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    If she says "Let's just be friends"
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RockMan


Newbie
   
 My name is Alex; I am 21 and a local DJ and promoter for one of the top productions companies in the San Diego area. This gives me a lot power in the club/bar seen here, hell just being a DJ (not just some guy who how to mix, I play all over San Diego) is power women love.
For about a year now I went from "nice guy" to some what of a player because of the players guide. So there is this girl I meet while DJ. She was not the normal clubbing chick she just happen to get in for free. I meet a lot of women in this seen and I really don’t ask for numbers unless I want them. So like the DJ I am, I give her my number and think noting of it. This happen Sunday on the 4th of July
Later in the week on Thursday she txt me on my phone, "just saying hi" she writes and of course I ask her if she wants to hang out later that night at one of San Diego's hardest club/bar to get in. I get her in no problem, we drink, dance, have small talk, what ever night done.
The next day (Friday) I ask her if she wants to hang out again, she wants to but she already has plans. What ever her lost right, but she want to hang out Saturday but I have to DJ that night.
So we hang out Sunday walking on the beach. We talk and I find out she just go out of her first long term relationship 3 months ago. "I just got out of a relationship about 2 months about too" I say, more small talk but I knew by the end of the night I would end up making out with her and I did. This is how I got with my last girlfriend and fast and shit.
This goes on for about a week we talk about the little things; we get close (and sexual). and we both like each other all the thing that point to the starting of a relationship but she dose not want a boyfriend right now so... where dating right, "yea" she says yet we act like we are together. Yesterday we talk and she pulls the "Let's just be friends"
She likes the way I make her feel and she loves the way I laugh, she likes it when I talk and likes being around me. she would tell me "I cant see you with a girl like me" yet she wants to be friends " I dont what to stop talking to you and hanging out with you, your everything I want in a guy but I just dont want a Boyfriend, I like you but this all happen to fast."
Ok here is what I think, because of her last relationship (it was a bad one) she dones not want to funk up a good thing, at the same time she says "I am just not feeling it, and I don’t know why" I really like this one and I don’t want to give up and yet give in to her LJBF thing, I want her to see that she is losing a good thing, I really want to just drop her like the guide says. HELP!!!!!!!

(Edited by RockMan at 12:42 pm on July 23, 2005)


Total Posts: 1 | Joined July 2005 | Posted on: 4:36 pm on July 21, 2005 | IP
Mean


Newbie
   
You seem to have a good thing going and she dont whant any strings. As I get it you are still doing her even after her LJBF. Userly this is a greate thing and what most guys whant. Then you can still do other girls and dont need to feel bad abute it.

But I gues you whant more and whant her to be your real GF. So you have to disect what the problem is. She says that she cant see you with a girl like her. This can meen that you dont fit in her life or with her friends. So you ask her why she thinks that and try to setup for her to make you a better person (chicks loves to change guys). Also try to show her the values she think you are lacking to fit. You can also try to show her that she has the right qualitys to fit in your world. Why nont try to put some work down on her friends and try to get then to like you that can help a lot. Same with your frinds try to get them tho be nice to her.

The other angel you kan take is ask her how she whuld feel if you started daiting other girls. The trick is to get her to agree on everything that userly comes with beeing stady BF and GF. That whay you are but you are not But she seems to be scared to call you her BF


Total Posts: 41 | Joined Aug. 2005 | Posted on: 4:29 am on Aug. 18, 2005 | IP
PIMPERATION


Newbie
   
Man you like almost described a problem i had, one of the reasons i heard was that she was still getting over her ex.... maybe thats the same with this girl

the approach im taking with this particular girl now is that im giving her some space... completely not talking to her for goin on a month now, then im gonna start all over again

not sure if a month will be long enough, but i'll keep everyone posted as to how shit works out

peace


Total Posts: 28 | Joined Jan. 2006 | Posted on: 9:19 am on Feb. 7, 2006 | IP
Garyderek


Newbie
   
OK there was a lot said in the last 2 posts, so I hope I can cover everything.  

Why is she acting this way?

OK first obviously she is into you.  If you did nothing wrong, everything perfect... didn’t become a wuss, and did all the right stuff, then you are good on your side.  

Now on her side, depending on the length of this relationship, she still has an association with her x regarding relationships.  Girls want consistency in regarding relationships with men, in their actions and within multiple guys.  She may CURRENTLY not see men in a positive light or may not be at a time in her life after that relationship, to be in another one.

It has nothing to do with you after all you did all the right things in the situation right?   You didn’t get needy when she pulled away; you gave her slight space with out verbally saying it?  Flirting is good, she wants you, it’s the commitment that scares her.  She put in all those resources in the last male, and that led to no where- she doesn’t want that again.  Keep that up (the fun) if you want her.  

As sad as that is, you are currently in a situational shit test.  And its going to last until she realizes that this isn’t her last relationship and her emotional connection with it is broken or weak enough where she will allow herself to be in something.

AS FOR THE SUGGECTED RECCOMENDATIONS:

Asking her if she’s ok with you dating other girls is not an option.  Even though you are stirring emotions in her head (most likely jealousy) (I frown upon any jealousy tactic because jealousy is a temporary solution to the problem- think of all the relationships that operated on the basis of jealousy; they only last as long as there is the element of jealousy was present), you are applying unnecessary pressure to her, which could build up and spill out as resistance to you, pushing you farther from your goal.  It is also an approval seeking action, which you do not need to do because you DO NOT NEED her approval.

And ignoring her for a month or long duration of time could distance her from you.  She could lose the hot thoughts she has of you.(but if you need to restart a relationship and want to get back with an x, that seems to work, but they are xs’ for a reason)

WHAT TO DO:

Chill back!  Date her casually- leave her wanting more!, have fun with her- less serious, show her that she can relax with you and she will want to be with you, keep up the attitude, show her it’s ok! BE BUSY too so she values her time with you.  I am going to assume you are researching attraction further so any other technique to make you look innately attractive (that being you is just being attractive and that nothing can be seen as any type of game) will work best here.

And yes date other girls too!  I would explain why, but there are too many positive benefits to you on this, just make sure you keep your mind on what you started out to do.

Good Luck and tell us how you do!

GD


Total Posts: 17 | Joined June 2006 | Posted on: 1:28 pm on July 2, 2006 | IP
PIMPERATION


Newbie
   
Bringing up an old topic with new posts

as per what i said i ignored her for a fair while (i lost count of how long for) and yeah as Mr derek said above she did pretty much forget about me, but on the same note i forgot about her

where i am now: were talkin again, she calls me like every night, but in the time she forgot about me she got a boyfriend (FCUK!!!!) but she seems to be into me more than him

Overall... it worked from the position i was in.... i re-created the relationship... but im not there yet

i'll let every1 know how i go

peace


Total Posts: 28 | Joined Jan. 2006 | Posted on: 1:46 pm on July 2, 2006 | IP
Aniken


Newbie
   
 As so many things have been said about this topic I'll keep my comments short.  Look past the illusion man. The control in this relationship was lost a while ago.  You wrote that the girl was'nt the typical club type.  Thats RED FLAG bumber one. You also wrote that she had ExBF issues.  RED FLAG number two.  So now she's got herself a new guy but is giving you IOIs.  Thats RED FLAG number three.  

Despite any and all great qualities that this one might have you fit only an aspect of her wants.  Now that your relationship with her is different she may try to pimp your friendship so be careful.  Now logically one could see her willingness to commit to a new relationship as a slap in the face and drop her like a wet condom.  Or one could lose the pleasantries and treat her like child.  

Talk openly about hooking up with her again and screw all the games.  What have you got to lose?   Do not reward improper behavior. DO NOT reward improper behavior.  If she wants to be cool with you now let it be on your terms.  Reward proper behavior.  If you care about the girl emmotionally then you need to let that go or be ready for some continual pain.  Lets see what happens.  Be Well.

A.

-----
The greatest trick the devil ever played was convincing the world he didnt exsist.


Total Posts: 22 | Joined June 2006 | Posted on: 2:28 pm on July 2, 2006 | IP
 

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