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Player Guide: Asking for a… date?

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Asking for a… date?

No, you’re not going to ask for a date. Movies, dinners (or… museums, anyone?:) are for girls that have convinced you that they want you in a most believeable fashion – by having done the fun with you (and I don’t mean playing “Monopoly”:).

But let’s say you have #- or *closed a girl. You need to get in contact with her again, right? You could of course do patterns over the phone and have her rush horny to your doorstep. But it is infinitely better to meet her in person. So what you do, is suggest a get-together, preferably somewhere where you two can talk, see each other and touch each other undisturbed.

Just as your pick-up attempt must look like anything but a pick-up attempt, so must your asking for a “date” be anything but that. For that purpose it is recommended not to ask her for a get-together on a Friday or a Saturday night. Not that you shouldn’t do it, but the time itself suggests a more date-like occasion, an image which is better avoided. If you nevertheless decide in favour of a Friday of Saturday night, keep in mind that the odds of her being busy are higher than on other nights, so she may have to turn you down, which could create some bad vibes. And it might tell her that you don’t have anything (or anyone:) to do on the weekend (so don’t forget to serve it as “the only few moments of free time” in your schedule:).

On the other hand, the benefits of arranging a meeting during the week are as follows (Don Diebel:)

  • You imply that you are busy on the weekend. In other words, you are involved with other girls.
  • The odds of her being available are greater.
  • Weeknights imply a casual, no-pressure atmosphere which is good to get to know her (or rather, to get her to get to know you:).
  • You have turned a dull weeknight into a good time for her – good vibes right off the bat.

Now that we’ve cleared that the “date” in “asking for a date” is not a date but a get-together, its time to reveal that neither is the “asking” asking but suggesting. You don’t ask her for anything. You’re giving her opportunities (like you didn’t ask for her phone-number, you constructed her an opportunity of giving it to you). And you are just making suggestions (“We should meet / get-together. How about then and there?”). Don’t make the mistake of putting her on the pedestal and grovelling before her begging and asking “please-please-please will you go out with me?”, “oh please let’s go on a date?”, “oh please please do cum with me!”:) If you ASK her to go out with you and she says “no”, she won’t even give it another thought (and don’t be fooled by any excuses she might be giving you). But if you SUGGEST a casual meeting and offer her a time and place, she’ll first have to think, what she’s doing at that time, and if it turns out she’s busy (she might very well be), she is much more likely to offer another time and / or another place. Either way, you’re much more likely to get yourself your get-together:).

If however you sense some reluctance on her part nevertheless (“maybe some other time”, “no, my schedule if full till next year” etc), you need to take out the big guns (no, not those, pull up your pants!:). It seems like time for patterning, negging, value-eliciting or whatever seems more appropriate with her over the phone. Ask her is she has a little time to talk to you now. Even if it has been her earnest attempt to LJBF you and blow you off, she might feel just a little guilty about it and agree to talk to you for a few minutes. And now you’ve got her:)

But all through this process remember, you don’t NEED her. If she’s smart enough, she knows a good thing when she sees (or hears:) one. But if she just consistently seems to be wasting your time, heck, you’ve got some 50 more phone-numbers waiting in line to be called:)

In a situation when you have acquired the phone number of a girl that you are or have become interested in in business circumstances (as opposed to having acquired her number to call her in a matter of a more personal nature), you can still turn this around for you by using the following advice from Johnny Shack ( Whether you have become in possession of her number as either one of you being a representative, salesman or clerk of some sort and after you’re sure that you and her will most probably not be conducting any business in the future (becacause you know what they say about mixing work and personal life), you can call her with the following (by Johnny Shack):

“”You really caught my attention and thats why I’m talking with you now”. Wait for her to reply and then say, “I’m the type of guy who can’t hold back his emotions and if I didn’t ring and talk with you I just wouldn’t have been able to sleep tonite”. You need to deliver this in a fun sort of way so its not too corny but it is what they all love to hear. If you can have them listening to this and have them wondering if you mean it, then you are on a winner and you have delivered it to perfection. Then say “So how about we go out on the weekend and see if we like each other? I’m a pretty good judge of character and I think we’ll get along. So how about Friday or Saturday night [think twice though before asking her on such a formal-sounding weekend date, see the beginning of this article for more information]””

Naturally, this approach can also be tailored to non business-related situations, just substitute the business to personal type communication transition with something more appropriate. And here’s some more advice on asking the girl out via the phone. Johnny Shack:

“If you deliver these [asking her out] lines a few times, you will adapt to them easily. You won’t need a written prompter in front of you once your confidence is flowing and you’ll master some typical comebacks to their answers. However, it may be a good idea to have a prompter to if you’re still a beginner – this will keep you on track if you get stuck for words. Also, its not a bad idea if you are not a natural conversationalist to have a few topics written down on paper in front of you to keep things going. If you ring a girl, you need to keep the topics flowing – this communicates to her that the two of you are getting along well. After a while you will mold your own personality into what you are saying and it will start to come across very naturally. It is important to stick to the basic message [of asking her out] though.

During the conversation compliment her and let her know how she really grabbed your attention [once again, think twice about this, see Neghits explained and Paying her a compliment for more information]. Everyone loves to talk with people who make them feel good. It can also make her feel so special that nothing could stop you from calling her.

If she says to you that you ask girls out all of the time don’t get thrown. You say this: “Well, yes I do go out with a lot of girls because I’m picky”. Wait for her to talk. She will most likely say: “How can you be picky if you go out with a lot of girls? It doesn’t make sense.” This is where you will win her over by saying: “When I find the girl who can keep me interested then I will stay with her. I need to go out with different girls to give myself a chance of finding her. Otherwise I would have to just stay at home and I’ll never meet my dream girl will I?” By ending this with “will I?” you put her in a position where it is her turn to answer and any reasonable thinking girl will agree with what you are saying.

With this you have successfully demonstrated a philosophy to her, which gels with your own intentions of taking her out on a date. She has understood what you are talking about and it applies to her as well. She will start to think that you do have to go out with a lot of people to find the one you really want and if she is single she may as well go out with you.”

I have to interfere here. “If she is single” – it may be argued that this is exactly why asking someone directly on a date might sometimes not be a good idea as a simple phone-call from you most probably won’t be enough for her to go out with you, especially if she is not single. Then again, it is always ultimately better to try a lower probability approach than not to try anything at all. Besides, you should be too busy to care for a possible rejection. And being busy is also exactly why you´d use this fast and lower probability approach as you simply lack the time or motivation to invest in a higher probability approach. After all, you don’t even quite know her yet, so why would you want to invest anything more to get her to agree to go out with you. In fact, this is also exactly why you’re calling her – you’re only trying to give the both of you a chance to get to know each other better. In conclusion – if you already know you really want her, you’d better take into consideration the lower probability rate of this approach, if however you’re not quite sure yet, this approach is a perfect way to find out. Now on with Johnny Shack’s advice:

“Always remember that she wants to find a boyfriend or lover just as you want to find the woman you desire. You have also got her to agree with your philosophies and she will now start to look at you as a smart person. Women want a man to be able to teach her things and to be the decision maker. In the majority of marriages you will find the man is at least 51% in control. Most women want their man to be smart and the one in control so if you win a conversation like this one early on then you will be in a good position to land her if you want to.

Also, you let her know how your emotions took control of you and that is why you couldn’t stand it if you didn’t ring her. Women don’t want wimps but they do want a guy who is sensitive and can talk about his emotions.

If you say you couldn’t sleep if you didn’t call her you are adding charm and showing what a fun personality you have. Personality and charm will win a girl over good looks more times than you thought possible.

You actually ask the question about you both going on a date together. You ask her out and you also give an approximate time for when you should go out together. You don’t want to give her a yes or no answer question rather you want to give her a question about if the weekend is suitable. This can get you a lot of dates when the girl may not have even planned on saying yes to you. She is not thinking about whether or not she will go out with you now but whether or not the weekend will be all right. Your assertiveness can throw your targets thinking off balance for just enough time to make a date with her. Once you get her to say yes it is very hard for her to turn around and cancel the date [see If she cancels the date for more information on what to do, if that happens].”

And once the date is set and the initiating routine agreed upon (see Set the mood of the date from the start in Kinesthetics and Refining the close in Closing for more information on that) it is time to hang up. Lingering on the phone after closing the date is the kiss of death. If anything ever needs to be quit, the best time to do it is always the highpoint, and the highpoint of your conversation with her is fixing the date. So be polite, make your departure and leave her frying in the excitement of the upcoming date:)

See also the articles referenced in this article:
Neghits explained
Paying her a compliment
If she cancels a date

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