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“Q&A: How To Deal With TESTS From Women” – March 14, 2006

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“Q&A: How To Deal With TESTS From Women” – March 14, 2006


Hi David,

I attended your seminar in LA and it was a real eye opener for me. I’ve listened to the advanced CD series 2 times since then and each time I’m learning something new. I’ve noticed that the trick is to go out and gain experience meeting more women and then come back and listen to the CDs again and you’ll be surprised how much more you’re picking up. After attending your seminar I’m now able to start a conversation with a woman in a bookshop and get her to follow me from there to another location to have coffeetea etc, and I’m now able to this on a CONSISTENT basis, something I didn’t think was possible before.

My question to you is regarding and Answering (or not answering) questions from women. I now understand that if you directly answer ‘qualifying’ questions from a woman then you’re accepting her qualifying frame, which is VERY bad for attraction. But how about questions that seem like she’s genuinely trying to get to know you better? Also how do handle it when a woman says, “You never answer my questions…” and then goes on and on about it? I’ve had this kind of situation many times, I know it’s a sh**-test but I haven’t found an effective way of dealing with it yet.

For an example of this kind of test please read the chat below which is an excerpt from an online chat I had recently. I met her online but we’ve spoken on the phone several times, she lives in a different country from me so we haven’t been able to meet yet, but plan to do so soon. Not so much for this particular chick but I would like to know how to deal with this kind of situation with any chick in future. Tell me what you think, and if I handled her questions (and accusations) properly and what I could have done better. With thanks. Your loyal student. G. (London, England)

==================messenger convo===============

[Good initial C&F conversation, then she asked the question] . . Her: how many girls have you met from online so far? Me: 5000 Her: it’s a minus, that u never answer to my questions Her: but it’s true, that u never answer to my questions Me: really? Her: hm…… every time I ask you something about u….you just answer with a slapstick something Me: You know my name, where I live, my age, where I had the craziest sex etc etc Me: you want more? Me: wow! there are greedy people in this world Me: still there? Her: yes…. I was just thinking what to say Me: aha you’re lost for words Her: I don’t want you to get me wrong here…… Me: shoot away! Her: but I have the impression that you don’t want to talk about your outlook on relationships…. Her: that sounds weird Her: are you dating somebody right now? Me: outlook on relationships? Me: is this a marriage proposal… you’ve got to be rich though Me: and be able to tell a story for 40 days and 40 nights Her: here it comes again….. no, I’m just interested in getting to know you….. Me: I like to get to know u too Me: of course you’ve got to be a great story teller Me: then the marriage will be ON Her: so, then why is it so bad to ask maybe how long your longest relationship was… or when u did get out of the last one…. Me: you think it’s bad? Her: I really love fooling around and chatting around….but I don’t like it if I never get answers to just normal not indiscreet questions Me: Indiscreet… hmmm. Ask whatever questions you want Me: you’ll get to know me as it goes Her: I already did…. and I don’t have a list to write that down…. I just noticed that… last time when you called me on the phone… and today, too…… every time I ask something about your past I get a slapstick answer Me: don’t mind me that’s how I talk. I’m playful but we’ll get to know each other as we go along Me: it’s a natural process Me: you can’t force it Her: hey….. now you got me wrong….. see I didn’t want that Me: want what? Her: that you get this message the way you got it….. I’m not that needy and I don’t want to force anything. Me: cool, I like that… Me: needy people scare me Me: I know you’re not needy Me: so when are u thinking of coming? Her: I told you…. it would not be possible before march because in Feb. I’m on training… and work… and will have no (NO!!) day off the whole month Me: working all month, not even free for the weekends? Her: no…. Me: what training is it? Her: especially not the weekends….. from march on I will have a little bit more time (especially the weekends) Her: I worked on getting me free time on weekends because I want to have a private life again one day…. Me: time to go out and stuff Her: I’m doing my A-licence for aqua-training the next 3 weeks, and then the last diploma for Pilates Her: for example Me: you’re going to put me through some steps when you get here Her: put you through some steps? Me: workouts… were you thinking of something else… bad girl! Her: no… I just wanted to know what you want to learn…what where you thinking about Me: whatever is nice and easy, anyway we’ll see when come Me: what are you uo to next tonight Me: up Her: not much…. watch a movie maybe and then go to bed….. Me: ok, hope you get better wrap warm. Me: I’ve got to hit the sack now Me: tired from a long day at work Her: do that…. and talk to you soon…. just have to work 2 hours tomorrow night…. I need that break, maybe I’ll cancel that, too and stay in bed Her: nite nite then……xx Me: good night


Great job!

It’s good hearing from you, “G”. I remember you very clearly from the LA seminar… and I remember the breakthrough you had.

Congratulations on getting to the next level. It’s exciting to hear that you can now go out to a bookstore and get a woman to join you for tea on the spot on a consistent basis. Nice!

On to your questions…

First of all, let’s talk about the whole concept of “testing”, and why women do it (and, more importantly, how to deal with it when it happens).

In a nutshell, “testing” is a woman’s way of QUICKLY finding out a lot of information with a very small investment.

You must remember that beautiful women are being approached ALL THE TIME in one way or another… just about every man they meet tries to pick them up or come on to them.

Women can FEEL this happening, even before it actually starts.

Now, if a woman is “available”, she must figure out a way to “separate the men from the boys” so to speak, and figure out if a particular man is going to be worth her time.

Enter the TEST.

Also, if an attractive woman is out on a date with a man, or having a phone conversation, etc. (or anything else that could be perceived as taking things to the next level) she must find out quickly whether this particular guy is:

1. Long-term relationship material

2. Short-term “affair” material

3. Friend material

4. Wuss material

5. The Gimp from Pulp Fiction

Keep in mind, a beautiful woman has LOTS of options. She’s being approached probably 100+ times a month with date offers, etc. and could never hope to spend even a small fraction of her time with all the men who are interested in her.

She must use TESTS to quickly cut to the chase and find out what a particular guy is REALLY all about.

Tests can take many forms.

Here are a few common ones:

1. Canceling plans with little notice, or flaking out entirely without notice

2. Asking for gifts or favors outright

3. Acting snotty, demanding, dramatic, or manipulative to see if you’ll put up with it

4. Asking or telling you to change your behavior

5. Threatening to leave or take her attention and give it to someone else if you don’t comply with her wishes

…and the list goes on.

As you already know, women often use more SUBTLE tests as well.

For instance, complaining that you don’t answer her directly, to see if you will.

Or telling you that what you’re doing is annoying to her.

In your email, you wrote…

“But how about questions that seem like she’s genuinely trying to get to know you better? Also how do handle it when a woman says, “You never answer my questions…” and then goes on and on about it? I’ve had this kind of situation many times, I know it’s a sh**-test but I haven’t found an effective way of dealing with it yet.”

…well, the good news for you is that you know a guy who has had this happen A LOT more times to him… and that person is ME!

And the “effective” way to deal with it is to keep doing exactly what you’re doing.

The “problem” here is how you’re interpreting the situation.

My guess is that all of the problems you’re having around this issue come from the fact that you “see” it as a problem… not because there actually IS a problem.

Here’s a little chunk of the dialogue that you included with your email…

Her: I really love fooling around and chatting around…. but I don’t like it if I never get answers to just normal not indiscreet questions

Me: Indiscreet… hmmm. Ask whatever questions you want

Me: you’ll get to know me as it goes

Her: I already did…. and I don’t have a list to write that down…. I just noticed that… last time when you called me on the phone… and today, too…… every time I ask something about your past I get a slapstick answer

Me: don’t mind me that’s how I talk. I’m playful but we’ll get to know each other as we go along

Me: it’s a natural process

Me: you can’t force it


The way I read this, you GAVE IN when she started complaining and said, “…don’t mind me that’s how I talk…”.

You basically said, “Don’t mind me, I’m actually kind of a Wuss, and that’s how I talk”.

Are you with me here?

You didn’t need to EXPLAIN yourself, or make an excuse for yourself.

What I’m trying to say is that YOU are the problem here, not the women who complain about you not answering their questions.

Try this instead:

Her: I already did…. and I don’t have a list to write that down…. I just noticed that… last time when you called me on the phone… and today, too…… every time I ask something about your past I get a slapstick answer

Me: I’m glad you like it. Maybe that’s why you keep messaging me and thinking about me so much! <kiss kiss>

…see the difference here?

If a woman complains because you’re being difficult, LAUGH. Pretend you’re a bad little boy on the school playground, and you just pulled her hair… and she’s upset with you…

What would the little boy do?

He’d laugh… and then snap her bra!

Keep things fun. Don’t let her change your direction or upset your mood.

You absolutely CANNOT turn into a Wuss and start explaining yourself.

There’s ALWAYS a better way to do things.

For example…

Let’s say you’ve decided that the woman you’re talking to is really starting to get annoyed, and you want to give her a little chunk of info.

Instead of saying, “Don’t mind me”, say, “OK, I’m 27 years old, I work for an accounting firm, I pay my own rent, I wear socks that match, and I love my mom… is that better? How boring is that?”

In other words, TELL HER what she wants to know, but say it in a sarcastic way that also says “Fine, you’re boring and since you can’t think of anything fun to talk about, I’ll answer you… Brat”.

Keep in mind… this whole style of communication is VERY different from what most guys do… and it’s often surprising to a woman.

When she kicks and screams a bit, it’s usually because she’s genuinely surprised. But don’t mistake her whining for REAL resistance.

If she actually gets upset and doesn’t want to talk to you anymore just because you didn’t answer her questions, and instead busted her balls a bit, then let her go. You learned something VERY valuable, and you didn’t even have to marry her to learn it.

Also, when a woman starts resisting your evasive and humorous comments…


Have fun.

You need to learn to enjoy yourself during this process. It sounds to me like you’re letting this stuff get to you… which is NOT useful.

By the way… there was something you said to this girl that I absolutely LOVED…

Her: are you dating somebody right now?

[deleted comment that was out of sync]

Me: is this a marriage proposal… you’ve got to be rich though

…this is great!

She asks if you’re dating someone, and you ask her if she’s proposing! And then you said “You’ve got to be rich, though”.

Now THAT’S the right way to answer a question like that one.


To finish, I’m going to do something a little bit unconventional, and include another email that I just received from a guy in Australia (He has the same first initial as you… I wonder if there’s a relation…).

Read this:

“You ROCK,

Since I am new to your publication I am unsure if you get much mail from Australia.

What a difference a week makes. Last Saturday I had a date with a great young lady. Smart, sexy, beautiful etc. Well the 1st date didn’t go to badly, some passionate kissing and fun, but when it came time to try to take her top off, the answer was a firm NO. That is where the night ended. Mustn’t have been too bad cause I got a follow up date the next Friday, but I also got the cold(ish) shoulder. What she didn’t know is I got you book on Wednesday. Wow, what a difference. I realised she was lining me up for the hoop jumping as a potential “long term relationship” and sex was at least three dates away-way too far.

She was playing games, but your book came to the rescue. When i phoned her to make the date, she said “I will PENCIL you in”. Well in my old ways I would have said “Yeah sure”, but there is a new Greg with Double Your Dating» Power. When she tried the line I came back with “Well let me know. I am a busy man, if you can’t make it, I need to know- NOW.”

When I picked her up, she kissed me on the cheek (after playing tonsil hockey the week before, was a little strange). So I put your strategies into play.

I didn’t touch her for 4 hours, didn’t hit on her, didn’t look at her, was very standoffish. Went out of my way to point out her strange behaviour. At one stage I called her “A walking contradiction”. When she went down the “But it will change our friendship if we take this further (read long term relationship) path-I said “That’s fine, I just want to have a little FUN.”

When I finally did kiss her she melted. Only for me to stop after about 45 seconds. I then didn’t touch her again for about 1/2 an hour. She finally took her own top off (I couldn’t budge it 6 days before) and then she said “I will make you a deal, if I take a piece of clothing off, then you must take one off as well. She was chasing me!!!!

Well we undresses and had a great time for about three hours. Afterwards, she invited me out! Love your stuff. Must go and re-read your wonderful words again. I can’t wait to get the DVD’s. Regards, G.

ps So if any of you want to come over here, know it works and works really well. And there are plenty of great looking women. G.”


…OK, so I included this story because I wanted to demonstrate a different aspect of testing, and of “passing” this kind of testing with FLYING colors.

Often, a woman will test you by RESISTING you, or by telling you that “things are moving too fast” or even by asking you what your intentions are with her long term (when you’ve only known her a short while, and have no intentions of any kind).

What this gentleman above did was to SEE her bet, and then RAISE her.

He called her bluff, basically.


It INSTANTLY shifts the power from one side to the other, and totally changes the situation around.

Points I’d like to comment on:

1) The first time you saw her, you kissed. When you tried to take off her top, the answer was a “firm NO”.

>>>The reason why the answer was a “firm NO” was because you gave her something to resist. Instead of amplifying the ATTRACTION in the situation, and building the ANTICIPATION, you just went for it. Next time, you’ll know better.

2) The second time you saw her, you didn’t do anything that even LIGHTLY indicated that you were interested in her.

>>>Great job! This is perfect. Most guys can’t go four MINUTES without screwing things up by trying to kiss a woman, asking her how she’s feeling, or doing some other Wuss Bag thing that blows everything. You were able to stay cool and calm for FOUR HOURS… and allow the tension to build. I guarantee you that she was wondering what the hell was going on.

3) When you finally did kiss her, you STOPPED after 45 seconds… then didn’t do anything else for a half hour.

>>>Again, great move. Perfect. It doesn’t surprise me at ALL that she took her own top off, then told you that you had to take something off as well. This is what happens when you understand the process by which women test… and the process by which women become sexually aroused.

…thanks for the email.

Now, in this newsletter I’ve focused on the topic of TESTING. I’ve also discussed amplifying attraction, and eliminating resistance from women.

The reason that these two guys who wrote in are doing so well right now is because they understand something that most guys DON’T understand.

They “get it”.

And, like most of the people I’ve met in life who are trying to be the best they can be, they’re always looking to improve. They’re continuing to educate themselves, even though they have a level of success that most men would envy.

It took me about three or four YEARS to finally “get it”, and to have total confidence that I could go out anywhere, anytime, and meet women.

That was partly because I couldn’t find any good models to learn from… and partly because I had to “unlearn” a lot of bad programming I had obtained along the way.

The reason I wrote my original eBook “Double Your Dating” was because I wanted to be able to help other guys out there to understand how to be successful with women and dating… without having to go through all the hassles and wasted time that I had to deal with.

My Advanced Dating Techniques CD/DVD program is the natural extension…

It allowed me to go “deep” and spend a lot more time teaching the “inner game»“, as well as the “outer game” and specific techniques for meeting and dating women. It also allowed me the opportunity to interview some of the guys I know who are REALLY good with women… and get them to share many of the great ideas that I learned from them that helped me become successful.

In other words, my eBook and Advanced Program are the BEST. They’re what I wish I would have had when I started learning this stuff… and they probably would have saved me YEARS of my time, and a lot of frustration.

I invite you to check them out.

You can check out some great free samples from my Advanced Series here:

[products info link]

You can download my online eBook and be reading it within a few minutes here:

[ebook download link]

I’ll talk to you again soon!

Your Friend,

David D.

P.S. If you’d like to send me a Success Story, Question, or Comment, follow these guidelines:

1) Keep it short and to the point. Two paragraphs max.

2) Tell me what’s working for you before you ask your question. I appreciate all of the “Your stuff is great” and “I don’t need to tell you how well your stuff works” comments, but the fact is that I DO need to hear all of the specifics… because this helps other guys to see what’s working in different situations.

3) If you have a Success Story, write “Success Story” in the subject line of the email. I read these first.

4) At the end of the email, give me your initials and tell me where you’re from.

5) Send it to me at:

[newsletter sign-up link]

…don’t just hit “reply” to this email.


This is an archive of a David’s answers to questions directed to his mailing list for his Double Your Dating eBook. David’s newsletter is a free e-mail list that that teaches men how to be more successful with women and dating. If you would like to purchase David’s book or subscribe to his mailing list, you should visit

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