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David DeAngelo’s Double Your Dating Mailbag

“The ‘Dark Side’ Of Dating” – May 28, 2007

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“The ‘Dark Side’ Of Dating” – May 28, 2007

Over the past few years, since I published my book “Double Your Dating“… and since I’ve had some “commercial” success… I’ve been hearing more and more stories from my female friends… and these stories are starting to alarm me.

To explain where I’m coming from, let me start with a story.

When I first made the decision to actually LEARN how to become more successful with women, I went out and did some serious research.

I’m talking “book style” research here.

I went to the library, searched online, went to live seminars, met dating “gurus”… and generally tried to figure out if anyone ELSE had spent the time to figure this stuff out.

What I found was a “mixed bag” at best.

Some of the materials that I found sounded good, some of the stuff sounded completely ridiculous, and some sounded like it was ethically sketchy and manipulative.

Now, I’m an experimenter. I’ll try just about anything once.

And I did try ANYTHING.

One of the “mindsets” that I came across was something that sounded VERY interesting to me at the time.

It was the idea that a guy could make a woman feel attraction and other sexual feelings for him by saying things that contained “hidden messages”… things that the woman would not CONSCIOUSLY realize she was hearing… but that would have the “desired effect” anyway.

On its face, this sounded rather manipulative, but the rationalle was that it was just “tapping into emotions that already existed” inside of the woman… so it was “all good”.

So I tried some of this stuff.

Like I said, I’ll try anything.

My own experience was that this material very rarely worked. And it was never CONSISTENT for me.

Ultimately, I wound up feeling like this stuff just wasn’t an ethical fit for me. It was a little “over the edge” of being dishonest.

Everyone has their own sense of right and wrong, and after trying these things, I found that they didn’t work for me… in the sense that I didn’t like myself more after doing or saying them… and they didn’t FEEL right.

It’s funny, because now that I teach men how to meet women, I get questions all the time that start with things like “I don’t want to use the things you teach because I don’t want to be MANIPULATIVE with women”.

Ironic, really. Mostly because I think of the things I teach as being NON-manipulative.

And one of the things that I’ve realized is that being honest with yourself, and honest with women makes you feel like a better person inside.

And I think that the way you feel about yourself determines so many things… from your inner level of satisfaction with life… to the level of trust others have for you when they meet you.

As far as I’m concerned, the more CANDID and HONEST you can be with yourself and others, the more self-esteem and character you build for the long-run.

I don’t want to start sounding like an ethics professor or a philosopher, but let’s just say that MORE HONEST is MORE BETTER.


The reason I tell you this story is because the things that women have been telling me lately are starting to really bum me out.

There are a lot of guys teaching various ways to meet women right now… and some of them are teaching dishonesty as a “main strategy” with women.

And more and more guys I talk to are starting to talk to me about very DARK ideas for meeting women and getting dates.

Here’s the result…

I have one good female friend who recently told me that she dated a guy a few times, and that she recognized some “techniques” that he was using with her.

She asked him STRAIGHT UP:

“Do you know who David DeAngelo is?”

His reply:


Later, she went online and did a search using his email address.


She found that this particular guy was someone who posted in underground newsgroups about his conquests with women.

Here’s the good part:

As she was reading through his various online posts, she found stories written detailing everything about his experiences with HER.

Even her exact words from emails she had written to him… copied and pasted for the world to see.

And, as you can imagine, he know EXACTLY who David D. was.

And my favorite part…

He detailed how he used various lines, words, and techniques to DECEIVE my friend, along with several other women.


I have another female friend who is a very social person… who meets a lot of people and goes on a lot of dates.

A few times, she’s heard guys use phrases and techniques that seem like they’ve obviosly been learned from me… so she asks them about it.

And guess what? Most of them DON’T OWN UP TO IT.

I mean, dude… it’s the 21st Century.

Women don’t care if you are working on learning how to be better in this area of your life.

But they sure as hell care if you don’t have the BALLS to be honest about it.


I have to say, I’m disappointed with this current state of affairs.

More and more stories of guys using deliberate lies and manipulation to get women into bed…

More and more stories of guys not being honest with themselves and women, because they don’t have the guts to take responsibility for their lives…

It seems to me that some of us guys have taken the idea of “learning cool tricks that help us meet women” and let it turn into a kind of “dark side” mindset of trickery, lies, and outright deception.

It’s not cool.

You want to learn a cool new “pick up line” or way to start a conversation… and try it out a bunch of times in an evening, even though it doesn’t feel “natural” to you?

Fine. Great, even.

Get outside your comfort zone, and have some fun.

You want to learn how to use hypnotism and other tricks to get women turned on without them being “consciously aware” of it?

OK, I can find a way to make that one make sense… as long as it’s done with a sense of integrity and healthy boundaries.

You want to lie to women, make up stories about who you are and your experiences in life… not own up to the truth… and generally sell your soul to get laid?

Sorry, but that’s way over the line, and it’s sacrificing your character in order to selfishly take advantage of another person.

And when it turns into PREYING on women in order to fulfill your selfish needs, then I think you’re a dark, egotistical coward… who deserves whatever bad things may befall you.


I am not a perfect person, and I don’t claim to have never made a mistake in life… or to never have had a sneaky or manipulative thought… or never lied to someone.

But a mentor once taught me that something CHANGES when you make the leap, and start BEHAVING in dark ways… and then ACCEPTING that type of thinking and behavior from yourself.

Further, I don’t think it’s NECESSARY to be one of the “bad guys” in order to succeed with women and succeed in life.

It’s OK to want to learn how to be more successful with women.

It’s OK to study it, try new things, and teach yourself this skill.

But I highly recommend that you stay honest, you be up-front about what you’re doing with women… and take responsibility for yourself and your life.

I would honestly prefer that you not buy or use any of my stuff if you’re planning to use it in a dark, predatory way.

I realize that all of my friends who are into marketing are going to tell me I’m stupid for not closing this newsletter with a link to buy my programs, but it doesn’t feel right. So if you want to check them out, go find them on your own.

I’ll talk to you in a couple of days.

David D.

This is an archive of a David’s answers to questions directed to his mailing list for his Double Your Dating eBook. David’s newsletter is a free e-mail list that that teaches men how to be more successful with women and dating. If you would like to purchase David’s book or subscribe to his mailing list, you should visit

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