But they still respond better than when I was a wuss! Amazing!). Other times I am quite funny but not at all cocky (which really is not a problem but doesn’t have the desired effect). So I’m asking you how do I get the mixture right?

Harare, Zimbabwe


The mixture is important… and the way to get it right is to START with an arrogant comment, then make it funny.

“That girl is fat, and her dress looks horrible” is a mean, arrogant statement.

But if you say “Someone lied to her! It looks like somebody let her loose in the twinkie section, then told her she was going to be on the Anna Nicole bad fashion TV show…” it’s a whole different story.

By the way, you mentioned that even if you’re just plain ARROGANT that women will be more attracted to you than if you’re a WUSSY.

Women are universally NOT attracted to wussies.

Just keep practicing, and get a couple of books about how to write comedy. Take some time to think through some common situations and what you’re going to say in the future… it’s worth it to practice this, as it’s such an important part of ATTRACTION.


Hey Dave,

You always have success stories with guys that say “Im a good looking guy”. What about us guys that are average or slightly below average, balding, or thick?? Does this stuff work for us as well? Or is this just help guys that already get dates get MORE dates?? Are us average or below average guys out of luck?? I get an occasional hot girl but they are few and far between.



I’d say that 1 in 100 of the emails that I get are from guys who say “I’m a good looking guy”.

And most of the guys who I know that are really successful with women aren’t unusually “good looking”.

Some of my friends who are unbelievably good at attracting BEAUTIFUL women are not at all “good looking”.

And if you think about your own life, I’ll bet that you’ll realize that the guys you know yourself who are best at getting dates with attractive women aren’t the guys you know who are the richest, tallest, or most handsome.

In other words, YES… this stuff works for “regular” guys!

…and, in fact, if you’re reading this newsletter right now and you’d like to really take your success with women to the next level, then I have a few words for you.

It wasn’t that long ago that I personally didn’t have the ability to even TALK to a woman I didn’t know… never mind getting a date.

I spent a few YEARS trying just about everything I could find to help me.

I read books, listened to tapes, went to seminars… I tried it all. But nothing really worked consistently for me.

The real breakthroughs came when I started spending time with a lot of guys who were NATURALLY successful with women. When I say “naturally” I don’t mean that women walked over and threw themselves at these guys… I mean that they had each figured out how to attract a lot of beautiful women ON THEIR OWN.

What I found was incredible…

Even though most of these different guys had NEVER EVEN MET one another, they had a LOT in common. They did a lot of the same things… the said a lot of the same things… and they behaved in a lot of the same ways.

So I took what I learned, I tested it all out, and I refined it and created a whole system for how a regular guy can increase his success with women and dating.

That’s it in a nutshell.

I personally went from not knowing how to even talk to a woman I didn’t know to being able to get dates with even the most beautiful women… and I practice what I preach.

The things that I teach in my eBook and CD program are things that I use PERSONALLY in situations with women.

It’s not a bunch of made-up garbage and old recycled books from 25 years ago.

And if you have any doubts or hesitations at all about investing in my materials, remember that everything I offer comes with a 100% no hassle, no questions, no nothing money back guarantee. If you aren’t THRILLED with the materials and if you don’t meet A LOT more attractive women, then just ask for a refund. I would never offer this kind of personal guarantee unless I knew that you would get results.

The CD Program is here:

[products info link]

And you can go right now and download my eBook here:

[ebook download link]

I’ve spent a lot of time working on the theories, concepts, and techniques included in these products… and I can tell you that there’s nothing else available that will get you the kinds of results that you’ll get by using them.

Go check them out!

I’ll talk to you again soon.

Your Friend,

David D.

***If you’d like to send me a Success Story, Question, or Comment, follow these guidelines***

1) Keep it short and to the point. Two paragraphs max.

2) Tell me what’s working for you before you ask your question. I appreciate all of the “Your stuff is great” and “I don’t need to tell you how well your stuff works” comments, but the fact is that I DO need to hear all of the specifics… because this helps other guys to see what’s working in different situations.

3) If you have a Success Story, write “Success Story” in the subject line of the email. I read these first.

4) At the end of the email, give me your initials and tell me where you’re from.

5) Send it to me at:

[newsletter sign-up link]

…don’t just hit “reply” to this email. Thanks!

This is an archive of a David’s answers to questions directed to his mailing list for his Double Your Dating eBook. David’s newsletter is a free e-mail list that that teaches men how to be more successful with women and dating. If you would like to purchase David’s book or subscribe to his mailing list, you should visit

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