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-- by Mike Pilinski --
© 2003 Kipling Kat Publishing Co. -- All Rights Reserved
http://www.highstatusmale.com/
I'll bet the following statement is true for any guy reading this who doesn't do well
with the ladies: You don't really understand what it is you're doing WRONG that
makes you so unattractive to women... for the *exact same reason* that
"Casanova" who scores left and right with them doesn't understand what he's
doing RIGHT.
Huh? Read that again if you have to. Both YOU and Casanova are essentially
clueless as to why you ended up the way that you are in terms of your skill levels (or
lack there of) when it comes to charming and seducing women. Of course, Mr.
Casanova isn't unhappy about his situation, right? But you sure are.
Theory Time: I believe that both sets of behaviors which lie at opposite ends of the
spectrum are the result of accidents that occurred when you were both just beginning to
notice girls in a different light (sexually)... sheer random incidents which involved
elements of good or bad luck, and nothing more.
It went like this: YOUR first trial and error experiences occurred with a girl that
simply DIDN'T LIKE YOU (probably because of personal issues that had nothing to do with
you, but so what?) You thus ended up with a completely negative reinforcement
of your early efforts at seduction and socialization. This awkward and possibly *shameful*
first try at romance robbed you of the critical early confidence you needed to keep on
experimenting and practicing your skills. It kicked off a descending spiral of
inaccurate behaviors that led to more and more failures with women as time passed, further
stunting your social development.
More failure resulted in a complete loss of confidence, growing social ineptitude and a
withdrawal from the game of flirting and even attempting to seduce women. Your
behavioral changes might've progressed to episodes of delusional thinking, dark fantasies,
etc. In other words, your *character* changed to make it even less likely that you could
successfully interact with women, and voila'... a "nerd" was born.
Casanova, on the other hand -- due to simple GOOD fortune and nothing else -- may've
tried the exact same moves during his adolescence just as you did, but HE happened to
choose a girl that LIKED him, and therefore responded to his fumbling first efforts
favorably. Get the picture?... a positive reaction to the exact same inept
moves that you made! Merely because of random good luck, he happened to
choose to work a girl who responded to him in an emotionally reinforcing way.
This "big break" (that you didn't get) gave Casanova confidence AND positive
social feedback -- which further provided a laboratory to fine tune his
behaviors. Perhaps he even grew up in an environment that supported or
encouraged those initial experimental behaviors -- a supportive older sister or a female
friend that he could talk to in confidence whenever he needed advice?
Someone to make the female psyche seem less mysterious and intimidating? You,
on the other hand, may've grown up in an all-male environment where women seemed remote
and unfathomable. Possibly your every move in this arena was met with
scorn or ridicule whenever you actually tried to act, making you even more gun shy.
You learned to associate fear and paralysis with the idea of courting a woman.
Anyway, here's my point: Your downward turn could've just as easily have been an upward
turn had your luck been good instead of bad with those first experiences. I believe
that this element of LUCK is more pivotal in our lives that most of us
realize. The timing of the luck is critical. It sets the stage for the
interplay of key events upon which your self-image is manufactured in fits and
starts. You see, there is really no fundamental difference between the Social
Casanova and the Social Coward. Both are simply the end result of being turned
in different directions at a critical point in their lives.
Stated differently, your current status as a social coward is all "nurture"
(or in your case, lack of it...) and NOT "nature". You out there reading this
trying to find some edge with women are no more genetically programmed to fail socially
than the Casanova is to succeed... you both simply LEARNED how to do it as you traveled
along divergent social-life paths.
Think about it... What if that first nervous reach for affection had gone
differently? What if that first girl you ever asked out had said yes and
became your "girlfriend" instead of laughing in your face and running off to
tell her friends what a loser you were? Imagine how your social skills and
confidence would've improved over the subsequent months and years if that time had been
spent in social interaction (good, bad or ugly) with women instead of social
isolation? It would've given you a whole different concept of yourself
and made you an entirely different person than you are today.
And to think that it all turned on that one damned UN-lucky first break!
It's time to stop handing random chance the power to direct your destiny. Time to
make a course correction back into the world of the living (and the socializing).
There are techniques to make it easier than you might think, but it all begins with a
decision not to let the faded echo of a long-ago negative event continue to shape your
life. And until you make that decision, nothing will ever really change for you.
INFORMATION ABOUT THIS NEWSLETTER ARCHIVE:
This is an archive of a Mike Pilinski's High Status Male articles.
Mike Pilinski is
the author of "Without Embarrassment»:
The Social Coward's Totally Fearless Seduction System"... a unique method of meeting
girls that will have you making up for wasted time spent living in shy-guy hell from the
very first moment you test it out. Check it Out Here => http://www.highstatusmale.com/.
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