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The Art of the Pickup : Exploiting the Environment Is a Good Thing

"Exploiting the Environment Is a Good Thing" / October 20th, 2006

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Exploiting the Environment Is a Good Thing
by Jay Valens of The Art of the Pickup
October 20th, 2006

Today I'm going to tell you how contributing to global warming can help you get the girl!

Many guys I know, even guys who help others to learn pickup, will knock using what’s known as “environmental openers”. Those guys tend to promote the almost exclusive use of memorized material. Repeatable lines.

I can appreciate this because for the beginner it is easier to have a few things memorized. Memorizing a few common openers and being prepared builds some confidence to “just do it” for those who are apt to hesitate and, in doing so, their results will improve because they are at least doing something whereas before they did nothing.

Hence, the perception of better results based on material when, in fact, at least for the beginner, the bigger impact comes from taking action versus not taking action.

However, once you get over this hump and approaching or opening are no longer issues, you will begin to feel the need to have a natural context for normal conversations to take place.

When approaching women you need to focus on getting under the radar to get IN faster and easier than what might otherwise be perceived as a “pickup”.

You may wonder why this is important. It is a subtlety that you won’t hear about often because it requires the person to explain social context, especially the context of a typical woman’s world and thought process.

Most women who aren’t normally promiscuous, especially when they’re younger (but at least out of college, say around 20-27) see the world of meeting men as:

- through friends
- being introduced
- waiting until they are approached

Still, even when a man approaches her, in the back of her mind she will later have to describe to her girlfriends and immediate social network how she met him. She does NOT want to be perceived as promiscuous (even if she is!) and she, like many women, will need to feel validated.

Unlike most men, most women know they can get just about any man to sleep with them if they simply offer. This is not the goal for them. The primary goal is to find a man who THEY are interested in, but there is a lot of pressure to also meet him through pre-established “social spheres”.

Let’s review some levels of intimacy/familiarity -- I will put a star (*) next to situations that would meet, within a woman’s social context, the notion of “social sphere”. In contrast, I will put an “x” next to those situations women will feel their friends, family, or coworkers might look upon negatively.

x Happen to be in same place, no context
x Met on the Internet
x Met in a bar/club
x Met on the street
x Met in random but common location (store, elevator, diner)
* Met at vacation resort
* Met at a location of mutual interest (museum, concert, etc)
* Met at a social club event
* Met at a private party (wedding, celebration, holiday, etc)
* Have a mutual friend
* Involved in mutual activity (class, volunteering, hobby)
* Go to same school
* Work at same company (co-worker or client)

For men, any context is adequate but, for women, at least if anything more than a secret fling is to occur, the means in which they meet must match their notion (and their friends’ notions) of “social sphere”.

That is NOT to say the items I’ve put an “x” next to cannot be construed to be within a “social sphere” context, only that upon initial reflection how such situations will be seen.

I’ll explain in a moment how to get past this context issue. For now, realize that the point is if you have a choice to meet new women in certain context, make it easier for yourself initially and capitalize on the context of certain environments and situations. Put yourself in places and situations where the women you meet will not hesitate based on a context that people they know will not look upon negatively.

But … you already knew this, right? If you didn’t, well, now you do!

You don’t need a newsletter to tell you that it’s easier to meet women from within the context of social spheres or mutual interests, than walking up to them as a literal stranger… BUT…

The point here is to explain WHY this is the case and with the knowledge of WHY we can now get to the good stuff – HOW to still succeed in places and situations that would normally be stacked against you!

It is possible to get past context issues by playing with subtlety.

If we can agree that approaching women within their social spheres is a “hot” approach and approaching her outside those circles is a “cold” approach, then the way you look at this is to find an avenue for a middle ground to turn “cold” approaches into “warm” ones. And if your name is Luke, “lukewarm” approaches.

HOT (walking downhill with the wind behind your back)
COLD (walking uphill with the wind against your face)
WARM (walking on level ground with calm winds)

You can also see WARM approaches as possibly more positive for her because they allow her to pursue a relationship that, if doesn’t go well, won’t put the structure of her established social sphere into chaos.

For example, if you meet a woman in a bookstore, you must find a common ground of familiarity and a context to allow for what could be perceived as “social sphere”. You can even bend the laws of logic to do so! So long as you can achieve attraction in the interaction (something you can learn in our DVDs by the way), context issues will not be a problem if you can have her perceive the meeting to be at least peripherally within her perception of her social sphere.

A girl in the foreign language section of the bookstore might be interested to learn a new language. For the context of that approach, so are you. That is your subtle context. But that’s not enough. There must be familiarity with something in the environment.

In terms of conversation and interaction, this would be known as “rapport”, but in terms of initiating meeting someone, it would be a shared element of the environment or a shared observation.

In addition, opening this way allows you to quickly find a context of familiarity and rapport. But, and this is a big but, you must not chase the rapport, but rather allow it to come about on its own through your lead.

With this style of WARM approach, you utilize an observation of the environment around her to create your opener and deepen the connection to her social sphere by connecting the overall environment to a mutual interest or lifestyle or common connection.

Exploiting the environment in this way not only often times creates your opener for you; it also helps you to avoid legit social sphere issues. You may not come up with the greatest of openers your first few times, but getting the swing of this style approach actually gets you in deeper from the start.

You must work on your powers of observation!

To get you started, here is a list of things in her environment you can take notice of:

- Where you both are
- Something she is looking at
- Something she is wearing
- Something she us using
- Something in front of her
- Music which may be playing in the background
- Something playing on a nearby TV
- Something happening nearby

Once opened, pinpoint a common ground for you and her and, during conversation, reinforce (in other words, “interpret for her”) how this common ground connects the both of you and continue with the attraction skills you’ve learned from “The Art of the Pickup»DVDs.

Challenge yourself that at least 10 times this week and 10 times in the coming week you will practice approaching and opening a girl by exploiting the environment around you.

Start getting those cold approaches closer to hot…


Jay Valens

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