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The Art of the Pickup : Are You The Safety Man?

"Are You The Safety Man?" / September 28th, 2006

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Are You The Safety Man?
by Jay Valens of The Art of the Pickup
September 28th, 2006

Are you the safety man? Do you even know what the safety man is?

You see it all the time at bars & clubs. A group of girls, sometimes just 3, or as many as 5 or 6, with one sole guy in their group.

You may think this guy is “with” one of the girls but many times he’s not, unless his name is Hugh Hefner or a reader of “Pickup Arts” newsletters ;)

He is tagging along, but why? What are HIS reasons?

Usually it’s one of only 2 reasons:

- He’s infatuated with one of the girls in the group, hoping to hook up with her.
- He’s hoping to improve his odds with ANY of the girls in the group.

The vast majority of the time, however, in fact the most probable outcome is, he will not achieve anything. He will not get any further along with any of the girls (short of reinforcing a “friendship”) than he’d gotten before. If it were possible for him, he’d have known how to do it already and not need to waste time grasping at such flimsy opportunities rather than taking initiative at other times.

So why do the group of girls take him along on their “girl’s night out” when none of them have any preconceived intentions to hook up with him?


- (Rarely) One of them may very well actually like him in “that way” (all the girls in the group will already know about it) and think this will be an opportunity for him to bust a move (he won’t or he will do it pathetically).
- (Commonly) They need a “safety man”.

What is a “safety man”?

A safety man is a guy girls will have in their group for the sole purpose of allowing them to focus on their “girl’s night out” without the distraction of guys they don’t like “hitting on them”.

To most men, the safety man is ambiguously with all the girls and may be the boyfriend of one of them, and may be the boyfriend of the one they might be interested in.

Most guys fear the repercussions of approaching a girl who may be with her boyfriend, so the safety man acts as a sort of always-on shield for the girls in the group. When one of them happens to see a guy she may be interested in, the girls all have their social dynamics well in sync to know how to “lower the safety man shield” to make their group (or a certain girl in the group) less intimidating to approach.

That’s pretty much it.

Girls are so sneaky, dagnabbit!

But why would I want to talk about this subject when I could have talked about landing threesomes with identical twin Hooters waitresses? Yeah! (Note to self: Start writing future newsletter “Hunting for Hooters”)…

I want you to avoid falling into the trap of being the safety man and to consider taking advantage of the opportunities in ways you may not have considered before:

** If you’re dating one of the girls (and getting sex from her), then great, enjoy yourself and make sure you’re out with them because you have fun and not because you’re insecure about whether your girlfriend will cheat on you.

Make sure to have lots of pictures taken of you and all the girls, in groups, and with each 1:1 because later when you break up with your girlfriend, every picture of you with a different girl will help you look like more of a stud to your future next girlfriend :)

** Don’t bother trying to hook up with any of the girls you are with but capitalize on being around a group of girls who LIKE you and use them to meet OTHER (new) girls.

See a hottie at the bar you like? Tell one of the girls to walk with you up to the girl and have her tell the girl she likes something about her (hairstyle, dress, shoes, something like that). No brush-off will occur because the girl you’re interested on will not feel like she is being “hit on”.

They start a short conversation and the next thing you know you are in conversation, talking to the hottie you like with the benefit of displaying that other girls like you enough to hang out with you.

Now YOU are the sneaky one!

The danger guy,

Jay Valens

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