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The Art of the Pickup : Body Language

"Body Language" / August 10th, 2006

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Body Language»
by Ray Devans of The Art of the Pickup
August 10th, 2006

Today I want to talk about one of my favorite topics for helping to both attract women to you like a superconducting electromagnet, body language»!

Let’s start with a definition of body language». It’s not the dictionary definition; this is MY definition:

Body Language» – how you communicate to other people with your body but without using your voice, whether you are trying to communicate or not.

It’s something that many guys go through life not thinking much about. This is actually understandable, because so much of body language» happens automatically. And therein lies the problem, if you body language» is automatically communicating, “Hi, I am nervous around women, and am not good in bed!”

Now you might be thinking this newsletter is going to tell you how to improve your body language», and you would be right… but that is only half the power of body language». We are going to start by talking about the flip side of the coin.

Just as important to you as knowing how to have good body language» is the ability to read women’s body language». In fact I will go out on a limb here and say this is one of the single most important skills you as a man can have when you want to seduce a woman.

The reason is simple; you are never going to have a conversation with a woman that sounds like this:

You: Hi, my name is Ray. I noticed you from across the room and decided to come introduce myself.
Her: Oh, my name is Sarah. (“Your approach was confident and impressive; I can’t help but being attracted to you.”)
You: So do you come here often?
Her: No, not that often. I like Sky Bar better. (“But I can’t believe you hit me with that old tired line. My attraction is at a neutral level now.”).
You: The reason I ask is it’s not really my type of place, and wanted to make sure you weren’t a regular patron. If you were, I was going to have to leave early! But you like Sky Bar, you get high marks for that, assuming you are telling the truth that is…
Her: No, really it’s only my second time! Yeah, Sky Bar is the place to be! (“What is going on here, am not used to feeling like this, for some reason I am attracted to you all over again?”)

If you didn’t figure it out yet, the stuff in parentheses would be what you could read if you were really keyed into her body language»!

First she smiled (“Yeah, she likes me.”), then she sort of wrinkled her eyebrows (“Doh, why did I say that old line, it just slipped out, musta been a little nervous, crap, how do I recover from this?”), then the third time she tilted her head and looked at you with a curious look (“Cool, I am back in, I reversed the frame on her.”).

Her body language» gives you the feedback you would never have otherwise. Like a good poker player, by reading her body language» you will know when to fold your routine, or stick with a winning hand.

You can read whole books about this, but let’s just look at a short list of things that are green lights and red lights from women:

Green Lights
-She touches you, adjusts her hair, has dilated pupils, strokes her neck, dangles her shoe on her toes, crosses her legs towards you, licks her lips, smiles, etc.

Red Lights
-Her arms are crossed, she looks away often, she rolls her eyes, frowns often, stares blankly at you, is fidgety, looks at her watch often, etc.

A lot of guys learn to just plow over a woman with a lot of talking, and when they do that they tend not to notice or care about any of these responses, if they even really notice them in the first place. I hope a lot of them are obvious to you, but the key is to keep calibrating your approach to talking to her based on what her body language» tells you!

OK, now we need to make sure you have great, masculine body language».

The first and most simple thing is to always maintain eye contact with women, and never be the first one to look away. If you do, SHE is the dominant one, and you are toast unless she is a dominatrix, but that is a subject for another newsletter…

The second simple thing is to have a great smile.

Often this just means smiling more widely than you normally do. I think Tom Cruise is a good guy to mimic for smiling, the guy makes his eyes twinkle and seems like he is trying to pull the sides of his mouth up to his ears.

The stars know the power of a great smile, so should you!

These two things take some practice, but are not hard to pull off or remember.

Another key to good body language» for men is posture. You want to stand as straight as possible as if to maximize your height, but also still look fairly relaxed. Shoulders back, chest out, simple enough.

A simple solution to good posture is to exercise often.

Weight lifting and martial arts tend to be great for improving posture. If your muscles are used to working hard to move around, then when you are just standing they won’t get tired and your posture can stay great without thinking. When you don’t have to think about your good posture, you can even be noticed from far off, thereby making a good first impression without even knowing you did!

Another thing that defines great masculine body language» is the speed at which you move in general.

If you can move with slow, deliberate, almost calculated movements, sort of like how James Bond moves, this is attractive to women. It sends out a message of self-confidence, and even a bit of mystery, as if to say “my life is so good I don’t need to hurry for anything”.

These are some of the very basics, but you can really delve down deep like Devans, and read books on body language» to improve. Of course, reading doesn’t give you the whole picture, so it’s also good to mimic the body language» of guys who are successful with women.

As mentioned earlier, certain Hollywood stars have great body language»; Brad Pitt and George Clooney are two other names that come to mind.

So the take away here is that your body language» may be more important than you realize, and its not just “speaking” it that is important, but also how you “listen” to it when women use it to speak to you. You can learn more about body language» by watching “The Art of the Pickup»DVDs, and noting both the body language» of the men and the women on the video.

Your physical linguist,

Ray Devans

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