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“Q&A: Stop Doubting Yourself!” – January 8, 2003

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“Q&A: Stop Doubting Yourself!” – January 8, 2003


Hey Dave,

I’ve really benefited from all your techniques. I am a college freshman, and i hadn’t been having too many dates. I heard about your program over winter break, but being away from school i didnt have the opportunity to use your techniques. but, i got back a few days ago, and started meeting people on the internet. i’ve already had one REALLY great date with a gorgeous older woman. unlike before, a lot more women seem really eager to talk to me, and to drive really long distance to come meet me. even the girls at college are responding. two nights ago, i had a girl spend the night with me. as everyone gets back to school, im sure i’ll have even more success.

my question is……. i met a lot of really cute girls over the past few months. but, becuase i was doing things the OLD WAY, i didnt have too much success with them. is there any way i can attract them now, or do i just have to give up on them and start afresh?

thanks once again.



First of all, congratulations on geting out there and making things happen for yourself.

To address your question, I’m going to start with a little home-brewed Quack Psych Analysis…

I’ve noticed a pattern with guys that is VERY interesting to me: If a guy meets a girl and feels attracted to her, but doesn’t have success taking things to a “romantic level”, he will tend to think about that woman and how to “try again” to get her attention, EVEN WHEN IT DOESN’T MAKE ANY SENSE AT ALL, AND THERE ARE MANY OTHER OPPORTUNITIES AROUND HIM.

I think that this is probably some kind of survival mechanism gone wrong. But whatever it is, it’s a PAIN IN THE ASS if you ask me.

In about 98% of cases, it’s MUCH better to just get on with your life and meet new women than it is to try and go back to women you’ve met in the past (who, for one reason or another don’t feel ATTRACTION for you), and try to get them to come around.

Move on.

You’re having so much success right now.

All you’re going to do is waste time and make things difficult for you AND these other women if you try to go back and get them to feel attracted to you.

Of course, if these women are a group of rich European models who love to buy you things, let you control the remote, and have no interest in cuddling after sex, then forget everything I’ve said, and instead devote the rest of your life to changing their minds.



After reading a couple of your newsletters, I recognised I had a problem or three! and decided to get this area of my life sorted (I was previously a WUSS), purchased your e-book and then graduated to the CD series. That decision has turned my life around. I am tall, tanned and toned (after many hours in the gym) with a great job yet had problems with attracting and retaining women. This problem is now history, thanks to your materials. They are certainly worth every cent (even if you are from Oz and paying 2 for 1)!

I am not having any problems using the 3 minute routine to set up meetings. Also no probs with the women feeling attraction for me. The problem is that now I have been out with so many different women, I have options, I am finding I now have a very specific idea of what I want, which means the vast majority I tee up I do not want to see again after the first meeting, as they get extremely clingy over me, are not confident or ambitious or have emotional baggage etc. I have tried targeting specific places and activities where these girls I would like to meet are likely to be, without lifting the percentage of ones I want to meet for a second or third time.

The question is, How can the three minute routine be adapted with similar success rates to narrow the field i.e. rule out those with unattractive qualities which are hard to detect in 3 minutes, prior to the first meeting? I know most guys would probably love to have this problem but I am sure your answer will help me and many others including the new students who will soon not have enough hours in a week to meet all the women if they purchase the advanced series and follow your advice.

Keep up the great work,


You know, I get emails like yours a LOT.

Two comments:

First, it’s always a good reminder when a guy like you who is physically very attractive reveals to the rest of the world that there’s a lot more to it than being good looking.

There’s no doubt in my mind that looking good will help you meet women. But there’s also no doubt in my mind that it’s far from everything… and, in fact, most of the guys I know who are very successful with women are closer to “average” than they are to “model handsome”.

I’m glad that you’re adding the “inner game»” to the looks, and having success with it.

Second, to answer your question, I’d like to point out that when a guy starts experiencing a LOT of success with women, he usually begins to realize a few things:

1) Just because a woman is attractive doesn’t mean that she has her life together, that she’s emotionally stable, that she will be interesting and fun to spend time with… etc.

2) The more women you meet, the more PICKY you become.

3) A fantastic woman that really has all areas of her life together is VERY RARE.

4) Finding one of these rare, wonderful women often takes awhile.

The fact is that men and women BOTH tend to put their best foot forward in the beginning and only demonstrate their positive sides.

If you REALLY want to learn how to figure out what a woman is REALLY like when you first meet her, then you’ll probably want to start studying psychology, behavior, and communication in depth.

Also, the more you approach and meet women, the more you’ll be able to put the puzzle together faster in the beginning.

By the way, you have one of those problems that most guys would say “Waaaaa, you poor guy”. So smile about it.


Dear David:

I need your advise about something. I started to bring this one girl around my family who really digs me and I really started to dig also. She is by far the best looking woman I have ever dated in my life a solid 9 ½ for sure. Every one of my friends stand utterly amazed on how well I do with the ladies. I told them I use your material. I have given your web site to about 8-10 people already. Out of all of the girls, I like her most. I started to see her about two weeks ago and I have used a lot of the techniques on her in the e-book and she likes it. I told her I have done a lot of research in the area of dating and relationships after about three dates. Well thank the lord I did. Some family members of mine told this girl I have been reading your stuff. I did not deny it. However, they specifically said, I learned how to seduce women and part of it was to be cocky/sarcastic and funny with women and they like it. I stood up to the challenge and said, “I told you I did a lot of reading on the subject matter and it works because it allows me to see what I want from a woman and how to handle some of the bullshit test you women put us men through. She looked at me and said, Oh I can’t believe you and spanked me!” If recall you said, “women actually appreciated the fact you took the time out to see what turned them on and they were actually grateful.”

On the way home she keep looking at me with a smile and saying what are you thinking about? I said, nothing and then I said, I found someone I liked now and it helped me do it. She said, “what ever works, its ok.” Feel like I lost some of my MO JO control in the relationship because of it. What do you think? I went back to my home and started right away on things and we did it again. How do I handle this girl now that the cat is completely out of the bag I write into you and read your stuff! I played it as if everything was normal and we still did it. She called me and said, “thank you I had a nice time and I have a great family.” I told her to call me tomorrow. She said, “I will!” Do you anticipate any problems for me in the future? I felt a little funny acting cocky and funny with her after this happened, but I still busted on her a little but not as much. She laughed at what I said, but looked at me like is this really you speaking. I hope they didn’t screw this up for me with this one. I am so pissed off. I can’t believe they would give me up like that. I don’t think I looked any less confident about my abilities to make her feel the powerful emotion attraction. Any comments on the subject need a response ASAP.

Thanks David!



Your email is rather funny, man.

So what you’re telling me here is that you did everything you learned from me, you met an ultra hot, wonderful woman, you told her how you learned to attract women, she responded by calling you to tell you that she had a nice time with you…

And your problem is what?


When you said to her “…I found someone I like and it helped me do it…” it almost sounds like YOU’RE APLOGOIZING for it. Bad bad bad. I’m assuming that you TURNED INTO A WUSS FOR A MOMENT and used the “I’m caught” voice… and when she said “what ever works, its ok” she wished that she didn’t have to tell you that.

Quit doubting yourself, and keep doing what works.


Whats up Dave? I like the work you did in your eBookcocky/funny and the friendship frame work great. I do have one question however. You state that cocky/funny humor works best when your not smiling/look serious. However, a lot of guys who I know that are successful with women say that smiling is the most effective thing that attracts women. What’s your take on smiling?



This is an interesting subject.

I think that MOST guys smile too much when they’re talking to women that they’re attracted to.

Now, I have to modify what I just said a bit.

How about this: Most guys smile IN A WAY THAT LOOKS LIKE FAKE APPROVAL SEEKING WUSSY MAN when they’re talking to women that they’re attracted to.

I recommend that most guys learn how to control all aspects of their body language» so they can quit doing things that make them needy, apologetic, like they’re trying to get a woman’s approval, etc.

And smiling is one of those aspects.

With that said, I know guys who smile A LOT when they’re meeting women, and they do VERY well.

What’s their secret?

They know all the things to do RIGHT, so their smiling doesn’t come across as them trying to be liked, kissing up to a woman, etc.

Do what works for you.

But if you’ve been the kind of guy that tries to get women to “like you” in the past, then you’d probably benefit from learning how to smile less, and be Cocky & Funny MORE.



I am a 29 year old female, and subscribed to your news letter for kicks and to see what advice you were giving men. I have to say that you are pretty much dead on, although I have only read the e-mail newsletters for the past week or so. However, what prompted me to write was your response to A.from Mpls in your 12/31/02 “Mailbag”. He asked how not to “regress to Wuss behavior”. Each and every one of those applies to someone I dated very briefly back in November. He was guilty of ALL THREE Wuss behaviors, and I promptly stopped seeing him. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not looking to chase after some jerk. But I do want someone with his own life, his own circle of friends, his own hobbies and interests, etc. It’s very difficult to share all that life has to offer when a guy doesn’t have one of his own, or gives it up just to be with me. I’m looking for someone that will challenge me (and I him) so that we can grow together. I don’t want someone growing attached to me. Keep up the good work.

K, New Jersey



Read the above letter again, and see if you can “get” what this woman is saying.

Try to imagine what it’s like to be her, and try to figure out what she’s REALLY trying to communicate here.

If you don’t get it, read it once a day until you do.


What’s happening Dave?

i’ve got a few questions.

1. You always reiterate not being a wuss, but what type of things/actions should i be saying to act like a man? Should I be cussing my head off in front of her and threaten with a back-handed slap like a pimp? (laughing)

2. This might be a stupid question, but i say the only stupid question is the one you don’t ask. I was wondering what does it mean when you’re in a club/bar type of scene and a woman is driking (water or watever) and she is giving me eye contact? Is she intrested in me or just dick-teasing?

3. Also how cocky should i be, cuz i don’t wanna come across as arrogant? i’m a rookie in the game (18), & i’ve noticed that women give me signals (e.g. looking), but my insecurities kick in, and before i make a move i wan’t to be sure that she’s really intrested in me, rather than playing the fool.

eternal thanks.




1) To answer your question about whether to cuss your head off in front of a woman and threaten with a back-handed slap like a pimp (laughing)…

NO. Don’t laugh at all while you do it.

2) In response to the “what does it mean when a woman is giving me eye contact” question…

It means that she’s gay.

3) To address your question about how cocky you should be…

You should be exactly 87.234235% cocky. No more, no less.

OK, OK, I should be more gentle with you. I sure wish that I would have been asking these questions when I was 18.

Maybe I just envy you, and want you to have to go through the school of hard knocks like I did. OK, enough self- therapy… back to the questions.

Ways to act like a man include (but are not limited to):

1) Holding yourself upright, chest held high.

2) Acting like a LEADER, not a follower.

3) Not looking to others for approval and attention.

4) Demonstrating that you are in CONTROL of yourself and your surroundings.

…When a woman makes repeated eye contact with you, she’s usually signaling to you that she’d like you to approach her and start a conversation.

…The right amount of Cocky is the same amount of FUNNY. You always want to make sure that what you’re saying is FUNNY as well as COCKY. Guys who use TOO MUCH Cocky come across as arrogant and insecure.

You’ll learn a lot as you use this stuff.

Thanks for your email!



Your audio series have done a lot for me, my sex life is almost great. (now I only have 2 girls to sleep with) one is an “8” and the other one is a “3” I know she is a monster but what the hell its great to practice.. by the way I am 36 and they are 22

Today I was with some friends at a MacDonalds’s talking about cars and I made eye contact with a “9” , In the way out I only made a funny comment to her and she responded very friendly but we left anyway. When I was in the car I realize how stupid and slow I was.

I hate long letters so here is the question:

How do I program myself to automatically say “Hi” when I see an unexpected opportunity? (Specially if I am thinking about other stuff) I always think in a thousand things that I should say when it’s too late. I know this can be done because I say “Thanks” when the opportunity appears without thinking or “Bless you” when somebody sneezes.

The girls I sleep with now where introduced to me by friends in common but I still have problems picking up women in the street.


Mexico City


You’re cracking me up over here!

Your sex life is “almost great”?

And my favorite quote of the day has to be “…and the other is a “3” I know she is a monster but what the hell it’s great to practice…”.

Whatever, dude.


The way to get yourself to the point where you start talking to women automatically is:

1) To mentally practice this stuff every day until you’re DOING IT (like you learned in the CD Audio Program)…

2) To keep DOING IT IN THE REAL WORLD until it’s a HABIT.

Look, you’ve been running around on this planet for 36 years with the habit of NOT automatically saying hi. It might take a few minutes or so to program yourself with the opposite.

You’re doing fine, just stick with it and you’ll start to see more and better results.


Hi David,

Been enjoying your ebook tips especially bridges. Do you have any tips for when sharing a shower w/ a woman?



Only one… do it as often as possible.


Hey Dave, so you think you are the main man – the only one out there who has discovered “our game?” Ha!

Somehow I got on your mailing list and I can’t tell you how much I enjoy reading all the wuss comments.

I must congratulate you, senor savvy, on making a ton of money by giving away our little secret.

I am a 41 year old happily married woman with a great husband. Let me tell you, we bust on EACH OTHER to this day and it keeps us going.

I hope all those wusses out there keep taking your advice we women love this crap and feed off it. I personally lap it up and then turn around and dish it out. Why not? It sparks severe sensual interest and tension and keeps things HOT! Don’t get me wrong, we both do nice things for each other, but we love a challenge, too. My husband goes nuts when I throw him down and give him what I need.

I have two boys & a girl – the boys are being raised to love their mama, but not take anything off of their girlfriends until its worth it. And my baby girl? She already has my personality and cockiness and is going to be hell on wheels!

I love your newsletters – see, I actually get a few hints here and there too!

Houston, Texas


Oh, you said something that is PRICELESS about busting on and being busted on…

“It sparks severe sensual interest and tension and keeps things HOT!”


Most guys just can’t at all imagine how being Cocky & Funny, busting on a woman, teasing her, etc. could POSSIBLY work to create ATTRACTION.

Well, it does. Thanks for your email.


Dave, first of all, you are absolutely right about the C/F routine. Excellent technique. I’ve even “experimented” on a friend of mine (It’s a female, i’m not gay). She seems be more flirty around me when i am being cocky. I have been friends with her for about a year, and i’m trying to hook up with her. I know that people say once the “friendship line” is crossed, there’s no turning back. But i’m wondering if there is anything you can help me with to try to hook up with her. She’s even told me she’s thought about hooking up with me, but said it might be weird because we are good friends. I need help, i really want to get something going with this girl. Is there something i should do or say to her? Would it be weird if i just kissed her? Help!

-Dick, NJ


Yea, I have a great idea.

Keep doing what you’re doing.

It’s not impossible to make a woman that is “just friends” with you attracted to you.

It’s just that most guys act like SUCH WUSSIES around their female friends that it would be easier to turn coal into diamonds than to turn their female friends into lovers.

And use “The Kiss Test” (the one on the second page of my main website at [click to find out more].

That will keep the kiss from being “weird”.


A friend got me your books as a birthday present, being that before then I was pretty pathetic with the ladies, Being a wrestler made it all the more of an insult. When I did get a relationship, it would never last more than a week, and nothing would come out of it. Well, after reading your stuff I realized how much of a wuss I was. I did almost every wuss thing in the book, not to mention just having a severe lack of confidence…

Just to see what works, I went on one of those picture rating sites. I’ll tell ya, of 3 pictures I ranked from 6.5 to 9.5. The 6.5 one being me as a well groomed nice guy with a smile and the 9.5 as me a year later in a cast with a “pissed off drug dealer” look (I’d been missing a season or wrestling, it was only fitting). I realized the nice guy look wasn’t working. I also met about a dozen girls on that system and just practiced the c&f on them. I was the one calling the shots, dropping the boring ones and sticking to the interesting ones, instead of them choosing whether I was worthy… The funny part was, they each started telling me how infatuated they were with me, and telling me about dozens of guys who piss them off, where each of those guys were doing things I used to do by nature… Well, after I realized that I actually did have it in me, I brought it all together and started using it on girls back at college. I’m currently going out with one of the hottest girls in my college, and it’s you I have to thank for it.

JW, Pennsylvania



A guy that actually did the things that I wrote in the book, and found out that they work.


What can I say, other than “keep up the great work”?

Oh, and you’re welcome.

…and if you’re reading this right now, and you’ve been thinking to yourself “OK, it’s time for me to finally get this part of my personal life handled”, then YOU’RE RIGHT.

Make a New Year’s resolution.

Make yourself a promise.

Just do something to TAKE ACTION, and get to work on it!

As you probably know, I PERSONALLY think that the best thing you can do is to get yourself a copy of my eBook “Double Your Dating” and a copy of my Advanced Dating Techniques CD/DVD program.

Both of them include EXACT, step-by-step techniques for meeting and dating more women starting IMMEDIATELY.

I recommend that you start with the eBook, and then graduate to the Advanced Program as soon as you’re ready.

You will not find a more effective set of tools for making your dating life GREAT…

The eBook is here:

[ebook download link]

The Advanced Dating Techniques CD/DVD program is here:

[products info link]

…both sites have some great free samples, so go check them out!

I’ll talk to you again soon.

Your Friend,

David D.

P.S. If you’d like to send me a Success Story, Question, or Comment, follow these guidelines:

1) Keep it short and to the point. Two paragraphs max.

2) Tell me what’s working for you before you ask your question. I appreciate all of the “Your stuff is great” and “I don’t need to tell you how well your stuff works” comments, but the fact is that I DO need to hear all of the specifics… because this helps other guys to see what’s working in different situations.

3) If you have a Success Story, write “Success Story” in the subject line of the email. I read these first.

4) At the end of the email, give me your initials and tell me where you’re from.

5) Send it to me at:

[newsletter sign-up link]

…don’t just hit “reply” to this email. Thanks!

This is an archive of a David’s answers to questions directed to his mailing list for his Double Your Dating eBook. David’s newsletter is a free e-mail list that that teaches men how to be more successful with women and dating. If you would like to purchase David’s book or subscribe to his mailing list, you should visit

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