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Attraction Is Worth More Than A Turkey Sandwich
by Jay Valens
of The Art of the Pickup
May 21st, 2007
So I sat down on a bench to rest and collect my thoughts and just let go of my concerns and anxiety. They were thoughts in my head, not real, except in the sense they were getting in my way.
Not long after, a girl walked by who caught my attention. Although I hesitated for a moment, I really felt like I had nothing to lose and stood up to go find her. I wasn’t sure where she walked to so I literally started jogging in the direction she went until I finally saw her again. She was getting close to the park exit and I wanted to catch up to her before she re-entered the hustle and bustle of the city.
The way I went up to her I did a lot of things seemingly wrong – I ran up to her, I got her attention with “excuse me” type language, I was briefly out of breath, I told her I stopped her because I wanted to talk to her, etc, etc.
Still, I did many things right due to the instinct built up not just from practicing meeting women many times before that but from all the “failed” approaches I did that day and my decision to let go of any bad feelings and STILL try again.
I didn’t ask her name but simply introduced myself directly, I focused on having good/positive body language» and a confident (but not too arrogant) tone, and when she reached out her hand to put in mine, I held it a little longer than “normal” while I continued to talk to her.
Since I was “warmed up” by then having approached so many other women during the day, I had an immediate line-up for casual and friendly follow-up questions or things to ask about her. The importance of this is to not have a moment of awkward pause, especially within an initial meet.
Anyway, the point being that I went about initiating an approach and follow-through with her that allowed me to escalate talking to her some more and make her feel comfortable enough to stay in the park and enjoy walking through the park with me. This was daytime on a bright sunny day so she would not have had a concern for her safety, and my style of approaching her hit the mark.
As we were walking around, this gave me plenty of opportunities to understand her and find elements of relation to talk about and deepen the connection with someone I literally just met. In doing this so spontaneously yet so connection-oriented, it literally generated her attraction in me and deepened the attraction as we interacted more.
Nothing I said was contrived, but also nothing was really unplanned – as I took many of the things she talked about and focused on them in ways which lend towards feelings of attraction. For example, I asked her about her thoughts on coincidence, and when she relayed her ideas on things like synchronicity or common threads in life, I talked about a book I was reading at the time called “The Celestine Prophesies” which talked about how in life people are presented with coincidence or circumstances which SEEM like coincidence and how it’s important to notice them and follow a path to them because they are like signs showing us the way towards synchronicity.
Of course, that is just one example of the type of way I was talking with her, the point being that I wasn’t just “playing it by ear” and, although I was being spontaneous with her, my goal was still on ensuring I was actively doing and saying things to escalate her attraction. I was not boasting about anything, I was not trying to show off or compliment her, I was focusing on connective discussions and always slanting things indirectly towards the types of thoughts, circumstances, and feelings that most (if not all!) women associate with feelings of attraction, thereby creating actual attraction.
So we were going along, and I was able to have us change locations frequently throughout the time with each other, from a coffee shop, to the subway, to a stroll window-shopping downtown. At some point we both got hungry and decided to stop at a small sandwich area inside a large bookstore.
While in line, I reached in my pocket to get money out to pay for my food and realized I’d spent all my cash the rest of the day before meeting her and hadn’t gone to a bank machine. So there I was thinking “OK, not that I was going to pay for her stuff, but I can’t even pay for my stuff and now I’m going to look like a class A deadbeat/freeloader asking her to pay for MY food.” All that time building up her attraction to me and I got worried it would fall apart from such a simple thing.
I decided I didn’t have anything to lose so I told her outright that I didn’t have any money on me. Her reaction was the opposite of my concern – she happily offered to pay for my turkey sandwich and juice.
At that moment I realized something I’d never truly or concretely accepted before – that the feelings of attraction within a girl towards a man, once it’s established, is worth more to them than any arbitrary everyday thing, like the cost of a turkey sandwich.
Without that kind of attraction already existing, of course such arbitrary things can and will be refused by women. So I realized that the focus should not be on “How do I lead her to place X?” or “Will she like or dislike an action of mine?” or “Will the logistics work out?” but rather “Am I focused on things which will create attraction within her or not, regardless of those arbitrary things?” If so, and attraction is created, then those things will NOT get in the way and more likely than not she will be the one to guide the way towards continuing and escalating the interaction.
This continued on through the day as I decided to test things rather than focus on the ultimate outcome. For example, there were moments I would do or say something she objected to so I would re-iterate that if she wanted to continue to be around me then she would need to tolerate certain things.
Without attraction existing, this kind of talk would get outright rejected by most women, but once attraction exists then the stakes are higher and arbitrary things become worth a lot less to them.
I ended up taking this girl back to my place at the end of the day.
So the moral of this story is I can be had easily for the price of a turkey sandwich. HAHA just kidding, but you get the point.
To recap, remember to focus your mindset, thoughts, and actions on building attraction and all other stuff will fall into place. And you might even get some cranberry sauce on the side…
Jay Valens
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