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The Art of the Pickup : Handling Speed Bumps on the Road of Dating

"Handling Speed Bumps on the Road of Dating" / July 7th, 2006

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Handling Speed Bumps on the Road of Dating
by Ray Devans of The Art of the Pickup
July 7th, 2006

I want to share an interesting analogy with you that will help you deal with women in a much more cool, calm, and collected way. It is going to really help you get to where you want to go, so read along here.

The analogy has to do with what you do when you come to a speed bump when you are driving in your car.

You see, I was advising a friend the other day about what to do with a woman who was giving him resistance at every step of the way as he tried to get to know her and set up a date. He was getting all flustered and wanted to reply to everyone of the things she brought up to test him.

For example, he had been emailing her for a while, and she just stopped emailing him for a long time. He emailed her back telling her in the mail “I haven’t heard from you in a long time”.

OK, put yourself in his position and let’s call the fact that she wasn’t writing to you a “speed bump”. Imagine you are trying to drive to her place, and she keeps laying out speed bumps along the way to slow you down. It is kind of the same thing, she is trying to slow you down from getting to date her and have sex with her.

The reasons for this can be many and it’s not worth obsessing over too much. She could genuinely be busy, or she could be testing to see how interested or desperate you are, etc.

But now let’s think about what you would do if you came to a speed bump while driving along in real life. I don’t know about the rest of you, but I go over them a lot faster than most people I know. And I never get out of my car and stop to point out to anyone else that there is a speed bump.

I mean, can you imagine that? “Hey, look at this; this here is one of them speed bumps!”

Speed bumps are a fact of life, and so is the fact that women will tend to have excuses and time lags in responding to you. You have to treat both of them the same. You can slow down a little bit if you want, but you don’t make a big deal of it, and by all means you drive over it and keep going. Its amazing though how when it’s a dating speed bump how many guys just freak out our give up entirely.

The other issue my friend was dealing with was that after he did get in touch with her, she mentioned something about her boyfriend in her email.

“Boyfriend, you never told me you had a boyfriend!”

Raise your hand if you ever have thought that in a similar situation. It’s OK, you are probably at home and nobody can see you. I am at home writing this and I am raising my hand, so you are in good company. Happens to all of us.

But from now on that is just a speed bump, OK? Slow down a bit if you want, but just drive right over it and keep going.

See, she may or may not have a boyfriend, but in any case it’s a test. In this case I think it happened because my friend had failed her first test. He told her he had hit a speed bump when he said in his email to her that “I haven’t heard from you in a long time”.

Saying this does nothing except say that you care about the fact that you haven’t heard from her. Its subtext says “my life is boring and I have been counting the days since last you wrote to me, dear princess”.

When hitting that particular speed bump, I personally speed up and have fun bouncing energetically over it. I ignore the fact it is there and write to her saying “How are things with you? Things are great with me; I just did XYZ the other day…” No mention of her not writing, it doesn’t matter.

OK, getting back to the boyfriend speed bump. I first want to mention as an aside here that I tend to never ask a woman if she has a boyfriend, because many women think they will appear undesirable to men if they say no, and will even make up a lie on the spot to avoid that, saying they do when really they don’t.

On the other hand, if you get to the stage of mutual attraction quick enough then you never need to worry about that.

That is what you will learn how to do in “The Art of the Pickup»DVDs.

So let us say that despite your best efforts not to even hit a boyfriend speed bump, you did. Don’t even acknowledge it; just keep going with your intent to meet up with her.

If she was testing to see you are a cool, calm, collected guy, you pass the test.

If she wanted to know that you are persistent and go for your goal, you pass the test.

If she really has a boyfriend, she might think you are a better candidate for that position, and give you the “interview” after all.

And, worst case, maybe she really has a boyfriend and she puts up a wall instead of a speed bump. The better you get, the less likely you hit a wall.

I told my friend not to even mention the boyfriend in his reply and to just focus on the positive things in her mail and keep going forward.

What are some other speed bumps you might hit?

“I don’t know you that well.”
“You are not my type.”
“I will call you back if I have time.”
“I am really busy these days.”

In each case, the point is not to let her see it phases you in any way.

As you go along you will learn ways that work best for you to deal with the common ones, but if you don’t have a standard response, just ignore it, change the subject, and come back later when you have her laughing or feeling good.

So for every minor speed bump you hit, ignore it and KEEP DRIVING.

That concludes this edition of the “Pickup Arts” Newsletter, the takeaway is: for every minor speed bump you hit, ignore it and keep driving, always keep focused on your goal. There is much more to learn, but hopefully you have a good overview you can use for whenever you hit a speed bump from now on.

To get a deeper understanding of how to get past tests from a woman in general and especially after you have progressed a little with her, including how to react and what to focus on, stop by “The Art of the Pickup»” website.

Your driving instructor,

Ray Devans

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