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"What To Say To Meet Women ANYWHERE!" / May 7th, 2007

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What To Say To Meet Women ANYWHERE!
by Ross Jeffries of Ross Jeffries -
May 7th, 2007

Today I received the following question in email:

I was wondering Ross, if you can suggest some icebreakers or opening lines to initiate conversations with? Like when you see an attractive girl and you want to approach her but your not sure what to say.You want to say something but your not sure what and then you think about it to long and its to late!

You know something comfortable that girls will smile at and want to keep the conversation going instead of us constantly talking.

I want her to say something after I initiate it so we can see if there is some chemistry there or not. And being able to get past "Hi"..You know what I mean? Are there some opening lines you can suggest I can use the next time I go out that are appealing? That way I will be armed with some ice breakers and will lead to getting to know someone hopefully.

Could you please let me know at your earliest convenience?
Thank you. Dimitrios

Ok. For Dimitrios and all of you reading this:

This all depends on where you find yourself and what you see the girl doing.

This makes sense, doesn't it?

If you want a line that works in every circumstance, in every situation, no matter where you find yourself, and what the girl is doing, I guess you could go,

Hi..I noticed you here and realized if I didn't say something .... I'd never get to find out what you're like .. other than what I already know.

When she says, "What do you know?"

You say, "That you seem like you'd be cool and fun to talk to. I'm...YOUR NAME HERE".

You see, knowing what to SAY to a woman is utterly and totally dependent on WHAT YOU CAN OBSERVE ABOUT THAT WOMAN.

It's not so much a matter of what to say.

No, the real secret of "opening" women is, knowing what to observe, knowing what to notice, and even KNOWING WHAT TO GET CURIOUS ABOUT.

Does that make sense?

Also, the approach to opening her might differ a bit if she is at a coffee house, quietly studying, as opposed to in a loud restaurant or party, right?


Because the CONTEXT she is in and what you NOTICE about her is going to be different.

If she's studying, and you notice that she's having a hard time; thinking really hard, talking to herself out loud or just thinking "OUT LOUD" in her head, it would NOT make sense to walk
up and ask her opinion about the great band that is playing or where she bought her cool bicycle.

So, I will say it again.

The most important thing, first and foremost, is NOT what you say, but the context she is in, and what you can observe about her and the setting she is in.

Now, many guys ask me about compliments. Should I give them? Is it a good way to first "open up" talking to a woman? If so, what should I compliment?

Ok. I'll repeat: it depends on the context, where she is, what she is doing, and what you NOTICE and can OBSERVE.

Look: whether it is opening her by using a compliment, or asking her a question about something, or making a comment about something she's doing or something going on in the environment, I will ask myself the same question, "What can I notice about this person that I can use to make a connection?"

Now, let's say I notice something about her that I DO find worth complimenting. My rules for complimenting are as follows:

1. NO sexual content in the compliments. That means I don't compliment on her great boobs, great legs, great butt, etc. No woman(no half-way SANE woman) wants a drooling lecher.

2. All compliments to be delivered with good eye contact(in fact, ANY openers are delivered this way) with a smile on my face AND in my eyes( I sort of make them twinkle a bit) and delivered with a MATTER of fact voice tone.

This means I don't over do it with my tone of voice. The compliment is delivered, matter of fact, with no concern on my part whether she will accept it, reject it or anything in between.

It is NOT about her accepting or rejecting what I say. It is ONLY about me wanting to say what I have to say, and any response she has is OK WITH ME.

Really, this is about the sub -text. This means, you see, that there is the surface message, the actual words I say. Those can be important.

But the sub-text is the unspoken or implied message I am delivering about me and how I walk through the world; that ***I*** take full responsibility for how I feel about myself, my situation, the events and circumstances in my life, and I don't need anyone to approve or validate my message.

Now, trust me. When you come from THAT place, and add in a touch of humor....

Almost Anything You Say Will Get A Good Response!

Notice something else. This is a great but different KIND of confidence. It's not the kind of confidence that say, loudly, "I KNOW I AM GOING TO GET WHAT I WANT".

It's more of a, "If I get what I want, that's fine and good, and if not, that's ok too. I'm having fun regardless".

Ok. Back to compliments then.

I prefer to compliment women on the following things:

1. How they carry themselves or how they move. I enjoy a woman who moves beautifully and/or who has great posture. I will tell them so, as follows, "I just wanted to tell....I think you have perfect.......posture. You just carry yourself beautifully."

Notice the ....... This indicates a pause in your speaking. I don't run

No. I I pause, right before I tell them what I am going to tell them, so they will get curious about what I am going to say, and therefore be more receptive.

The pauses in the music are as much a part of the music as the notes, to use a metaphor.

2. How they are dressed. I like to compliment on style. So I will say, "I just wanted to tell you...I admire women with class and I had to say "hi". I'm YOUR NAME HERE."

Note that this is what I call an IMPLIED compliment. I didn't' directly tell her I think SHE has class and style. I said I admire women with class and style, so I had to say "hi". That IMPLIES that I think she has class and style.

Why is this important?

Well, by implying the compliment, she has to use her imagination to interpret what you meant.

Imagination is an ACTIVE process, and so she doesn't resist the message, as she herself has to take an active hand in creating it!

Implied compliments are very useful in slipping past any resistance or skepticism to your message!

This, of course, is part of the number #1 rule in Speed Seduction»®: Use your imagination to capture and lead a woman's imagination and emotions!

3. I will compliment on their "energy". I know this is a New Age, California kind of thing, but women are into "energy" or "vibes". It doesn't matter if you believe in it or not-although
I hope one day you will.

The important thing is, MOST women believe in it.

So if I notice a woman has a calm, radiant, happy demeanor, I will say, ""I just wanted to tell you.....I think you have..a about you, and it just made me have to say
"hi". I'm YOUR NAME HERE".

Ok. Another major way to meet women is to say something funny; make an observation or comment that is humorous, based on something you can observe.

Now, again, I can't give you a "one line fits all" example, because again, it's based on what you are observing in the actual situation. So you will have to observe her, asking, "What can I notice that I can use to make a connection?".

Next, ask yourself, "How can I phrase that in a clever, funny way that gets attention and makes her laugh?"

This takes some practice. But you can get good at it.

Now, again, I hesitate to give word for word examples, because it depends on what you observe. But let me give you just a couple I have used.

One day, as I sat having coffee, this woman walked into the Coffee B*** and T** L***, a local coffee house chain. I noticed immediately that:

1. She had purple hair
2. She had purple fingernails
3. She had purple eye shadow
4. She had purple lipstick
5. She was wearing purple gym clothes
6. She had purple shoes (Yes, I wondered if her PANTIES were purple, but I didn't ask!)

Now, I could have just made a straight comment/observation, as in, "Wow. I see you like the color purple".

Instead, I chose to be funny. I said, "Hmmm..excuse me...but I'm getting a psychic message about you from the spirit world. Yes ... yes .. it's a bit fuzzy..hold on..hold on! Yes, the spirits
are telling me..YOU LIKE..THE COLOR....PURPLE.

Now, she busted out laughing and that started the conversation.

Another time, I was with a friend in a restaurant/coffee place and we noticed this very cute Asian girl studying her text book so hard, her ears were about to start smoking. She was
obviously having a hard time understanding it, talking to herself out loud and then obviously talking to herself in her head.

We sat at the table near her and I said, "Excuse me..can I ask you not to think too loud? You look like a loud thinker and my friend and I have something very important to discuss."

Now, at that point, she busted up laughing and joined in our conversation.

So again; I can provide examples with this kind of opener. And I can tell you how to come up with your own. But you are going to have to match your opener to what you actually see and observe about her-does that make sense?

Here Are Some Approaches I Do NOT Recommend-

1. Asking her the time, or for directions. It's trite, lame, and then where do you go from there? If you are terribly shy and can't even talk to women, ok, you can start here. But learn to do something else quickly.

2. Being insulting or in any way rude. I don't care what you might have heard. Insulting a woman is stupid. Any woman with choice is just going to move on. If she's kind, she won't insult you back. If she isn't, she just might give a verbal tongue lashing, and that's not the kind of tongue action you want!

3. Invading her space when I meet her. Once I make my initial opening, tell her my name, shake her hand; I then actually take a step back, away from her, to give her back her

Women tell me that, to them, it demonstrates respect. It also indicates that, while I am strong enough to come up and meet them, I am also concerned with their safety, and they like
that combination. And finally, it indicates a challenge: just because she gave me a good initial response to my opener, doesn't mean she has me! It establishes a challenge, right away.

In any case, whatever approaches you use, bear in mind one more thing I teach my students: 90% of the time, the worst that can happen is NOTHING will happen.

The image of the cold, cruel, rejecting, vicious "bitch" really exists pretty much only in the movies. Most women, if they aren't interested (and most actually do respond positively
to a sincere, fun approach, even if they don't get romantically interested) just won't do anything.

They won't yell.

They won't shoot a dirty look.

They won't hit you or call the cops or the bouncer.

Most, if they just aren't interested, simply WON'T RESPOND.

So get this: the worst that can happen is NOTHING WILL HAPPEN.


I've approached thousands of women, literally. In all that time, maybe 5 instances have I ever been yelled at or have women had something truly vicious to say. And in those cases, I just
chalked it up to something that had NOTHING TO DO WITH ME.

Maybe they were having a terrible day. Maybe their boyfriends beat or abused them. Who knows?

I know if I approach someone in a fun, non-threatening, and sincere way, and they are STILL mean, THEY are the ones with the problem.

Again, this means it has to be ok with you if you don't "win" all the time. Or better still; define winning as having fun, polishing your skill, and learning SOMETHING about the person you are going to meet. That's within the power and ability of EVERY person, and most of the time, you learn something quite pleasant.

Ok. Enough on this. Hope this helps. I've shot a video series on this and am in the process of editing it. I WILL ANNOUNCE WHEN IT IS READY, so please don't call the office and
bug them about it, OK? They get cranky about that kind of thing and I'm all about...

Peace and piece,

~Ross Jeffries, Founder, Speed Seduction»®

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