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David DeAngelo’s Double Your Dating Mailbag

“Q&A: Radical Wussy Cure Prescription!” – December 10, 2002

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“Q&A: Radical Wussy Cure Prescription!” – December 10, 2002


Dave, thanks for all the advice. Between your e-book (best investment I ever made regarding women) and the newsletter I pulled myself out of a dry spell that is measured in YEARS. The “bratty little sister” comment you made really put me in the right frame of mind. “How would I treat this girl if she was my best friend’s hot little sister?” perfect. I’m not as good as I wanna be at this yet but it will happen..

I have been trying to get rid of as many negatives about my appearance as I can (lost weight, updated wardrobe, etc.) I’m 35 and have some gray hair. Do you think I should get rid of it? Most of the women I come into contact with are in their early twenties and I wonder if I am sometimes being put into the “No, too old” category before I even open my mouth. I think once you are in the “No” category it’s hard to get out no matter how good your game is.

Thanks again,


Wow, ended a dry spell that is measured in YEARS, huh?


Well congratulations.

As for your observation that “once your are in the “No” category it’s hard to get out no matter how good your game is”… I think this is pretty accurate thinking.

And to answer your question about gray hair…

I’ve found that there is a group of women who either don’t care very much about how old a man is, and a group who actually LIKE older men.

So you’re going to have to decide what you want, and then maybe test. See how it works for you. See how women respond to you both ways.



I have used your techniques from the CDs, and I have been using NLP stuff too. It REALLY does work. But do you have any special tips for an age 21 college student who also happens to be a paraplegic, an in a wheelchair user? The things I’ve learned from you do produce positive results, however I ask of your Jedi like wisdom some advice for someone in my unique situation.


Well, I’m really going to go out on a limb here when I answer your question, because I don’t have any experience or frame of reference for your situation.

But here’s what I would do if I were you…

I’d sit down for a couple of hours and work out a bunch of Cocky & Funny remarks, comebacks, and other basic FUNNY conversation chunks to use when talking to women… all based around your wheelchair, etc.

In marketing, one of the techniques that’s taught is to admit negatives about a product in a charming way.

I’ve found in life that when I get over my own personal insecurities about myself and I accept that some people won’t like certain things about me, it frees me up to focus on those that I’M interested in dealing with.

The next thing I’d do is get online and start chatting with women on some kind of instant messenging service like AOL, and try out your new material. See what kind of responses you get and fine tune your material from there.

Remember, in general women are more interested in your personality and how you make them FEEL than what you look like.


Hey David,

Many thanks to you for your knowledge and insight on women. I have personally seen a 1000% increase in my ability to attract women. No doubt this stuff works!! Now i realize the concept is to double your dating», and not double your relationships, but my dilemma is one i’m sure you get a lot.

Here’s the situation:

I met this girl while out at a local club. I’d say she was an 8.5 – 9 on my scale. But more importantly, had a personality to match her looks. Nice!! I immediately sprang into action and went over with a simple “Hi”. And we chatted for a few minutes. I kept up the cocky/funny and played the character. Apparently my manner and approach was dead on, because she was very responsive and in fact commented on the way i presented myself . So anyway, we chatted, i got her number and told her i’d call. Said good-bye, and left. I actually called the next night (Sunday) but we were both too hung over to do anything. Well, on monday she called me. And has since called me at least twice for each time i have called her. We’ve been out several times for drinks as well. Here’s my problem. I’m very interested in pursuing something more than casual dating. How do i go about balancing the art of cocky/funny and maintaining interest, but also come across as relationship material without wussing out?? I haven’t bought her anything in the way of dinner or gifts, with the exception of a beer or two. BUT always after she’s bought a round first. She’s very independent, and i like that about her. I don’t want some needy woman clinging to me all the time, but i would like to keep her interest high and continue through the various bridges you mention in your book.

It may seem soon, but this one turns my stomach upside down and i feel the temptation to “Wuss out”. BUT I REFUSE to turn into my old self. I guess i want to know some tips you could offer when you’ve doubled your dating and you find one you want to keep around for awhile? Is it ever ok to express your feelings while still keeping up the attraction? Or would you just continue doing what works, and see where that leads? Your time and insight is greatly appreciated. Thank you.


J. Jones
Louisville, Ky


Well, a 1000% increase in success attracting women isn’t that bad. Try harder.

But your email brings up a topic and scenario that is very relevant to a lot of guys.

And you’re right… I don’t teach guys how to “Double Your Relationships”. But that doesn’t mean that I don’t think that I have something against getting into longer term relationships.

In fact, I think a great relationship with a really wonderful woman can be an amazingly wonderful thing.

The problem is that most guys don’t have the confidence and choice that comes from understanding how to attract women anytime, anywhere… and they wind up settling for whatever woman happens to like them. And they also tend to act like total Wuss Bags when they ARE in relationships because they have fear around the idea of her leaving.

And this brings me to your question about what a guy should do if he meets a woman that he’s like to work toward a longer term relationship with.

The FIRST thing you should do is what you’re doing… lean back and give her space.

Most guys want to try and “corner the market” as quickly as they can when they meet a woman that they like, and try to convince the woman to be exclusive immediately.

In my experience this is a BAD idea for a few reasons:

1. You don’t know her very well yet. I make it a personal rule to not get into a “boyfriend/girlfriend” relationship with a woman for at LEAST 3-6 months. I want to get to know a woman before I’m interested in being attached.

I once met a really hot girl for a cup of tea, and she told me that she likes to date a guy for a couple of weeks, then form a monogamous, long-term, boyfriend and girlfriend relationship with him, then sleep together.

This was all at the first meeting I had with her over a cup of tea.

I told her that she was crazy, and that I’d never get into a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship with some woman that I’d only known for a couple of weeks… and then I left.

I had images of coming home in a few weeks and finding her going through my closets and saying “Who’s is this?”

Get to know a woman before you make your decision!

2. If a woman is the type that will get into a serious relationship with you quickly, then there’s probably a good chance that SHE has some issues.

The last thing you need is a clingy woman that is out looking around for a man to complete her and give her life meaning…

So you’re doing the right thing. Nice.

If you want to pursue a relationship relationship, then you might want to actually start doing a sweet, romantic thing or two every once in awhile.

A card, a flower, etc. is all it takes to communicate your message. But use them wisely, and don’t start acting like a needy wussy!

Also, when you start saying things like “I was thinking about you”, “I really like spending time with you”, and other lovey talk it says the same thing.

Again, use sparingly… especially with independent women!

And ultimately, if you want to actually have a real, honest-to-goodness relationship, then tell her how you feel about her.

If you think she’s worth having a relationship with, then you’re going to need to take the risk at some point of telling her.

I hope it works out for you!



As I am writing this letter, I am punching myself in the forehead. Last night, I called a woman whose profile I got from an online personal ad (she gave me her phone number in her 2nd e-mail to me). During the phone call, the only words that came out of my mouth were those of wussiness, e.g. where do you live, what do you do for a living, blah blah blah blah.

What topics should I talk about when acting C & F without sounding like a job interviewer?

Keep up the good work.




It sounds to me like your problem is beyond the scope of a simple answer.


And if you ever hope to have an attractive woman respond positively to you and feel ATTRACTION for you, then you’d better get this handled.

Now, I personally think that it’s fine to ask a woman whatever you want… just don’t answer any of HER questions directly. It can be quite enjoyable to ask women about themselves, then make fun of the answers… lol.

But it sounds to me like you’ve got a problem with your MINDSET, which is deeper.

Do yourself a favor, go here and get this:

[products info link]

…and do it fast.



I am 51 and would like to know if this would be applicable to attract women in their 40’s,? Best,





It’s been 3 months since my ex of 3 years and I broke up. I asked a girl on the school shuttle for her number on Wednesday. Friday I invited her to come w/ me for coffee. Didn’t pay, and was spur of the moment. That’s where everything went downhill. It was so great I dragged it out for 2.5 hours. Then when I got home I worried I screwed up so I called her and asked if she liked me, she told me a little, but we’re just friends now, and I told her I see her as a nice friend (I hope’d it’d help). Then later on I called AGAIN when I was bored cuz my friends canceled and she wasn’t home. Saturday left her a message saying to call me back. Today is sunday, she didn’t call back, so I did, and I said yes, I might be interested in going out, but she said that since she’s just out of a 9 month relationship, she needs time to get everything together, she doesn’t wanna date anyone. Told her we’d meet tuesday for a movie and she said cool. Then called her back and asked her why she asked if I liked her if she doesn’t like me. Then called her back AGAIN and made sure plans for tuesday were solid.

Essentially, I got her number and the date cocky funny, and once I thought it was cool I wussed out. Now I know I should look for more girls but the prob is winter break just started, I’m low on cash to go clubbing much if @ all, besides that I’m 18 so it’s a pain. Essentially, she’s my only chance for winter fun 🙂 until January. And I wussed it up! I will try to meet other girls, but considering the circumstances it will be hard. For this girl, what’d be a good recovery?

Thanks a lot,
Beverly Hills, CA



Dude, you get the Gold Medal for demonstrating the clear ability to convince a woman that you are a Wussy the fastest.

Please stand up on the pedestal so I can BIATCH SLAP you with it!

You might want to consider giving up on women altogether after this.

Look, how hard is it to JUST STOP BEING A WUSSY?

Stop it! Stop it! Stop it!

Don’t drag coffee out for 2 hours!

Don’t call after and ask if she likes you!

Don’t call again later because you’re bored!

And don’t call the other forty seven times, either!

I’d say that at this point, you should go down to your local plasma donation center and sell your blood if you have to… then invest in my eBook and Advanced series.

It would be worth it for you.

I’ll keep your gold medal safe while you’re busy.


Dear Dave,
In one of your previous newsletters, you told us,

“You really need to remember to GIVE HER THE GIFT OF MISSING YOU!”

I’m in college, and find that I am meeting a lot of good looking and fun ladies. I met a girl, she’s a perfect 10. Anytime I talk to her or see her, I am as cocky/funny as I can be, and it seems to work. The problem I have is that she lives in my dorm. How can I give her that gift? Anything you’ve got is appreciated.



It doesn’t even matter if you’re MARRIED AND LIVING IN THE SAME HOUSE. You can still give someone the gift of missing you by STAYING BUSY, AND NOT BEING A PEST.

This is a mindset.

It’s something you can do anytime, with anyone.

Next time you talk to her, don’t make plans to see her, and get off the phone quickly.

Next time you walk by her in the dorm, just say “HI” and tell her to give you a call tomorrow.

Be busy. Have a life.

But you might want to at least get a date with this girl before you move onto advanced things like “giving her the gift of missing you”.


Hey David-

You have some really good stuff to teach. It’s not just the run-of-the-mill “how to get chicks” info, but a more in-depth psychological approach to the problem (which isn’t much of a problem if you use techniques like yours). 🙂 Anyway, I was just working on my C&F by giving girls some flack when I can. It seems to work well. However, I was wondering what you’d say in this situation: I was talking to a girl and she asked me to do a favor for her. Using your technique of not seeming wussy and just saying “uh, OK” I said, “What do I get in return?” Instead of the responses you talked about like, “Whatever you want.” and “A hug/kiss/etc”, which would be easy for me to say “Not good enough” and dog on her a bit, she said “What do you want?” I turned around with what I thought was a pretty good C&F remark of “What? You’re THAT easy?!? Well, that’s no fun!”

The thing is, I wanted to be able to know what she thought was okay to give in return, but she left it up to me, so what do you say to “What do you want?” to test the waters and/or get the results you want? Thanks in advance, David. I’m sure you’ll be answering this question for many readers besides just me if you post it in your mailbag emails.

Pueblo, CO


Next time a woman answers the question “What do I get in return” with the answer “Whatever you want”, I want you to answer in the following manner:

“Great, I want a two hour full body massage, a home cooked dinner, and to be tucked in and kissed on the forehead just like mom used to do… and not necessarily in that order.”

Say that.


Dear Super Dave, I use an online dating» service to meet women most of the time, and have a better success rate with this method, as described in your EXTREMELY HELPFUL DATING TIPS, about asking for e-mail instead of phone, for myself I set them up with intrigue, mystery, and witty comments about how they describe themselves, and offer my e-mail instead, that way if they don’t respond in what I consider a timely manner, I can come back with a cocky attitude, for the simple fact that most guys give up after what they think is rejection if the women does not respond right away, which I remember you mentioned about how many offers they receive by this online method of meeting, and how to stand out when contacting these women that see 50 responses a day of the same old crap that they are not looking for in a man. Just wanted to say you have increased my success, even when I was doing fine already!

PS: I have hooked up with 3 new one this week and have a full calendar this coming week in meeting these women, practice makes perfect.


Nice. Isn’t the internet amazing?

By the way, you get the award for the longest run-on sentence of all time.

But at least you’re meeting a lot of women… lol.



I am a 32 year-old divorced professional male. After buying and listening to the Double Your Dating» CDs several times, I have to tell you that my life has changed and continues to change fundamentally and in profound ways.

Growing up, I was raised by an extremely domineering, mentally ill mother and my Dad was never around much. She taught me to be a mega-WUSS for as long as I can remember, but I never fully realized it before I listened to your seminar. Even after 11 1/2 years of hard work in ongoing psychotherapy I was still 50% wussified.

I was the epitome of the “pussification of America”. And, over the years, that has pervasively screwed up my relationships with women.

Your program is providing me with the critical pieces I need to get to 0% wuss. And the women are responding like wildfire!!

Dave, thank you, thank you, thank you.

Baltimore, MD

PS: Have you considered starting DeAngelo satellite groups in different cities? I would like to start one here in Baltimore. Just start with guys I know and get together to discuss the material, relate stories, go out together with the techniques, etc. Any ideas?


First off, when it comes to NOT BEING A WUSSY, you’re not going to get much help from your therapist.

Therapists are nice, sweet, understanding, and empathic.

Men that give women that electric feeling of SEXUAL ATTRACTION are not.

You do the math.

Oh, and the 0% Wuss formula is a good one. Stick with that.

The response you’re getting from women is because they can sense that you’re actually a MAN, and not a WUSS that’s trying to pretend to be one.

And thanks for mentioning that you’ve listened to my Advanced Series several times. There’s a lot of material in there, and it helps to review it over and over as you’re improving.

I’ve heard from a lot of guys that have listened to it three, four, five or more times… and are getting amazing results.

…and if you’re reading this right now and you HAVEN’T checked it out, then it’s time.

It’s not available in DVD Video format as well, and there is NOTHING like this available anywhere else on the planet. You will learn literally HUNDREDS of great concepts, ideas, and specific techniques for meeting and dating attractive women. Go check it out:

[products info link]

And if you haven’t downloaded your copy of my online eBook “Double Your Dating: What Every Man Should Know About How To Be Successful With Women”, then you need to go get it! This is the book that started it all, and it’s the basic foundation for everything else that I teach. Go download your copy at:

[ebook download link]

…and you can be reading it in just a few minutes.

I’ll talk to you again soon.

Your Friend,

David D.

P.S. If you’d like to send me a Success Story, Question, or Comment, follow these guidelines:

1) Keep it short and to the point. Two paragraphs max.

2) Tell me what’s working for you before you ask your question. I appreciate all of the “Your stuff is great” and “I don’t need to tell you how well your stuff works” comments, but the fact is that I DO need to hear all of the specifics… because this helps other guys to see what’s working in different situations.

3) If you have a Success Story, write “Success Story” in the subject line of the email. I read these first.

4) At the end of the email, give me your initials and tell me where you’re from.

5) Send it to me at:

[newsletter sign-up link]

…don’t just hit “reply” to this email. Thanks!

This is an archive of a David’s answers to questions directed to his mailing list for his Double Your Dating eBook. David’s newsletter is a free e-mail list that that teaches men how to be more successful with women and dating. If you would like to purchase David’s book or subscribe to his mailing list, you should visit

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