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Player Guide: David Shade's "The Kiss" post

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David Shade's "The Kiss" post

From 1999/11/22:

My fellow asf ng buddies. Ever since finishing Ross' basic home study
course, I have been having a lot more fun in the night clubs.  I have
found that SS works just as well there as it does everywhere else.

I first meet Suzanne about two months ago…………….

On a Friday night my two sons and I make the two hour drive to spend an
overnight at my parents house.  As my parents dote over their two
grandchildren, I excuse myself to go check out the night life down town
where I used to party years ago.

After checking out a number of places, I eventually make my way to this
one large crowded loud night club.  By now it is about 12:30 AM.  My
attention is grabbed by a blonde and a brunette standing at the bar.

I approach the brunette and say "Excuse me, I know you are having a beer
with your friend, but can I ask you something?"  She looks at me but
says nothing.  I say "Do you know the best place to go?  I have not
partied in this town for some time."  She stares coldly for a moment and
then says "Here."  I say "Thank you.  I used to come here when it was
called ___."  She says "Oh. Do you remember when ___ used to play
here?"  I say "No, but do you remember when ___ used to play here?"

Then the blonde motions to the brunette as if to ask what is going on.
The brunette tells the blonde "He is asking where the best place to go
is."  I say to the blonde "Yes, I used to live here some time ago and I
was wondering what is the best place to go."  She says "Where do you
live now?"  I say "The Detroit area."  She says "Oh, what do you do
there?"  I say "I am an engineer, but I am only analytical during the
day."  She laughs heartily at this one.  I continue with "After work I
relax and enjoy being a human, and being creative."  She says "What is
your name?"  I extend my hand and say "My name's David."  She shakes my
hand and says "My name's Suzanne."

These two women appear to be sober and alert.  Suzanne has a much better

Suzanne then asks me "So, do you paint?"  I say "No, I write poetry."
She says "Really?"  I say "Yes, and if I were to recite one of my poems
to you, would you give me your honest opinion?"  She motions to her
friend and says "He is going to tell us a poem."  I want to direct my
poem only to Suzanne.  I look at Suzanne as I start Nick Fortune's "Two
Eyes."  She finds that she has to put her ear near my mouth to hear.

When I am done, she says "That was beautiful!  Are you a very spiritual
person?"  I say "Yes I am.  Would you consider yourself to be a very
spiritual person?"  She says "Oh yes.  You know, I used to date a guy
who lived in the Detroit area, so I know the area pretty well.  Where do
you live?"  I say "I live in ___."  She says "Oh I know where that is.
I used to go to ___ and ___ night club when I dated him. (two gothic
clubs) I am not into gothic clothing or any of that stuff, but I liked
how it was so different.  You could feel free to be who you wanted to
be.  He was different too."  I asked her how he was different and she
said he was exciting, but, the relationship broke up due to "issues" he
had.  She felt as if he was always comparing her to his ex girl friend
and that she did not really feel that she was the most "special person"
to him.  She said it did not make her feel "beautiful" or "sexy."  I
look her directly in the eyes and move my face slightly closer to hers
and say "You want to be with (sp) a man who makes YOU FEEL BEAUTIFUL and
She says "Oh yes.  I don’t know why I am telling you all this."  She
does not wait for a response, but instead continues talking.

She speaks about how he was too "dark" and depressing.  I motion away
and say "Dark is too depressing."  She says "Yes, I look at life
differently.  I look at the glass as being half full."  I say "That is a
very optimistic way to look at things. (sp)"  She corrects me with "It
is a positive way to look at things.  I am a very positive person."  I
motion away and say "You don’t want to be with a depressing person,
instead, you want to be with (sp) a different exciting man who has a
positive outlook on life."

The brunette never interrupted us and Suzanne had totally forgotten
about her.  The brunette goes around to behind Suzanne and introduces
herself to some guy standing there, and then she checks to see if I am
seeing this.

Suzanne and I have established good rapport, so I go into the IC
pattern.  She says "Oh no!  That has never happened to me!"  I say "That
has never happened to you?"  She says "I am too protective."  I say
"What do you mean?" She says "I put up a wall to protect my
vulnerability.  I have been hurt too many times."

Then she looks me directly in the eyes and moves her face a little
closer and says "I could tell you were an older man." I say "Thank you.
How could you tell I am a more mature man?"  She says "Because you look
at me right in the eyes.  Young men cannot look at me right in the
eyes."  I move closer to her face and look intensely into her eyes and
say "I think the eyes are the windows to the spirit."  She says "Oh, so
true, the spirit is what we truly are.  Our bodies are just the gift
that God gave us.  A tool."

In my deepest, most sensual voice, I say "Yes, so true.  In order to
really get to know (sp) someone, you must look deep into their spirit.
Only when YOU TRULY KNOW THIS PERSON (sp) can you use this tool of
expression, and SHARE THE GIFT OF OUR BODIES so deeply (motion back and
CELEBRATE THIS GIFT that brings our spirits so much closer together."

She slowly moves the tip of her nose to almost touch the tip of my
nose.  She lets her breasts touch my chest.  I softly hold her hand
which is hanging at her side.  We stare into each other's eyes for a
moment.  I then look at her lips and go into the first kiss pattern.  I
do it very slowly and sensually.  I lick my lips but she does not lick
hers.  I tilt my head slightly to one, but she does not move any closer.

Then, she drops her head back exposing her neck.  I would love to kiss
her neck but she did not kiss my lips.  So I simply describe very softly
into her ear how it would feel for her to have her neck kissed.  She
then puts the side of her face just next to the side of mine.

I say "If we keep doing this, we are going to GET SO INCREDIBELY HOT.
But we can't do that."  I respectfully back away and say "As much as I
want to take you home with me tonight, I can't.  I am staying at my
parents house with my two sons."  She says "Oh, I have a son too.  How
old are yours?"  It turns out she had been married from age 18 to 21 and
she has a young son whom she and her ex husband have joint custody of.
This is her week off.  We talk about raising children and shared
values.  She has her undergraduate and masters degree in Human

Then she says "You are a good listener."  I say "Thank you.  How do you
mean?"  She says "Most people just say 'yeah, ahum, yeah' but you really
listen to what I say."  I reply with "There is a big difference between
just hearing someone (point away) and really listening to someone (sp).
THIS PERSON and it allows you to FEEL FREE WITH THIS PERSON to allow
yourself to BECOME VULNERABLE TO THIS PERSON."  She enthusiastically

Then she brings attention to herself, and brings the conversation back
to sex, by saying "Do you know the ___ club on the other side of town?"
I say "No."  She says "It's a gay bar."  (I think she is talking about a
bar for gay men, but she means a bar for lesbian women.)  She continues
with "My friend and I went there last week just for kicks.  This one
woman came up to me and said 'Your breasts are so large' and she said
'and they are so UP'."  Suzanne is obviously very proud of her breasts
and they are very sensual for her and she has noticed that her eyes are
the only thing that I have looked at.  Suzanne continues with "If I had
been born with small breasts, I would not have them enlarged.  I think
our bodies are our bodies.  They are what God gave us.  I once wanted to
be a model, but I will not eat just two cucumber slices a day. This is
my body.  Also, a person has to accept me for what I am."

I say "Yes, your man (sp) is a man who accepts you for what you are.  A
man who makes YOU FEEL like the special woman that you are.  A man who

She says "I am not seeing anyone right now.  Are you seeing anyone right
now?"  I say "No."  She says "What does David want in a woman?"  I say
"David wants…"  She laughs and interrupts me with "No, let's not talk in
the third person."  We share a laugh and I start over with "I want to be
with a woman… (I lightly touch the upper part of her sternum) who has…
(I recite Ross' "special qualities" pattern and motion back and forth.)
She says "Lolita."  I say "What?"  She says "lo-LEE-ta!" and she swings
her hips and flings one arm in the air.  I say "Lolita?"  She says "Have
you ever seen that movie?"  I say "What was that movie about?"  She says
"It was about a woman named Lolita.  Sometimes I am Lolita.  I am a very
proper woman, but sometimes I am Lolita.  A slut."  I say "You like to
allow that woman inside you to come out."  She corrects me and says
"That little girl" as she puts her hand to show the height of the girl.
I correct my statement with "You like to allow that little girl inside
you to come out."  She says "Oh yes.  Most men cannot deal with the fact
that I am a very sensual woman, that at times I want to be a slut.
There is nothing wrong with it, but they just cannot deal with it."

I know that this woman wants a strong man.  I motion away and say "Some
men are not strong enough to deal with a very sensual woman, but (sp)
your strong man can bring out the slut in you."  She says "Are you a
strong man?"  I reply by challenging her: "Are you the type of woman who
can ALLOW YOURSELF TO FEEL FREE with this man (sp).  Can you (touch her
sternum) give permission to your strong man to be gentle yet strong with
you?"  She says "Can you deal with a woman who wants to be a slut?"  I
say "Nothing gives me greater pleasure than to take this proper woman
(touch her sternum) and melt down her walls and make YOU FEEL SO OPEN
(slide finger slowly down her sternum) and make YOU FEEL SO VULNERABLE
and make YOU FEEL SO SEXY."   She has the doggy dinner bowl look big
time, so I slide my finger down into her cleavage and say "and make YOU

She looks at my hand that is pointing at her cleavage and she takes my
hand and slides it down over her breast.  She watches as I softly hold
her breast while her hand still softly covers my hand.  She presses her
breast against my hand.  I feel her nipple erection through her thin
lacy bra.  She drops her head back and allows her body to fall against
mine.  He ear is next to my mouth.  I say very sensually into her ear
HOT."  She puts her free hand behind my head and slowly slides the side
of her face back against mine until our lips are very close.  She allows
the tip of her tongue to slide out between her lips just so slightly.
Then she gently bites her bottom lip.  She looks at my lips and then she
slowly tilts her head to one side and closes her eyes and very slowly
brings her lips to mine and softly kisses me.  I do not move into her or
tilt my head.  I allow her to lead for a while.  Then she opens her lips
ever so slightly and begins kissing me passionately.  Now I partake and
I kiss her back passionately.  She removes her hand from my hand and
puts it behind my head.  I put my free hand on the back of her waist.

Right there, at the bar, in this crowded night club, we are kissing
passionately with her hands on the back of my head while I firmly fondle
her breast.  Only one hour after first meeting this completely sober
proper educated professional woman.

Then she drops her head back again exposing her neck and wraps her arms
around my neck to place her neck very closely to me.  I kiss her neck.
Then I make my way up to her ear and I sensually yet strongly say into
FEEL SO VERY HOT….You are so HOT you cannot stand it….You are so TURNED
ON that you must have this….You FEEL LIKE THE SLUT THAT YOU ARE."  She
holds on tighter.  I really go for it now and say "You have to have this
so fcking badly.  You need this so fcking badly.  You want to be fcked
like the slut that you are."  She starts moaning.  She lifts one leg and
rubs the inside of her thigh against the outside of my thigh.  I hold
her breast even more firmly and say "You want to be fcked so fcking hard
like the slut that you are."  She moans even more.

I have got to get this woman to take me home, and I have to do it before
she realizes what she is doing in this crowded night club.  I go for the
close.  I say "We are making each other so fcking hot.  We need to be
with each other tonight.  This is cruel.  I can’t take you home with
me.  We can't think about how incredible it would be."

She stands still, lowers her leg, and brings forward her head to look at
me, and she agrees.  She does not offer to take me home with her.

She says "But I can give you my number and you can give me yours and you
can call me!"  We compose ourselves and turn towards the bar.  She asks
her friend for a piece of paper and a pen.  The brunette is no longer
talking to anyone.  Suzanne and I exchange numbers.  She includes her
last name.  She then wants to exchange email addresses, so we do that.
Then she goes to the bathroom.  It is last call.  The brunette comes
over to me and starts conversation.  When Suzanne returns she says to me
"My friend is staying at my place tonight.  Walk us to my car."

I walk her to her car with her friend in tow.  Suzanne and I embrace and
kiss one last time.  I say "It is too bad that tonight cannot continue
for hours more.  We cannot think about how incredible it would be."  She
says "My friend is staying at my place tonight.  Call me.  I can drive
to Detroit."

I call her 2 days later.  We have a one hour conversation sharing with
each other what has been going on in our lives.  We agree to speak again
soon.  A few nights later she calls and we speak for about another
hour.  She is very busy with her job and a business she had started.
She is too busy to get together in the near future.

Our communication then goes to email.  She continues to report how busy
she is with work and her business and with her son.  The emails
eventually die down.  I got one email in which she says she really wants
to get together, but it is a bad time.  Then I do not hear from her.  I
wait about 2 weeks and send her an email saying "If we never get the
chance to enjoy each other's company again, I just wanted to thank you
for giving me the most incredible, unforgettable, kiss I have ever

About a week later I receive this email: ”I have been distant, although
I have thought about you.  Currently I am working on some personal
issues regarding a relationship.  I have been consumed with confusion.
I don't want to say this, but maybe the timing for us was not right.
Unfortunately, I have to be distant right now, until I solve some
problems in my life.  Thank you for sweetness.  When things settle down
maybe we can talk.  I am glad that I met you.  I wish our paths could
cross again very soon."

I wait a few days and respond with: "When we met, you said that you no
longer had any issues concerning past relationships.  I expect when
someone is interested in me, that they are genuine about their
intentions. I would hope that you meant all the things that you said to
me that night.  I will not be a one night 'nightclub' flirtatious
fantasy.  That happens all too often.  I am interested in a mutually
fulfilling relationship based on mutual trust and respect.  I will not
settle for anything less.  There are many honest and genuine women who
want that too."

She sends me back a long email detailing how she became attached to the
guy's two kids and now she misses them even though she does not miss
him.  I do not respond the her email, but I do make note of her trance
words.  About 4 days later she sends this email: "I was hoping to hear a
response from you?  I had emailed you on Sunday, did you receive it?
Please let me know if you are still interested in having contact with me
or should we not write or talk anymore?  I hope that you don't feel that
way.  I look forward to your response."

I reply using some of her trance words: "I am still interested in
talking.  I understand becoming attached to children. I know that you
are a very up beat person, as well as a strong independent woman.  You
are also a very beautiful and special woman.  Hopefully soon you will
feel comfortable with the idea of seeing me again.  When you honestly
can say to yourself that, you are ready to again enjoy the company that
we enjoyed together, and, you feel that you want to get together, then
give me a call."  (Notice the placement of commas in that last

The following night, Friday, she calls me.  We start with small talk
about how busy we are.  Eventually the conversation must move to what
happened in our emails.  So I say “I received an interesting email from
you.”  She says “I received an interesting email from you.  Why did you
think I was still in a relationship?”  I say “That was the tone of your
email.”  She explained again how she was no longer interested in him but
did still miss the relationship she had with his children.  She wants to
see the children but does not want him to see that as her still being
interested in him.

She regretted that she got to know his kids so early in the
relationship.  It was because of the kids that she continued to see him
even though she allowed her self esteem to suffer.  She said “Now I am
happy.  Now I am working on my self esteem.  That is how I want to feel,
whether I am alone or in a relationship.  I will not allow that to
happen again.  I have been wounded.  But they are not permanent

Then she asks me “Are you happy?”  I say “I am happy.  I am content.
Whether I am in a relationship or not.  I have come to this point.  I
was wounded, badly, but that was a long time ago.  I am completely
healed and I have no issues.  I will not allow that to happen again.  I
am very happy, but there is just one thing missing.  Sometimes,
especially at this time of night, I miss having someone, someone to
hold, someone special to cherish.”  She asks “Are you lonely?”  I say
“At times I am lonely.  Sometimes at this time of night.”  She says “And
what is it that you seek when you feel lonely?”  I say “I want to feel a
deep incredible connection – on all levels of intimacy – emotional,
intellectual, physical, and spiritual.”

She says “Everything in my relationship was fine, except there was no
passion.  Without passion sex is just mechanical.  I need the passion.
It is something that is either there or is not.  You just know it when
it is there.  It is in the look.”  I say “Sex without passion is just
mechanical.  When there is passion, you know it when you look into this
person’s eyes.  Like that night we met, when we looked deeply into each
other’s eyes, we both knew.”  She says “It is the passion I miss.  I did
not realize it until that night we met.  Ever since that night I have
realized how much I need it.”

I say “Then you are probably wondering if there is a way where you can
experience passion again without getting into a deep relationship,
without involving children, without compromising your self esteem, where
you can FEEL HAPPY ABOUT YOURSELF.”  She says “Are you asking me or are
you telling me?”  I say “I am saying that is probably what you have been
considering.”  She says “Would you like to get together?”  I say “I
would like that, but only under the condition that there will be no
involvement of children, that there will not be a heavy relationship,
that you feel that YOU HAVE A HIGH SELF ESTEEM, that you feel that YOU
ARE TRULY HAPPY, and that we can take the time to get to know that WE

She says “OK.”  I say “OK.”  She says “I will drive to you and we can go
out for a drink.”  I say “That would be great.”  She says “When would be
good for you?”  I say “When is good for you?”  She says “How about
Sunday night?”  I say “I have my sons until Sunday night.”  She says
“How about Monday night?”  I say “That would be good.”  She says “I will
be done working out by 7.  I can be there by 9.  How do I get there?”  I
say “I will email you detailed directions and a map.”  She agrees and we
say good night.

We did not discuss a location to meet – whether it be a bar or my
place.  The next day I email her directions to my place.  In the email I
say “When you get here, we will go to a nearby place to have a drink.  I
look forward to our conversation.”

I spend some time during the weekend preparing a story that I will tell
Suzanne.  It is based on Bishop's "Necklace" pattern, but tailored
specifically to Suzanne and using Suzanne's trance words.  I know that
my story is corny as hell, and obviously contrived, but I have come to
realize that Ross is right that women each this shit up.

Monday night at 9:00 I print off the story and put it in my jacket.
When Suzanne arrives, she calls her friend (the brunette) to tell her
she arrived OK.  Then we get into my car for the drive to the local
pub.  Suzanne is very talkative and there is no problem maintaining
small talk.  She mentions that she has told her people at work that she
will not be in until noon the next day.

The pub is crowded.  We find a table against the wall.  Due to the noise
level, we have to sit next to each other on the bench seat to hear each
other.  The waitress comes by and we order a drink.

I do not want any more small talk and I want to get Suzanne into a
trance right away, so just as soon as we are settled in and feeling
comfortable, I bring out the story.  I say "I have written a story to
tell you."  She says "Oh really?  Oh my.  I would love to hear it!"  I
begin reading the story.

By the end of the story, Suzanne is a bright pink and has a big smile on
her face.  She looks at me and says "WHO was that about?"  I just
smile.  She says "Was that about us?"  I say "It could be."

I want us to now traverse the timeline of our relationship to date in
reverse chronological order.  I have found that this works very well.
So I say “I enjoyed our phone conversation the other night.  I was glad
that we came to an understanding of each other’s situation.”  She says
“Yes.  What is your situation?”  I say “My major concern is that I never
want to get married again.”  She says “Oh me too.  I think it is just a
piece of paper.”  I say "I agree.  When two people truly want to make
this work (motion) then they can keep it exciting."  She says "And how
do two people keep it exciting?"  I say "By being creative."

She says “You don’t just listen, you really hear.”  I say “Thank you.  I
want to really hear what it is you say."  She says "You do.  You really
have a skill for communication."  I say "I believe it is all about
communication.  Only with communication can there be that deep rapport
that allows us to FEEL CLOSE to each other.”

She says “You are very honest with your feelings.”  I say “Thank you.
How do you mean?”  She says “Like when you said ‘I do not want a one
night stand.’”  I say “Correct, I do not want a one night stand.  If I
have you tonight, I will want you again and again.  If tonight is going
to be just a one night stand, then I am not interested in having sex
with you.”  She says "No No.  I mean when you said that you did not want
a one night nightclub flirtatious fantasy.  I think you said 'I will not
stand for that'."  I say "Oh yes.  Yes, that is correct."  She says "I
was a bit surprised that you would just come right out and tell me
that.  That told me that you speak what is on your mind no matter what
anybody thinks.  You are very truthful with your feelings."

I look into her eyes and say “Speaking about that night, I want to thank
you for giving me the most incredible… unforgettable… kiss I have ever
received.”  She says “Do you remember when I put my face next to yours?”
And she brings the side of her face next to the side of mine.  I softly
say into her ear “Do you remember when I described to you how wonderful
it would feel for me to kiss your neck, all the way down, and then all
the way up.”

She looks at me and says “You are a smart man.  You are unlike other
men.  A woman connects emotions with sex, but for most men, it is
separate.  But for you, you connect emotion with sex.”  I say “I do
connect emotion with sex.  I am not interested unless there is that
strong emotional connection.  Now, as for women, I think women
compartmentalize in a special way…” And I go into Major Mark’s
“compartments” pattern.  I plant an anchor with a wrist squeeze.

I say “You know, we live 2 hours apart.  That is kinda like a long
distance relationship.”  I go into Bishop’s “Long Distance Relationship”
pattern.  She loves it.  At the end of the pattern, she says “But we
live close enough to where if we have to have it right now, we can do
it.”  I say “Yes, when YOU HAVE TO HAVE THIS (sp) RIGHT NOW, when YOU

She says “You know, I used to know this guy.  He was drop dead
gorgeous.  But he did not interest me.  We would play tennis together
and he would sweat and he would take off his shirt.  He was tall and
broad. I know he wanted to sleep with me.  But as beautiful as he was,
he did not interest me, because he had nothing interesting to say.  But
you, everything you say, is so fascinating, so warm and fuzzy.  You make
me feel warm and fuzzy.”  I say “Nothing gives me greater pleasure than
making YOU FEEL SO GOOD.”  She says "He used to call me at 5:30 in the
morning and want to go play tennis.  I hated that.  You don’t get up
early do you, you go in at about 9, right?"  I say yes.

She says “What time do you get up on the weekends?”  I say “About
noon.”  She laughs and says “Well I don’t get up that late, but I do
like to take my time about things.”  I say “I like to get up and take my
time about making pancakes.  In fact, some Saturday morning I would like
to make you some pancakes, and I would take my time about dripping maple
syrup on you and then slowly licking it all off.”  She says “Ohhh that
would be nice.”  I say “You know what is really fun, on a warm Saturday,
when YOU ARE REALLY HOT, is when you can have fun with ice cubes.  I
don’t mean putting ice cubes directly on your skin.  I mean when I take
and hold the ice cube in my hand and let the ice cube slowly melt and
let the cold water droplets drip onto your skin, and let it send shivers
all throughout your body, and let it drip here…” (I touch the top of her
sternum, firing off an anchor from the last time we were together.)
“And let it drip here…” (I touch a little lower.)  “And let it drip
here…”  (I touch into her cleavage.)  She says “Oh yes.  ALL the way
down.”  I say “Oh yes, and send the shivers all the way down.”

She says “Why me?  I mean, why me?  Of all the woman you could have
selected that night, why did you choose me?”  I say “After having gone
to the night clubs for so many years, I have cum to realize that beauty
is common.  I could go into any night club and I could begin
conversation with any number of beautiful women, but it takes more than
beauty to interest me."  I recite Ross' "special qualities" pattern.  I
continue with "Soon after you and I began talking, I began to feel that
you might posses those qualities.  And you know how I knew that?”  She
says “How?”  I say “Because I felt that incredible connection between
us.  I felt it right here.”  I point to my solar plexus.  She says “Yes,
right here.”  And she points to her solar plexus.  She says “It is like
the sun.  It is warm and fuzzy.”

She then asks me “What is your favorite color?”  I say “That is a good
question.”  She says “Like for clothes, what colors do you like to
wear?”  I say “I like black and white.”  She says “I do too.”  I ask
“What is your favorite color, I mean, when you think of passion, what
color would that be?”  She says “Oh, that would be red!”  I say "And
when you SEE THIS RED, BRIGHTLY, CLEARLY, how does that make you feel?"
She says "It makes me feel hot."

Then she moves her face very close to mine and says “You know, I was a
bad girl.”  I say “Is that so?  How is that?”  She says “After our phone
conversation the other night, you made me cum.”  I say "I am so happy to
hear that.  How did I make you cum?"  She just smiles.  I say "Was I
touching you?"  She says "No.  You were licking me and then making love
to me.  I love it like that, going from one right into the other."

Then she proceeds slowly to give me another incredible, unforgettable
kiss.  It gets deeper and hotter.  I pull back and look around and then
look at her and say “Everybody is probably saying ‘Those two should get
a room’.”  She laughs and says “Yes.”  I say “Hey, we SHOULD get a
room.”  She says “Yes, we SHOULD get a room.”  I say “OK.”  She says
“OK.”  And then she jumps up and grabs her coat so I jump up and grab my
coat.  I take her hand and we walk quickly to my car.  We drive back to
my place where we spend hours doing delightfully lurid things to each

David Shade

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